I am a 29 year old male with a wife and child. Both my parents are still around and I have an older sister as well. I have been diagnosed with ADD for almost one year and my wife is the only soul I've told. In fact, I made her promise not to tell anyone else too. I am scared what my family will think if I tell them. I think I am scared because one of two things may happen: 1) they will think it is an excuse to get attention or something or 2) they could just say "oh, that's nice" and brush it away. As I said it has been almost a year and not a soul besides my wife still knows. Maybe I am not saying something because I am deep down ashamed of the diagnosis or something. Part of me thinks I should just tell them and let the chips fall where they may. Another part thinks telling them could possibly be (a slim chance at least) a very freeing experience. ????

Depends on your relationship with them--- sounds like there have been numerous hurt feelings in the past, and bringing up ADD leaves you vulnerable. Whatever you decide, do it for yourself, and not to explain anything to them. You are who you are, and having an ADD label doesn't change you-- you've always been like this.

So, I guess, if it were me, I would casually mention it, but not expect any responce in return. That way, you won't set yourself up for additional pain. And who knows, you may be suprised--maybe they are a lot more accepting.

Btw, for me, only my immediate family knows, and a bunch of my friends. I am almost certain that one of my sister has severe ADD, but has never gone for a dx. When I told her about my diagnosis, she made my issue seem trival, and actually hurt my feelings by constantly joking around about my lack of attention. Honestly, I think it was more of a defensive reaction on her part-- after all, if I have ADD, then that could mean she does as well.

So, basically, after a year of my diagnosis, and her son being considered for ADD, she finnaly came around, and we had a good conversation about it..... and now, she's open to getting tested herself--- if only she'd remember to book an appointment :rolleyes:

So keep in mind that reactions come from different places, and many times, people do come around.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes :)

Another part thinks telling them could possibly be (a slim chance at least) a very freeing experience. ????
I think you have to weigh out cost/benefit here. Do you really feel there's a lot to gain by telling them, vs. the risk of an undesireable reaction? Seems like the "freeing experience" you refer to for some folks is nothing more than joy in no longer having to hold back a secret. If that's it, you may find with some self realization that the value in the joy of getting something off your chest isn't worth the risk of a bad reaction. However on the flip side, if you think there's some positive reaction value...maybe it's worth it. Maybe it could even go as far as your family playing in active role in your treatment (i.e. feedback from an outsider) and knowledge gathering.

I still debate long and hard over who should know. I've come to a conclusion that I wish I had waited to tell some folks until I reached a successful treatment (I'm still in trial/error phase)......that way I could back it up with "and here's how my life has improved" information. I unfortunately did not get anyone to really help play any active role in my diagnosis and treatment......so personally I wish I hadn't said anything.

I've come to a conclusion that I wish I had waited to tell some folks until I reached a successful treatment (I'm still in trial/error phase)......that way I could back it up with "and here's how my life has improved" information. I unfortunately did not get anyone to really help play any active role in my diagnosis and treatment......so personally I wish I hadn't said anything.
For my own situation, I have to agree with stratdude1. I mentioned it to my sister and she went into passive agressive mode and sent me about 6 email questionairs on bipolar disorder. That is what she and my Mom have diagnosed, without any info on ADHD. My biological father had severe bipolar, but I've never been manic, just depressed.

My sis and Mom have discussed it, but not with me. I wish I had not said anything also and won't mention another word until well into treatment. My family is comfortable with my family "lable" of lazy, absent minded loser. Not that I have any problem with that!!! :eyebrow: :confused: :faint: :o :p :D

For my own situation, I have to agree with stratdude1. I mentioned it to my sister and she went into passive agressive mode and sent me about 6 email questionairs on bipolar disorder. That is what she and my Mom have diagnosed, without any info on ADHD. My biological father had severe bipolar, but I've never been manic, just depressed.

My sis and Mom have discussed it, but not with me. I wish I had not said anything also and won't mention another word until well into treatment. My family is comfortable with my family "lable" of lazy, absent minded loser. Not that I have any problem with that!!! :eyebrow: :confused: :faint: :o :p :D:( JB, did your sisters send you the email assuming your ADHD diagnosis was wrong, and they think you have bipolar???

oh, and you are not a loser..if that's the loser that's not a nice thing to call someone..sheez..ramble ramble again LOL...lazy, absentminded...still not that nice, but loser? as in you lose things? or you are a "loser":eek:

oh, and I haven't told my family, but my kids know now, and I am sure they tell their friends because they think it is quite humourous...but, not my parents or sisters...I'll slip it in the conversation one day :p

:( JB, did your sister send you the email assuming your ADHD diagnosis was wrong, and they think you have bipolar???
Tracy,

Who the heck knows why my sister does anything? My Mom saw on TV or something that financial problems can be a "symptom" of bi-polar, and my biological father was hospitalized for his bipolar. So putting two and two together she and my sister decided it must be bipolar. She even went to a biofeedback counselor with me and then I went to a psychiatrist who though it "could be" bipolar and gave me topamax. Did nothing for me, cost a lot of money for the Rx and the Dx. Continued depression and anxiety, blah blah blah blah.......

I stumbled on inatentive ADHD when looking up the hyperactive type that some of the boys I work with take meds for. I know I have been absent minded all my life and I'm a royal procrastinator, not to mention disorganized etc. etc. All the classic symptoms. My appt with psychiatrist is Jan 8 to discuss this.

I have read extensively about bipolar and also about the differences between bipolar and ADHD. I know we are not always able to be objective about our own behavior. But IMHO I have never been manic according to the definitions I have been able to find.

Anyway, thanks for the note, :) and

Happy New Year!

Who the heck knows why my sister does anything? My Mom saw on TV or something that financial problems can be a "symptom" of bi-polar, and my biological father was hospitalized for his bipolar.

There's a high one-way comorbidity rate between ADHD and Bipolar, which in this case means that a very high number of people with Bipolar disorder *also* have ADHD, but not the other way around. Perhaps something like this could be to blame (as in, a lot of bipolar patients have ADD, so they start assuming ADD symptoms to be a part of bipolar as well)?

I'm going to say something. Perhaps it will help if your sister reads what I have to say.

I'm 53 years old. My grandfather was a tough individual, unpredictable, violent, and an alcoholic. He was also a county sheriff in Illinois.(scarey , eh ?) I know he was disordered, and I assume that he possibly was bipolar.

My mother was bipolar I. So was her sister. Her brother gave every indication that he probably had adhd. He was a nice guy, but had problems with alcohol, rules, staying on track, and spending money.

My daughter is VERY much bipolar I, and her oldest child has ADHD. Her other two children seem to be normal.

Myself, I am not bipolar. Out of 5 disordered generations in a row only my grandson, his siblings, and I are NOT bipolar. For the last two years, I've been tested, observed, tried various medications to see what happened... nothing, nada...there is not a single bipolar bone in my body. I get manic, but only because I am a hyper child to begin with, but I never have the deep, dark depression that characterizes bipolar I, I'm never psychotic, and I never have hallucinations. I simply don't have bipolar I, no way.

The explanation for this apparent inconsistency? Well, my doctor says that bipolar often skips generations. Go figure. I guess that explains why my grandson's generation and I both seem to be free of any indication of bipolar disorder, while every other generation in our lineage so clearly , without any shadow of a doubt , has a VERY bipolar family member or two.

For me it is a personal tragedy, but I'm the lucky one who was missed by that genetic "bullet". The hard part is sitting on the sidelines watching, knowing that there is nothing that I can do for my family members.

Me :D


Tracy,

Who the heck knows why my sister does anything? My Mom saw on TV or something that financial problems can be a "symptom" of bi-polar, and my biological father was hospitalized for his bipolar. So putting two and two together she and my sister decided it must be bipolar. She even went to a biofeedback counselor with me and then I went to a psychiatrist who though it "could be" bipolar and gave me topamax. Did nothing for me, cost a lot of money for the Rx and the Dx. Continued depression and anxiety, blah blah blah blah.......

I stumbled on inatentive ADHD when looking up the hyperactive type that some of the boys I work with take meds for. I know I have been absent minded all my life and I'm a royal procrastinator, not to mention disorganized etc. etc. All the classic symptoms. My appt with psychiatrist is Jan 8 to discuss this.

I have read extensively about bipolar and also about the differences between bipolar and ADHD. I know we are not always able to be objective about our own behavior. But IMHO I have never been manic according to the definitions I have been able to find.

Anyway, thanks for the note, :) and

Happy New Year!

Thank you for your thoughtful responses, Speedo and HighFunctioning. I do realize that bipolar and ADHD are often comorbid. However, my Mother and Sister have never so much as opened or even read a book on either condition. Their "evidence" like I say was from something they saw on TV or in Reader's Digest.

Like you, Speedo, I have never been manic and I'm inatentive, not at all hyper. Except in my brain. I do have treatment resistent depression, which can also be a type of bipolar, but ADHD can do that as well. While I have had financial problem i.e. cancer and surgery w/o insurance and my divorce was expensive, since I at one time had "most" of the assets in my marriage. My ex, his lawyer and a judge took care of that for me. I wasn't out gambling, spending extravagently or throwing 100 dollar bills out of car windows. :eek: (I'd remember that, right?)

I put myself through college and graduate school without a penny of assistance from Mom and Dad (stepdad). Biological Dad out of pic practically since my birth. Then I got a good job and earned a good salary. Those were the days, sigh. . . .

Anyway, thanks for the posts, and hope we're not getting too off topic about telling your family. Letting that sleeping dog lie :p :p :p

Getting back to the original question...

I think there were some good responses here. But you have to take off the rose coloured glasses and look at the situation as it is. Not how you want it to be. Otherwise, you will almost be certain of hurt on your end.

If you think your family will be supportive, by all means go ahead. If all they'll do is brush it aside, but not necessarily provide you great support/understanding, well that's "ok" too.

You have to be honest and ask yourself, knowing full well the history of your relationship, what it is you hope to gain from telling them. Your post makes me think you hope something that something wonderful will happen. I can almost bet it won't.

Thx for all the responses. I came very close to telling my family a couple times since my post, but each time I pulled away. I think maybe I am hoping for a refreshing change in our relationship if I told everyone, but as some of your advice eluded to, I think this may be too much to expect. I am leaning towards keeping ADD a secret with only my wife. Maybe it just makes me feel "safer" somehow this way.

I feel similar to the way you do, kirc0047, I'm not sure whether I should tell people about my ADD. I'm 43, I was diagnosed with ADD about 6 months ago. My wife, my older children (14, 16), and one of my siblings know. I have not told anyone else, mostly because I'm afraid of the response and also I'm not sure if it's going to benefit me. Until a few months ago, I thought of ADD as a children's malady, something which you should grow out of, and I think most of the general public feels this way. I'm not up to the task of needing to explain it in detail to anyone else I tell, I definitely will not tell anyone at work. I may talk about it to my really close friends, but first need to determine just what to say. Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated.

Lavitaebella - I have been reading many ADD publications since my initial posting and came across the concept of acceptance. My reactions based on this information may come of some help to you, as may my conclusions. (The most impactful resource I found was called Journey Through Adult ADD by Sari Solden - it is a MUST READ.)

Acceptance is not an easy stage to reach with ADD, and I do not consider myself in this stage yet, although I am working towards it. Part of the process of acceptance is shedding yourself of the shame of having ADD that so many with ADD find themselves having. I am not saying you feel shame with your diagnosis, but as I stated in my original posting, I considered hiding my diagnosis even from my wife.

The reason I have noted the above book as a must read is because it did such a great job describing the stages one goes through after diagnosis.I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I COULD NOT BELIEVE HOW WELL IT DESCRIBED HOW I HAVE EXPERIENCED THINGS AFTER MY DIAGNOSIS.(Sorry for the caps, but I needed some strong emphasis here :-) Part of that process of shedding shame can include an openess about your ADD. So here's what I did with this information and my conclusions:

What I did: I told 3 friends I have ADD - one over the phone and two via email. (I still have not told any of my family members other that my wife.) I wouldn't classify my first friends response as good or bad....kinda neutral. My second friend (via email) did not even respond to that portion of my email! Hmmm... My third friend only typed me two sentences in response to my admition. (This is simplified for the sake of brevity)

Conclusions: I agree that one needs to be open about your challenges in order to keep the momentum of the healing process going. But I no longer am sharing the name of my challenge with anyone. If I have trouble focusing, I will say I am having trouble focusing. I won't say I have ADD and this causes inconsistency of attention. This is still healing and being open for me, because previously I would have just acted like I was able to focus and withdraw from my relationships. I have started doing this with some family members and a couple friends and the results have been very positive. I am not withdrawing from people, and I am being open if I get challenged with something. So my advice is be open with people. Let them know if you have a difficulty with something. But don't start the conversation with your ADD diagnosis. In fact, you may want to take plenty of time before this even makes it into the conversation at all.

Only one more thing and then I promise I'll stop typing!! I DO however, plan on telling my sister eventually, just not yet. I want to build more trust between us first, then when it feels right I'll tell her. I'm not going to force it. As long as I feel high anxiety about bringing it up, I'm not going to. Once I have built my self-image up and have made many positive strides, I'm confident there will be a day where I can have that conversation and it will go very well, even if my sister doesn't respond immediatley with a great big hug. Soon after this, I'm sure I will speak with my parents about it as well, but I have to crawl before I can walk, and I'll start with my sister first.

Hope this long winded rant is of some help. I have gained much insight into my troubles by educating myself by reading and have joined a support group that I meet with for the first time in a week. If you feel lost, educate yourself! Good luck my friend. Let me know how things go for you.

Acceptance is not an easy stage to reach with ADD, and I do not consider myself in this stage yet, although I am working towards it. Part of the process of acceptance is shedding yourself of the shame of having ADD that so many with ADD find themselves having..funnily..last year if I could find my old posts I would be the same as you ..I never thought I was be soooo accepting..it just kind of snuck up on me..I love the fact I can say (If I feel the need or desire) " I have ADHD"..although I don't do it, I can smirk to myself when I get *the looks* and think I am OK, I'm actually fine..actually I am GREAT..I have ADD:p it is my own person silent secret tool I have in my own head, and I don't feel the need to share with anyone else except all of you here :D ..

OMG! Tracy is rambling again :p see, I love it...

tracyhadddb - I am grateful for your submission. It's great to here of your success. I definitely am experiencing an improved self-image, and even if it is coming slowing, it is a wonderful feeling. I am not quite smirking about my ADD yet, but I feel very confident that day will come. For now, small progressions in the right direction fine with me! It sure beats going backwards and being stuck in grief. (However, I do feel that experiencing the grief is necessary and makes the stages that follow all the more rewarding.)

Thanks again for sharing your success - I appreciate your enthusiasm :-)

I regret telling mine because they denied that it was real and took away my medication. Every time it ever comes up, they get mad at me and accuse me of blaming them for it, and accuse me of calling them horrible parents.

If yours arent that type, then go for it, but take the opportunity to teach them what it is. My parents wouldn't sit down and listen to me for 30 seconds, I've never been able to actually tell them what ADD is... they think I'm just calling them bad parents and won't hear otherwise - especially my mother.

kirc0047, thanks for your comments. I'm improving, I just increased my
Adderall dosage to 20mg, feeling more focused, things at home are going well. I am going to wait to tell my parents, brother until I feel well for a few months and have ADD under better control. I don't know if I'll ever tell my close friends, but I may to help explain situations during my teenage/early 20s that can be explained by ADD.

kirc0047, thanks for your comments. I'm improving, I just increased my
Adderall dosage to 20mg, feeling more focused, things at home are going well. I am going to wait to tell my parents, brother until I feel well for a few months and have ADD under better control. I don't know if I'll ever tell my close friends, but I may to help explain situations during my teenage/early 20s that can be explained by ADD.hugs xxx good luck, can you let us know how they react :eek: please

I decided to tell my favorite aunt, who happens to be someone I can trust more than anyone besides my wife, and she was in the medical field. Another reason for telling her is that I have a cousin who died 2 years ago; he abused drugs, went through periods of depression and definitely had ADD symptoms. She dealt with his problems a lot so I knew she'd understand my situation. She took it well, advised me to get treatment, which I am, exercise, and do my best for I have a wife and 3 children.

I'm now going to tell my father about my ADD and re-emphasize my 12 year battle with depression for the following reason. Both my parents have ADD, although they don't know it, and my mom has suffered from depression for many years. She won't stay on medication or see doctors although she definitely needs to be treated. She's in a worse mood now than before, so I'm going to talk to her about my situation.

Any advice?
thanks