View Full Version : HELP Codependent mother exhibiting behaviors that annoy me immensely...


Matt S.
12-29-06, 11:49 AM
I have this issue that is driving me insane. My mother is one who was a child of an alcoholic for tens years and then abandoned at her grandmother's house. Nonetheless my hyperactive state was against her grain and there became a reincarnation of her relationship with her mom. She is a double shift junkie at the mental hospital she works at and comes home devastated when a "Borderline" patient she thought was "getting well" had turned on her like a rabid dog. It is sad because of the histrionic nature of it all but she communicates to me in a way that suggests imminent failure. She has this fixation with adhering to the "let's convert into DSM-IV" explaination. To make a long story short she communicates in a fashion that used to "trigger" me to become vulgar with her and often led to being injected with a combination of ativan and haloperidol. Well she seems compelled to obsess over what I feel and often tends to respond to any level of anger with a "manic" diagnosis. She used medicine to correct bad behavior and now that I am aware of that I cannot get her to grow past her behavior and it is irritating and annoying as one can take. She has this crisis argumentative tone. I recall an incident when I was first on my own and I asked her for money for food and she told me no but later that same day with replacement of food with meds and she didn't even think twice. My problem is how do you tell an annoying person in denial that every aspect of their development is not what they see. The undertone of resentment in her voice and pattern of "borderline-like" behaviors is just annoying. I notice it now that I take the dexedrine again but now I tend to be brief in talking to her.

EYEFORGOT
12-29-06, 12:21 PM
Just annoyed? I think I'd be very angry at being provoked and then given medicine for it.

Perhaps it is her line of work, she sees insanity all around her. Some people feel better knowing they are more sane than others. Maybe she needs to feel emotionally stable because she's overwhelmed with others who are not. While you're not insane, children are unpredictable and emotional with or without ADD.

I cannot get her to grow past her behavior and it is irritating and annoying as one can take
You can't make another person grow or change. Not to be cliche', but it's true you can only change yourself.

I don't blame you for being distant, that is a sane way to react, a self defense, and you do have reason to be defensive. You can get straight with her, if you haven't already, "Just because I'm angry or sad doesn't mean I'm sick. Stop trying to fix me!" Either way, with any outcome, it is important that you know you're not "sick".

speedo
12-29-06, 12:32 PM
If you are of adult age then I suggest that you get a job and get a place of your own. There is no point in being in a situation that you can not tolerate. With a little distance between the two of you you won't be so inclined to dwell on the negative things, and it will make it easier for you both to resolve your differences.

If you can not work or are under adult age, then I would recommend letting go of the annoyances and focusing on smoothing over the anxious bits in a nonconfrontational way. You don't really have a choice, so you might as well make the best of it.

ME :D