I have just this week been officially diagnosed with ADHD innattentive type. I read Sari Solden's book and she talks about how you have to go through the grieving process. Well, I am officially in the ANGER stage. I am not angry with anyone in particular, but I keep thinking about how I had to suffer for 28 years and everyone just thought I was a flake. When I was a teenager my mom knew something was different and had me take a Myers-Brigg Personality Test. I am an ENFP (which has changed to an INFP I think due to my depression). So, we just always chalked it up to my "personality". Is anyone else an ENFP with ADD? It just seems that ENFP DESCRIBES ADD. Maybe when people are told they have this personality type it should be suggested that they talk with a doctor about the possibility of ADD.

I am just so mad that I had to go through so many failures in my life just thinking I was a ***k up! I always knew I should have been in advanced classes in school, was sick and tired of hearing that I didn't apply myself when I was doing all that I could. I failed miserably at college (kicked out of two Universities, and 1 Community College). I feel like I have watched all of my friends pass me by. Careers, houses, children. I am married and have a wonderful son, but we struggle with money, only have a roof over our head because we rent from my mother who doesn't kick us out when rent is late. My husband assumes that all the household responsibilities are mine since I am not working. So the house is always a mess, bills are never paid, we are always out of money, laundry is never done and he never says anything but I can see the dissapointment in his face. I am so totally overwhelmed and now that I have been diagnosed there is a part of me that sees the hope and is glad that I have REASON for my strugges, but it just ****ES me off! I am scared about medication and totally overwhelmed at the thought of having to learn all these strategies to help me with organization.

Epiphany/Self Realization: Now that I know I have ADD, I HAVE to do something about it. I can't just slide by anymore. Now there are expectations for me to get better and that scares the heck out me. I guess I'm feeling the "why me???" Why do I have to have a disorder that makes life so difficult? Why can't I just be normal like everyone else?? Why do I have to work so hard just to get by?

I'm sorry for my rant and I could probably go on and on but I won't. Did anyone else experience anger like I am? I expected myself to be sad since that is how I normally function but I haven't cried once. I guess the tears will come next.

Thanks for listening.

First, I don't think anyone is normal. I am INTJ. I think that personality and ADD are unrelated. I think of ADD as a filter for your personality. i.e. if you put a red filter in front of your camera, all your pictures will end up with a red hue. Probably not the best analogy, but just to say that even though the camera is perfectly fine, the pictures from it will always be different as a result of the filter. And you can put that filter on pretty much any other camera.

For me, learning that I had ADD was a huge relief, met with regrets and some anger towards parents and teachers that somebody should have known. I'm new here too, but I think we can all say that we're here to help and support each other. You've already made a huge step by getting diagnosed. Controlling it and doing something about it is just a step away.

You know what? Things will get better from here on out for you!! Happy new year!

The meyers-briggs personality tests are only useful for entertainment. They really are not diagnostic for anything.

Hang in there, you ar doing what you can , and that counts. You are fortunate in that you have a spouse who is supportive and patient.

When I was first diagnosed I went through several stages. I was at first curious and fascinated with the properties of ADHD. After about a month of that I realized that it was real, it had always been there, and it was not going away....which led tme to become depressed....

After rallying from my initial depression I became resolved to make the most of an otherwise bad situation. I decided to get myself treated for my adhd, and chose to educate myself about my adhd. For the moment I'm in maintennance mode. I continue to try to improve my treatment, and I continue to educate myself, and I try to make the most of what I have.

I don't know what else to offer you other than hug and a welcome.

Me :D

Diagnosed myself at age 32 (three years ago), in a post-BA program <!>, I think the main thing I've learned with late life diagnosis is to, ironically, 'be patient'.

I know I know. Diagnosed late, don't want to be patient, don't want to wait anymore, don't want to waste anymore time. (esp compared to those lucky folks who were diagnosed as kids...)

But what I mean is .... being patient with yourself. Slowing it down. Being mindful and aware. Living in the moment. Acceptance of where you are at -- in your journey. Now. Here.

Why do i say this? b/c There is a certain hastiness and impatience about this thing you call "anger", and my caveat, i guess, is that impatience only aggravates and increases anger (and frustration). And that hurts you (and me and us) in our journey to grow, learn and get on with things, to be the best we can be, given this ADHD factor.

Okay...so I think I've calmed down. Sorry about that, but it was just a bad day. I appreciate the feedback, it's nice to know that there are people who finally can understand me.

It's so interesting that I am starting to look at myself in a different light. I notice things now that I do that never occurred to me before. When I first was doing research about ADD, I thought that I in no way had the hyperactivity, but I DO!!! I spent this evening (New's Years Eve) with my family and I got really worked up. I just get excited and talk A LOT! I found myself jumping on what people were saying without really listening and trying to finish their sentences. I never noticed that until I read it in one of my books and I was finally aware.

Anyway, I know that the anger is still there and it is something I have to deal with and move on. But it is nice to know that there is finally something to make sense of what I always just thought of was me being strange or different.

It's 1:30am, I'm all worked up and need to go try to find something to calm me down so I can go to sleep. Happy New Year to you all and thank you again. I think you will be seeing more of me around here!

Wow, I could have written that a couple of years ago. I still am angry, to some degree. Angry that I had to suffer my whole life while people around me thought I was a lazy flake. My advice is to not be afraid of the ADD medicines, they have helped me function alot better and just get a Dr. that will work with you in treating it.....good luck....:)

Hi Lilyfrog,
You and I are pretty much in the same boat, I was only diagnosed a fwe months ago. The first thing I felt was relief, then I cried for a few days, then I got mad, and been in the anger stage ever since.
It's funny, I am a stay at home mom and so pretty much the house work is my responsibility, so like you, my house is always a disaster! My husband ends up doing all the laundry and picks up my slack where he can. And like your husband, mine doesn't say anything either but I also see the disappointment. He's really great about it and all, but yeah, that look is a killer, ya almost wish they'd just say something instead of just looking at ya that way.
So, just wanted you to know that you are not alone. You have come to the right place, this is such a great place to find the support that we need.
Welcome!!
I have just this week been officially diagnosed with ADHD innattentive type. I read Sari Solden's book and she talks about how you have to go through the grieving process. Well, I am officially in the ANGER stage. I am not angry with anyone in particular, but I keep thinking about how I had to suffer for 28 years and everyone just thought I was a flake. When I was a teenager my mom knew something was different and had me take a Myers-Brigg Personality Test. I am an ENFP (which has changed to an INFP I think due to my depression). So, we just always chalked it up to my "personality". Is anyone else an ENFP with ADD? It just seems that ENFP DESCRIBES ADD. Maybe when people are told they have this personality type it should be suggested that they talk with a doctor about the possibility of ADD.

I am just so mad that I had to go through so many failures in my life just thinking I was a ***k up! I always knew I should have been in advanced classes in school, was sick and tired of hearing that I didn't apply myself when I was doing all that I could. I failed miserably at college (kicked out of two Universities, and 1 Community College). I feel like I have watched all of my friends pass me by. Careers, houses, children. I am married and have a wonderful son, but we struggle with money, only have a roof over our head because we rent from my mother who doesn't kick us out when rent is late. My husband assumes that all the household responsibilities are mine since I am not working. So the house is always a mess, bills are never paid, we are always out of money, laundry is never done and he never says anything but I can see the dissapointment in his face. I am so totally overwhelmed and now that I have been diagnosed there is a part of me that sees the hope and is glad that I have REASON for my strugges, but it just ****ES me off! I am scared about medication and totally overwhelmed at the thought of having to learn all these strategies to help me with organization.

Epiphany/Self Realization: Now that I know I have ADD, I HAVE to do something about it. I can't just slide by anymore. Now there are expectations for me to get better and that scares the heck out me. I guess I'm feeling the "why me???" Why do I have to have a disorder that makes life so difficult? Why can't I just be normal like everyone else?? Why do I have to work so hard just to get by?

I'm sorry for my rant and I could probably go on and on but I won't. Did anyone else experience anger like I am? I expected myself to be sad since that is how I normally function but I haven't cried once. I guess the tears will come next.

Thanks for listening.

Thank you all for replying. It's great to have people who have "been there, done that." I am starting to look forward to my appointment on Thursday and hope that my GP doesn't give me grief about wanting medication, I've only seen her twice and can't anticipate her reaction. My Psycologist said that she will call her first and give her a heads up which will be nice. Then I don't have to feel like I'm just begging for meds. I know it will probably be a long road to find the right med and dose, but I really am hoping to notice a difference.

In regards to my husband, I love him dearly, but I wish that he would pitch in more like yours. If I don't do it, then it never gets done! He works, plays with our son a little, and then plays video games the rest of the time (on the weekends the gaming involves drinking as well). In his defense, it seems to me that he has many of his own issues to deal with. At the very minimum, I am pretty sure he has PTSD. He is military and you know that movie "Black Hawk Down"? He was there, among many, many other difficult deployments. Also, as I talk about what I am learning about ADHD, he is identifying a lot with the symptoms. It doesn't surprise me because we are a lot alike in the disorganization/procrastination category. So I think I've got him thinking about seeing a doctor. Honestly, I hope he doesn't have it because man that will be tough, and I worry about our son being highly predisposed to having it as well.

Again, thanks for all the feedback.

HEY LILYFROG, I'm an I/ENFP (I've got both I and E traits but I'm WAAAY N, WAAY F, and pretty heavy P). And YES, I think that personality has a lot to do with our "diagnosis." I think especially the intuitive portion of our personality is so difficult for "regulars to understand", but NFs and NTs tend to a) be very different from the rest and b) click very well together.

Speedo, have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs? I'd bet a pretty penny from your response that you're an NT . . . wanna make a bet :) ?? The Myers-Briggs isn't meant to be diagnostic from what I understand, and I don't believe that it's used as a tool by psychologists to diagnose, because diagnoses are to understand disease or syndrome processes.

It IS, however, DESCRIPTIVE, and although it's not an exhaustive description, it's a little eerie HOW WELL it describes the subsets of personalities and their strengths and weaknesses. It is VERY helpful also in understanding personality clashes because it describes basic modes of interpreting the world which are VERY different.

I may not know you, but if you tell me you are an INTJ, for example, I can get a sort of fuzzy snapshot of how you operate in the world, which will help me interpret what will motivate you, hinder your progress if I'm working with you therapeutically, etc.

Reading the detailed description of the NF brought tears to my eyes because it FELT so much like someone finally understood me, and why I felt so misunderstood by so many people. And it's helped me to understand basic differences in my husband very well. So, as far as descriptive tools go, I wouldn't just toss it out.

I'm an I/ENFP (I've got both I and E traits but I'm WAAAY N, WAAY F, and pretty heavy P). The Myers-Briggs isn't meant to be diagnostic from what I understand. It IS, however, DESCRIPTIVE, and although it's not an exhaustive description, it's a little eerie HOW WELL it describes the subsets of personalities and their strengths and weaknesses. It is VERY helpful also in understanding personality clashes because it describes basic modes of interpreting the world which are VERY different.

Reading the detailed description of the NF brought tears to my eyes because it FELT so much like someone finally understood me, and why I felt so misunderstood by so many people. And it's helped me to understand basic differences in my husband very well. So, as far as descriptive tools go, I wouldn't just toss it out.
amiegrace,

I second that. I am also ENFP, with more a tendency toward the "I" as I get older. Reading "Please understand Me," was a turning point in my life. That was probably almost 20 years ago.

For one thing, my brother and I were both ENFP, and our step father was the complete opposite in all 4 categories. ISTJ. My entire childhood I spent feeling like I was supposed to "be" someone else. That who I "was" was NOT ok.

ENFP can also be an addictive personality, and my brother passed away 14 years ago at age 40 from complications due to alcoholism. He especially had it beaten into him that he was lazy, an underachiever, and an all around screwup/loser. I spent those years trying to be invisible so I wouldn't be the one getting beaten by a belt. And I guess in a way he "saved" me from my step father by being on the front line. But I miss him every day still.

I also think it helped me in my career (Meyers-Briggs) because I realize not every had the same way of thinking or solving problems. I still tend to "diagnose" others because I feel it gives me insight into other people. :D

The meyers-briggs personality tests are only useful for entertainment. They really are not diagnostic for anything.
OMG that's so funny! :p Funny because it's true! :D

I took those tests and I kept getting different combination of letters depending on how honest I was with myself on the day I was taking them. :p I distinctly remember really being "stuck" over that introverted/extraverted aspect. On the one hand, I could totally relate to the "drained" feeling of an introvert after being at a party for example. Yet as much as I liked and needed to be alone, I didn't like being there all the time. I needed to be around and bounce ideas off of people.

Well now of course we know WHY I felt so drained... and still love the people! :)

I certainly can relate to the anger of being diagnosed. I found the anger gets even worse when the meds kicked in and I was able to do things that have eluded me for so long. :mad:

Welcome Lilyfrog :-)
I hope yr Dr visit goes well, and your anger subsides soon...You'll be fine in time

Tracy, i totally love that photograph. it's priceless.

I think we've all been in that anger stage at some time or another. I think it comes from the realization that if we had been diagnosed earlier our lives would be totally different. Getting diagnosed, researching ADD and having that Aha! moment can be a relief at first, but it can become pretty depressing soon after if you're not careful! In my opinion you have to seek treatment, whatever form you choose, as soon as you're diagnosed! Make sure you follow through with the initial stages, you owe it to yourself, and believe me, when you find the treatment that works, your life will change in a huge positive way! You just have to stick with the treatment, if something doesn't work, try something else. If your doctor isn't helping, find one that does, it's their job!

Oh, and one thing I like to think about when I feel angry that noone cared enough about me to figure out what was holding me back is this:
What if you were never diagnosed? Believe it or not, you're lucky to have gotten diagnosed. We're lucky to be living at a time when more and more previously undiagnosed ADDers, especially adults, are being diagnosed and treated. So be thankful for what you have. You can't change the past so it's irrelevant to think about it, focus on what you can have an effect on, namely your future!

Hoo..muskit...point well taken! I have definitely started to accept the fact that I am ADHD and I notice more and more the things that I do that are inline with its symptoms. I am becoming less angry and now that you've mentioned it I do feel lucky to have been diagnosed. It would be terrible to have to live the rest of my life in such a scattered state. Thanks for that reality check!

Speedo, have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs? I'd bet a pretty penny from your response that you're an NT . . . wanna make a bet :) ?? I have got to admit this...I nearly died laughing when I read that! "Speedo" and "NT" in the same paragraph was a hilarious image to me right now, unmedicated...by the way I am an INFP and I find it has doodly to do with my diagnoses, not a thing at all IMHO. An impulsive INFP is a sight to behold, or so I imagine it must be.

Hope you are feeling much better about things Lilyfrog :) I am one of those people who "is" ADHD and does not "have" it if you get my drift? ;)

Hope you are feeling much better about things Lilyfrog :) I am one of those people who "is" ADHD and does not "have" it if you get my drift? ;)
LOL..huh? I have it, yet huh..I have no idea about your drift tonight CF :D

Welcome Lilyfrog :-)
I hope yr Dr visit goes well, and your anger subsides soon...You'll be fine in timeLOL, thanks :D I keep it up just for giggles, if I take it away for too long Seek misses it LOL

LOL..huh? I have it, yet huh..I have no idea about your drift tonight CF :DI don't say I have ADHD, I say I am ADHD :cool: not my fault they have it down as a disorder and make me speak with poor grammar!

Its a state of being to me, not a disorder, all that "societal rubbish" is what makes me "disordered"...cappisches?

I don't say I have ADHD, I say I am ADHD :cool:lol/ CF, I was thinking of saying something better, but I just couldn't get it out :D what ever it was....:p I have no idea

lol/ CF, I was thinking of saying something better, but I just couldn't get it out :D what ever it was....:p I have no ideaProbably getting distracted by all those annoying customers again, aye Trace?

Probably getting distracted by all those annoying customers again, aye Trace?LOL..actually I am at home :D it's 10.45pm and my daughters 18th tomorrow

Also recently diagnosed...(and norwegian, so excuse my not that perfectly written english :-)

All I felt was relief.
I could not stand the idea of living in such pain for 40 more years...and then came the amazing turn: I got the right medication, and it sure wasnt what my Doc had prescribed for 20 years diagnosing me as depressed and with an anxiety-syndrome.

To me life changed in november, when I first tryed Ritalin. It was undescribeable. Suddenly I felt - present. I realized: this is how other people feels.
Every day I experience amazingly different little details in my way of responding to both everyday matters and larger issues. Shortly, I'm in balance and much more capable to make the right choices - in right time.

Of course, I'm still talking too much, am easily trigged into both tears and laughs. I'm still impulsive and sometimes forgets my appointments or leave my cellphone at the restaurant...

But I'm no longer cribbeled by my inner storms and nagging thoughts. I sleep better. And when I have to deal with difficult emotical issues or practical tasks - I do it in a more considerate, reasonable way.

I have felt the frustration looking back on my life and knowing so much would have been easier if diagnosed earlier.
BUT: The most important thing now is that I know my future life will be a lot brighter - and I will be much more able to cope with hard days and challenges.

In one word: Relief!

I am starting to shift into some relief as well now. I do still look back on my messy life but now I'm not so mad. I am looking forward to finally getting to try a stimulant (it is taking awhile because of my insurance company being a pain) and am hoping it will make a big difference. I know that I have a lot to look forward to. I have been doing a lot of research and as I read I find myself so much in their descriptions. I am really convincing myself that this is a sort of "disorder" though many people don't like the word and neither do I. Let's just say it is something that is not under my control and that does give me a little relief. Knowing that it isn't because I never tried enough or that I had some personality flaw.

I am so glad that the medication has been helpful for you Norwaya. And thank you for sharing your story with me. It is so helpful to find uplifting stories of success on this forum. The internet never ceases to amaze me. I just got support from a person in NORWAY (I am in the US)! Good luck to you and welcome to the forum!

I am starting to shift into some relief as well now. I do still look back on my messy life but now I'm not so mad. I am looking forward to finally getting to try a stimulant (it is taking awhile because of my insurance company being a pain) and am hoping it will make a big difference. I know that I have a lot to look forward to. I have been doing a lot of research and as I read I find myself so much in their descriptions. I am really convincing myself that this is a sort of "disorder" though many people don't like the word and neither do I. Let's just say it is something that is not under my control and that does give me a little relief. Knowing that it isn't because I never tried enough or that I had some personality flaw.

I am so glad that the medication has been helpful for you Norwaya. And thank you for sharing your story with me. It is so helpful to find uplifting stories of success on this forum. The internet never ceases to amaze me. I just got support from a person in NORWAY (I am in the US)! Good luck to you and welcome to the forum!that's great news LF..I am sure your feelings will fluctuate between anger, relief and acceptance over the coming months. I am also sure it will settle down, and you'll be sooo much better :faint: emotionally

Hahaha !
I always laugh, when you say that 'word', CF !
I tried using it, but it doesn't *sound* the same, like when you *say* it. (0:

"rubbish"

I'm an I/ENFP, also.
I took a 'written' test, given by a PDoc, in my teens, and I've retaken another written one, in recent *times*.

The *E*, comes out when I'm in my 'class clown' mode. (0:

Not necessarily in 'classes', but all the other times, when I'm being goofy, silly, and laughing with people.

The *I* is my 'usual' base.
It doesn't mean I'm not 'social', it means I have to 'recharge' myself, more often than someone who doesn't need to do that.


I have maintained high 90's 'scores', for my 'NFP' sections.
Not 'deliberately'..it just 'is'.

Someone asked me once, how I 'function', when I'm 'tipping the scales', in those three 'areas'...

I couldn't understand their question.


I believe, though, that humans are multifaceted.
So the MB 'test' result, is just one 'facet', out of many, that encompass an individual.

So while, no 'two' humans, are ever going to be exactly the same, some may share several common 'traits'.

I'm an ENTP (ENFP cousin) who hasn't gotten help yet. I've been punished my whole life and learned to hide it. The symptoms I did have were chalked up thyroid dysorder which I was medicated for but no one ever treated the ADHD symptoms that I still had. Basically I was left on my own as a child to just deal with them and received no help. I graded usually based on my intelligence, not on the work I did in the classroom (when I bothered to show up).

Computers were my savior. On the comp, I can create systems to deal with a lot of mundane tasks that I would rather not do.

I got into workplace harassment situation 2 years ago. (I managed 8 years in the same company to the shock of my family and sure teachers in school).

The stress made me snap and undid all the work it took me years to do. I went into therapy and was medicated for workplace stress/anxiety. I am getting back on my feet now but I haven't been able to hold down a job since because my ability to concentrate has completely gone out the window. I feel scattered all the time. I'm single and don't have anyone to help me and am actually feeling quite overwhelmed at the moment.

I know I need to get help but don't know where to even start. My GP went back to school so have to find a new doctor I guess is the first step. I've been procrastinating REALLY bad though.

I don't know why. I guess I just think of all the work and therapy involved, going to appointments, etc. and I get too overwhelmed to try.

I was diagnosed at 23...I am now 34...it has been a struggle...struggle...struggle!!!!

I take 20mg of Rit three times a day. I tried a few other meds and they sucked.
I went through all of the emotions as well, and still do like a rollercoaster.

Here is some advice for your day to day activities.

I suffer from procrastination big time...I play beat the clock with everything in my life. I am self employed and work at home....which is very tough to be self controlled and get my work done.

As far as house work goes, I take 5 minutes every hour and do something. 5 minutes I go make my bed, throw clothes in the washer, and take the clothes out of the dryer and put them on the bed. The timer goes off I stop...even if I am not finished I stop. Then the rest of the hour I do what I want to do....You will be shocked at what you can get done in five minutes when a timer is set. One day I took out the trash, swept the kitchen floor, and rinsed off the breakfast dishes. Then I had 55 minutes of the rest of the hour to do whatever I wanted to do.

Don't make a detailed "to do list" make a " I did it list" by the end of the day you feel more accomplished. Then when your husband comes home have the list posted on the frig for him to see.

So if you husband is gone to work for eight hours out of the day and you have 5 minutes every hour to get something done. Even if its just one thing
in that five minutes. You will have accomplished 8 tasks in one day. That is 40 tasks done in one work week.....and it only took you 5 minutes per hour.

We all have to start somewhere.....its all a learning process, and we all
just have to find what works for us individually.

I hope this helps you,

Deb

Don't make a detailed "to do list" make a " I did it list" by the end of the day you feel more accomplished. Then when your husband comes home have the list posted on the frig for him to see brill idea ;-) why didn't I ever think of that???

I'm an I/ENFP, also.
I took a 'written' test, given by a PDoc, in my teens, and I've retaken another written one, in recent *times*.

The *E*, comes out when I'm in my 'class clown' mode. (0:

Not necessarily in 'classes', but all the other times, when I'm being goofy, silly, and laughing with people.

The *I* is my 'usual' base.
It doesn't mean I'm not 'social', it means I have to 'recharge' myself, more often than someone who doesn't need to do that.


I have maintained high 90's 'scores', for my 'NFP' sections.
Not 'deliberately'..it just 'is'.

Someone asked me once, how I 'function', when I'm 'tipping the scales', in those three 'areas'...

I couldn't understand their question.


I believe, though, that humans are multifaceted.
So the MB 'test' result, is just one 'facet', out of many, that encompass an individual.

So while, no 'two' humans, are ever going to be exactly the same, some may share several common 'traits'.Nova :-) I can never rememebr anything about the NFP thingy..do you have a quick link please so i can have another look
xx

Just wanted to update this thread with my current emotional state. I am feeling so much better, and I owe a lot of it to this forum. I find so many kind and supportive people here who really seem to listen to me. I have a lot more hope as I talk to people who are coping well with their ADD. I learn so much about all aspects of ADD and get new ideas for research every time I log on.

Right now I am trying Ritalin and not so sure about it. I definitely like the stimulant class but Ritalin just feels so harsh. I've never done illegal stimulants before but the way I feel on Ritalin is the way I imagine illegal ones feel (not to the same level, I'm not getting "high" but just the peaks and valleys of the drug are more intense than I'd like). I have an appointment Thursday and will talk to my doc about my concerns.

But I am getting very active in getting my life back and it feels really good. I have joined a coaching group and am looking around to find a local support group to join (or start one myself b/c I can't seem to find any in my city). It's nice to feel proactive instead of watching TV feeling sorry for myself. Thanks again to everyone, you've all made a positive impact on me and I really appreciate it.

that's great news LF, I hope you get the dose sorted soon :-)