Hey People.

I'm not here to feel sorry for myself but I do want to get this outta my system.

As some of you know I went out with a guy for 2 months and we've been broken up for almost 2 months now and I just want to openup about a few things and also to warn others in similar situations.

My ex boyfriend was one to constantly lie about the most trivial things including what other associates have said to him (I later find out that he was trying to turn me against my friends and get rid of them one by one) he was also one to belittle me and make me feel like everything's my fault (some things were my fault but then again who doesn't have faults) he made false accusations towards me such as "You told someone online that you loved them" when I didn't mean it romantically or that "If we split up you'd be straight down to such and such" not only that he also accused me of "playing' on my disability and using it as a crutch when it wasn't true at all...that's just some of what happened

The last straw before he broke up with me was when we both attended a support group in Brisbane for adults with ADHD, the idea of him coming along was to learn more about adults with ADHD (after all he was dating someone with it!) and how it affects relationships and how to deal with it in a relationship situation etc etc during the 2 hours we were there he got his usual 7pm phone call from his kids which was NEVER a problem but during that phone call he engaged in a loud and aggressive argument with his ex wife and her partner which consisted of yelling, swearing and threats of violence (mind you he spent more time arguing with them than he did doing anything with me during our whole relationship) I was so embarrassed by his behaviour that I actually considered ending the relationship that night and it was even worse when the lady that runs the support group asked me to tell him to keep his voice down and to take the argument somewhere else (luckily there was only 2 others besides myself and my ex) well 4 days later he ends the relationship, I knew it was coming to an end and in a way I was happy to be rid of him and the emotional baggage he brought with him (I DON'T mean his kids either, I have NO problems with dating someone with children at all but I do have issues with those who come into a new relationship when they haven't sorted out the problems from their last relationship) well back to the break up day he was quiet harsh and hurtful in what he said and as usual blamed it on me, he was talking AT me instead of TO me, telling me how I supposedly gave up on the relationship, how I supposedly never listened to him etc etc I TRIED my hardest to do everything right and it was never good enough for him, I was honest from day one about the ADHD and the SPD and obviously HE wasn't listening...I didn't think 2 months on I'd still be affected by it, I thought I'd be over it, it's not that I love or even care for him anymore because to tell you the truth I DON'T in fact I have no time for him at all and I have absolutely no respect for him as a person at all and I hate him for the affect he's had on my life but I hate myself more for allowing it to happen once again from yet again another person.

I hate his girlfriend for pretending to be my friend and using me the way she did..just so she could have him...well good luck to her, she can have him all she want's, she's done me a huge favour by taking him out of my life but she's lost a person who could have been a really good friend to her all over a guy of all things and she will NEVER have that opportunity to be my friend EVER again and my ex boyfriend will NEVER have my friendship and he will definitely NEVER have a chance of dating me again, sometimes it's ok to believe in 2nd chances but in this case nobody deserves a 2nd chance, I WILL get over it, I WILL find someone who actually loves, cares and accepts me for who and what I am and I WILL make it in life.

I'm sorry to bore you all with this but I've gotta get it outta my system, some of my closest friends don't want to hear about it anymore but they didn't go through it..I DID!!

I am SO glad you have broken up with this.....this.....abusive creature! (I won't call him a "man"....that's too much of a compliment for him!)

You are not boring any of us with your story, OK? Just remember, you deserve much better than that and don't have to take that abuse from anyone!!

I agree with Moody, you don't deserve that poop. Chalk it up to a heck of a life lesson on the type of person you do not want in your life.

People get over much longer and more rooted relationships. You'll be just fine with some time.

You Are Worth So Very Much More & Deserve It. I'm So Happy that you realize that.

You aren't boring us. I think relationships like this are just part of living & growing & learning. Most of us have been through at least a few like this one, so you aren't alone.

It's his loss & your gain. Believe it or not right now, you are better off because of the things that you have learned about others as well as yourself. I was his intention to deplete you of all of your self confidence, self worth, friends, ect. And once you were totally dependant on him, break up with you. We all have problems, but that is no reason to live your life in a deliberate way that tries to destroy the Life of others.

BlessedLady

Blessed Lady and People

I think you're hit the nail on the head when you say that he had intentions of ruining my confidence and stripping me of my self worth, friends etc etc he complained a lot that I listened to others instead of him and he said it like he took offence to it.

He also said that female friends of mine were trying to come onto him in a sexual way but I later find out they weren't and he made out that male friends of mine had threatened him with violence and I also later find out that never even happened, he would also lie about things like "Your brother rang me and had a chat and asked for advice" and I know for a fact that Kingsley (he's 12) would NOT call up a strange man that he doesn't know and speak to him let alone ask for advice on anything.

During the relationship I became severely depressed to the point of considering suicide, during a "talk" with a friend of HIS I expressed this and he seemed to be indifferent to it and at some later stage he said "you can look after yourself" and when I tried to wake him up to talk to him about my feelings in the hope he'd care enough to listen and see things for what they were (yes I probably annoyed him) he told me to f**k off and raised his voice to me, really it was just has lack of concern and interest in our relationship that really said how he truly felt which was nothing for me.

Myself and other good friends have worked out that the woman he's currently with was after him all along and had no intentions of helping us keep the relationship intact like she supposedly made out...in fact I didn't even want her interference full stop but he allowed it and now I've worked out that he had feelings for her and maybe even seeing her while we were dating (but I can't prove he was actually cheating but he'd go on "walks" during the night towards the end of our relationship so who knows?) I don't actually care if he had feelings for her as that sort of thing happens but I do care about the lies, the false reassurances, the accusations and being lead on...this guy should have known that if he had feelings for someone else that the decent thing to do would be to tell me truthfully that he didn't see a future for us, ended the relationship and gone on with his life and after we broke up she was still carrying on with her bullsh*t by saying "I'll try and sort him out" or "You never know whats around the corner" giving false hope that I could get back with my ex (at first I wanted to get back with him and sort things out but now I couldn't care less about him) and she went on with her crap by saying "we'll be friends forever" blah blah blah but she was full of sh*t.

I'm past the sadness part, at first I was sad about losing him, sad about the loss of my hopes for the future etc etc, I started out being angry with her (she also ripped me off financially) and I will never forgive her or associate with her again but now my angers towards him and the affect he's had on my life, HOW DARE HE treat me like sh*t because HE couldn't handle the fact I was "different"

The only thing I'm hoping for now is for my life to improve and I now know I'm better off without him in it.

...this guy should have known that if he had feelings for someone else that the decent thing to do would be to tell me truthfully that he didn't see a future for us, ended the relationship and gone on with his life

Keyword here is "decent." Something that he most definately is not & probably isn't even aware of the concept nor does he want to be.

but now my angers towards him and the affect he's had on my life, HOW DARE HE treat me like sh*t because HE couldn't handle the fact I was "different"
The way that he treated you was not because, as you put it, you're "different"...it was because he has some major issues but unfortunately likes being the way he is & has no interest whatsoever in changing.
It's possible that some of the things that as you put it make you "different" made it a little easier for him to do some of the things that he did. For example, if your meds were wearing off & it was late instead of challengeing something he said you just kinda let it pass. Know what I mean ? But he treated you the way he did because of Him not because of You.

You will find someone. And don't be surprised if it's when you aren't looking for someone that it happens. A bit of advice that comes with being 53, if you don't mind. Learn how to be happy, content , peaceful & not lonely when you are alone. There is a difference between being lonely & alone.

BlessedLady

Don't feel bad sharing your feeling, that's why these forums are here, Support. Break ups are never easy, but they happen for a reason. Find someone who loves you for who you are, this is the most rewarding love of all.:)

Nzkiwi and people.

At the moment I'm still dealing with my anger which gets worse everytime I think about him, so I'd be no good to anyone in a relationship right now, but eventually when I'm ready to settle I DO hope I can find someone who'll love and accept me for who and what I really am...or I could be wrong maybe I need someone to show me what love and acceptance are and someone to help me put this sh*t behind me..who knows?!

Wayne is soooo lucky he no longer lives in my neighbourhood, I've controlled my temper for so long and I take it on the walls (yes I'm a self confessed wall puncher but that's better than busting his nose) I've wanted to smash the widscreen of his car, I've wanted to smash his house windows, I've wanted to beat the sh*t outta him and I've certainly wanted to beat his girlfriend and jump on her f**king ugly head...seriously I wanna tie him to a tree with his bare **** showing to the public, sit back and throw darts and other sharp objects into his **** cheeks and watch him squeal and squirm and laugh at the same time...yes I want to humiliate him and make him feel as worthless and inferior as he made me feel...but then again I'm not heartless, I'm just fantasising about hurting him but I'll never do it...my conscience won't allow me.

Here's another fantasy..I'd love to tie his girlfriend to a tree front on, get a paintball gun and shoot the crap out of her and leave a permanent tattoo saying "Beware Lowlife Alert" and make her eat live cockroaches...YUMMO...lol nah it's a just a silly thought I'll never act upon....geez I hate thinking like this but I hate people ****ting on me too.

Thanks for reading and supporting me during this difficult time

Don't feel bad sharing your feeling, that's why these forums are here, Support. Break ups are never easy, but they happen for a reason. Find someone who loves you for who you are, this is the most rewarding love of all.:)

I dated someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder for 2 years. He was never diagnosed but I'm positive he has it. I've never felt so angry in my life after I left a relationship. I felt completely betrayed when I realized how his little brain was ticking.

It's like getting punched in the chest when you realize that the person you loved thought of you as no more than a tool or object. He never really thought of me as a real person so he could do what he wanted to me emotionally.

I never thought I'd get into an abusive relationship. Shortly after we started dating his best friend died. He kept telling me that his behavior was related to that and it would get better. He made me feel like a selfish ***** for demanding anything from him at that time. He milked the death of his friend for about 4 mos. Then when that wouldn't work anymore, his job became the excuse. When that didn't work anymore, then finances were the excuse. There was always an excuse.

I spent 2 years walking on eggshells and avoiding flying objects. Not knowing what would be smashed to bits when I arrived home from work.

Well after the months of being angry and taking anti-depressant medication, I started to accept that his behavior had absolutely nothing to do with me. I wasn't "provoking" him. I understood he was mentally unstable and in that sense sick. To keep hating him would be to say it was ok for all those who hated me for the stuff wrong with me because of my thyroid disorder and ADHD.

He had constantly been trying to get back in my life for a year after I broke up with him. I finally let him back in as a friend but it didn't take long for the behavior to start again.

I no longer hate him. I just have accepted that he is a narcissist and I've been identified as his source of supply. I can have no contact with him because of it. He will always see me as a source of supply.

I couldn't date for about a year and half because I had no trust in men whatsoever. I've been dating off and on again for a year but its been weird. I'm seeing people in terms of functional and dyfunctional and seeing more dyfunctional than anything.

Kind of makes it hard to meet someone when you're jaded by this stuff. The slightest sign of dysfunctionality and I bolt.

I'm glad to hear you figured out he had a case of Narciccism and learned about PDs. A very frustrating thing to understand and figure out.

All you can do is protect yourself and get out.

re: your friends coming on to him.

People with NPD often "Say what they wish were true"...

He "wishes" your GFs were coming onto him.

Or, he accuses them of it, b/c he was really the one doing it, or wishing he could come onto them. (bad pun)

It's Classic Projection.

agreed...

My ex would introduce me to women then afterwards kind of slide the comment in, yeah we dated for awhile.

There was a point when we started dating I was thinking about breaking up with him because I didn't want to be with someone who dated THAT many women.

Turns out he never dated any of them. They were friends and went out for coffee and stuff but it wasn't "dating" but any means.

He was very attractive and did actually have a lot of women with little crushes on him. He encouraged the crushes by listening to them, trying to get them to talk about their relationships with him etc. Then he'd come home and complain about how these women were throwing themselves at him.

I never felt threatened he'd cheat on me. He was a cerebral narcissist so sex was something he actually tried to avoid. But it would drive me crazy how he would try to encourage these crushes because we'd go out to social situations and these women would stare daggers at me making me feel very uncomfortable.

Hi Polly and people.

I've never actually sat down and thought about the possiblity of him having Narcissistic personality traits but it could be possible and he's definitely a passive aggressive, like for example I'd ask "is the there something wrong" and he's day "no, everything's fine" when his body language would tell me something totally different.

He was never physically violent towards me although his ex wife took out a Domestic Violence Order against him but I don't know the full story on that so I can't say or judge.

He was the type of person who thought everyone was out to "get him" or "upset" his life in a negative way or in contrast he thought people were after him romantically or that they liked him a lot and when I spoke with these people it turns out that they didn't like him in a platonic or romantic way at all or that they're not out to "uspet" him...in fact half of these people couldn't give a damn about him, most of my friends couldn't stand him and thought he was a busybody and a wanker, I was told I deserve better and that I could do better than him, some people including my own mother who I've only just started talking to after 2 years thought he was only using me as a helping hand for him to gain full custody of his 3 natural children (he's 39 years old and has 5 kids, 1 from his 1st marriage that he doesn't see at all, 1 step child and 3 natural children from the 2nd marriage who he sees every week) others were a little more blunt and said that he was using me for sexual purposes, I tend not to agree with this as we didn't have sex much towards the end of the relationship, however the thing about the custody of the kids has made me think that being used for that reason is possible.

Polly like you, I've never been so angry after a relationship break up in my life either, but I know one thing, I'll NEVER take him back or even be friends with him and I'll be alert to these signs next time.

Selena:)
I dated someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder for 2 years. He was never diagnosed but I'm positive he has it. I've never felt so angry in my life after I left a relationship. I felt completely betrayed when I realized how his little brain was ticking.

It's like getting punched in the chest when you realize that the person you loved thought of you as no more than a tool or object. He never really thought of me as a real person so he could do what he wanted to me emotionally.

I never thought I'd get into an abusive relationship. Shortly after we started dating his best friend died. He kept telling me that his behavior was related to that and it would get better. He made me feel like a selfish ***** for demanding anything from him at that time. He milked the death of his friend for about 4 mos. Then when that wouldn't work anymore, his job became the excuse. When that didn't work anymore, then finances were the excuse. There was always an excuse.

I spent 2 years walking on eggshells and avoiding flying objects. Not knowing what would be smashed to bits when I arrived home from work.

Well after the months of being angry and taking anti-depressant medication, I started to accept that his behavior had absolutely nothing to do with me. I wasn't "provoking" him. I understood he was mentally unstable and in that sense sick. To keep hating him would be to say it was ok for all those who hated me for the stuff wrong with me because of my thyroid disorder and ADHD.

He had constantly been trying to get back in my life for a year after I broke up with him. I finally let him back in as a friend but it didn't take long for the behavior to start again.

I no longer hate him. I just have accepted that he is a narcissist and I've been identified as his source of supply. I can have no contact with him because of it. He will always see me as a source of supply.

I couldn't date for about a year and half because I had no trust in men whatsoever. I've been dating off and on again for a year but its been weird. I'm seeing people in terms of functional and dyfunctional and seeing more dyfunctional than anything.

Kind of makes it hard to meet someone when you're jaded by this stuff. The slightest sign of dysfunctionality and I bolt.

I once dated a girl and it looked very promising. I was upfront with her about "my issues", because frankly it's would have come up eventually anyway. To me that's a hard line to balance, explain to soon, and it comes off as TMI, wait too late, and a poor reception to the news by them can be extremely painful. I managed to get it right that time though. Like many people who don't have ADD or anxiety disorders, she didn't really understand at all. She said she did, but she regularly hinted I was just being silly, and would joke in ways that she clearly didn't see as hurtful, but which hurt very deeply indeed (like loudly making fun of my tendency to get lost driving when I get flustered, or Calling me a "Wuss" for my rather cautious approach to relationships and my avoidence of circumstances I still find difficult to deal with (Just being practical in this respect)).

My point is, she was critical and suspicious of unusual behavior of any sort in a potential partner because she had been burned repeatedly in relationships. On her end she just thought she was being direct, and perhaps refreshingly honest. Which is exactly how someone free of my issues would have seen it. Even knowing that though, I couldn't turn off the hurt, or the discomfort I felt being around her after that. I didn't immediately put my finger on this, I kept trying for a while, and kept being mystified why when, at that time, much was going so well for me, and I still felt miserable. Then one day I remember, thinking about 'my latest failure' in her eyes and was sure she'd break off communications (probably abruptly and in a not terribly polite fashion), and I realized as I thought that, that after the initial unpleasant feeling about facing the tell off, I was relieved. It was the attempt at a possible relationship with this girl that was making me miserable. It was being around her, that did it. Not because she was a bad person. Not because she was abusive (although her comments and attitude really did sting, they were the result of an understandable ignorance of what ADD/Anxiety really are and are like, and of the affect her words and actions would have on me. That's not a crime, and I suspect if she ever truly realized what she was doing to me she would have apologized profusely and felt horrible), but because of timing, and sheer incompatability.

It wasn't easy to spot for me for some reason. Partly, I believe, because we had a great deal in common in a great many ways. It was too easy, I guess, for me to gloss over this one fatal difference between us, because I simply didn't want to see it.

Anyway, that's, VERY, ancient history. Lessons learned and all that. Sometimes learning things the hard way is the best way for me.

E-Boy

Sometimes in life there are actually people we will NEVER EVER be compatible with and in yours and my case that's pretty much the main reason our relationships didn't work out.

I am 40 years old and have ADHD and Anxiety, which I am taking medication for. What a difference. Anyway, I find that in relationships, it's difficult for us to explain our situation to someone who does not have ADHD or some other disorder. My brain is special. My confidence is high and my outlook is bright. My wife and I still have a few misunderstandings but she understand as well the frustration that I go through when I forget something, start one project, then another, then another and yet another, without finishing the first one then going back and doing a little on each one until they are done. Going into the garage to get a soda for my wife, see something, take care of it, see something else, clean it and then 20 minutes later return and sometimes forget the soda and sometimes not. It's frustrating because I don't want my wife to feel like I'm brushing her off even though that may be how it seems to her, it's not the way it is. We can laugh about it but it does take an effort and lots of note taking to remember things we'd like to do or I'd like to do for her. That is, if I can find where I put the notes. :)

My wife is truly a special person because she does understand more than the average person. All my 3 brothers have it as well and our wives like to tell stories and we just laugh. We know they are not being mean. I can totally understand why someone with ADHD may be apprehensive about getting involved in a new relationship. I am not ashamed of what I have. I let people know all the time. They accept it, great. They don't, their loss from learning something new and maybe, find out they have it as well.

Be happy with who you are and remain positive. Let the frustrations go because it's not going anywhere. If you don't, they will pile up and depression will set in. I can tell many stories about depression and thoughts I have had. Don't dwell on the bad, but focus on the good. Believe in yourself. If you can do something to change, then do it. You can't change everything in your life, but you can control how they affect you. My brain is special. Not broke, short circuited, or wires crossed. It's special and it's mine. It works fantastic, just not like others.

I am currently going through a tough time with spilting with my SO but hey, keep the faith, you will be fine. I am glad you got out now before too much damage was done to your self esteem.

Take care of you!

I'm still angry...really angry about what he's done and the affect he's had on my life but I'm sorting through it

Today I saw his mate in town and he ignored me and I saw red as I've done NOTHING to this person...no doubt he's listened to all the lies my ex's told.

I can understand where you're coming from there. Letting go of such things can be difficult. However, not finding a way to manage those feelings and deal with them constructively can cause even more difficulty.

re: your friends coming on to him.

People with NPD often "Say what they wish were true"...

He "wishes" your GFs were coming onto him.

Or, he accuses them of it, b/c he was really the one doing it, or wishing he could come onto them. (bad pun)

It's Classic Projection.
Very true, indeed! Crazygirl79, from what you've described about this a-hole, it sounds like he fits the criteria for Malignant Narcissism.

He's f**ken malignant alright!!!....I'm having quiet a bit of trouble thinking of any nice things to say about him and I'm really not a nasty type but he brings that side out in me....I thought this wouldn't impact my life as much as it has but I think it's gonna take a while for me to heal from this one:mad: :(

Our own emotional states, and those of others are contagious. More so for those of us with ADD who don't filter sensory input well. Toxic emotional states CAN harm our well being, and they can be induced by other people. It's automatic, our emotional centers actually actively scan our surroundings for input from other people. Facial expressions, auditory cues, posture, you name it. They also react to those states and change our physical state accordingly. All of this happens before any of it registers in the conscious mind. Our emotion processing runs sever orders of magnitude faster than our reason faculties.

One of the best single pieces of advice I got about dealing with my "issues" and succeeding in learning to adapt and survive was to simplify my life and AVOID any thing, person, or circumstance that negatively impacted my life. I did real well with it at first except for my ex-wife. I couldn't see that I needed to come to some kind of terms with it or get out and it was destroying all the work I put in to doing better. Negativity is powerful stuff, and catching as heck. We need to be more on our guard than most folk.

The only way I can heal quickly from this is if I don't see him for a while

a while? Yer a more persistent person than I am. I'd need to see convincing evidence of some fundamental change in the dynamic before I used any term but NEVER. :-)

I think I know what you meant though. I'm just being difficult cuz I'm talented at it.

Hi E-Boy,
If your wife is carefully, consistently, mostly lovingly, trying to communicate her feelings and you see it thru a negative lens of ADD (I shouldn't have to consider her feelings, being in a relationship feels too hard, it shouldn't be all work - we never have any fun ((even tho we do)), I'm tired), how do you know if you should remove the wife from your life because the relationship feels negative, or if there are relationship skills lacking that she's hanging in there hoping that you will develop? This question is off topic - HAS NOTHING to do with Crazygirl79's situation.

Crazygirl79 - please don't give this person the power you are still handing him. He can't make you feel this way unless you allow it. Be your own best friend and figure out how to distract your brain from thinking of him and do whatever soothes you, makes you feel worthwhile.

if communication breaks down beyond any fixing and the relationship is toxic, then at the very least a break is needed.

My ex wasn't a bad person by any means. But she didn't believe in ADD and saw symptoms and manifestations of it as willful attempts to irritate her, or worse, as evidence that I didn't care. Her frustration with my let downs is perfectly understandable, but her absolute refusal to even consider that what I was doing wasn't a deliberate attempt to hurt her or take advantage made it impossible to move forward. She had full access to my doctor, I actively encouraged her to suggest remedies for my failings I hadn't tried (which she would briefly try and then even when they worked get mad about something else). I worked very hard and it was, frankly, very embarrassing to have so much difficulty with what seems to be relatively simple stuff. I also have anxiety disorders, so my marital discord, and issues at work skyrocketed my stress levels making my ADD ten times worse, which in turn made the anxiety worse, ad naseaum. Taking responsibility for my failings and trying to fix them wasn't good enough for her. She hadn't signed up for these problems and resented them. She's entitled to feel that way. My symptoms didn't re-manifest, for the record, until I got promoted into a very ADD unfriendly environment at work. So we had a time in our marriage when she never had to ask me to do anything, or remind me constantly about things. Out of nowhere, it seemed to her, I just became an undependable nightmare. It was quite a shock to me too to be sure. With that much going on, it's hard to establish effective communication.

Hey Redhead.

I have a lot of good support from friends and don't worry I don't speak to my ex so he has NO idea of the negative affect he's had on my life so he doesn't have power at all!! and I'm slowly getting past all the crap and moving house with friends, joining the gym and going to TAFE (which is like a college) and just living life will definitely help me out a lot it'll not only help me get past my ex but it'sll better my quality of life.

Thanks for the sound advice.

Selena:)
Hi E-Boy,
If your wife is carefully, consistently, mostly lovingly, trying to communicate her feelings and you see it thru a negative lens of ADD (I shouldn't have to consider her feelings, being in a relationship feels too hard, it shouldn't be all work - we never have any fun ((even tho we do)), I'm tired), how do you know if you should remove the wife from your life because the relationship feels negative, or if there are relationship skills lacking that she's hanging in there hoping that you will develop? This question is off topic - HAS NOTHING to do with Crazygirl79's situation.

Crazygirl79 - please don't give this person the power you are still handing him. He can't make you feel this way unless you allow it. Be your own best friend and figure out how to distract your brain from thinking of him and do whatever soothes you, makes you feel worthwhile.

controlling people use verbal abuse

Does any one happen to know anything about this and how I can help my children through this very serious thing my ex husband and his wife are putting us through. My oldest son truely believes I want nothing to do with him but he doesnt know all the stuff I do "behind the scenes" because his dad excludeds me as much s possible. My ex is also very abusive toward our children and toward me.
I need help...

Thank you,
Brandi

There is a book you can read called controlling people. I cant tell you what the author's name is but I found the book on the internet by typing in controlling people. It was really helpful to me as I was going through my divorce. It helps you to understand why they want control. Another bood that was helpful was about verbal abuse. Again I found it on the internet. I loaned these books out and thats why I can't tell you the name of the author. I will look for it and let you know ok.

www.verbalabuse.com The author's name is Patricia Evans. She wrote both books and you can find them at this web page. I hope this helps you. Take care.

Hi Brandi.

Your ex husband sounds more 'obvious' than my ex did, you see no one really noticed my exes behaviour apart from a few of MY friends who saw glimpses of his not so nice character.

Apart from telling your son that what his father has said is definitely NOT true there's not a lot you can do because these type of abusers are very convincing and very very manipulative and your son needs to see that and he will eventually especially when he makes his own circle of friends, gets married etc etc and then maybe he'll sit back and realise what his father's really like.

My mother was a victim of emotional as well and she did to me and one day I'd had enough and stopped talking to her for 2 years and now she's realised that she can't just keep trying to control and manipulate her children and she's a lot nicer to deal with now (mind you the reality check was caused by some health scares) and the reason I'm so angry is because I allowed someone else to do that same thing to me again, I'm angry with him for doing it but I'm more angry for allowing it to happen all over again.

Regarding your son you can only hope and I hope you have good friends, family or a partner to support you with this

Selena
Does any one happen to know anything about this and how I can help my children through this very serious thing my ex husband and his wife are putting us through. My oldest son truely believes I want nothing to do with him but he doesnt know all the stuff I do "behind the scenes" because his dad excludeds me as much s possible. My ex is also very abusive toward our children and toward me.
I need help...

Thank you,
Brandi

Barberayn

Thanks for that web link darl

Selena

One of the best single pieces of advice I got about dealing with my "issues" and succeeding in learning to adapt and survive was to simplify my life and AVOID any thing, person, or circumstance that negatively impacted my life. I did real well with it at first except for my ex-wife. I couldn't see that I needed to come to some kind of terms with it or get out and it was destroying all the work I put in to doing better. Negativity is powerful stuff, and catching as heck. We need to be more on our guard than most folk.
AVOID!! Amen to that! Good advice, E-boy. I recently had a very controlling person tell me how "I've changed" and I said, "Of course I have! Thank God! I now know how to set boundaries with control freaks! Do you know what boundaries are? Apparently not!"

I ended that "friendship" immediately. With "friends" like that, who needs enemies, right?

Good on you Moody Blonde, it's great when you can show some controlling b**tard that you've changed.