backformed
01-08-07, 05:28 PM
Hello,
This is the first post I've ever made here, so please forgive me if I step on anyone's toes or commit some unwritten faux pas.
I'm 22 years old and in my 4th year of college, graduating in December 2008. With regards to medical background, I was born at 28 weeks with esophageal atresia and tracheoesopageal fistula, corrected shortly after birth; in the first ten years of my life, I had about 17 or so surgeries. I don't consciously remember any of them, except for maybe one or two that happened later. I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety when I was about 16 (later wrongly changed to a diagnosis of bipolar disorder by someone else). I got a diagnosis of inattentive type ADD just this past June/July. My brother was diagnosed with ADD as freshman in high school (6 years ago); my mom, at 47 years old, was also diagnosed at that time.
It amazes me that I've had it for so long without anyone wondering why I do or say certain things. (On a side note, it makes me sad, too, because I know I could have done a million times better in school if I had been under the proper treatment.) I remember dreading looking up words in the dictionary because I knew it would take me forever, distracted by all the other interesting-sounding words I happened to rest my eyes on along the way. During my secondary education and the beginning of my university education, I was consistently placed in honors or accelerated courses on the basis of test scores but then inevitably earned C's or D's due to a combination of anxiety over requirements, procrastination, and an inability to focus until the day before (sometimes the morning of) the assignment's deadline. In high school I was so worried about being on time for school that I would wake up at least two hours before school even started so I could sit in my car outside school and just read before going inside. I constantly misplace things; my dad's favorite response to me when I asked him if he'd seen whatever it was I'd currently lost was, "You'd forget your own head if it wasn't already attached."
Anyway, I could go on, but I should probably get to the point. I should probably mention now what I am taking: 15 mg. immediate release Adderall (5 mg. three times per day) and 150 mg. Wellbutrin (since December 2004, for depression). I've also made some lifestyle changes: cooking my own meals with an ADD brain's diet in mind, exercising on a regular basis, following a regular sleep schedule, and seeing a psychologist at least twice a month (the same one, actually, from six years ago). The point is that my efforts to become well are not limited to some kind of "just take some medication and forget about it" perspective.
I also take liquid Zantac for acid reflux because one of my surgeries done when I was two stopped working this past March and I refuse to have another one done. Zantac is working perfectly fine.
To say that my boyfriend is skeptical about my diagnosis is an understatement. We've been together for over five years, two of which were in high school, so you'd think he would have picked up on some of the symptoms. But beyond that, he also believes that I will start abusing stimulant medications, simply because I take them everyday, and persists in making derogatory comments of this sort. It's like he thinks "addictive substance always automatically equals addiction" without considering the person at all. He also says, "How do you know that you have ADD and 'need' Adderall if it improves the concentration of anyone who takes it, not just people who have ADD?" and "You functioned just fine without it before." His latest comment was, "Do you like knowing you are now a better student than me because of a drug?" Sometimes he treats me like a potential drug addict, attributing every small bad mood to a sign of craving Adderall or going into withdrawal.
I know what he's saying isn't true, that Adderall does not just automatically improve anyone's concentration (especially not for people who have bipolar disorder!) or make anyone into a wonder student overnight, and that taking a potentially addictive substance does not always lead to abuse. I also was not functioning "just fine," although I had learned some pretty impressive coping techniques over the years. There are so many other factors involved that he doesn't see.
I know that he's had a bad experience or two with an old friend who was never officially diagnosed with ADD but still abused Adderall and other stimulants. He also used to smoke for a significant period of his life and smoke pot. But I still don't understand why he judges me in such a hurtful way. I've tried to explain ADD as a disorder to him, offered to send him Internet links or to let him borrow my books. I did the whole hands-flat-in-the-air comparison to illustrate the gap in abilities between the brain of someone who does have ADD and someone who doesn't have ADD, and then how treatment works as an equalizer. Nothing works.
I'm sorry to have written such a long post, especially for the first one, but I hope someone out there can offer some suggestions. How did you get the important people in your life to understand?
This is the first post I've ever made here, so please forgive me if I step on anyone's toes or commit some unwritten faux pas.
I'm 22 years old and in my 4th year of college, graduating in December 2008. With regards to medical background, I was born at 28 weeks with esophageal atresia and tracheoesopageal fistula, corrected shortly after birth; in the first ten years of my life, I had about 17 or so surgeries. I don't consciously remember any of them, except for maybe one or two that happened later. I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety when I was about 16 (later wrongly changed to a diagnosis of bipolar disorder by someone else). I got a diagnosis of inattentive type ADD just this past June/July. My brother was diagnosed with ADD as freshman in high school (6 years ago); my mom, at 47 years old, was also diagnosed at that time.
It amazes me that I've had it for so long without anyone wondering why I do or say certain things. (On a side note, it makes me sad, too, because I know I could have done a million times better in school if I had been under the proper treatment.) I remember dreading looking up words in the dictionary because I knew it would take me forever, distracted by all the other interesting-sounding words I happened to rest my eyes on along the way. During my secondary education and the beginning of my university education, I was consistently placed in honors or accelerated courses on the basis of test scores but then inevitably earned C's or D's due to a combination of anxiety over requirements, procrastination, and an inability to focus until the day before (sometimes the morning of) the assignment's deadline. In high school I was so worried about being on time for school that I would wake up at least two hours before school even started so I could sit in my car outside school and just read before going inside. I constantly misplace things; my dad's favorite response to me when I asked him if he'd seen whatever it was I'd currently lost was, "You'd forget your own head if it wasn't already attached."
Anyway, I could go on, but I should probably get to the point. I should probably mention now what I am taking: 15 mg. immediate release Adderall (5 mg. three times per day) and 150 mg. Wellbutrin (since December 2004, for depression). I've also made some lifestyle changes: cooking my own meals with an ADD brain's diet in mind, exercising on a regular basis, following a regular sleep schedule, and seeing a psychologist at least twice a month (the same one, actually, from six years ago). The point is that my efforts to become well are not limited to some kind of "just take some medication and forget about it" perspective.
I also take liquid Zantac for acid reflux because one of my surgeries done when I was two stopped working this past March and I refuse to have another one done. Zantac is working perfectly fine.
To say that my boyfriend is skeptical about my diagnosis is an understatement. We've been together for over five years, two of which were in high school, so you'd think he would have picked up on some of the symptoms. But beyond that, he also believes that I will start abusing stimulant medications, simply because I take them everyday, and persists in making derogatory comments of this sort. It's like he thinks "addictive substance always automatically equals addiction" without considering the person at all. He also says, "How do you know that you have ADD and 'need' Adderall if it improves the concentration of anyone who takes it, not just people who have ADD?" and "You functioned just fine without it before." His latest comment was, "Do you like knowing you are now a better student than me because of a drug?" Sometimes he treats me like a potential drug addict, attributing every small bad mood to a sign of craving Adderall or going into withdrawal.
I know what he's saying isn't true, that Adderall does not just automatically improve anyone's concentration (especially not for people who have bipolar disorder!) or make anyone into a wonder student overnight, and that taking a potentially addictive substance does not always lead to abuse. I also was not functioning "just fine," although I had learned some pretty impressive coping techniques over the years. There are so many other factors involved that he doesn't see.
I know that he's had a bad experience or two with an old friend who was never officially diagnosed with ADD but still abused Adderall and other stimulants. He also used to smoke for a significant period of his life and smoke pot. But I still don't understand why he judges me in such a hurtful way. I've tried to explain ADD as a disorder to him, offered to send him Internet links or to let him borrow my books. I did the whole hands-flat-in-the-air comparison to illustrate the gap in abilities between the brain of someone who does have ADD and someone who doesn't have ADD, and then how treatment works as an equalizer. Nothing works.
I'm sorry to have written such a long post, especially for the first one, but I hope someone out there can offer some suggestions. How did you get the important people in your life to understand?