View Full Version : remembering your child hood.


bumblebe
01-11-07, 06:38 AM
I remember so much from my child hood, so far this has helped me to understand my son who is now 9 years old.

I grew up in over 30 foster homes ( this is why I remember so much, we remember drama in our lives) I am 29 now. I feel safe for the first time in my life. I love my husband and my 9 year old son so much. But lately I have been trying to remember where or what was going on in my life when I was my sons age. 9. I was living in a foster home in Winslow Arizona. 1986. Not a good home.

I have been told by psychologists that I relate to my son in ways I was related to at his age. I dont know...I know It sounds weird but I was wondering if anyone has this same or at least similar situation. I don't have allot to go on as far as parenting goes, other than my own good heart and common sense.
I believe we go through trials in our lives for a reason, mine was definitely hard. I know now that abusive parents are not a child's fault. I did not know that then.

I want to go back and know what was going on when I was my sons age. Having no one in my family to ask. I am wondering if there is anyone here that knows how a person can retrieve documents of their childhood if they were a ward of the state.

I appreciate your time for reading this.

~boots~
01-11-07, 07:48 AM
BB, I hope you find what you are looking for
hugs and good luck :-) your son is lucky to have such a caring Mum

QueensU_girl
01-12-07, 11:09 AM
re: #1

Your son's age (9) reminding you of yourself at 9 y.o.

This is called "IDENTIFICATION".

For example... Let's say we were once poor, or discriminated against, or treated badly.

This might make us able to "identify with" the sad situation of someone, who, say IS HOMELESS. It can bring out the positive feeling of EMPATHY in us. (So we go on and help out at the charity; give someone a sandwich, etc.)


Identification can go the other way, though, too. It can trigger NEGATIVE feelings (including rage and anger) in us too.

For example, if another person reminds us of a time when we were small or weak, it can trigger anger in us, and we can treat them badly. Some people are really "triggered" by another's helplessness [as it reminds them of their own past helplessness], and it can make them feel mean. I think my own Step-Father hated us children for this reason. {He treats other people's kids awesomely.}

This is probably why people hate sex offenders so much. People can IDENTIFY with being taken advantage of, and it also makes them fearful.

Fat people are also hated. They may trigger things in others for deep, hidden and complicated reasons. (eg. one's inability to self-care can enrage others)

-------------------------------------------

We can certainly 'overidentify with people' [and situations] too.

This is not so good b/c our boundaries get skewed, and we do things for 'our own' reasons [like Co-dependency]; we could be overly generous and be taken advantage of.

We begin to "lose ourselves", as we hierarchize other's needs above our own.

--------------------------------------------

Example of Identification gone bad:


For example, consider the battered wife who excuses her husband's violence b/c 'he was an abused kid', etc.


Or if we take in homeless people, despite their complicated life problems which might affect us negatively, such as substance abuse, or other multiple serious life problems, then overidentification becomes a problem.

The idea is that it is okay to feel empathy and kindness, as long as we are not sacrificing our own needs and boundaries).


Next week's LESSON is about Transferences... ;)

Matt S.
01-12-07, 01:42 PM
Wonderful... no seriously I am not being nasty or sarcastic for once but PTSD is the other of my "major or severe" mental illnesses and when you realize certain things it seems as if you'd been in a parallel universe or something... PTSD can turn a person into some fear induced person. Being the former "ritalin kid" that I am and the fact that the "anti-psych" stereotypes about the "Adderall mom that neglects her child and doesn't teach him to behave" actually apply in my personal experience it has made it impossible to even seek help from mental health... kind of woke up recently when I realized that as an adult and impulsive comment isn't going to lead me to be snowed for an overgrown tantrum. My mother is a psychiatrist but a good adult psychiatrist not a good child one so years of Lithium and other "phase out " drugs and labelling bad behavior as "bipolar disorder" has made it hard now that I see what I am behaving like but I am doing it quite well. I just have to get over it somehow and manage it and accept the reality of being different rather than bad and I will be fine.
Thank you for the

bumblebe
01-15-07, 01:00 AM
Wow, Thanks for all the feed back, I definitely have some things to think about with all this new info. My brother says he tries to block out the bad stuff from our child hood. I think that may be why he has so many issues, Basically he has continued the cycle onto his children. He forgot how bad he was treated but at the same time has no new strategy to go on to be a better parent. He lost custody of his children just like our mother did us. I think its important not to let history repeat its self, to use it as a tool
Thanks again for reading and responding to my post.