I'm trying to inspire myself here to get help. I had ADHD my whole life along with a hyperactive thyroid disorder. I've never been officially diagnosed but I'm pretty text book as an adult who hasn't been treated for ADHD with the exception of many years where I seemed to somehow have control over it a lot better.

I was bullied really bad in school and made to feel really ashamed of myself and my symptoms. As an adult I learned to hide them and just made sure I never invited anyone over to my house so they wouldn't gasp at the mess.

During the year's I had control over it, I worked for the same company for 8 years. I started to lose control though when I got in a situation of workplace harassment. My concentration snapped and I haven't been able to hold down a job since. I think its time I got help but I've neglected so much the last 2 years that I feel really overwhelmed by my life.

I guess it might help me hear from the perspective of people with ADHD what it was like when you started to get treatment. What kind of changes and impacts did it have on your life?

Part of why I don't go right now for help is this feeling I just won't stick it through and it will be a waste of time. I'm so used to people being angry with me for having it that I guess if I go there and tell them all this stuff they will somehow blame me like all the other people in my life.

I started taking an interest more in certain aspects of my studies. You might find yourself reading a lot more, and exploring issues you previously never had much interest in, or did have an interest in but didn't have the attention for.

For me to really notice the medications effects, I'd have to engage myself in a stimulating activity such as doing work. The medication doesn't do the work for you, but once you get started on a task, its easier to stay with it.

Unfortunately sometimes it caused me to be nervous around people. And it still does have this effect somewhat.

At night, as the medication has worn off, I would sometimes feel sad.

Good luck in your treatment.

I don't wanna be sad :(

Reading though is something I've been having difficulty with though. As a kid I read quite a bit. Then as an adult when I had other pressures on me just never felt I had the time for it.

I was actually sad for a lot of other reasons (my day was filled with me trying to play catchup at school and I didn't have many friends).

It wont hurt to try out some different ADD medications. Just realize that there's no silver bullet, and there is no up without down.

. What kind of changes and impacts did it have on your lifegood :-) and bad..
good points..
*I don't wander off while customers are talking to me becasue I just can't stand there any longer
*no-one has said "Tracy, you are NOT listening"
*I am not a roster freak, because I remember most things
*I haven't forget to pick up my kids from school
*I can nearly sit through a movie
*I have learnt a lot of cool stuff in photoshop
*I have learnt some general knowledge
*I have made some great friends here :D
*I listen when I need to

bad
*I have forgotten how to act like a grown up, mature adult, who is quiet, and calm when I don't take meds, because I used to have to put 110% effort into it ALL the time, and it became like a personality obsession..now, I take meds 99% of the time, it doesn't come natural anymore..and I act like I would have if I hadn't put in all the effort to control myself before meds..now it comes a lot more naturally ..LOL..does that make sence??

I find the roster freak thing the most interesting. It causes me problems in the work place. I'm system obsessed. I have told people why but get the feeling the don't quite "get it".

I feel really guilty and ashamed about my poor memory. But can create all these systems that its just not required. I like creating these systems and they usually improve over all productivity for everyone because there's usually very little I can't tell them.

However, when I get in an environment that thinks my systems are a waste of time I get completley frustrated. My work performance drops and I start to feel ostracized by my co-workers.

I was even harassed by boss really bad because I couldn't give her on-the-spot answers. I had to refer to my systems. She accused me of trying to withhold information from her to make her life more difficult.

She couldn't get I just can't remember these things.

What's it like? Different.. As tracy above me mentioned, there are things now I can do that was absolutely never possible before. Reading without falling asleep comes to mind! *LOL* A lot of the ADD symptoms have more or less been dealt with, so now it's just a matter of fine tuning the medication.

I've also learned to recognize moments when I "screw up" (i.e. I mix up communication) or feel like crap because I've just had a whack of information thrown at me, as ADD moments. So it's putting a face to behaviours that in the past I normally would have taken the blame for.

I feel a lot of conflicting emotions in your post, so if you can get into see a therapist so you can sort them out. The thing with ADD is that you really do need a multiple team member approach to handle it. And understand that diagnosis doesn't bring an end to all the pain and hurt that's built up over the years.

One step at a time..

I feel really guilty and ashamed about my poor memory. But can create all these systems that its just not required. I like creating these systems and they usually improve over all productivity for everyone because there's usually very little I can't tell them.

However, when I get in an environment that thinks my systems are a waste of time I get completley frustrated. My work performance drops and I start to feel ostracized by my co-workers.

I was even harassed by boss really bad because I couldn't give her on-the-spot answers. I had to refer to my systems. She accused me of trying to withhold information from her to make her life more difficult.

She couldn't get I just can't remember these things.you are not alone! I have an absolutely TERRIBLE memory also!!! I wonder about myself sometimes. I am awful at trivia b/c of this :). I was hanging out with some friends the other night, & they were like, "remember when we did this?" & I was like, "no, I really don't....." they are used to it, but it is really frustrating sometimes. sorry to vent on your thread. just wanted you to know you're not alone. I wish I could offer some advice, but I am still trying to find meds myself to help w/the ADD stuff. but like michiko74 said, maybe try one step at a time. I am poor w/follow through myself, but if you can take some small steps (posting on this forum is one), maybe it won't be so overwhleming. I know it's hard, but don't blame yourself. these are symptoms like any other medical problem that can be treated & managed once you find the right doctor.

I find the roster freak thing the most interesting. It causes me problems in the work place. I'm system obsessed. I have told people why but get the feeling the don't quite "get it".

I feel really guilty and ashamed about my poor memory. But can create all these systems that its just not required. I like creating these systems and they usually improve over all productivity for everyone because there's usually very little I can't tell them.

.Pollie, I understand 100%..110% even :faint: I had to have a structured system for everything..no system meant chaos...I seemed to live my life around the rosters and systems, so I didn't look stupid..

Nowadays, the rosters are a small part of my routine...
good luck..

I was happy to officially find out. Before I knew, I just thought I was a person with no motivation, no goals. Now, I want to go to college, I want to make elaborate dinners (before I would mess up even mac N cheese, couldnt read instructions well), I feel weird not having a clean house. I have so much more energy and patience with my toddler son.

My only down side is that I think I am doing so fantastic that about every 3 months I'll quit taking my medicine. It's hard to realize that ADD isn't going away. It's aggervating that no one could figure this out for me as a kid b/c I was in honors it was unthought of.

What's this roster yall are talking about?

Roster == List hun ;)