The area I live in is extremely clickey. You really kind of have to fit in even to work. Many people are hired based on whether they like you and that you'll fit in with the personalities in their company as opposed to your job qualifications or ability to do the job well.

I can be very outgoing but have never been one to join a clique. I like keeping my social life and work separate. For the most part, I don't suffer from popularity problems in my social life. I have a small group of close friends but a large group of acquaintenances.

There is a type of woman who is my nemesis though in work and when I was in school. They tend to stick to traditional norms and follow the crowd. They try to make you into carbon copies of them and think they are helping.

In school and the workplace these women make my life hell. If they are in higher positions than me, they look down on me for being different.

I've very bright and very aware of many things most just aren't. I'm very competant and tend to excel at most anything I do. Yet, I've been harassed out of two organizations because I don't fit into the social group. I did some research and found that 60% of workplace harassment goes on by women against other women.

I find it doesn't take long for them to see my behavior and assume its because of things it isn't (mostly extremely negative things).

As I mentioned in another thread, I had one accuse me of "keeping things from her" because of my memory. I need to refer to the systems I have in place and can rarely give on-the-spot answers.

I don't feel it necessary to be friends with the people I work with. Its just not part of the equation in how well I do my job. But to some of these women it seems necessary to have social structure in the workplace and one which matches their own beliefs.

How do you deal with these women and show them you aren't their enemy? I don't want to be like them but it doesn't mean I dislike who they are. It's just not me. Yet they seem to get so offended that I don't just conform.

stiking to what you beliveing in is what matters polly

you allways find peps like that

dorm

Wow, Polly, that so sucks! It's like never-ending junior high!

I have no ideas; I have to admit I would just flee that sort of situation, rather than try to find a way to make it work. I guess what my daughter would do is go right up to the worst offender and call her on it to her face, and humiliate her; she's brilliant that way. So now you've got both ends of the spectrum from my corner of the world.
What a lousy situation.

(The following is only my opinion or views and in no way reflects reality as it may actualy be.... )

Well, Polly I may know what you feel like to an extent.

I have never been harrassed by other women to your degree. I do know how it feels to not fit in with the same.

I just don't get most women at all. I have found the best place I ever worked at was when I worked with mostly guys. I find it very hard to fit in with other females. And I have had the same experiances all my life.

My heart goes out to you because the last position I had at the place where i work was to a lesser degree than yours. (But I knew what I was getting into when I took that position - people called it the "hen house".) I do know that it can be very difficult to work in a clicky and possibly backstabbing environment. I just tuned the ladies out at work, but i was frustrated all the time. So I looked at the job transfers frequently and I do like where I am now, but it is with all women and I don't quite fit in still. It is exhausting to me when I try, I feel like fake and most likely come off that way.

I wish I knew how to fit in with other women. Sad but true, I used to cry in my room alot as a kid because of it. By high school I just said - who needs friends. I really do wish I was more like my sister and other women.

Have you thought about working at a place that is more laid back and has more men working there?

I do know how you feel Polly, I wish I could tell you that I've been in exactly the same situation to that degree, but I haven't per se. But I have been in situations that I honestly felt like no matter how much I try to fit in, I just can't seem to.

In response to one of the other members post about working with majority females, I do believe that females can be some of the most backstabbing and jealous people there are, especially when it comes to other females, I don't know why, we all have alot of the same struggles. It might be best if you try and see if you can work some where that has more males there.

I know that this is easier said than done, but it's worth a try, especifially if you feel that no matter how much you try and fit in, these women you work with aren't going to change. Unless there is someone there whom you can confide in and socialize with, it seems you could be out numbered. But I will say this, all you can do is hope for these women to except you for you. And not just the women you work with, but other people as well.

I had to realize this one day, and I said to myself, that people will just have to except me for who I am, because I'm pretty sure if it were them rather you, they would expect for people to accept them for who they are.
Once I realized that I am who I am, and didn't try so hard to fit in all the time, I believe that's when people wanted to be around me more, becasue they realized that I wasn't changing for them, and if they wanted the luxury of being my friend then that's the way it is. Because bottom line, you'll always be who you are and that's not going to change. It's better to be who you are as an individual than trying to live up to other's standards and being fake.

I'll pray that your job situation gets better and if not hopefully you'll be lead in the right direction for a different job, because you shouldn't have to go through what your going through everyday.