I am a 28 year old male. I recently met someone from Match.com (actually last Friday) Things went well and we spent nearly the whole weekend together and talk/chat at night and last night I went out with her sister and her cousin to a comedy club.

My trouble is that I am having negative feelings about the relationship right now. I really like her..she is very beautiful and very sweet. Sometimes I think I start to do this because I think things should be perfect from the beginning-being able to talk all the time without silence. Kissing, holding hands etc. I think abcense of those things means she doesn't like me. (she did give me a goodbye kiss last night thought). I think it honestly may be related to my ADD-sometimes I can be impatient. I don't want to mess this up. I think the feelings are not related to her but myself. Am I expecting everything to be too perfect too fast? Do sometimes things start out slower?

One other thing..
In past relationships I have ended up with friends or acquaintences that I had known for a while. Took some of the pressure off so things felt more natural. I think I have a harder time dealing with meeting someone totally new..this new girl is totally new

ENJOY!!

Gosh, I don't know what to tell ya there, Sweetie. I'm no relationship success, that's for sure - but I do have some years on ya (I'm 40). What I DO feel confident in sharing with you is that things work out THE BEST when you are kind and don't play little games, such as - I told her I'd call her . . . and I WANT to call her . . . but I don't want her TO KNOW that I want to call her . . . so I WON'T call her.

As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that THE RULE is that there ain't no rules when it comes to loving people. Of course, there are the "common sense" rules such as don't ABUSE another person for any reason . . . stuff like that. But I believe that anyone who follows some arbitrary rules OVER how they feel in there heart is really missing the boat.

Sue

P.S. How was the comedy club? I've always wanted to go to one.

P.S.S. I guess my advice would be to RELAX & HAVE FUN!!! That's what it's all about IMHO. I've spent way too long WORRYING about what the other person is thinking of me, etc. I did this to such an EXTREME that most/all of my relationships with men have been made up of MOSTLY unpleasant experiences. I was ALWAYS worrying about whether or not they really liked me that I can't say that I was often "relaxed" or "having fun." And THAT is a real shame! :(

:soapbox: DON'T DO WHAT I DID!!!

Are you taking the initiative when it comes to things like holding hands and kissing?

I hope you're not just paying for dinners and not getting any action.

You need to get alcohol in both of your systems, work on that.

Maybe she just wants to take things a bit slowly.

I am a 28 year old male. I recently met someone from Match.com (actually last Friday) Things went well and we spent nearly the whole weekend together and talk/chat at night and last night I went out with her sister and her cousin to a comedy club.

My trouble is that I am having negative feelings about the relationship right now. I really like her..she is very beautiful and very sweet. Sometimes I think I start to do this because I think things should be perfect from the beginning-being able to talk all the time without silence. Kissing, holding hands etc. I think abcense of those things means she doesn't like me. (she did give me a goodbye kiss last night thought). I think it honestly may be related to my ADD-sometimes I can be impatient. I don't want to mess this up. I think the feelings are not related to her but myself. Am I expecting everything to be too perfect too fast? Do sometimes things start out slower?

One other thing..
In past relationships I have ended up with friends or acquaintences that I had known for a while. Took some of the pressure off so things felt more natural. I think I have a harder time dealing with meeting someone totally new..this new girl is totally new
Man I just went through a situation like this JUST LAST WEEK! I mean I just got to the point where I feel better about things LAST NIGHT!

I'm going to respectfuly disagree with the alcohol comment.

I think it is your ADD. I just read in a book last night "Answers to Distraction" that it is common for men with ADD to build a barrier of negative thoughts around them, and it causes you to miss a female's subtle social cues. It also causes you to perceive something that is positive or neutral as NEGATIVE!

You are describing EXACTLY how I felt. If everything does not happen like I "expect" it should, I take it as a negative. I learned that my problem is the EXPECTATIONS! It's like I vividly daydream about things I want to happen, and then take it negatively when they don't. I also find that I say things that relate to these daydreams, and therefore they come out making no sense.. or in the case with me I'm talking about... OFFENSIVE!

Now also consider how that can mess up the whole relationship process. You take things that weren't negative as negative, and it causes you to behave accordingly. In my case it caused me to be "back off" and distance myself, and act somewhat stoic when we did hang out. That behavior then started to turn her off. It also made me start second guessing myself about everything. When I did want to be romantic, I couldn't show it... all I would do is freeze up because I was worried about the negative things that weren't there.

I am also like you in the sense of usually dating someone you were friends with first. Thats the trust thing. You were able to drop those negative defenses around that person... why? Because you had NO EXPECTATIONS!

Loose the expectations my friend. It's not a perfect world, and if you don't live in the moment, it's going to get away from you. I've learned that the hard way.