Just want input, support, insight, something.

Right now I am in serious contemplation mode for getting a full time job. Money's way tight, and I'm working 25 hours a week but it's not providing benefits, hubby's self-employed and it's been soooo tough. My intention was always to try to stay at home as much as humanly possible, but my daughter is now two and we just really pretty much NEED me to work full time.

Please tell me it's not impossible. I'm thinking of going into elementary education as a special ed. teacher, something I believe I would be good at and to maximize time in the afternoon/summer with my daughter. But the thought of being away from my daughter for that much time every week is so hard. On the other hand, there's a guilty part of me that recognizes that working in a structured environment is much less draining for me than being at home all day with a two year old. And the stress of money troubles is just wearing me down.

Anyone have experience transitioning? Any words of wisdom, thoughts, etc.?

For me, it's essential. I'd be a miserable flop as a stay-at-home Mom; meaning, I'd be a miserable flop AND I'd BE miserable while I was flopping.

June Cleaver, I'm not. If my contribution to the family were measured on housewifery alone, I'd be way into the red. I have a good career and I'm good at it, and that goes into the positives. If a man is good at his job he puts it in the "good father" column; women should be able to give themselves that sort of credit, too.

A man wouldn't have to justify or defend himself for not feeling totally fulfilled living at the mental level of a young child, but women feel that guilt at leaving the child they love; I think it's part of the wiring. And then we might feel guilty for enjoying work, rather than pining away for the child we left at daycare. And then, listening to feminist rhetoric, we get to feel guilty about feeling guilty about it!:soapbox:

But, yes, it's doable. I find I'm more productive and effective at home when I have the external scheduling of a job to work around. "Oh, let me load the dishwasher before I go to work, oh, and this, and this..." and I get a couple few things sorta kinda done, whereas if I were not under that pressure, they'd still be strewn around the house while I was lost in a good book, or Globe Trekker on the Travel Channel. But maybe that's just me.

I hope you find the routine that works for you, and wish you best of luck on the balance beam!:)

let me add the caveat that my job has flexibility I consider essential to my life, and I'm able to balance things out. I do wish I had more time with the family, I wish I could attend my son's Band Parent meetings, and I wish I had more time to just hang with the kids. But having the money to pay for the roof over their heads, and the shoes on their feet, well, that's a biggie, too.

I'm not good at reading word-for-word, so forgive me if I repeat something.

Being a mom is more than being at home all of the time.

I read somewhere where SOME moms are better moms bec. they DO work outside the home. Working moms appreciate every moment with their kids, since the time with them is not prolonged.

I know that being a s.a.h. mom for me was frustrating. I felt like I should've been Mrs. Cleaver or Mrs. Brady, but I wasn't.

My husband's aunt is a GREAT s.a.h. mom -- it's like either your made to be that way, or your not.

I just recently stopped feeling guilty about my need to be outside the home much of the day.

It does help ME that the girls are both in school this year.


Some of us are better moms, wives, etc. when we're given OUTSIDE responsibilities.

And, I believe that our types of moms treasure family time a bit more.
But that is ONLY my opinion based on my personal experiences and most moms I know who also work outside the home.

so glad to see some positive responses. i wil be divorced in about 7wks and need to find work. i have failed (miserably) at every job ive ever tried. and i really did TRY :(

god i hope i can make it work, some how, some way now that i have no choice. i still have no idea who will watch my kids:confused: so overwhelming.

Oh, melv, what a difficult time for you. Are you getting treatment for your ADHD? Do you have people around you who can help you? I'll be praying for you. Write back and let us know how you are!

hmmm ... yes although im not 100% compliant :rolleyes: , and no not really. well i guess a few but no one i can totally count on.

thank you i do appreciate that.

i think spending too much time online lately :(

Teaching would be perfect---full time job, benefits, and you would be done with work the same time your kids are done with school. Plus summers, holidays, etc. I have a 4 year old daughter and have worked as a preschool teacher since she was born. I've been lucky enough to be able to take her to work with me and even though it gets stressful--I'm her teacher this year--the hours and being able to spend time with her are worth it.

I have 3 boys. 15, 9, 8.

I stayed home with each of them for the first 2 years of thier lives, except my youngest and I went back to work when he was 1 yr.

There are good and bad sides to both. Because as I am sure someone above me has said. Stay at home mom's is a job. I call it my second unpaid job! LOL

For me I had to get back on my feet financially too. I just didn't do well not having outside contact, and it was too easy to become dependant on someone else to take care of me. Don't get me wrong, in relationships where both parties are healthy..it's okay. But in our case it wasn't.

So I went to work. The good points, I have been here 7 1/2 years, I became a supervisor, and most of the time I really like my job.
It has built my self-esteem and made me more secure financially. Perk I just bought my first home all by myself in July!
Plus, outside adult conversations, helped with my organization skills, and helped me learn to be even more responsible. Also it makes me appreciate every spare minute I get to be with my boys.

The bad side, is missing things like plays, class parties, or silly things they do when I am at work, they call me and tell me about it...
I also miss being able to make my own schedule,and having time to clean my house!

My kids did remarkably well in daycare, and in school. And it was hard sometimes, but I spend more "quality" time with them now, instead of "quantity".
I make sure I have time for me....and I try to have special days we do things as a family, and try once a month to take each of them on individual trips alone wiht me...like shopping or McDonalds..just so they get me all by themselves...
My kids are also very responsible for thier ages. They know how to cook simple things, clean, do their own laundry...I think these are good things for them.

So I guess you really just have to decide and do it.
Maybe start out part-time somewhere, that gives you the ability to build up hours?
That might be a good thing.

Good luck and let us know how you are ?

Hope

amiegrace,

I worked from the time my maternity leave was over. The good news in my case is that I quite a high powered career at that point, and we had lady who lived in for a while and then came every day. We had her for 5 years, and she was super reliable. My daughter loved her. And she cleaned my house, vacuumed every day, did laundry, dusted, dishes etc. It was like having my own housewife.

I think if you are not cut out to be a stay at home, the kids may be better off with someone who loves that (like my sitter). She was from Honduras, BTW.

It's a hard decision, but you can make it work. Best of luck sweetie! :)

Melv--I am so sorry about your situation! Please let us know, or start your own thread and get some ideas and support for what you are going through. Divorce sucks no other way around it. Maybe not as bad as being married in some cases. Well, in my case anyway. :(

I am a mom of 3 (5, 4, 2) and a full time PhD student. I figure that I'm providing a good model to my kids of what kind of effort it takes to get done what you really want to do. My program means 60 hour weeks and lots of time that I'm away from them when I want to be with them. I feel though that in the end I'll be able to be a better mom because of my accomplishments. Plus, b/c my program is 3 years, by the time they need me for more than putting their pants on, I'll be done. I've worked full time in a variety of formats since my oldest was about 6 months. It's great. keeps me sane and allows me to really appreciate the time I have with my family. I do suffer from major mommy guilt from time to time but I feel like I'm doing the right thing. Find an outlet for yourself. Remember to have fun and worry less about the chores and more about talking to your kids when your home.
Good Luck!

I stayed home with my first two children for 3.5 years. I was okay for a long time, but then a lot of things happened that cause my depressive episodes to become a constant thing. All I could think about while I was home was what a failure I was b/c of all that needed to be done. When I had my third child, I was already working and couldn't stay home. I had to keep my job. I keep busy and it allows me time to not think about what I am not getting done. At work I am getting things done and I am appreciated for what I do. For me that appreciation being express is good for me and helps to keep me from being as depressed. Before going back to work, I got so bad that I would change diapers, fix meals and then basically hide from my family and do nothing more. All I looked forward to was bedtime when I could sleep. I still get that sometimes now but I can appreciate the time with my kids more. A lot of that is meds that I have started but working helps my self esteem, I don't feel like a failure there.