My nephew by marriage has had a hard life. I'm in a new marriage 1.5 years and my 29 YO nephew lived with us for a few months after being kicked out by his mom and step-dad again, presumably for being lazy.
He was a blue baby due to cord wrapped around neck, I'm told. Grew up without a dad and when dad said he's see him he didn't show up which devastated child. His mother is bipolar and step-dad always treated him badly. I was the first to recognize that he might have a problem about a year ago after he moved in with his grandmom, her husband is also an *** but she tries to keep him in check.

Nephew has a hard time looking anyone in the eyes, I talked to him about it when he was living with us and he knew about it and could concentrate and look at me when I brought it to his attention. Somehow he slipped through and actually graduated from high school but couldn't pass the math test to get into the army, even after some intense tutoring. He's held some jobs, mainly at quick-stop gas stations and recently parking cars at a mall until he was let go after the holidays, which was good because he is finally going through the evaluation process and Social Security and is recieving food stamps which helps his grandma.

He's in the early stages of the evaluation process and I'm hearing 3rd hand: ADD, Autism and Bipolar. He acts like a 15 year old, but is extremely talented in teaching himself to play piano very well by ear and I got him a guitar for christmas that he loves. He wanted to be a DJ and his mom did buy him the turn tables a few years ago but it never went anywhere. I tried to encourage him to get a real job doing something and at one point he was hired by a local tire store but was let go after about a week.

His grandmother lives in San Jose and there a lot more job opportunities and mass transportation there for him. I think he took a community college nutrition course at one time and that's something he seems to be able to focus on. He is also an outstanding cook who makes his own marinades that are just wonderful on the barbecue. He always looks like he's on drugs and acts like it also but he did pass the drug test. I hear he used to be very popular with his cousins but is now ostrasized (?) by them for the most part. This diagnosis might bring more understanding and compassion from them.

My wife wasn't able to have children and she just about raised her nephew and his sister when they were young. She feels as though they are the closest thing she has to having her own and tries to help him as much as she can. His mom is worthless in my eyes as a mom and I refuse to have anything to do with her anymore, he doesn't really recognize this and defends her when he feels he has to. I've screwed up a couple times and said negative things about her in front of him which I probably shouldn't do. It does upset him, I know that better now, I thought he understood but looks at it differently than I do and I need to respect that.

Since this is all new, I'd appreciate comments. I think you all can help me help him and his family.

Thanks,
Rich

Rich, welcome to the site, i'm 27 years old and have aspergers. alot of the stuff you mentioned were very familar to my life. you may want to checkout the aspergers forum too. i also have anxiety disorder,ptsd, and somatization disorder along with the aspergers. i'm also on social security disability right now, i have to wait another 3 months before i get medicare, and i'm frieking out waiting... i have to wait a full 2 years to get medicare. right now i'm in the process of being on many low income houseing lists. and been waiting for over a year :0(. i'v been on food stamps in the past. does your nephew have a computer? i have to say the computer and high speed internet is probably in my opinion the best for him. make sure he gets his vitamins too, like omega 3, b vitamins, energy drinks such as monster can help alot and or gatorade which has pottassium too. if he has aspergers he most likely will be very picky about food. for me i hate vegetables and fruits (except grapes) and hate bananas which has pottassium, which i try to drink gatorade as a substatute.

You may want to talk to a Doctor about what it means to be a baby born with the "cord around the neck", and Anoxic brain injury, etc.

http://www.e-braininjury.com/Anoxic_Brain_Injury.html

Anoxia (starvation of the oxygen to the baby's Brain) in childbirth is a serious thing with lifetime implications.

I guess you might know that tissue that starves for oxygen will die.

And that this kind of brain damage can lead to "developmental disabilities" - a more muddy and nicer term for mental delay or 'retardation'. In French, 'je suis en retard' means literally "i am late". These kids are behind. (And not gonna catch up.) :(

Dead brain cells means impaired brain function.

Brains control everything from social skills, self care, movement of body parts (spasms, floppy body parts), violence, aggression, mood, anxiety, ability to work, ability to manage one's finances, verbal skills, visual abilities, learning abilities (long term memory), etc.
So much is controlled by the brain! This is why brain injuries can so globally affect one's life and quality of life.


To have a Sick Mother (with bipolar psychosis) who likely cannot appreciate the disability her son's brain injury creates, and a Cruel Stepfather (possible antisocial personality disorder?), in addition to this birth injury, is a terrible thing.

http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/DS/00829.html

Being raised by, and exposed to, incompetent and/or damaging parents means that he is at risk for more mental disorders, too. (see article)

http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract;jsessionid=7566C90864531CC3CCF0A1B 6387A91C6.tomcat1?fromPage=online&aid=355439



It's probably amazing that the man has done as well as he has in life.

It is good that he has you to know about the circumstances of his birth, and share this history with people who are trying to understand how he "presents" and learn about his struggles in functioning.

Is he on a mental health care team? Some folks are visited daily by a nurse at their homes.

e.g. ACT Team

I just reread your post.

The look of "being stunned" can be a brain injury thing. It can also be related to developmental issues.

richbis welcome to ADDforums......