Hi all,

Need some advice, from the only people I feel can completely understand my 'frame of mind' when it comes to this.

Fiance and I are having a serious argument at the moment. Basically, I don't listen to him is the gist of it. The problem is...I DO listen to him, but getting him to understand that listening is genetically just not my best skill is apparently not happening. To add insult to injury, one favorite 'tactic' of his is to ask me to repeat what he's said. Well, I do my best, because verbatim, I am screwed, but I guess I tend to 'summarize' in a way he doesn't feel is 'positive.' Whatever the case, I am continually accused of 'not listening/hearing him.' My case in point is that I listen as well as my brain will let me.

But, I hate having to remind him that 'BTW...you realize this is one of the prizes in the box of cracker jacks that comes with ADHD?' That the same short train of thought that makes me a blast at parties is also the same short train of thought that makes listening and regurgitating verbatim extremely difficult? And I am gathering that he feels my reiterating a problem with ADHD is an exuse or smokescreen. And I have absolutely NO idea how to deal with this, and am now wondering if, due to my 'listening' problems, if we aren't better off finding someone else. (Been together three years, DX'd in Sept, 06).

Any insight those who find this a problem similar with them is greatly appreciated.

Yeah I can relate.
When I was with my SO, we would always argue that BOTH of us don't listen to one another. He would acuse me more often because, towards the last part of our relationship I have to admit it was true.

But before that my brain goes in so many different directions that I find it hard to remember things when asked about what was said even a moment ago, especially if I feel under pressure.

I don't know if you should end your relationship over it, I mean is there more going on here than this? Anyways, he needs to understand you and how you mind works, if it is too much for him maybe he needs too move on. But who knows, you think you can work things out??

Thanks for the insight.

I am not sure. This week, we will have been together three years, and I've only been DX'd for 6 months. I became far more symptomatic when I quit smoking, and unknowingly stopped self-medicating. So it's been weird adjusting to that 'why do I feel so much crazier since I quit/Oh, I have ADD/How the heck do I make this work' on my own, let alone with a partner who is predisposed, alot of times, to try and 'fix' things, rather than from a perspective of joint/mutual coming-to-agreement.

I guess I just don't want to fall into the trap of blaming all my shortcomings on ADHD, but at the same time, I kind of expect/hope that those closest to me understand what I am working with and that some things I am just not as well equipped to do...like recall conversations from 5 minutes ago! lol