Hi people,
January 2nd I was told I have ADD and am bi-polar. I wanted to join this list right away to talk to someone. I haven't been in to get my scrips so I'm not on anything yet, I'm actually patiently waiting for my husband to come around to the idea that I have ADD. My doc wants me to bring him in too to tell us both about it and that costs $200 (no ins. either)and husb is not too keen on things he deems a "want" . I have yet to convince him it is a "need".

This is hard cus I also have doubt about the ADD, which doesn't aid in any convincing of said husb. My doc also says that ADDpeople who are in relationships are usually in controlling relationships and that after they are on ADD meds they don't want to stay with their partner. Because they no longer need the 'aid' of the controlling person. is this true? We've been married almost 12 years with 2 boys. This freaks me out.
It is so good to read peoples posts out here.
Thank you.
J.J.

Hi J.J.!

I think your doctor is generalizing too much. What he says might be true for some relationships, but certainly not for all.

I agree with ClearConfusion-- your doc is generalizing. Also, I wouldn't trust yourself so little as to think once you get treatment for your ADD you will change and will not belong in your marriage anymore. Even on medication you will still be you.

If you were already having major problems in your marriage, well, you might be a little more motivated to do something about them (and it needn't be leaving-- there are lots of ways to deal with marriage troubles). But if you're happily married and the acceptance of ADD by your husband is just one of the hurdles of a normal relationship, don't let what your doctor said worry you.

Try to get a book or article that describes symptoms you have dealt with. When he sees how well it describes you, it might help. My husband is reading "Delivered from Distraction" right now and it's helpinghim understand a lot of things.

BTW, if your husband has stuck by you for 12 years that says a lot. I hope it works out well for you guys.

funnily enough, my best friend said when I told her " OMG..if you take those meds, you will be on planet earth, and realize how annoying your husband actually is..and he needs them too!!"

which BTW was true :-(

I have been with my husband for seven years and known about having adhd for three and I feel that it has made us stronger. When I am having my really bad days he can honestly understand and does not get offensive. But everyone here is right everyone and every situation is different, and doctors do like to generalize.

My doc says that ADDpeople who are in relationships are usually in controlling relationships and that after they are on ADD meds they don't want to stay with their partner.
OMG! I guess I missed that in the DSM-IV criteria for diagnosis for bipolar / ADHD. Ignore that comment completely. Please! (What a bonehead!)

Anyway, Welcome!!! :p

I would start on the meds first, and play it by ear. I would not spend $200 for a trip to the doctor with a Doctor who believes you will have to be divorced as a result of your diagnosis, and for a husband who has to "come around to the idea." Mainly because of the cost, but also because they probably won't see eye to eye now or maybe ever.

I hope you are not waiting to start meds until your husband accepts the diagnosis. What are your main symptoms, problem areas?

You should be able to get samples to start with, and the bipolar should be treated 1st. Lamictal is popular with the bipolar people on this forum. You should be able to get one or more starter packs from your doctor for the first month or 2. And be sure to talk directly to the drug manufacturer to get help with the cost of meds.

Anyone who has experience dealing with getting low cost prescriptions feel free to chime in. I have a low paying job, but at least I do have medical insurance. :o

Good luck, sweetie! Keep us posted! :D

Hi,
Thanks to Jeanie bug, Kruegma, tracyhaddb, Miriam, and clearconfusion, for all the warm welcomes and good advice and e-mails! I didn't get a chance to check e-mail for 2 days so I'm sorry if it looked like I dropped off the planet or didn't appreciate the posts. I think I do need to educate my self more. I will go and see if I can pick up "Delivered by Distraction" at the library... I'm taking baby steps through all this. I've been a health nut most of my life (except for the seven years I smoked) :) but seriously, the idea of taking these meds for the rest of my life is depressing. In answer to some of the above questions, no my marriage is strong and I've learnt to change gears slowly so that getting what I need ends up being something we both want. I am wearing my "patient" hat right now.
I realy like the doc I have I just think I need a while for it all to sink in and accept it all. I do plan to get on the meds.
I had this wierd outburst with my husb right after my first post here actually. I had been trying to write it and then he turned the TV on in the office and then I moved to the next room and then he was done working so he came in the living room andturned on the tv to I had to move to the office and then he comes and starts talking to me about things that really can wait and all I want to do is finish just one sentence with out being interruped. and I try to leave the room and he gets upset and then I feel this wierd choking feeling like I can't breathe and I need to leave. It's like an emotional thing that turned to a physical sensation. And I think to my self how would this have been different on meds?
As for my symptoms: disorganized, forgetful, piles and piles of papers that I don't know what to do with, only interested in what I'm interested in everything else I can't focus on. The list is lengthy and I shan't bother you with it all right now. :)
Thanks for listening.
Ciao,
J.J.

Hi J.J.,

I, too, am recently diagnosed. My poor DH has been through a bunch of (mis)diagnoses with me over the past 11 years, so takes them all (including my ADHD dx) with a large grain of salt.

But! I gave him a copy of "Women with Attention Deficit Disorder" by Sari Seldon and he said "Oh my G*d! This is YOU!"

I highly recommend the book.

Best wishes,
mom23

Hi people,January 2nd I was told I have ADD and am bi-polar. I wanted to join this list right away to talk to someone. I haven't been in to get my scrips so I'm not on anything yet, I'm actually patiently waiting for my husband to come around to the idea that I have ADD. My doc wants me to bring him in too to tell us both about it and that costs $200 (no ins. either)and husb is not too keen on things he deems a "want" . I have yet to convince him it is a "need".

I wouldn't wait on hubby to "come around." For a number of reasons, but 1 of them being it sounds like he doesn't want to which means he may never "come around." And I'm not sure exactly why your dr wants to charge you $ 200.00 when you have no insurance...unless the dr believes that you have the means to be able to afford this out of pocket. Do you mind my asking what type of Dr is he ? And what exactly is he going to tell you both about ?

This is hard cus I also have doubt about the ADD, which doesn't aid in any convincing of said husb. My doc also says that ADDpeople who are in relationships are usually in controlling relationships and that after they are on ADD meds they don't want to stay with their partner. Because they no longer need the 'aid' of the controlling person. is this true? We've been married almost 12 years with 2 boys. This freaks me out. J.J.
Can you share why it is that you doubt that you have ADD ? I mean to be Honest here....if you doubt that you have it then that does kinda explain why hubby might doubt it & see the meds as a "need." Is it that you really doubt that you have ADD or is it that you so fear things that you may have heard & things like what your dr said about people with ADD & Relationships that by doubting the ADD you believe that you are avoiding the things that you fear like what you dr said, ect ? By the way, about what your dr said....it is true in some relationships But, Not In All Relationships. Just as it is True about Relationships breaking up where there is no ADD. The main thing in what your dr said is that when someone is in a controlling relationship & they realize it & finally accept it & then find the courage/strength/ect to break away from it, then they do break away from their partner....but this happens everyday to people that do not have ADD or take the same type of meds. Does you dr have a reason(s) to believe that this is the type of relationship that you are in with your hubby ? Does you hubby have a history of any type of substance abuse? If he does that might explain the dr wanting to talk to both of you.....since some of the meds that work for some people with ADD are Schedule II meds. It is also posssible that, depending on how well your dr knows hubby, he might think that he also has ADD. Which is not all that rare. And it would be by talking to him & asking him about his family history, ect that might shead light on that.

What you said " but seriously, the idea of taking these meds for the rest of my life is depressing" really kinda surprised me & this is just me. Because before I was Officially dx, I knew that I had ADD & it had been misdiagnoised my entire life ( 3 of my 6 kids also have it, they're all grown now) and the thought of living the rest of my life like I had been living it up until then, I was 45, was something that I literally could not do. So for me personally Not taking the right medication was so depressing.... that I had told my hubby I would not & could not live my life like I had been...the struggles were just more than I could bear any longer & they were getting more difficult. Fortunately for me I was able to get in & see the Specialist that was treating the 3 kids I have with ADD because they said since it was genetic that this dr treated the whole family & I wouldn't be considered a New Patient. And by the way...my hubby had been dx with ADD when he was a child but hasn't take any meds for it since he was a kid. He got back on them shortly after I started on the meds & the difference in him was like night & day. And I mean that in a Great Way...but unfortunately by then the marriage had been over for quite a while.

J.J. Please don't misundertand anything that I've said as any type of judgement and/or assumption because I Assure You that has not been my intent.

Please let us know how you are doing & how things are coming along.

BlessedLady

You should be able to get samples to start with And be sure to talk directly to the drug manufacturer to get help with the cost of meds.
It will depend on the type of meds that her dr gives her. They don't give out samples of Schedule II meds.

And the Patient Assistance Programs that the Manufacturers have are based on not having any Insurance & Income. Some of them also consider Expenses, like if you have alot of medical bills or other bills that are higher than usual for reasons that are beyond your control.

BlessedLady

Trace,
Thanks again, for making me laugh so loudly at work- that my nosy 'coworker' in the next office, had to 'know' what my commotion was about.:D

But..it's time for me to leave here, anyways.:p

Girlfriend..you are so hilarious !!!


funnily enough, my best friend said when I told her " OMG..if you take those meds, you will be on planet earth, and realize how annoying your husband actually is..and he needs them too!!"

which BTW was true :-(