After having the same argument with my wife for the 1000th time. I finally decided to turn to the web for some research and after reading a little about ADD it seems as if my wife has some very similar traits.

The argument that we always get in is about the cleanliness of our house. I used to be a very lazy and messy person (years ago, before I met my wife), and one day I decided that I could no longer live like that and started to change my habits. I refuse to let loose paper, magazines, trash, bills, etc. pile up. Whenever I take something out of it's place I return it when I am done. I spend 10 minutes every evening before I go to bed and 10 minutes every morning before I leave the house picking up things that I am not yet done with, but have to finish later because I am going to sleep or leaving for work.

That is not to say that I'm always on top of all of my chores. I tend to knock out household chores once a month (like changing light-blubs, hanging pictures, weeding the garden) - sometimes it takes me longer. However when I start them I finish them - I will not start another chore until one is finished.

My wife is not like this at all. She will start three or four chores and take forever to finish them, meanwhile all of the supplies needed to finish will lay on tables, or floors, or wherever. She rarely will put papers, magazines, bills, etc. away. She does not hang up towels when she is done, she never organizes her office or closet.

I have tried in the past to assist her with this, by picking up after her, however this infuriates her. She claims that I simply moving things out of sight and that I am not really cleaning up.

So I started to ask her before I picked her stuff up. However, her answer is always the same, that I shouldn't do it, she will get to it. But she never does.

Anyway, I can't live like this. I can't continue to live in clutter, especially since years ago I promised myself that I would never live like that again. There were definite signs before we got married, but I don't think I realized how important it was to me. I don't know what to do, but feel like she may need to consult someone about ADD.

My question is - are messiness, procrastination and controlling behaviour strong traits of ADD, or could it just be that we are different people. I don't believe for a second that 30 minutes searching the web would give me "the answer" that she has ADD, however if these signs are significant in a large number of ADD adults then I would feel on stronger ground bringing this to her attention.

Thanks.

Welcome Formula,
There definately is a chance your wife has ADD. I would suggest looking at the Amen ADD site. You can take a test to see if this is a possiblilty. Both you and her should take it evaluating her. This gave me the second clue that I had ADD.
Do you have ADD? Or do you just think it was her?
Good Luck,
Biking

ADD, Not as far as I know...I diagnosed mildly dyslexic when I was young, but fortunatley had resources available to help me compenstate. I believe that contributed to my disorganization.

Thanks for the reply.

Yes, organization is big issue for many people with ADD (myself included). It's not that we can't organize but we needs to find ways of doing it that work for us. It's great that you have found a system bit it's one that probably doesn't work for your wife.

The good news is that there is help for you and your wife. There are some great books about AD/HD. There's one called "ADD Friendly Way to Organize your Life". Many people have also found medicatio helpful. ADD Coaches and Professional Organizers are great resources too.

What got me hooked on organizing (that is, what made me feel I wasn't a lost cause) is Julie Morgenstern's book Organizing from the inside out. Although she almost never even mentions ADD, I think her approach is very ADD friendly.

I also think her approach and principles (i.e. elaborating on what IS working, trying figure out the principles behind that) would make it a good book for reading and working from together with your wife. It would encourage you to discuss and lay the foundation for a joint decision on what principles you want to decide on and what strategies to try to keep them. After all, even though she's a lot messier than you, she shouldn't have to do ALL the adjusting... ;) Working with Morgenstern's book together might make her feel more in control of the rules-making (an important thing for some ADDers, like me...), and me it easier for her to follow the rules set up.

I have a big problem organizing things too. When it comes to organization, I will get a lot of obssessive thoughts in my head. I will worry about other things excessively and get stucked in a state where I cant think or shift my attention. Sometimes I can get stuck in such a mental "block" for 30 mins and still not get pass it! That is why I have gotten fed up with organizing things somehow. Yup btw I have OCD.

Hmmm there are 6 types of ADD, OCD + classic inattentiveness + daydreaming etc = ADD type 4 ... overfocused ADD...