Firstly, let me address the fact that ADDers do tend to be highly empathetic and often (but not always) good with people.

The reasons for this are many. Persons with ADD are often VERY emotionally sensitive, but also particularly sensitive to sensory stimulus. This is because we have significant problems regulating and modulating our own emotions. We also lack the ability to effectively filter incoming stimuli. This includes emotional cues from other people. It's not that people without ADD can't or don't pick up on these cues. It's that most people who don't have ADD filter out extraneous information before they even become consciously aware of it. ADDers often don't have this luxury.

The upside is we can and often do pick up on and become aware of (even if we aren't sure how we're aware of it) cues from other people they may not even be conscious they are putting out. The down side is, that not only is such stimuli often overwhelming, but we don't handle many of the other executive functions necessary for solid social intelligence well at all. So we will often be distracted or hyperfocused on something entirely inappropriate when we should be focussed on the person we're interacting with.

I am so happy to read this post of yours. It so amazing to hear/read this from someone else!!!

Its so great to actually be reading this instead of just thinking Im crazy all the time, or being overly paranoid/imaginative?

".....lack the ability to effectively filter incoming stimuli. This includes emotional cues from other people. It's not that people without ADD can't or don't pick up on these cues. It's that most people who don't have ADD filter out extraneous information before they even become consciously aware of it.."

I could almost cry after reading that! :faint: I have had this problem since I was VERY young. I would say since 5yrs old. I remember being abnormally aware of what people were thinking and feeling in regards to how I, or other people would interact. I can remember that at a very young age, I WAS exhausted trying from all this input I kept receiving. I became afraid and worried about anything I would say or do with other people, hyperfocusing on their responses.
Eventually it became too much, and I began to feel like I was crazy (at about age 7 ) and forced myself to push these over sensitive "assumptions" deep down inside me so I could ignore them. They were overwhelming!

To this day there are "cues" that I am constantly picking up from people's behaviour. Some cues I cant describe... they are more of an awareness of something in that person... how they are feeling maybe.. what they think.


I was able to crush these thoughts down about 60% of the time growing up, but, then I began to experiment with recreational drugs.. smoking pot daily brought these feelings back in full force, and I was forced to quit for the amount of discomfort I was feeling.



Today I still fight with this..... fight with the idea of how much am I "REALLY" picking up from others?

How much of it is False? Self doubt is always present.

How can I tell if I am right or not? Sometimes I feel like I am crazy! :eek:

I have learned to redirect my husband. When talking to him I tell him "turn off the monitor. Now look at me...."

Since I know he can't take the cues I have to spell things out for him. It does get frustrating at times because I would like him to just "get" things.

I understand he doesn't though.

The big issue with knowing whether you're picking up on "REAL" cues from someone else is how much of it is projection (projecting what you're feeling on to them) and how much is real.

It may comfort you to know that humans are particularly well adapted to 'synch up' with other people. If your mood changes with those around you, and to one degree or another we all do this, you are picking up on them.

I often avoid people that are consistently in bad moods because I can shut it out and it puts me in one too.

It's not unusual to not be able to put your finger on what it is you're 'picking up on'. It's the amygdala and the limbic system that are doing most of the leg work in scanning for and registering these cues and it happens substantially faster than our cognitive functions. ADDers are simply more aware of it because we have rather intense emotional responses and as I said before we aren't terribly good at filtering out stuff.

Stugglies wife,

My ex would often marvel that she would sometimes have to prompt me to even keep me in the moment, and other times I was three steps ahead of the game. It was particular hard on her when I was reading. I'd get so into whatever it was that she had to literally shake me to 'snap me out of it'.

When our interest is captured we focus better than most. The problem is people don't generally pick their interests. Their interests pick them.