I don't know if anyone else experiences this or not or have in the past, but I will feel highly embarrassed when I make mistakes. It can be big mistakes or little mistakes. I feel as if I'm always being judged by other people or something, even if I've never met them before in my life.

I read that ADHD people can have alot of negative self talk about themselves, and I was just wondering if this is normal or am I just being paranoid. It really bothers me because I can be at the store and if I accidently pushed my cart into someone else's I will feel like I really messed up, even if they didn't think anything about it.I will walk off and think to myself I am such a clumsy person.
I've had alot of this, even when I was a kid, I still have alot of times of myself being very judgemental of myself as an adult.

I feel that when I even go out, no matter where it is, people may look at me and not even think anything negative, and I'll say to myself, "they probably don't like what I have on or they probably don't think I deserve to be at the particular place I'm at". It's alot of negative self talk, but it bothers me to a point that I really at times don't want to leave the house. I'll go home and really think about how others have felt about me and just feel bad, even though that wasn't on there mind at all.

Feeling this way has just wrecked havoc on my life and even when I try to explain this to people, even one of my Doctors, they'll say, "why do you care how people feel about you and don't let it get to you", well the thing is I can't seem to shut it off. Like, if I think someone doesn't like me or something, instead of me not thinking about it and saying to myself who cares what they think, I'll just keeep thinking about it and thinking about until it drives me nuts, and the thoughts just keep coming.

I really don't know what to do, but does anyone know what I can do to help this or is there someone I can talk to, to try and think differently of myself!Maybe a counselor or social worker or a therapist and if so what kind exactly?

Yolanda

It's easy for someone to tell you not to worry about how you feel. Your emotions and fears are real to you. A sense of humour helps and perhaps when you hit someone elses trolley or bump into the displays you can find something else to blame eg 'this trolley has a mind of its own.' I have felt like this too ...but really I don't think anyone else really notices much especially if you go to big stores where you are anonymous..hope this helps. You could actually try to make this a positive ADD trait...I will leave how and why you can do this up to you..psss. I met my partner because i butted into a conversation when I overheard him asking for directions.

Yolanda.

I know exactly what you are talking about and I suffered and still do throughtout my life. There are plenty of books out there that are suppose to help raise your self esteme, discover your strengths, etc etc... but they dont seem to fix the root of the problem.

I am not sure what the root is.. but I know that feeling this way (exactly how u describe yourself) will not go away on its own. Its hard, but, the more you allow yourself to believe these negative things.. the harder they will to get rid of.


I am not cured in any way.. not even close to it.. but, I have learned to allow myself as many days as possible free from (or temporary relief) these negative and destructive worries.


I make sure to enhance my appearance before I leave the house, on the very negative days, I wear something slightly more attractive, or perfect my hair.. or makeup just a bit more to help give me that extra "feel good" boost that I need to get my butt out the door with my head up. I make sure to AVOID certain things that may affect my mood or bring me down such as... not wearing large or baggy clothes.. these seem to make me feel baggy, large, bummy.. so I avoid them. Little pick you ups here and there.. can really help.


I also had huge issues concerning how I felt I was viewed by other people, and I believe that ADD'ers tend to hyperfocus a little too much in a.. (not trying to offend anyone....) self involved way. So we may hyperfocus on ourselves, when really.. we are only about as noticed as a anyone.. but I think we internalize things to an extreme that most people dont.


You need to remember that you are living YOUR life.. and we only get ONE life (not talkign about reincarnation and all that) Ask yourself.. if one stranger in a store that you will likely NEVER see again in YOUR life matters ENOUGH to influence how you feel and live in YOUR LIFE. I began to realize this and you will / should too....because these people really, really dont matter. The day you begin to allow yourself to LIVE YOUR LIFE is the day you will see what its like to LIVE.



Anything really is possible!

Good Luck, I know its hard, but, you have to try. Like some philosopher said... (i forget his name) ..........



If you had to be born again and re live your entire life over with all its faults, weaknesses, etc...
Would u be happy?
Would you have regret?

Fight back at the voice?

Depression puts us in negative thought mode. If you can't fight back by yourself, the right meds and therapy can help you reprogram your self-talk.

Hey Yolanda,

GREAT TOPIC!! You're so insightful. My therapist has been talking about this to me these past few months, but I thought I was already OVER IT already. These things don't consciously bother me anymore, but my therapist seems to think that I have alot of negative self-talk or excessive concern/worry over not being liked or criticized. ??????

She also has suggested that I have Avoidant Personality Disorder??? I'm 40, and have NEVER heard that one before. And I must say, that only RECENTLY is it that I've "avoided" lots of activites. I have recently been ILL - and so I don't feel my usual "friendly and energetic" self! (oops, I'm off topic)

Anyway - I believe this is a common struggle for people. One saying that helped me came from a friend of mine in Al-Anon, "It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS what other people think of me!" I thought that was funny, AND - for some reason - it was very effective for me.

ALSO - after the exhaustion I've experienced from having children, I no longer have as much ENERGY to be wondering what other people might be thinking about me. I DO still struggle with it, but to a MUCH lesser degree since having kids (and being a single mom).

Wish I had something more helpful for you. Really. But thanks for all the great topics!

Sue

Yolanda, I know exactly what you are talking about.
I have struggled with this my entire life.

The best thing I've ever found to help is a book titled "What to say when you talk to yourself".

The first time I read the book was before I was dx'd with ADD or had any idea there were meds to help me. I used the methods from the book to help get myself motivated and get over all of the "let downs" that sometimes seem to happen daily.

Like, if I think someone doesn't like me or something, instead of me not thinking about it and saying to myself who cares what they think, I'll just keeep thinking about it and thinking about until it drives me nuts, and the thoughts just keep coming.

I have two things to say about that statement. The first is that it is wonderful that you are at least AWARE and mindful of what is happening here. You recognize what it is you are doing, but also you recognize what you COULD be doing, alternatives that you have. So, you are in a great position to actually begin changing this horrible bad habit.

The second thing I want to say is to ask yourself why you continue on thinking in the negative self-destructive way when you know the alternatives? Hmmm, that was harder to word than I realized. In other words, like you said, you could not think about and say to yourself who cares what they think. Yet you don't! I think that is key here. There is some reason you continue on in the way you do. And that is where therapy comes in. It can help you discover that reason and work to change your beliefs. Compared to changing beliefs, changing thoughts is a piece of cake. You can say, until you're blue in the face, "It doesn't matter what they think," but it's not going to make a difference as long as, conscious or not, you BELIEVE that it does matter what they think. You want to work towards changing your beliefs and thoughts. Cognitive therapy is exactly what you are looking for. Most therapists use this kind of therapy, so it won't be hard to find a qualifying therapist for your situation. And, yes, I do recommend a therapist, as opposed to a counselor or social worker. Well, I should reword that. I recommend a PSYCHOLOGIST, as opposed to a counselor or social worker. They can all be called therapists, but psychologists have the most education under their belts. They have a Ph.D. in psychology, whereas other therapists have, at most, a master's in social work, I believe. Psychologists know as much about mental illnesses and the workings of the mind as do psychiatrists; they just can't prescribe medications like psychiatrists can.

I'm actually in the midst of reading a book my therapist loaned me called, "Compassion and Self-Hate," as she noticed that I have a lot of self-hate and self-destructive thinking, habits, and beliefs, that I need to work on changing.

I hope I've helped some. Good luck with this endeavor!

Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy (CBT) or Rational-Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) is what I recommend looking into.

Hi Yolanda,

I know what you mean about negative self-talk, and it really is destructive. I would suggest having a look at books by Louise Hay, one of the pioneers in the use of positive self-talk. You can also listen to free radio shows from her company, Hay House, at www.hayhouse.com (http://www.hayhouse.com). There's a lot of interesting stuff on the site, including talks by health experts particularly about ADD - check out Mona Lisa Schutz's and Eve Wood's shows - they're both medical doctros who also look at the psychological side of "disorders."

Best wishes to you.
Kyla:)

Whenever I catch myself thinking like that, and I probably miss more thoughts than I catch, I try to tell myself I can't afford the luxury of a negative thought. Try looking at your mental processes as if they're finite resources. It's a complete waste, like plugging a parking meter afterhours. Unless you live somewhere where you have to pay for parking at 3 a.m.