I was wondering.......

If there are many of you...that once you were dx with ADD or whatever, and got yourself situated...therapy , meds etc...

Did you find that you just couldn't stay in your old relationship anymore?

I have been in a relationship for 13 years, have 2 kids....and I have ended it.

It's never been a healthy relationship for either of us. Unfortuantely , once I found medication that worked and my life finally came together I found I just couldn't handle it anymore. Not because of the meds, but because he won't get help ( he needs meds as well and has addiction/ depression issues as well)
And after many long talks, fights...etc...I finally just said it's enough.
My first responsibiltiy is to make sure I am healthy and my head is on straight, and of course provide a stable healthy enviroment for my 3 boys. .....
And I just woke up after a "continual pattern" reoccured...and just said this is it. And meant it. Now he is preparing to leave within the next 2 weeks to move out of state with his sister.

I am sad because we love each other very much...but we just can't live together in the same house...and he refuses to deal with any of his issues....even though he has commented on how much better I am doing and how much better I am dealing with things...he refuses to attempt to do that for himself. And I am done waiting.......
And I am relieved it will finally be done. Hard to be torn right down the middle.
But everytime I think about it, I feel more relieved than I do sad.....


I really am just curious.how often does this seem to occur in relation to someone getting "healthy"???

Would love some feed back and some of your own stories.

Hey Hope,

My situation was I was feeling depressed over the passed year, and turns out I am pretty sure I have ADHD. My SO suggested I go on meds, I was irriatable, unmotivated and unhappy. So I said yes, I will go and get on a an antidepressant.

Funny thing is, I was never really happy with him since years, but despite the fact of councelling and my Celexa, I still ended it.

Turns out that yes, I needed medication to get out of the depression, but it didn't heal the relationship. If anything it helped me open up my eyes. I didn't need a bandaid for my relationship, that I was using for years, I needed a change. So I left.

I feel happy now, and I am moving on. More of a relief. I feel like there is a brighter/happier me beginning to appear.:)

Good thread BTW.;)

Thanks A.....Perhaps you and I can stay in touch....and ride it out?

I'll PM you ....glad you shared!

Justhope.

It sounds like you did the right things, ironically my ex left me after I just started to get help (I went to a naturopath) and I was also thinking of ending the relationship (he beat me to it) as I was unhappy and no matter how much medication I was on, it wasn't going to change the situation between me and my ex.

I'm glad you're happier now and I hope you find someone who'll eventually make you happy.

Selena

Hi
I posted another thread-called when do you throw in the towel. My ex got diagnosed and retreated into himself and left me. Sadly, I have become depressed since that (almost 3 months)(I have started coundelling-thinking about meds)However, the foundation we had was good-I really believed we loved each other-hyperfoucs or not--- but there was a severe communciation breakdown (he just left) so its over. Unhealthy relationships are never good,but courtesy to communicate is always important (soemthign I feel I didn't get). Just my 2 cents.I'm glad folks are making decisions that make them happy--even though it may be difficult.

My best friend said when I told her about the ADHD.."OMG, if you start taking meds, and become *normal*, you will see how your HUSBAND needs them too, and you will leave him"

but, I'm still here, even though the calmer I am the more he irritates me. Before meds I just tuned him out :-) ..now, it's not so easy..

oh, and since I started taking them, he has convinced himself he has ADHD too, but won't do anything, and I am not going to carry him along..He acts way more ADD now then before, or maybe I can just notice it more..who knows...

I am glad you have the courage to do what you feel is the right thing to do...hugs to all of you
xxx

Anything That Quitons Your Way Thinking Or Way Yoour Mind Works With Meds May Have This Outcome You Need To Give Things Time An Then Come Back Look At It Then You Might Be Better To Make Any Diseions On This I Have Been There Myself An Regret It Now Makeing Disons Based On Meds An On New Ways Thinking Stop Look An Listen Know For Shore An Then Lookm

Dorm

Ok rather than post a whole new thread..I am bumping my own..because since I posted this last..which is over month now. I feel no different. But yet my donkey partner has not moved on yet? Stuck in the same house with someone you want out is no fun. Further more, I would never stay where I am not wanted?

The more I stablize...the more I deal wiht issues I wasn't aware I had, or ignored..or just couldn't deal with....and the more healthy I become ...the more I want him gone....Good grief...

It's so hard to be civil so the relationship can end ...as nicely as possible (and believe me this is not easy for me) since there are kids involved....and so he's not a jerk everyday........I am so aggravated.....
I went as far as to write up a 3 day notice to start eviction process..which is not what I want to do....but he doesn't seem to get it..and in this state...you have to evict someone...if they receive mail at your home...and have lived there over 30days ...isn't that ridiculous...This is my house...in my name only...my mortgage note....and he's been asked to leave multiple times over the last month...geez....

getting healthy is not always "healthy" for the other person in the relationship that refuses to join you......

I am sorry to hear you are having problems getitng him out, but hang in there, once it is all done you will be happier for it. I was in a relationship that was over for a long time before we finally ended it (partly my untreated ADD, mixed partly with his anger issues, not a good combo!) and it was the best thing I ever did for myself (that and start treatment for ADD, but that's a more recent story).

I wanted to add my two cents to this thread...
Sadly, there are many people that don't believe ADD exists. From my experience there are even more who believe that by "giving in" and seeing a "shrink" they will tell you you have all sorts of problems and that you are "crazy". This may be part of the fear a non-treated partner may have when the other starts to improve through treatment (whatever that may entail and for any particular condition). Maybe they see that condition in themselves or are afraid they may have something else and be seen as "weird" or "crazy". I use the " " becasue although some peopel use them as bad things, I am quite proud to be weird and crazy!

Some people just can't get over their fear of the unknown and it can come up in many different areas of a person's life. People get scared when their world views are challenged. Even when two people love each other and want to be together, they can't always open up to new ideas at the same time and that makes it very hard for both people to remain in the relationship.

So, Justhope, and everyone else hang in there and do what's best for you, because if you don't then no one else will.

:)

Good point, Dorma. Sometimes the medications or other interventions (including time apart) allow for a clearer view of how things REALLY are.