Is this ADD? Can someone comment?
Today, a friend was over -- he told us an agonizing tale about having heart failure, being in a coma for three weeks, going thru rehab, not wanting to live, etc. As soon as he finished, my DH (who has ADD) said: I sprained my finger, and held it out. I was stunned.
A few months back, a good friend was hospitalized after a huge fall while hiking. We went to see her; she had massive internal injuries. As soon as we got in the room, dh started to tell her how his back hurt (before I elbowed him).
It looks like total rudeness and complete unconcern for someone else's feelings and is out of my realm of experience. What on earth?
Is this his way of connecting with the person's pain?
What should I say to him?

I do think it is a way of sharing and commiserating, but I'm not sure it is limited to ADD. I"ve heard plenty of people who do this in a setting where one person has had something more serious going on and the other person chimes in with a "me too" of their own.

When people get together and talk about someone's illness..they say..did you hear about Susan? she lost a leg when a car drove over it. And someone else will say: I know Ron's brother lost his leg to cancer.

Maybe sometimes it's so hard to say something useful in situations like this, that one way to show you understand someone's pain is to relate it to your own even if it is not as serious.

Sometimes I catch myself doing it and I have to remember to shut myself up and think of something warm and caring to say and I'm nonADD. I think the bad part is if you go on about your own aches and take over the conversation completely, rather than just doing the commiserating piece.

If your husband is doing this, you may like to have a chat with him in advance and discuss strategies. For example when he does this, he is probably being very genuine and in the moment, so you might want some little signal between you.

You could turn the conversation back to the patient yourself when the conversation opens up, or if your husband doesn't want to do the signals bit, you may just have to let it go and understand that people will understand that he is being himself and spontaneous and enjoy his company for what it is.

Maybe these thoughts will lead you to something helplful

cs

Is this his way of connecting with the person's pain?
What should I say to him?Have you asked him why he feels motivated to compare a sprained finger with much more severe injuries?

Imnapl - oy vey, sometimes the simplest approach is the best!!

Hey, C_S, there was nothing wrong with what you suggested.