I'm 27 and was diagnosed with ad/hd about a year ago. I've been taking medication since then, but it wasn't until recently that I realized medication isn't going to fix everything. It has made my life so much better and I feel much more positive about the future, but it can't erase all of the emotional distress from my past. I'm in a relationship again with someone I was with from 19-21. I'm excited and happy about this- it's comfortable and open and he loves my adder traits especially (although he doesn't know that's what they are) which gives me hope. I've started to explain adhd to him and it seems like no big deal to him. The thing is-it's a big deal to me. After feeling so bad about myself for so long and almost giving up on life so many times-right now adhd feels like the biggest thing. I feel like I need to make up for lost time. I feel almost over zealous and I'm not sure how to present this to him without overwhelming him and overshadowing our relationship. I want him to see my adhd in a positive light and feel excited with me because discovering this about myself has given me hope.
Any thoughts?


Sarah

I'm one to just lay it all out there from the get-go w/o sugarcoating things much, so...

...you reminded me of when I first got w/ my bf. About two weeks in I just told him about my ADD, and he was fine w/ it. I even asked him to help me when symptoms act up (this was when I was still fiddling around w/ my prescription; I'm on something that works for me now and so he doesn't have to check me as much). I dunno, maybe I'm lucky, but I've found a wonderful man who is nothing but supportive of me.

However, I have alienated friends in the past, and the bf I had before this one was the total opposite. We'd been friends for a long time and were more than friends for almost as long, and when I told him I got diagnosed with ADD, he actually got kind of hostile, like the $1000 my parents spent to get me diagnosed was all in vain. Like it was all in my head. And then a couple years later he tells me I'm using ADD as an excuse for things...nevermind that I told him I've been working really hard to remedy things. (A bunch of my friends who also reacted this way to my diagnosis said the same thing. The ones who've been supportive have never said this of me. Kind of screwed up the way I've been dealing w/ my diagnosis since, grrr)

I dunno, your bf says he's supportive, so let him be supportive. And I think with all things, regardless of whether it's ADD or your hairstyle or whether you think you look ugly, don't let it rule you and overwhelm your life and relationship. Right now it DOES seem like a big deal because it's fresh and new. So let him know how you feel. And if he doesn't liek it...there are definitely more fish in the sea.

Heh heh, warned you I wasn't about fluffing stuff up...seriously, if he's a good guy for you, he WILL support you. And I know I'm not the only one who's endured a 10 year (not-good) relationship to give it up for something that's not even a year yet, but is WAY higher in quality.

Did any of this make sense? I'm not sure...hths tho! =T

Thanks for responding. As it turns out- "he's not ready for a relationship yet". As you can imagine I went all sorts of crazy via email and realized that I'm not ready either. However I am still so angry because he (we dated 4 years ago for a long time) has been pursuing me for over a year. I let him know I wasn't headed down the boyfriend path-one which always leads me to over compromise and lose the small sense of self I'd developed. Did he listen? No. He went on and on about how he'd loved me and wanted to be with me for 4 years and I believed him after a while. I thought he might be the first person ever that really loved me for who I am and that he was going to support me in discovering what really made me happy and enthusiastic about life. I've never felt so let down.

We've been emailing and it's been supportive, but I called the other night because I needed some help with my stupid power drill and he didn't answer. Then he sent me an email telling me that he didn't answer on purpose because he wasn't ready to talk on the phone.
I read a bunch of Add books lately and one stressed how you needed an ally-someone that knew the real you to support your changing self image- I thought for some reason he did and since I have some issues with my family- he's the person I turned to. He was all about it-told me he wanted to support me and that he loved me, balh, blah. When he told me he didn't answer the phone on purpose I felt terrible. Like he can only handle me in a certain way. Now I don't feel like talking to him at all.
I just want to get to that point where I'm embracing my add and feeling good about who I am instead of ashamed.

Sorry for going on and on, but I'm just you responded and I have someone to vent to.
I'm glad you've found someone that is so good to you and makes you feel good.

Sarah