hunkychunky1
02-13-07, 02:51 AM
I am a 49 year old male Co dependant with ADD. I have had issues with low self esteem for years.
My co dependancy was caused by being brought up in a dysfunctional family with shame guilt and secrets. (mothers illegitimate child , my older half sister)
I have been binge eating on carbs and fats as i didnt understand what my problem was. I have just had six months of counselling to help me understand
the reasons for my behaviour. The problem has been that i am a cronic people pleaser who allowed my employers in 1990 to manipulate, coerse and eventually threaten me as i was an over productive workaholic employee who they did not want to leave the company as i was being used to do my bosses dirty work.
I did not understand how i could be the companies golden boy one minute and when i tried to resign due to ethical and moral reasons i had been threatened by my boss who told me that if i tried to leave i would not get a reference.
I was being emotionally manipulated. I suffered from PTSD for two and a half years and lost my marriage (adopted only child ) job and house. In 1999 after several attempts to work again (psychological problems and cronic fatigue) i gave up.
I was disorganised and could not concentrate and was always sleeping.
My father ( also Co Dependant )brought me a house and i took in lodgers to help pay the morgage.
I allowed a man (38) with psychological problems to take a room in my house.
quite quickly i became aware that he had an attention seeking disorder and he would throw tantrums when he felt insecure. (at this time i had no knowledge of disorders or psychology ) I had always thought that i was somehow different but just couldnt put my finger on it. My lodger i believe became attached to me and i tollerated his continual disruptive manipulating
attention seeking tantrums as i did not want to hurt him. I was not equiped to handle the emotional stress that this put me under. I believe that as when a child cries a mother runs to its side , this is what i did to this man and he soon learnt to control my emotions. My Co Dependant nature made me over caring and over responsible and my mental health started to suffer.
I became very depressed . He became very angry and jealous especially when i talked to people he liked especially girls. He would get very verbally angry
and start to criticise peoples body shape, colour and the fact that they were more succesfull than he was. I became more and more distressed and depressed. Why was he behaving like this ?. " you dont deserve what you have " " why doestnt she like me " " why are you talking to him ? he never does anything " were some of the things he would say when he became angry and frustrated. He would then turn very passive and ask me how i did things.
and why i was so confident I had to find out what was wrong with him because i wanted to help him. it was very upsetting. As before when i was put under pressure at work i became angry and irritable because whatever i did i could not please him. I became more assertive and controlling because he was over stepping the mark in my house. in my attempts to discover what was wrong with him i came across several explanations but i was allready in a complete and utter state emotionally. i thought i could see signs of ADHD,
Aspergers, generalised anxiety , performance anxiety, and worst of all i came across Narcissistic personality disorder. I was scared ! He wanted me out of my own house but i was not going to be beaten. I became quite angry and aggresive to protect myself. I looked up bullying but could not decide if this was what he was doing. I then realised that some of the things that described ADHD applied to me. I was ADD without the hyperactivity.
eventually i realised it was either him or me that had to go. I asked him to leave. with tears in his eyes he left and to make him feel better i told him it was all my fault. ( im not sure now how true this was ) I again suffered from
two years of PTSD. He remained friends with a man that i knew who was
originally my friend. I found out that he was cheating on his girlfriend which really upset me. Why would he be doing this ?. (I think i am attracted to
abusers players and jerks ) This so called friend told me it was all my fault
and that i was really horrible to have asked my lodger to have left the house.
My lodger denied that he had been behaving badly. (dissasociation/ Denial )
I now think he had Hystrionic personality disorder with narcissism.
A psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bi Polar disorder even though i tried to tell him what had happened. This other so called friend has continued to
chip away at my self esteem as he also seemed jealous that i did not work.
( i have an invisible psychological illness ) My irritable state made me so angry with them both that i started to bully them as i felt that that is what they were doing to me. I realise now that they both had had fathers who were
critical of them whilst mine was an over caring protector due to my childhood
asthma and other health problems. The second man has continued to undermine and knock me down verbally whenever i have been near him and has admitted that he wants to keep me down. He accuses me of being arrogant but i feel that he projects his own feeling of inadequacy onto me.
Surely if he continually cheats on his girlfriend and verbally abuses me then who is he to call me arrogant !. He has brought me to a point where i feel that everything has been my fault but counselling has made me see it differently. Whilst i know that a co dependant blames others behaviour for making him feel bad surely these others have to accept some responsibility for being abusers, liars, cheats and manipulators. The second man (my suposed friend) has been manipulating others perceptions of me by telling them that i have been bullying him. I think that i have but only in a response to the fact that he was goading and putting me down all the time. All this seems to be very abusive behaviour. Am i a co dependant in a den of Narcissists ?
After detaching myself from this other man my depression and symptoms of PTSD have allbut dissapeared and my self asteem has returned.
I have told him that i will never be bullied again and have threatened to expose him for what he is. He has become very defensive and begged me not to tell his girlfriend which is something i do not want to do as i dont want to shatter her illusions of him although i believe that he emotionally manipulates her.
I feel that i am not bi polar and that i am Attention deficit with Co dependant
and symptoms of repeated re triggered PTSD.
Does this sound about right !
I am am currently very stable and confident and cant believe all the emotional
stress i have been through. My co dependant behaviour now seems to be really under control as i have realised i cant fix others unless they want to fix themselves. I now feel as though i am free to start a fresh life but my
attention deficit symptoms continue to make my disorganised life with
procrastination a continual challenge.....
Has anyone had a similar experience.....Thanks for listening
Hunkychunky1
My co dependancy was caused by being brought up in a dysfunctional family with shame guilt and secrets. (mothers illegitimate child , my older half sister)
I have been binge eating on carbs and fats as i didnt understand what my problem was. I have just had six months of counselling to help me understand
the reasons for my behaviour. The problem has been that i am a cronic people pleaser who allowed my employers in 1990 to manipulate, coerse and eventually threaten me as i was an over productive workaholic employee who they did not want to leave the company as i was being used to do my bosses dirty work.
I did not understand how i could be the companies golden boy one minute and when i tried to resign due to ethical and moral reasons i had been threatened by my boss who told me that if i tried to leave i would not get a reference.
I was being emotionally manipulated. I suffered from PTSD for two and a half years and lost my marriage (adopted only child ) job and house. In 1999 after several attempts to work again (psychological problems and cronic fatigue) i gave up.
I was disorganised and could not concentrate and was always sleeping.
My father ( also Co Dependant )brought me a house and i took in lodgers to help pay the morgage.
I allowed a man (38) with psychological problems to take a room in my house.
quite quickly i became aware that he had an attention seeking disorder and he would throw tantrums when he felt insecure. (at this time i had no knowledge of disorders or psychology ) I had always thought that i was somehow different but just couldnt put my finger on it. My lodger i believe became attached to me and i tollerated his continual disruptive manipulating
attention seeking tantrums as i did not want to hurt him. I was not equiped to handle the emotional stress that this put me under. I believe that as when a child cries a mother runs to its side , this is what i did to this man and he soon learnt to control my emotions. My Co Dependant nature made me over caring and over responsible and my mental health started to suffer.
I became very depressed . He became very angry and jealous especially when i talked to people he liked especially girls. He would get very verbally angry
and start to criticise peoples body shape, colour and the fact that they were more succesfull than he was. I became more and more distressed and depressed. Why was he behaving like this ?. " you dont deserve what you have " " why doestnt she like me " " why are you talking to him ? he never does anything " were some of the things he would say when he became angry and frustrated. He would then turn very passive and ask me how i did things.
and why i was so confident I had to find out what was wrong with him because i wanted to help him. it was very upsetting. As before when i was put under pressure at work i became angry and irritable because whatever i did i could not please him. I became more assertive and controlling because he was over stepping the mark in my house. in my attempts to discover what was wrong with him i came across several explanations but i was allready in a complete and utter state emotionally. i thought i could see signs of ADHD,
Aspergers, generalised anxiety , performance anxiety, and worst of all i came across Narcissistic personality disorder. I was scared ! He wanted me out of my own house but i was not going to be beaten. I became quite angry and aggresive to protect myself. I looked up bullying but could not decide if this was what he was doing. I then realised that some of the things that described ADHD applied to me. I was ADD without the hyperactivity.
eventually i realised it was either him or me that had to go. I asked him to leave. with tears in his eyes he left and to make him feel better i told him it was all my fault. ( im not sure now how true this was ) I again suffered from
two years of PTSD. He remained friends with a man that i knew who was
originally my friend. I found out that he was cheating on his girlfriend which really upset me. Why would he be doing this ?. (I think i am attracted to
abusers players and jerks ) This so called friend told me it was all my fault
and that i was really horrible to have asked my lodger to have left the house.
My lodger denied that he had been behaving badly. (dissasociation/ Denial )
I now think he had Hystrionic personality disorder with narcissism.
A psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bi Polar disorder even though i tried to tell him what had happened. This other so called friend has continued to
chip away at my self esteem as he also seemed jealous that i did not work.
( i have an invisible psychological illness ) My irritable state made me so angry with them both that i started to bully them as i felt that that is what they were doing to me. I realise now that they both had had fathers who were
critical of them whilst mine was an over caring protector due to my childhood
asthma and other health problems. The second man has continued to undermine and knock me down verbally whenever i have been near him and has admitted that he wants to keep me down. He accuses me of being arrogant but i feel that he projects his own feeling of inadequacy onto me.
Surely if he continually cheats on his girlfriend and verbally abuses me then who is he to call me arrogant !. He has brought me to a point where i feel that everything has been my fault but counselling has made me see it differently. Whilst i know that a co dependant blames others behaviour for making him feel bad surely these others have to accept some responsibility for being abusers, liars, cheats and manipulators. The second man (my suposed friend) has been manipulating others perceptions of me by telling them that i have been bullying him. I think that i have but only in a response to the fact that he was goading and putting me down all the time. All this seems to be very abusive behaviour. Am i a co dependant in a den of Narcissists ?
After detaching myself from this other man my depression and symptoms of PTSD have allbut dissapeared and my self asteem has returned.
I have told him that i will never be bullied again and have threatened to expose him for what he is. He has become very defensive and begged me not to tell his girlfriend which is something i do not want to do as i dont want to shatter her illusions of him although i believe that he emotionally manipulates her.
I feel that i am not bi polar and that i am Attention deficit with Co dependant
and symptoms of repeated re triggered PTSD.
Does this sound about right !
I am am currently very stable and confident and cant believe all the emotional
stress i have been through. My co dependant behaviour now seems to be really under control as i have realised i cant fix others unless they want to fix themselves. I now feel as though i am free to start a fresh life but my
attention deficit symptoms continue to make my disorganised life with
procrastination a continual challenge.....
Has anyone had a similar experience.....Thanks for listening
Hunkychunky1