Hi People.

I swear I suffer from Romantic Idiotrotitis....I've made new friend (as some of you on here would be well and truly aware of) and I think I have some kind of romantic feelings for this person, but I'm really scared of all these bad things happening.

1: Rejection
2: Emotional Abuse
3: Being used
4: Being ridulcled
5: Mind games
6: Looking like an idiot in general

Ok here goes, I chat to this person nearly every night online, this person has no idea of what I look like....well not yet anyway, I do know what they look like, well anyway this person sends me virtual hugs, kisses, flowers etc etc and vice versa, we have fairly deep like conversations but I'm so scared that I'm misreading things (I do this a LOT) and if I am I'm only gonna end up feeling stupid, hurt and humiliated and I'm not sure if i can go through that again....not so soon after my break up with my ex Wayne, the stupidest part about this is I actually wait for this person to come online...(mind you he claims he mainly comes on to speak to me...but who knows) and that scares me.... I DON'T WANT TO LIKE THIS PERSON BUT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!!! I have no choice to to either stop being this person's friend (I don't want to do that either) or just wait and see what happens.....truth is I DON'T want to fall for someone only to end up hurting again.....

I know I'm so stupid at times...but thats me:o

Selena

OH Sel....you are not a stupid girl!! I don't think that you are reading his "signals" wrong.

It sounds like he really enjoys talking to you, and why wouldn't he right?

BTW..."he claims that he goes online to talk to YOU" is a HUGE-BIG FLASHING HINT that he is deffinately interested in you.
Keep in contact...keep chatting...just enjoy it. You never know what can come of it.

I understand it can be really scary to start to fall for someone so soon after a relationship, nevermind a bad one. At the least you two can have a wonderful friendship for now...just take it slow and give yourself the space.

You are doing the right thing, just keep the friendship going for now.

Best of luck friend!

A' ;)

I have a BRILL idea (ok, so it's late and maybe it's not THAT brilliant! LOL)
when he sends you messages, you are unsure of, in a romantic way...send them to me, or Amanda etc and we will decipher for you and give you a second opinion :-)

Indeed a wonderful idea Trac :)

Go slow and be careful. It's all too easy, particularly for those of us with ADD to get carried away on the internet. I'm not saying it's a bad thing per say. Only that you have to realilze there are HUGE gaps in the sorts of available feedback and information you can get chatting via the internet. People often behave quite differently online (far fewer inhibitions) than they would in person. Not to mention there is always the chance that you'll later (one assumes upon an eventual meeting) discover you don't 'gel' as well in person as you did online.

Having said that, I happen to know of more than a few couples who met online and are doing quite well. It's just that the internet makes what's already a risky business in romance a bit more so.

By the way, YOU ARE NOT an idiot. Feelings aren't a liability silly. We need them to think correctly. The tricky part is finding a balance so you don't let them do too much of the thinking for you.

oh and while I'm here.... Why is it that women so joy in the art of matchmaking? Oh don't get me wrong, I know one or two guys that do it too, and I've even tried my hand at it once or twice, but it seems to be far more common a vice for the ladies. Just ask my Aunt Micky. "Oh Dan, I know just the girl for you!!!" ACK! RUN AWAY!!!! QUICKLY RUN! RUN RUN RUN!!!!!!!!

Interesting point E-boy..

I think you have some good advice in your thread Sel...good luck :)

I sound paranoid, but I'm really a closet optimist. SHHHHH!

Hi People...
Thanks for the support, E-boy it's lovely to know you're a closet optimist too...same here! I might be an idealistic romantic sentimentalist but I'm also a realist and I'm well aware that I have to be careful and I WILL be careful, I'm a little paranoid right now but hey...I'll deal with it.

Selena xoxo

Its understandable that you are scared, but I agree with the others if you can hang in there and see what happens,
Now this is what I would do, so if it sounds weird, thats ok cos I am weird!
Well its not really weird probably a little dumb and way too straight forward... anyway my point... thats right,
If he says something that you think is romantic, why dont you ask him how it was intended to come across. It sounds like you have an open and very close relationship.
I think he would rather you ask then have you dwelling in the unknown?!
E-boy is right you do need to be careful, none of us want to see you get hurt. But like you;ve told me go with your instincts.

I'm not saying that his not, but even if he is not romantically interested yet, and I know it will hurt if his not, but take comfort in knowing his is still a good friend to you, and good honest friends that understand you are hard to come by.

i dont know if i helped or made things worse, I hope I've helped :confused: :confused: :)

Hey Goodgirl and others

I spoke to M about his flirting and told him that I'm not into mind games and he said "I do it cause you're cute and sweet and I want to know you" he also says that I'm different to the other ladies he's been dealing with (I think he's worried about getting hurt again) and I sort of giggled thinking "Me being different is called having ADHD"...lmao he also reckons he's sick of finding women that flirt with him either turn out to be playing mind games and standing him up on dates, they apparently either end up going out with someone else, cheating on him, using him for one thing then leaving or treating him badly.

I told him that he encourages those sort of women by his niceness, I said you need to be more careful who you become friendly with but at the same time not to misjudge the genuine ones (like myself), I feel M has to put out different standard as to the sort of behaviour he tolerates from women in general.

Nevertheless....I still feel like an idiot suffering from a big case of Idiotrotitis and as everyone says here, I'm just gonna be careful and play it by ear and see where it goes.

Thanks
Selena xoxo

Hey Sel,
Glad to hear he didn't crush your heart, if he did we would have to crush him! LOL joke.
Its nice that he's been honest with you. And he admitted straight up he has an interest in you.
You know the saying once bitten twice shy!
Keep your head high, stay honest with him and to yourself and dont put up with any S*!t and you'll be fine.
hugs, kisses and wishes,
Naomi

Just have to throw my two cents in....

The title of your post is "I feel like an idiot"... haven't you had enough idiots? You should be feeling like a nice guy :D

Heya Sel,

I think you are on the track to a beautiful relationship...sounds like a pretty decent guy if he is for real, and from what I have been hearing I would be really surprised if he turned out to be a player...

talk with ya soon chicky! ;)

CG,

I'm like Grade A, in that I'm not a 'closet optimist', I've been 'out' now, lol !

Voluntarily too (how 'bout THAT !)

Enjoy life and love, CG, because that is what it's ALL about !

Anyone who tells you there's some 'time limit' to waiting for it to happen, is just projecting their own 'life' on you.

Always strive to meet people, and never compare them to one another.
They will always add something wonderful to your life, no matter the duration of the relationship, and no matter how you personally reflect upon it later.


I know you understand what I'm saying to you.

Have the best time..flirt, laugh, and continue to love !!

Best Wishes, and may the Universe always smile with you !

Animal,

I know you were talking to CG...but I wanted to tell you that your comment made me laugh !

Great to *see* you again !

Thanks People.

Animal: that was a funny post, I suppose I should feeling like a nice guy...lol

Nova: Thanks for your kind words

Goodgirl: Thanks for your friendship and kind words!

Grade A: Thanks for your friendship and lovely word as well!!

E-Boy: Thanks for the advice and 'closet' optimism!

Selena xoxo

ahhh Sel, who couldn't love ya...you are a sweetheart, with the biggest heart and a true friend.

A;

Ummmm thanks Amanda *blushes*

Just have to throw my two cents in....

The title of your post is "I feel like an idiot"... haven't you had enough idiots? You should be feeling like a nice guy :Ddon't you mean FEELING A NICE GUY ?:D :D

Isn't it funny, how words, still get 'muddled', even when two people are speaking the same 'English' ? LOL !

I go through this with people all the time...most live in the U.S., too, Trace !
Forget about 'dialects' !
There are Southern 'words', I still use around close friends, that others have no 'clue' what I'm *saying*.

CG, I'll weigh in on this, having been in an online relationship.
I started mine by meeting a girl on this Bible Prophecy board.
We started talking, and found out we had a lot in common.
We talked every night via the internet, and everyday morning on the telephone, while I was getting ready for work.
After about 6 months, we decided to meet in person.
This required me to drive 6 hours to see her in TX.
She could have been one of those "black widow" people, but she wasn't.
She was just a normal person, that came out of a bad marriage, and was afraid of being hurt again.
We kept meeting in person a few times a year, and kept meeting online and on the phone daily.
Being in law enforcement at the time, I did a background check on her and she was clean. LOL Hey, I was just being careful.
Online relationships can be fun, and with so many online sites now
(match.com, e-harmony.com,etc) it's more common.
If you like this guy, take your time as several have stated, to get to know him. Let him know that you aren't crazy and out to get him, and make sure he's the same way.
If it's meant to be, it will work out.
As for me, the woman I met online became my wife.
We've been married for almost 5 years, and while it's not exactly a
marriage made in Heaven (is there such a thing?), we have a great relationship, we love each other very much, and she's always happy being around me, as long as I'm doing all the work (yard, dishes, vacuuming, etc)
I'm kidding...she does a few things.

I hate to be the grudge here, but I do see some red flags, I speak from years of experience in online chatting, and I am glad that E-boy centered on some of them. Hon, you have to be very careful with internet chatting. Anybody can be anybody they wish to be online. You miss on the nonberbal stuff, how he is in person, how you can veiw him in his interreactions with others, his family, etc., and all of these are so important.

I've heard all the things you have mentioned from men myself, that guys say they've been basically trampled on by other women. Just a line a caution, ask yourself WHY does this man allow women to trample on him so? Is he spineless? Is he at a loss for boundaries?? Does he deserve to be treated that way? OK, nobody deserves to be treated that way, but in dating, anything goes. A great catch doesn't slip away that easily. You make sure you have your boudaries as well. You really cannot "fall in love' with someone you have not even MET yet. Is there a way that you can meet him for coffee or something in person so that you can better discern this guy, before you let your heart out there any more? That is what a lot of us experiencers to. Cut to the chase, don't wast your time. People CAN be really so much different in person than how they come across online.

Anyway, keep chatting, have fun, enjoy the attention you so much deserve, but do be discerning, and listen to you guts, and remember that everytime you let your heart out there, you will learn something new that you need to learn about men, relationships, and yourself, to bring you even closer to that special someone who is made just for you. Take time with your heart. :-)

I intend to be VERY careful....don't anyone worry about that!!!

Phew!

<--- Was worried. ;-)

Actually though, when one has anxiety disorders worry becomes more an art form than an occasional state of mind.

Ain't that true! I worry about everybody.

CrazyGirl, you met that fella of yours yet? :-)

1kid2dogs

I haven't met this person yet but I'm in touch with them everyday....I intend on meeting them in July

Are you long-distance? What a wonderful thing to look forward to! YOu are going to have so much fun really getting to know them when you finally meet in person. :-)

1kid2dogs

I live in Brisbane (Queensland, Australia) and this creature...lol oops I mean guy:p;) lives in Perth (Western Australia, Australia) we're just friends for now but I'm hoping more comes of it, however I'm playing it really safe as I got burnt in my last failed relationship...mind you that last guy was a total wanker:rolleyes:

At least this guy is closer to my age (he's 29 and I'm 27) and he has no baggage (What I mean by baggage is heaps of kids and problem ex wives) whereas the last guy was 12 years older than me (I was 26 and he was 38 at the time we were dating) and he had 5 kids including a 14 year old step child he raised from infancy as well as a 16 year old son he never sees from his first marriage and 3 other kids with from his second marriage aged 10, 9 and 5 and there was nothing but problem after problem, if it wasn't the kids being absolute brats, it was his ex wife arguing with him all the time if not that it was her partner making threats of violence and death etc etc not to mention the fact he couldn't handle my ADHD at all, quiet a few of my friends and family didn't approve of the relationship mainly due to all that baggage Wayne brought with him not to mention the age difference as well as the fact some of them didn't like his personality...in hindsight these people were right all along and my intuition sort of told me that my relationship with Wayne would not last due to these major hiccups and differences...to tell you the truth I'm GLAD it didn't work and I'm GLAD it's over!!

IF and I mean IF something comes of this other situation...I can only hope and pray that it works....fingers crossed

Selena:)