I've been a lurker for too long and have decided it's time to contribute. I must say, my decision to seek diagnosis and treatment of ADD was strongly inspired by this forum. It's been written in countless other posts, but I'm relieved to know I'm not alone.

Quick history:
I'm a historically underachieving student; sailed through school up to college without much effort; struggled with math since early grade school, excelled in English/history/philosophy, "any subject with a pulse"; scored a 36 on the verbal section of the ACT, 22 on quantitative. I obtained a B.A. in English two years ago with a decent GPA despite sometimes lackluster effort.

I tried in vain for a job - any bloody job with a salary of at least $25k a year - with said English degree. Finally, I was able to get an internship as a software developer (having taken a number of comp. sci. courses in college).

So, back to school to finish the remaining two years of a comp. sci. degree. I knew I would need something to help my focus and hopefully allow me to improve performance on linear tasks (e.g. math and programming).

Tried Focalin for 5 months and, while I "felt" more focused and certainly studied more than in any previous period of my education, I managed to fail all of my math courses, completing only one computer course for the semester. Never have I done so poorly in school as I did while taking Focalin. At the same time, I'd never previously attempted math courses above the level of calculus 1 (which I passed with a C-). I decided my problem was of adapting my scholastic activities to a newly "focused" mind.

I was then prescribed Adderall, which I have recently discontinued due to its utter inefficacy. It did have the wonderful side effect of making me even more depressed than I was before taking it. In all, I attempted the first month of the new semester on Adderall and have found little improvement. I've had the occassion to take almost identical calc 2 tests over two consecutive semesters. I actually scored lower while taking Adderall, despite pouring all of my free time into studying and having studied the same material less than 6 months ago.

Back on Focalin now, materal in calc 2 is getting difficult again, and I'm spending absurd amounts of time studying every night just to see little to no improvement over last semesters attempt. I met with my calc 2 professor repeatedly last semester, and she could identify no weakness in my "potential" to succeed in the course. My problem in math is and has always been the fatal habit of making "careless" mistakes. I also have great difficulty remembering relatively simple algebraic rules and trig formulas. I've made flash cards, I've comitted to remedial study of both topics for hours. In short, I just don't know what to do anymore, other than suggest I have a learning difficulty in math.

It's most damaging to go from being frequently commended by professors in my humanities courses to being the "slow" kid in math and comp. sci. My self-esteem is functionally dead.

I've never run up against something I couldn't overcome with effort. Despite meds, it looks like my add may be insurmountable. Of course, given my present poor performance at school and work, it looks like I'll soon be in the unemployment line again, wondering why a degree in the humanities is apparently far less marketable than one in the hard sciences. So my struggle with ADD now feels hopeless. Thanks for reading this far...

Welcome to the Forum, Apollonian!

You sound exactly like my older brother. He could read day and night, was quick witted and had a genius level IQ, but could not do math to save his life. Would have been great in stand up comedy, however.

He did really well in sales eventually. Perhaps you will need to re examine your career path. (Sorry!)

Just wondering, but have you ever been tested for bipolar disorder? I believe my brother was bipolar (our father was severely bipolar). Some people on this forum have had great luck with a mood stablizer like lamictal, and a small dose of stimulant. Stimulants alone do not work for bipolar patients, even though a very large percentage of them also have comorbid ADHD.

Probably out in left field, but your post could have been written by my brother. Who died of liver failure at age 40 due to alcoholism. Since I can't rewrite his story, throwing it out there for you. Good luck. Happy Valentines Day! :p

Hi appollonian, and welcome to the forum.

I can relate to what you said in your post very much. I know from experience that it can take awhile to find the right diagnosis along with the right drug, and then it can take even longer to find the right dose of that drug. I was diagnosed in early 1992 at the age of 22.

I can also relate to feeling like the ADD was "insurmountable" as you put it. However I found that it was very worthwhile to try as many of the prescription stimulants (except Cylert), and their generic counterparts in an effort to find the best fit among all the options available. To say that it was worth my time and effort would be an understatement.

I have learned first hand how different these prescription stimulants are in their effect. I can't really stress enough how worthwhile it can be to try as many options as available concerning stimulant drug therapy. These drugs effect us each differently more often than not. That being said, I have found Dexedrine, Focalin, & Desoxyn to be the most effective for me.

I know that it can be a long journey to a therapeutic treatment, but it is certinlly worth the effort. Please talk to you Dr about all your options, and it would be a good idea to let your Dr know that the therapy that he/she prescribed for you was still allowing you to feel that this dissorder was "insurmountable."