View Full Version : "How not to talk to your kids"

02-14-07, 11:39 AM

Article about praise and how it effects kids' conception of themselves and their willingness to make mistakes.


02-14-07, 12:02 PM
Article about praise and how it effects kids' conception of themselves and their willingness to make mistakes.

I (at 52) get "false praise" from a school counselor I work with. She will say something like, "Oh, X and Y in the office really wanted to thank you for (somethng fairly stupid and minor)." I've known these 2 guys, X and Y for like 8 years and they don't use that type of language, and it was a very simple phone call, quite routine.

She used a super sweet high sing song voice. I became instantly suspicious and have had a much lower opinion of her every since. :eyebrow: So I can see how children would have similar reactions.

Wow! Thanks. (Wow!) :eek:

02-14-07, 04:43 PM
that was my reaction too! i need to read it again so i can synthesize the info. better. i loved the thing about describing a brain as a muscle that gets stronger the more you use it. so, recognition for effort rather than praise for innate ability, is what builds resilience.

02-14-07, 10:36 PM
wow that is a really cool article...very intersting.

I'm not really surprised...thats always been something that has bugged me...when parents praise their kids for being smart...i just thought it bugged me cause my parents have probably NEVER told me i am smart. Everything was equated to the work i put in...

when i get a bad grade, i automatically think its cause i did not work hard enough.

Now that i am starting to realize that i am in fact smart, it is actually causing some issues, cause i think i can put less work into stuff. I just never thought about it that way until i read that.

02-18-07, 05:05 PM
That was a very interesting article.

The 'words' that grabbed my attention were:
'overpraised' 'competetive' and 'tearing others down'...although I wouldn't agree with this in all situations...but that's just my own opinion, and I haven't been 'privy' to children who are 'overpraised' (let alone those who are 'praised', even).

Thanks for posting the link, Wheezie.

03-08-07, 10:35 PM
Interesting article.

On a spin, I hate it when people elude to me that they think "Oh, she's smart, so she did really well on that test but didn't do any work" or things like that.

In high school I had a girl say to me "Oh, anohter A... Well I guess you're used to that by now anyway". WHAT?????

But I definitely agree with the article - I even emailed the article to one of my lecturers.