Hi,
I'm new to this site and am hoping it will help me understand and change the way I deal with my Partner.
it would be nice to talk to people that understand whats happening.

He is 29 years old and has had ADD since he was young.
He is no longer on medication. 80% of the time he really good. But he will go through cycles of bad 'episodes'. He is easily angered, likes to throw things, never at me. And he feels the world is against him. I get blamed for starting arguements. because I know they are not my fault I fight back and he tells me his packing his bags and leaving.
I love him more than life itself, which makes it really hard.

I don't know how to approach talking to him about it. without him feeling like I'm having a go at him or without him thinking that I think he is stupid.
I have trouble getting him to understand how I feel, and why I want certain things. I know he loves me, but when we argue he tells me he doesnt care.
But then the next day things are back to normal.
I get the impression it is easier for him to shut off then to deal with the 'confussion'

I have heard that diet can be a factor but cant find anything on the web about what he should and shouldn't eat.

Is this all normal! I mean for a couple, non - add and add couple to go through.
Or does it sound more like I need a head shrink! :o
:confused: :confused: :confused:
An input is welcome!
Thanks Goodgirl

Hey.

I'm glad you've made the effort to come to these forums in order to help yourself understand your partner, thats more than what I can say for my ex.

The fact your partner isn't on medications 80% of the time suggests that he's doing quiet well overall, however he seems to be easily upset and angry....he might need some life coaching or anger management and maybe a change of diet could be helpful or even seeing a naturopath...they are definitely helpful.

It's fairly normal for ADDers to feel like the world's against them and that everyone hates (I feel like this at times as well and it was worse when I was with my ex) please DON'T think that this is in anyway your fault!!!!

Regarding to approaching him to chat about this situation could require some outside help such as a local support group for ADDers, that way he can feel comfortable chatting to people with ADHD about his relationship with you and maybe they might have some really good advice and you can also talk to those who have non-ADD partner and you could get some valuable advice from them, I actually took my ex partner Wayne to the Brisbane Adult ADHD support group with the hope it would help our relationship but in our case it didn't but please don't think your situation is going to end up like mine because for a start you are actually willing to try to help and understand your partner, Wayne wasn't willing to even try to understand, so your partner has your willingness on his side.

In arguments, most ADDers can be silly and immature sometimes and end up using statements like "I don't care" or "I'm leaving you" they tend to use these statements very loosely...I've been guilty of this myself but once everyones calmed down it normally goes back to good unless one of the partners holds grudges...like my ex did! and when you say it seems easier to shut off than to deal with things....yes that is true most of us use this technique in order to give ourselves time to think, regenerate and to work out what to do next and this is better than fully losing our tempers and doing or saying something we regret, Some ADDer's like their own space and alone time as well and if your partner is doing this....it's NOTHING personal against you!!!

Neither you or your partner are crazy and neither of you probably need a shrink...geez they're overrated anyway, all you need is some support and a support group in a social like environment may help, if you're concerned about the food aspect, go to a Naturopath, Homoepath or even a Dietitian.

Yes it IS normal for Non ADD cross ADD couples to go through this kind of thing, it's how you deal with it that will tell you if your relationship is strong enough to see it through and last.

Welcome to the forums and take care
Selena:)
Hi,
I'm new to this site and am hoping it will help me understand and change the way I deal with my Partner.
it would be nice to talk to people that understand whats happening.

He is 29 years old and has had ADD since he was young.
He is no longer on medication. 80% of the time he really good. But he will go through cycles of bad 'episodes'. He is easily angered, likes to throw things, never at me. And he feels the world is against him. I get blamed for starting arguements. because I know they are not my fault I fight back and he tells me his packing his bags and leaving.
I love him more than life itself, which makes it really hard.

I don't know how to approach talking to him about it. without him feeling like I'm having a go at him or without him thinking that I think he is stupid.
I have trouble getting him to understand how I feel, and why I want certain things. I know he loves me, but when we argue he tells me he doesnt care.
But then the next day things are back to normal.
I get the impression it is easier for him to shut off then to deal with the 'confussion'

I have heard that diet can be a factor but cant find anything on the web about what he should and shouldn't eat.

Is this all normal! I mean for a couple, non - add and add couple to go through.
Or does it sound more like I need a head shrink! :o
:confused: :confused: :confused:
An input is welcome!
Thanks Goodgirl

Hi,
I'm new to this site and am hoping it will help me understand and change the way I deal with my Partner.
it would be nice to talk to people that understand whats happening.

He is 29 years old and has had ADD since he was young.
He is no longer on medication. 80% of the time he really good. But he will go through cycles of bad 'episodes'. He is easily angered, likes to throw things, never at me. And he feels the world is against him. I get blamed for starting arguements. because I know they are not my fault I fight back and he tells me his packing his bags and leaving.
I love him more than life itself, which makes it really hard.

I don't know how to approach talking to him about it. without him feeling like I'm having a go at him or without him thinking that I think he is stupid.
I have trouble getting him to understand how I feel, and why I want certain things. I know he loves me, but when we argue he tells me he doesnt care.
But then the next day things are back to normal.
I get the impression it is easier for him to shut off then to deal with the 'confussion'

I have heard that diet can be a factor but cant find anything on the web about what he should and shouldn't eat.

Is this all normal! I mean for a couple, non - add and add couple to go through.
Or does it sound more like I need a head shrink! :o
:confused: :confused: :confused:
An input is welcome!
Thanks GoodgirlTHIS SOUNDS LIKE AN EXACT REPLICA of my adventures with ADD-partner.

FIRST AND FOREMOST: DO NOT ENABLE THIS ANGRY TEMPER-TANTRUM behavior. IT IS NOTHING YOU DID TO BRING IT ON...SO DON'T BE racked with guilt, or - more importantly - obsessed with figuring out what YOU did to bring on the TORRENT.

IT IS NOT YOU!

Forgive my outside input as a non-ADDer who spent 1 1/2 years attempting to "understand" this kind of extreme behavior - reading, talking, listening, understanding the Jekyll/Hyde experience, etc. ...only to have the subject learn that I was working harder than HE to understand what was going on. Once he figured that out... it then became a game to see how far I would go ..kind of making up for 25 years of his childhood anger/subsequent "entitlement of all those who were kind to him" syndrome.

DO NOT PLAY INTO THIS!!

AND DO NOT ACCEPT HIS EXPLOSIVE ANGER... STOP THE ANGER NOW!!!

Anger is one thing, but the 2-year-old temper tantrums of throwing things, screaming, yelling - physical anger... is truly a prelude to more dangerous behavior... IF YOU DO NOT MAKE IT UNDERSTOOD THAT IT MUST STOP ..or you're out of there!


Don't be such a "GOOD GIRL" ..and so mesmerized by the odd behavior that you work ten times harder to "understand" him.... this explosive BS is manipulative! And, likely has been enabled in his childhood environment if he's still doing it.


In my situation, I was certain that his temper tantrums were life-long induced, and not me - and I was right - but, the mistake I made was thinking that his PHYSICAL outbursts - breaking chairs, smashing doors, etc. ...were only a release and he would NEVER direct it at me.


W ...R....O...N...G!!!!!!!!!


DO NOT ENABLE THIS BEHAVIOR BY ALLOWING IT TO HAPPEN IN YOUR PRESENCE!


DO NOT PURSUE this relationship unless he gets this EXPLOSIVE ANGER issue resolved! ....NOW!!!







that is all.;)