I just entered a new relationship with a man with ADHD. I am 21 years old (i know still young) and am looking for advice on how to deal with someone who has ADHD. I don't want to break up with him just because he has ADHD but I don't know/have the right skills to deal with this. I sometime get frusterated with him because when he is not on his medication he can be... i guess hyper and not very focused. I sometimes feel like i'm dealing with a younger child. There is definitely a change in personality between when he is on his meds and when he is not. He is trying to get off his medication so does that mean i have to deal with the hyper boyfriend more often. I dont if i have the patients to deal with it all. So my question is what can i do to help me cope with this, or is it just easier for me to cut my loses and break up with him and seak someone else with a more normal life? I love him very much and he feels the same way about me.

It's acutally not to hard IMO. I have aspergers and my brother has ADHD and the whole family gets along just fine. I think you could benefit from psychotherapy, where you can learn new coping skills.

Hang in there...

Andy...

So my question is what can i do to help me cope with this, or is it just easier for me to cut my loses and break up with him and seak someone else with a more normal life? I love him very much and he feels the same way about me.
You use the phrase "cut my loses" - are you sure you really love him for who he is? Sounds like you may have fallen in love with the medicated man and w/o meds he may not be your type.

I am not saying you should give up. But suggesting you really examine your feelings. Ask your self is this a person you could spend your life with?

ADHD folks have lots of fascinating aspects. They see and approach life at a diffent angle than most. You may want to read some books on ADHD. It may help you understand his life. Also you may consider attending some doctors appointments with him and ask the doc some questions yourself.

Best of luck to you.

-DD

There's no doubt that being in a relationship with someone with ADD is tough. But it's tougher to be married to someone with undiagnosed ADD, which is what happened to me. The diagnosis has shed a huge amount of light into some of the issues we've been having and has been immensely helpful, and the meds have been a huge part of it. The only advice I really have is that you need to get to know ADD more yourself, and you need to have coping with ADD at the heart of your relationship - what I mean is that you have to talk about it very openly, and he has to know how you feel. Why don't you point out that you love him but that the practical side to your relationship will really suffer if he doesn't take his meds.

But even when he's on his meds, he still has ADD, with all the time management issues etc. that goes along with it. There's no doubt that it's an added issue in a relationship, but it's certainly not the hardest. If, however, your boyfriend refuses to talk about his ADD and refuses to listen to you, then that can make a relationship extremely difficult. But if you have open lines of communication, then hopefully you can both grow together, and you can explore ADD together too.:o

Innerlight, your partner is a very lucky person.

I've been with my ADHD man for 7 years.

Yes, it gets frustrating at times but you have already won half of your battle and that's recognition that he has ADHD.

Structure. It's ok to help him out, it's ok to be his "secretary" and it's ok to point him the direction he needs to go and it's ok to redirect him when necessary.

He will learn how to manage himself but it does sound like he needs help.

Is he young as well?

My husband is 50 years old and still needs help and direction from time to time.

It's just part of helping each other out in our relationship.

I am not saying it is always easy. It isn't. If you love him and he loves you and you two want to commit, it's worth learning everything you can to help yourself deal with him.

I have been in an ADD relationship for over 10 years. Only the last 3 years was my husband diagnosed. It has been trying at times and the most exciting. Not only did he have to come to terms with the meds but I had to change to allow for his ADD traits. When we are on the same page, we are a great team.

More lucky ADHD guys. :cool: