Every time I'm asked to come to a party/gathering of friends, even if it's a close group of friends that I know well and who know me well, a certain anxiety takes over. The degree of anxiety increases with the number of people:

1,2,3 - no problem
4 - a little anxious
5 or more - very anxious

It's the fear of meeting people that as much as I try to overcome, still takes over from time to time. I know that it has its roots in the fear of rejection, and the fear has not been cured for so long (i.e. since i was born 25 years ago), that now it's taken on an automatic response that is incredibly difficult to control.

I get "red" often when uncomfortable (usually social) situations arise, I suppose from the same fear. I realized that as soon as I get red I become afraid that people will see me red, and that feeds back to the redness. So it's a vicious cycle. And when this happens, my brain is in a "self-occupied" mode. That means any name introduction, anything said by others during this time do not register at all. So this is partly why I have very bad name memory.

I don't know if anybody can relate to the "mode" of the brain I'm talking about. I believe this mode is somehow associated with ADD. Basically I am not paying attention to the present situation, the environment that I'm currently in. Instead I'm thinking about something abstract, something not here. I have a niece who pays no attention to anything else when she's watching TV. I am the exact opposite of that.

So if you know what I'm talking about, here is my goal for self-therapy, which I have had limited success in carrying out.

1. I have to be able to read a book fast, without my mind jumping to anything outside of the page that I'm reading.

2. I have to think about nothing when taking a shower except enjoying the hot water, the steam, a clean feeling. Must avoid thinking about what to do after the shower!

3. I have to concentrate on whatever I'm doing with 100% focus, no wandering off and surfing the net, chatting.

4. I have to be able to watch TV with 100% concentration, look at the eyes of the people in TV, their actions, try to appreciate the social situation and their reactions to it. And not always think about how hot that girl's cleavage is.

And I notice that when I successfully stop thinking about future stuff or past stuff, and just the presence. I feel much less in terms of anxiety, work depression. And feel much better in general.

So this is my goal for self-therapy. But I think it requires lots of determination, and I have so far only limited success. Anyone have success with other methods?

After years of agoraphobia related to social anxiety i have to say the best therapy is immersion therapy. The more you resist the urge for withdrawal the better it eventually becomes. Years of drugs...benzos mostly, all sorts of CBT therapy, etc and its really that simple.

I know this sounds stupid but can't a beer or a little wine help you with that?
It does help me as long as I don't get too much of it........

Booze is even worse of an answer than benzos.

Booze definitely helps but I don't want to be an alcoholic.

I'll try some of the drugs and therapy but I do hope for some method that doesn't make me dependent on medicine. BTW I used to have OCD, but now it's only mild.

HOLY ****! I never thought about it like this! I can completely relate to the party example. I never thought about this "issue" (that's how I kept referring to it) the way you described it, until now. I guess I DO have social anxiety. I always thought it was simply me being very shy... I'm always anxious that I won't have anything to talk about, or that I'll say something stupid, or that I'll offend someone for some crazy reason without even meaning to.. weird stuff like that.

The best example that comes to mind happened just last week. A friend of my wife's was supposed to come to our house to grab something quick. I knew about it since the morning, and until the afternoon I kept worrying about those 5 minutes. I kept thinking what will happen if when the friend comes upstairs my wife will need to use the restroom for a minute or two, which means I'm all alone there keeping someone company (That actually happened!) So the entire day that was on my mind.. and I was actually going to work around it and go to the gym to avoid being home. This is totally weird to me to realize that it has something to do with anxiety... I never really thought it that direction.