Ever since I was "officially" diagnosed by a psychiatrist and started with meds a week ago, I have this constant feeling of sadness. While it could be a side-effect of Adderall, I actually think it's a result of me realizing that I have a problem that most people don't... And that in order to lead a "normal" life I have to take those pills. I'm starting to understand why some people are against taking pills... I also realize that I have a very long way before I will ever be able to refer to myself as a happy person. I don't think I ever truly felt what it's like.

Did any of you experience anything like this?

I knew I'd cry by the time I finish typing.. It didn't come out all day

Hi ADDer! Sorry you're feeling down about this. I hope having people to talk to about it helps you through it.

Sometimes I feel this way a little too, although I try not to rethink the meds. I really believe I tried everything I could without them, and I wouldn't want to look back later and wonder if I could have accomplished any more with my talents if I had accepted a little help to put them to their best use.

When you feel up to it, set a new goal for yourself. Can be something simple or fun, but something that just got away from you before you got treatment. When your new focus helps you get there, you'll have a positive from getting treatment. Much better than focusing on self-criticism because you have a prescription you refill!

Crying releases chemicals that make us feel better so that's a good thing. Adder, I don't know if everyone goes through it, but I've read lots of comments from people about going through the grieving process after being diagnosed. It's been a long time for me, but I still remember experiencing the full gamut of emotions from relief to sorrow. I remember crying because I had passed ADHD on to my kids. It doesn't last, but I think the older we are when we are diagnosed, the more baggage we have to sort. A good cry is therapeutic.

I was diagnosed as a kid, so I don't remember too much about being depressed.
Back then, it wasn't like it is now.
But I do remember having to eat special foods, and take Ritalin with me to school each day, and how I had to get my assignments written down by the teacher, and signed so my parent knew I had done this.
I had a good childhood, but it was far from normal.
In the 70's, all the Dr's knew was to put me on a special diet to control the
HD part, and throw Ritalin at me for the ADD part.
I can't really say that both did anything for me back then, but as I aged, I learned more about myself.
I learned how I "learn" and that I had to focus in 15 minute intervals.
I did that for my associates and my bachelors.
Now at work, I do 15 minutes on, and then walk around for about 5-10 minutes.
Then sit down and do more work.
In gov't, nobody cares!
As long as I get the work out, they don't care if I stand on my head and do it.
Some of this sadness could be the medication too.
You might want to WEBMD it, and see if it has side effects of sadness.
I have some meds like that, and even on a Sunny day with the temps just right, I can be sad (because of the meds).
I realize what it is, and try to deal with it.
But if yours is a dosage too high or low, then you need to call the Dr.
ADD is not an easy diagnosis, but it isn't the end of the world.
If it was, then all the threads on this HUGE board would read that way, and they don't.
A lot of them read about success in life, and success in dealing with their ADD.
In time, yours will read the same.
And you have a whole board full of people to support you!!!

To answer your question, yes. I feel mentally ill and brain damaged and dependent on speed just to do half the things that normal people can get done without it.

This experience is normal when first recieving a diagnosis. The adderall may be contributing slightly in which it may take time for your body to adjust to the medication. Give it a little bit more time and if it doesn't resolve on it's own then I'd suggest speaking to the doctor about it. Best of luck. Keep strong,

Andy...

Ever since I was "officially" diagnosed by a psychiatrist and started with meds a week ago, I have this constant feeling of sadness. While it could be a side-effect of Adderall, I actually think it's a result of me realizing that I have a problem that most people don't... And that in order to lead a "normal" life I have to take those pills. I'm starting to understand why some people are against taking pills... I also realize that I have a very long way before I will ever be able to refer to myself as a happy person. I don't think I ever truly felt what it's like.

Did any of you experience anything like this?

I knew I'd cry by the time I finish typing.. It didn't come out all day

There is a real grieving process with being diagnosed with ADD. I definately went through one. At first it is exciting and answers a lot of questions, but as the reality sinks in and you realize that you weren't making things worse than they actually were and that you have a lifetime condition not everyone has to deal with feelings of sadness, anger, and so forth are common. It's like you lose your view of who you thought you were and it takes a while to accomodate the new view. Just like with a death or other loss, feelings of debelief, numbness followed by anger and frustration, followed by sadness and fear are common before reaching acceptance and peace. There is a lot of bouncing around between those stages, so give yourself time to feel whatever you feel and to get support from accepting understanding people (sometimes that means a counselor).

The book You Mean I'm Not Crazy, Stupid, or Lazy by Ramundo and Kelly gives a very good description of the process.

Take gentle care,
Scattered

OUR LIVES ARE NORMAL AS THEY CAN BE OTHERS LIKE TO MAKE THAT DSIESAON FOR US ......WE ARE WHO WE WE NOT THE SUME OFVE WHAT MAKES US US ...WE LIVE LOVE LIKE ANY OTHER HUMAN.....BEACUYSE WE ARE SIMLES

NEVER LET PEPS GET YOU DOWN OR THAT YOU FEEL YOU DONT HAVE A PLACSE IN THE WOLRD BEACASUES WE DO! THE HARDER LIFE IS THE MORE YOU MUST FIGHT

TRMBERS ITS NOT GETING THERE THAT COUNTS ITS THE JENANAY WE TAKE ON THE ROAD TO IT

AS TO THE SAD,,,, BIT

IAM FEELING VERY SAD MY SELF TODAY SOMEONE WHO WAS LIKE A MUM TO ME IS DIEING.....FORMORE THAN MY MUM EVER WAS......I FONT TAKE DEATH VERY WELL EVEN THOUGH IAM PAGEN/WITCHY.....AN UNDERTAND...WAY THINGS IT STILL HURTS.....IAM GOING TO MISSING THEM GREATLEY......

FOR ME THIS IS WHAT TRUE LIFES ABOUT NOT OUR STRHLEYS AN OUR PAIN
WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HUMAN IS TO UNDERSTAND LIFE AN LOSSS

I THINK WE ALL UNDERSTABD THIS....

FOR EACH NEW DAY BRAINGS NEW HOPE AN NEW POSSABLI;YS
IF YOU HAVE A DREAM GO FOR IT

DORMY

Dorm, you have the soul of a poet.
Hugs.

OH THANKS IMPOC NEVER KNEW I DID THANKS...JUST SAY WHAT I FEEL

SMILES THANKS FOR KIND COMENTS

DORM

You're describing a pretty normal reaction there. You're right; diagnosis does bring relief, but a lot of saddness too. Things are going to be tougher than they will be compared to your family and friends. And sometimes, despite all your best efforts to accomodate for ADD, there are going to be those moments it still comes and gets the better of you.

Although meds are part of management, I've learned in my journey that they aren't "magic pills." They can make my life easier, but as I said, sometimes there are moments where I am still overwhelmed!

You still have a lot of pain left over to deal with. Don't rush yourself to get over it. There are better and happier moments ahead of you, but take the time to mourn over this.

From memory I went thru the following phases when a psych dxd me with ADD:

1. Yeah, right, whatever.
2. What the hell is ADD anyway?
3. Hours on the net looking up ADD stuff.
4. YEAH! RIGHT! COOL!
5. Sad and angry at not being dxd earlier.
6. Acceptance.
7. Joy- legitimate reason to spend hours on computer and ADD forums.

While it could be a side-effect of Adderall, I actually think it's a result of me realizing that I have a problem that most people don't... And that in order to lead a "normal" life I have to take those pills. I'm starting to understand why some people are against taking pills... I also realize that I have a very long way before I will ever be able to refer to myself as a happy person. I don't think I ever truly felt what it's like.

Yo, I have to dissagree with you on the 1st part. TONS of ppl have ADD, just look at these forums :) Adderall might make living a little rugged for a while, but if you "need" to take pills to live a normal life, whats wrong with it? My doctor told me that there is no shame in taking adderall for the rest of my life if i need to, and I have been on it for so long, I don't remember who I really used to be anymore, but at the same time, I don't think that I would be an extremely different person if I stopped.

Not to just throw yet another book at you, but Sari Solden addressed this whole journey/grieving process/frustration/who the hell am I? stuff in her book, appropriately titled, Journeys Through ADDulthood. First couple of paragraphs from inside flap:

"If you are (or live or work with) one of the almost 10 million American adults who have Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD), this book is vitally important. Many who experience AD/HD, especially if diagnosed in adulthood [emphasis added], may have enjoyed some progress early in treatment, only to feel stuck and discouraged after a few years. Too often treatments tend to focus exclusively on managing the symptoms of AD/HD rather than on learning to deal with the emotions surrounding the symptoms and living a fulfilling life even when symptoms persist [emphasis added]....

Your view of who you are and what you can accomplish probably has been distorted by many years of feeling "different" from people who don't have AD/HD. Based on Solden's work over the pas twelve years [book was pub'd in 2002], [this book] focuses on the emotional challenges men and women with AD/HD face....

You might consider doing a search for "Sari Solden" on these forums...I seem to recall this book had its own thread back when I first joined---wa-a-y back in the day-heh!

Believe me, I fully comprehend that asking an ADDer to actually finish a book is akin to asking freeway expansion projects to be "wrapped up" faster. I have 11 or so books on ADHD, a few of which I've actually finished reading, and most of the others I've only skimmed and "picked out the good parts" that seemed to help explain me to me the most. My progress (and regress!) through these books has taken almost six years (and counting!). Those books will still be there "tomorrow," even if "tomorrow" doesn't come for another six years. I'm comforted to know that I have them, and that my local library has the ones I haven't purchased yet--or better yet, someone on the internet has them and I don't even have to leave my house to get them! ;)

I agree with everyone else here...your feelings and frustrations are normal. All this is going to take time, and it'll wear you out at least as often as it'll pump you up. Most importantly, you're not alone--there's a helluva lotta other folks on these forums rarin' ta help ya!

Onward ~
smooch

Believe me, I fully comprehend that asking an ADDer to actually finish a book is akin to asking freeway expansion projects to be "wrapped up" faster. I have 11 or so books on ADHD, a few of which I've actually finished reading, and most of the others I've only skimmed and "picked out the good parts" that seemed to help explain me to me the most. My progress (and regress!) through these books has taken almost six years (and counting!). Those books will still be there "tomorrow," even if "tomorrow" doesn't come for another six years. I'm comforted to know that I have them, and that my local library has the ones I haven't purchased yet--or better yet, someone on the internet has them and I don't even have to leave my house to get them! ;)


Onward ~
smoochBoy, do I identify with you on this statement! I was plowing through an awful lot of books very quickly (okay -- not from cover to cover, but most of the book!:p ) while on meds. In the months since I've been on meds, I haven't finished one book even out of order.:rolleyes: They're starting to pile up quickly.

Scattered

...I haven't finished one book even out of order. They're starting to pile up quickly.

Heh! I didn't even mention the TWO file cabinet drawers I have full of ADHD-related professional journal articles, only 25% (guestimate) of which I've read. Ok, I actually didn't remember that I had them until I read your post. ;) Oh yeah, I also have two 12-inch piles of even more articles I have yet to file. I'm going on three years of having them take up space on my computer room floor. (Yes, there are parts of that floor that are visible! And I'm really impressed with myself for it! :D )

Onward ~
smooch

Heh! I didn't even mention the TWO file cabinet drawers I have full of ADHD-related professional journal articles, only 25% (guestimate) of which I've read. Ok, I actually didn't remember that I had them until I read your post. ;) Oh yeah, I also have two 12-inch piles of even more articles I have yet to file. I'm going on three years of having them take up space on my computer room floor. (Yes, there are parts of that floor that are visible! And I'm really impressed with myself for it! :D )

Onward ~
smoochYou file articles!!!:eek: :faint: :D Wow -- I'm impressed (and more than a little jealous) -- mine are just stuffed in drawers, on closet floors, and around the computer.:rolleyes:

Scattered:)

You file articles!!! Wow -- I'm impressed ....

Aw shucks, thank you! :D But...well...um...in theory I do file articles, but being organized isn't what inspires me. Using new hanging file folders of many different colors (except blues...don't like the color blue) is usually what inspires me. Weird. Same feeling I have always gotten when I have a brand new writing pad in front of me. Just wanna write on it. Doesn't matter what I write, as long as I write on it. And then, after using the first 5 pgs, I wanna use a different new pad..... :eyebrow: (I digress! :D )

But don't forget, I have those two other piles waiting for their special day...and waiting...and waiting! And there's a lotta miscellaneous pileage on TOP of the cabinets.... :p But maybe new folders have lost their touch...I have had 4 brand new boxes sitting around for months now...... :o

Smiles!
smooch

I was only sad that I hadn't been diagnosed earlier. I constantly thought of the possiblilities that slipped through my fingers. But, whatever, I'm on my meds now and seeing a good doctor.

I remember at the age of about 10 or 11 when every I was old enough to know, my parent told me I was epileptic and what it was all about.

I was mad and felt stupid. I went through a period of hating them, and myself. I decieded not to take my medication and then had a grandmal seizure. My parents told my Aunt and boy did I get it... I can remember her saying to me" so you think people that take medication arent normal" At that poinnnnt she dumbeed her purse onto the kitchen table.... WOW the pill bottles.... she told me this is for my ..... and this one is for.... there must have been at least five bottles.

That was an awakening moment for me. I am not going to say you wont be mad. There are stages on works through and every one is different.

It has taken me along time.