If you've never learnt, one way or another, to drive a car, you'll never be able to drive unless it's been somehow programmed into you from birth via some quirk of the cosmic collective unconsciousness. Or something like that.

(I have consulted the good folk at Brainwave Centre and they say if I am not sure whther I want to go ahead with the testing I can set up an appointment with the doctor and he can gauge whether I need the testing or not. So, after months and years of speculation, I am coming closer and closer to getting some sort of an answer. and i am terrified. so here a couple more questions...)

So similarly, with the car analogy, I do wonder if my current main symptoms and problems, chronic procrastination/time management and disorganisation/planning, are just the result of me never having picked up good working habits in my early life, rather than having a neurological basis. Maybe I just never learnt. Perhaps I just never bothered to. Despite bad reports in class about my tardiness, it never affected my status with my peers, so perhaps I didn't see it as something I absolutely needed to change. After all, my time management problems are not a result of being unable to estimate time, I usually can tell you what time of day it is easily and accurately. But I still manage time really badly. So, I have no excuse.
Given that I really need to pass all my subjects this year, and possibly do more in a semester given how very far behind I am, I need to really get going. If I have ADD, a diagnosis will give me the motivation and strategies to "get going". But, I am terribly afraid that it will turn out that I don't have ADD. It would utterly devastate me and turn up the guilt over so many complex things to do with ADD, one of them being I am a lucky spoilt brat who is lucky to have understanding people's support everywhere, and is just using the ADD thing because I have never had to work hard in my life and so am now am finding hard work, well, hard.
When my story is really the opposite of the people who really have ADD.
When there are so many around me who don't have the support of parents or friends, who have to struggle, just work hard, know they have to, and they are the ones who really have ADD. I'm really scared of finding out. But for the sake of my academic year I have to. But it could be a Pandora's Box that will leave me devastated. I don't want to find out that I'm the bad guy.

I've had to learn a plethora of skills, without the 'guidance' of 'family' or 'friends'.

ADHD was not one of them.


Best wishes to you.

WE CLOTTIVE CONESSSION IS WAY YES AN GENES ARE THE OTHER BUT THAT DEP ON YOUR FAIMLY DOING THAT TASK,,,,IE DRIVEING....WRITEING...ETC...

ADD ADHD ETC,,,,ARE NOT LERENED SKILLS... THERE A WAY OFE MIND...

WE DONT CHOASE TO BE THE WAY WE ARE GENES ENIMVERMNT SCOSITY AN EPMAGLY GENETICS ARE ONE THE MISSING PICSES HERE ...

IAM MORE THAN THE SUM MY PARTS,,,

ADD DONT DEFINE ME I DO!

DORM

lurker,

I hear you. Those were my fears as well, to some degree they still are. Fortunately (?!) I have some comorbidities and knowing the history of some family members increases my confidence in my diagnosis. If I did not, I don't know that I would ever have been able to fully trust that I had ADD. I am afraid of being a hypochondriac and it appears that's true for you as well.

Writing down examples from your childhood may help give you clarity. Also look at family members and see if any of them struggle with routine parts of life in ways that are similar to you.

One comparison that is useful is between school/work times and your recreation. Do you finish projects that are hobbies? Are you great at managing your leisure time and staying on schedule with what you want to do for fun? Remember that in order for a doctor to make this diagnosis he will have to see impairment in more spheres of your life than just work/school. Even though I have a pretty clear history of this in multiple areas of my life it didn't completely alleviate my fear, so I do sympathize.

lurker,

I hear you. Those were my fears as well, to some degree they still are. Fortunately (?!) I have some comorbidities and knowing the history of some family members increases my confidence in my diagnosis. If I did not, I don't know that I would ever have been able to fully trust that I had ADD. I am afraid of being a hypochondriac and it appears that's true for you as well.

Writing down examples from your childhood may help give you clarity. Also look at family members and see if any of them struggle with routine parts of life in ways that are similar to you.

One comparison that is useful is between school/work times and your recreation. Do you finish projects that are hobbies? Are you great at managing your leisure time and staying on schedule with what you want to do for fun? Remember that in order for a doctor to make this diagnosis he will have to see impairment in more spheres of your life than just work/school. Even though I have a pretty clear history of this in multiple areas of my life it didn't completely alleviate my fear, so I do sympathize.No, no one in my family has similar issues at all. Only I have an uncle who seems to be emotionally immature, quite ansty and short fuse in a way that made me think of ADHD. But that's only a bit of a possibility, not even a probability. I'm not sure about my dad since my parents are divorced, I've seen his flat a couple of times and it was a cleaning disaster (laptop coated with dust), but it could well be just the single male syndrome...

I can't quite answer the hobbies thing. I guess artwork wise once I get going I get going but most things are left lying untouched or half finished, materials bought but never used.. But for most leisure activities... I'm not sure.

I think right now I can stay on track in one aspect of my life (buying groceries, etc) and then lose track of the other i.e. staying on track with work. but it could be because I don't push myself and say I can do both.

I'm not even sure I lose stuff anymore... maybe I just don't even make the effort to look. I mean, I don't have the working memory issues ADDers have. I have an almost eidetic memory. I remember entire strings of conversations right down to the nuance of tone. If I read a book, as long as I understand it properly it will stay. The only memory problems I have are the speaking halfway and forgetting what I was going to say/tip of tongue, losing things everywhere, forgetting what I was supposed to do/bring or what I was going to do (the 'next' step'). That kind of thing. I retain information great.

Btw as far as co morbidities go I have a dx of Aspergers but even that to me that remains in doubt since there were a thousand and one factors the day i was assessed that could have produced a "false positive", and certain things which I know were sen as AS behaviours were misconstrued. My only AS issue that is definitely an issue is eye contact. And obsessive thinking.

I mean, I don't have the working memory issues ADDers have. I have an almost eidetic memory. I remember entire strings of conversations right down to the nuance of tone. If I read a book, as long as I understand it properly it will stay.
There was a story last year of a woman who remembered clearly and in detail every day of her life.
It struck a chord with me because I have an ability to remember things I read word for word and also page layouts and diagrams. This came in very handy at school though it's faded to some degree by now.

Anyway I looked the story up a few days ago and was surprised (almost shocked) to find that the woman (AJ) actually has executive functioning problems and OCD tendencies.

AJ may have a variant of a neurodevelopmental, frontostriatal
disorder putting her at risk for her hyperthymestic syndrome.

Deficits in executive functioning and anomalous lateralization
are both found in neurodevelopmental frontostriatal disorders which
include autism, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder, Tourette’s syndrome and schizophrenia.

The frontostriatal system (dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, lateral orbitofronal
cortex, cingulate, supplementary motor area and associated basal ganglia
structures) is vulnerable to neurodevelopmental disorders and this is consistent
with AJ’s history and presentation. For example, AJ reports that from an early age
she became upset when order in her external environment was
disturbed, a sign of early obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

See http://www.grahamazon.com/2006/04/ajs-autobiographical-memory/


Anyway, this is just to say that the symptoms of ADHD are not clear cut, and it seems that you have valid concerns and you owe it to yourself to get them checked out.

Lurker, u r still questioning ur dx after 119 posts..say no more..IMO u have ADD or SJD (severe job dissatisfaction).

Thinking in Pictures by Dr. Temple Grandin. Very good read and written by an amazing woman. http://www.grandin.com/inc/visual.thinking.html

Thinking in Pictures by Dr. Temple Grandin. Very good read and written by an amazing woman. http://www.grandin.com/inc/visual.thinking.htmlThanks, finally someone that makes sense in relation to thinking patterns. I do the exact same thing with programming. I don't quite see the line by line, but I can put pieces and things together and model them in my head, then when I have to write it, I allready know what has to be done and just have to implement the language to build what I have put together mentally. Any other resources?

Lurker, u r still questioning ur dx after 119 posts..say no more..IMO u have ADD or SJD (severe job dissatisfaction).umm yeah... that'd be me... :o
anyway i have finally made an appointment with the doc from the Brainwave Centre to see if I do need all that qeeg ADd testing or not.

Any ideas guys? My appointment is this Saturday and I have to somehow get the point accross to him that while my symptoms save for good fine motor control were more classic ADD when I was younger, but over the last few years they have evolved into something very un-ADD except for severe inertia in getting many things done, disorganisation/planning. I also kinda need to get across that I have this whole obsessive dilemma over ADD/AS to him because it's been bugging me for years. I'm not sure what to say and what not to say though. All advice would be helpful.

You could write your symptoms out on paper when you are relaxed and hand it to the doctor, you could take an on-line test and print the results and take those. . . .if you really want to emphasized your symptoms you could copy, paste and print 119 post question the possibility you have ADD okay maybe you should reduce it to the post where you describe the problems you have been having.

The memory thing . . .. long term memory isn't a problem for many ADDers like myself. I have excellent long term memory I can visualizes re-call auditory or kinsically and I have a better than NTer long term but please do not ask me what I did with my cell phone five minutes ago .

http://www.grandin.com/inc/visual.thinking.html


When I do an equipment simulation in my imagination or work on an engineering problem, it is like seeing it on a videotape in my mind. I can view it from any angle, placing myself above or below the equipment and rotating it at the same time. I don't need a fancy graphics program that can produce three-dimensional design simulations. I can do it better and faster in my head. {End Quote]

Wow this is how I see physics. . . . . .

Lurker, I think you should draw up two lists - one for the reasons you think you have ADD and one for the reasons you think you don't have ADD... (give examples). When I was dxd - I just knew it was right, but then this was after a lot of years and experience of being misdxd. Ps. have a good look at ur posts they might give u a clue as to whether u have ADD.

ADDish is not a language that can be learned or taught, one is born knowing it ;).

heh-- jacintha ive been looking over my old posts and they reveal nothing except a very confused mind...
good suggestion on the 2 separate lists.
the last time i went to get tested for anything it was straight into the testing... ive never had an initial consultation before. im really nervous to say the least.

it's funny how i was just looking over my posts and I was just myself giving suggestions about bringing a list of concerns to the doc-- yet for myself I am at sea--
how much of severe inertia/procrastination is considered a sign of ADD? everyone procrastinates but i procrastinate on so many things in my life there is so much undone. this cant be normal and It is really driving me mad. the trouble is different docs seem to apply a different model of ADD. The doc I am going to see tommorow (help!) is a specialist in ADD but I'm kinda scared his model concentrates much more on the concentration side of things and he's going to dismiss my procrastination and tell me to get my act together.

doctors don't seem to b able to get their act together..how often have u had to wait when u go to the doctors...it happens with monotonous regularity..

how much of severe inertia/procrastination is considered a sign of ADD? everyone procrastinates but i procrastinate on so many things in my life there is so much undone. this cant be normal and It is really driving me mad. the trouble is different docs seem to apply a different model of ADD. The doc I am going to see tommorow (help!) is a specialist in ADD but I'm kinda scared his model concentrates much more on the concentration side of things and he's going to dismiss my procrastination and tell me to get my act together.

Model of ADD you mean an ADD model patent?

I didn't prepare squat however the fact I wiggled through the entire interview thing, lost a little book without leaving the room and slid out of a chair after 30 minutes of being expected to sit in it was more than likely the reason I was diagnoses as having primarily hyperactive ADD = or 29 year old who uses chair as jungle gym.

Well it turned out to be a really short consultation. He basically went over a basic explanation of ADD (I was telling him about the traffic jam in my head)-- a computer that has too many programs on at once is basically going to run slower. But mostly he was just telling me how the assessment worked so I guess he either thinks I need it (I also told him about my prev diagnosis) or they dont do anything until after the assessment (?). he said i'd be very good if I could get my previous report in.
The whole assessment thing sounds very comprehensive. they specialise in ADD. But damn, the cost is just not gonna work out for me. I don't know if I should just wait and potentially let the same pattern of behaviour wreck another semester, do the assessment (and also potentially find out I'm not ADD= no solution) and be broke for the rest of the semester, or go somewhere else less reliable and do the assessment.

It sounds messy. Can't you accept you're ADD until after you've finished the semester or is it a question of needing the dx to get the meds you need? I'm a bit lost as to why you need to do the assessment right now.

Hi jacinta, thanks for following this saga :P
because of my very poor management of almost everything I have been doing very badly at uni and I really need to really improve things this semester. need to graduate= need to get 'help'. Maybe meds, maybe not, but either way I need help!

If you do the assesment, at least you will have more information when it is done. If you have ADHD, fine it ought to indicate that, if not, that is more information too.

At least you will have an answer of some kind and won't have to wonder if you have adhd or not.

ME :D

Well it turned out to be a really short consultation. He basically went over a basic explanation of ADD (I was telling him about the traffic jam in my head)-- a computer that has too many programs on at once is basically going to run slower. But mostly he was just telling me how the assessment worked so I guess he either thinks I need it (I also told him about my prev diagnosis) or they dont do anything until after the assessment (?). he said i'd be very good if I could get my previous report in.
The whole assessment thing sounds very comprehensive. they specialise in ADD. But damn, the cost is just not gonna work out for me. I don't know if I should just wait and potentially let the same pattern of behaviour wreck another semester, do the assessment (and also potentially find out I'm not ADD= no solution) and be broke for the rest of the semester, or go somewhere else less reliable and do the assessment.

Lurker, it sounds as if you are in a dilemma..afterall your future is at stake. I was only dxd last year. I had been dxd with 'depression' b4 that. I think I was dxd with that because they didn't know what I had. Even the psych who dxd me with ADD last year said that he 'missed it' when I went to see him a few times 12 years ago! and of course you're going to get depressed if you don't fit in and u dont sleep properly and u never feel right or ur always making mistakes. Its been a difficult road. All I know now is that my ADD symptoms are not as severe from about 2pm in the afternoon until 4-6 am in the morning. But put me in a 7am - 6pm work zone and I'm a bull in a china shop. I think you need to pay attention to what your body is telling you..when do you want to sleep, have u tried finding out what your natural sleep rhythm is and if you feel calm, focused, etc at a certain time in your 25 hour clock. Noises like crickets chirping sound like music to me at 2 am in the morning- but at 6am in the morning I could become a serial cricket killer!! what is this telling me? - I am more sensitive to sounds at certain times of the day. Some doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists etc say that you can change your circadian rhythm..I wish they felt the way I did when I have to try and wake up at 7am after being asleep for 2-3 hours..If you have ADD and you can't work around 'normal' time tables then perhaps you could find other strategies to help you get thru uni - eg getting ur lectures taped and having tutorials in the late afternoon, do assignments rather than exams to get graded and if exams are compulsory then it may be you will have to get the medical profession to insist that you have to do them in the afternoons when you can function ok and not feel half asleep. ADD can really be a disability in as much as you could be out of sync with the time zone u live in..

Did you know that ur blood pressure, pain threshhold, temperature, hormones, kidney function etc all change during your 25 hour rhythm. Try and be aware of these things (its not hard) to work out what is your optimal sleep/wake pattern.

I hope this helps..I've been (hyper) focusing on this sort of stuff for the last 6 months now..I know what is happening with my body and brain. I'm not going to be stuffed full of sleeping tablets/anti-depressants etc for another 20 years just so I can be part of the 9 2 5 chain gang.

Of course you realise that if your optimal sleep/wake pattern is out of whack with those around you, you will only have solved half of the problem...the rest of the problem is how do you deal with this..especially hard if you have a partner who works normal hours and kids who have to go to school..good luck.