I'm so alone. I don't tend to think about this often, but when I do.. it's very bad :(

I have no support system of any kind with what I'm going through. Not really because no one knows about my issues.. but because there IS NO ONE.

All I have here is my GF for the past 4 years. All my family is 5000 miles away in a different country. My one and only friend is there as well. I've lived here for almost 4 years now and never made one friend. How pathetic is that...

My GF, well, I wouldn't really say she's a support system. If anything, ultimately I think she makes things worse. She doesn't believe in meds, and for the longest time she's held the idea that I just don't feel like doing whatever needs to get done, that I'm too lazy to finish work-related projects, etc.

On top of all that, I love her so much that I shut down when I try to spill out whatever is on my mind because I hate the notion of me being a burden, or her having someone who is so mentally unstable. Maybe that's why it took me so long to seek real treatment.

My one friend overseas has no clue of what I'm going through (I've mentioned ADD stuff in the past, but never followed up or updated her on its affects on me). I've known her since high school, and we used to be very close.. until I left the country. Ever since then... there's just so much you want to cover in a phone conversation (and I especially hate talking on the phone). When I do go for visits, I don't want to ruin our time together that I just never make it a point to start talking about the bad stuff.. With her I genuinely have fun. And I only get to do that once a year for 2 weeks.

Everyone just seems so happy around me.. wherever I go. They all hang out with a bunch of people and all that.. I haven't had that for years. It's not that I don't get along with people.. I just don't know, I guess I don't have much of an opportunity to meet potential friends. I do have a tiny bit of SAD, but I don't think that's why. I think that ultimately I don't think I can trust people over the long-term..

I'm kinda used to being an outsider and all that, and the thing is that it never used to bother me until recently. I do still enjoy spending time alone or just with my GF, but these days I am just so damn lonely. I don't even feel like calling up my brothers or sisters back home because they're all so content with their lives.. why do they need me crying over the phone?

I'm just so sick of having no one.. and yeah, it sure helps to spend time on this forum, but I miss BEING with people who care, you know? Like, in real life. I miss getting asked for advice on whatever it may be, I just miss it. And I don't think I'll ever have that any time soon and it scares the hell out of me.

Wish I had someone to call even once a month for a beer or something. From time to time my GF makes friends with another couple and we go out once or twice, but then my extremely bad memory kicks in - I forget stuff that I know and therefore cannot engage in a real conversation for too long.. and I end up being the quiet one and so I make up excuses why I don't want to go out next time my GF tries to plan a night out with those people.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm not contributing anything to this world and what is the point then? And then I'm thinking about me starting a family one day.. but then I think how can I possibly bring kids to this world when I can barely function? Sometimes I don't even know why my GF is even with me still.

:(:(:(

Oops, meant to post it in Adult ADD... oh well

I'm a little to young to really have anything of value to really say ADDer,

But your in my thoughts and prayers man.

I know it's not quite the same, but here is a suport system. After spending hours (if not days) online looking for anything to help my son (and finding very little) when I finally came here and realized that I'm not alone....well...it helped.

One thing to remember, we all have a "public" face. It's harder when you're down to realize and remember, bu not everyone's life is perfect, even if it seems that way. We all have our issues, just remember that you can come here for support. :)
*hugs*

Hey ADDer,

My heart goes out to you, friend. By reading your recent posts it seems like depression and anxiety are starting to take a heavy toll on you. You may still need to have your medication adjusted but that isn't the solution to everything. I understand what you mean by feeling alone in this struggle. I have told very few people that I have ADHD and only 1-2 of those are open and accepting of me and non-judgemental. My wife, even though she loves and accepts me, does not really show a real desire to understand my ADHD so I am careful what I say to her. She would just be happy if I passed for "normal" most of the time. LOL!

I am in the process of trying to find an ADHD life coach that can help me adjust better to the world and I have searched the internet and found a few support groups in my area that I might start visiting. This forum has been a tremendous help to me as well.

If I can give you any simple advice--I would recommend that you make every effort to be proactive.
*Search the internet for support groups in your area.
*Talk to your psychiatrist or psychologist about your feelings of loneliness see if they have recommendations.
*Also, What country are you from? There may be social groups with people from your country near you. That may help you feel at home being with people from your native country. Perhaps you may even find someone there that can be a friend that you can share you burdens with.
*Are you a member of any particular religion or denomination? Even if you are not, most good churches (I use that term openly to include all religions) are particularly accepting of people that struggle with any number of problems and offer support groups and or counseling. You can even call them (anonymously) out of the phone book and explain your problems to the secretary and they should be able to tell you what they offer and you should also get a sense for whether or not you would be welcomed there. I meet every week with a guy from my church for breakfast and we talk about whatever is on our minds. His wife and 3 of his kids also struggle with ADHD so he can relate and won't judge me. I really appreciate his friendship and look forward to our times together. It is also nice to know that he is praying for me and the specific challenges I face.
*Lastly, I am willing and available to talk to you anytime you want. I lived in Ft. Hauchuca, Arizona for a short time when I was in the Army and had family that we visited around Duncan several times so have been all over that state. You could call me and talk about Arizona if you want. I won't judge you or reject you and you can cry on the phone if you want. I'm a social worker so I am used to that. If you forget what you were saying or just want to sit on the phone in silence, that is fine to. Just PM if you want my phone number and I will send it to you. I'll be praying for you, too.

Thanks buddy :) I really appreciate you offering all this, and I might take you up on that one day, but for the time being I still don't feel comfortable integrating the forum and relationships formed here with my "offline life" :cool:

You make some good suggestions as far as going out there and trying to find a community.. I tried some of them, but have yet to try looking up support groups in my area. I think I'll do it..

I have a WHOLE LOT of things that need to get done in the next few days.. I don't even know where to start! :D I think the first step is to close the computer.. lol

THANKS AGAIN!!