View Full Version : Can't find good therapist. So tired of trying. Need to vent!

03-08-07, 10:40 AM
Hi everyone

I was diagnosed about a year ago with ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder. I have been going to a counselor for about the same amount of time. I have not been satisfied with her because she mainly just says "do it" to what ever problem I have and when I talk about how lonely I am and don't have anyone she will tell me over and over again that everyone is alone and all anyone of us has is ourselves. She also told me that she could not help me with my self-esteem because that is something you have to get for yourself.

I decided it was time for me to find a new counselor. One who could help me work on my self-esteem and my social problems. I had no idea who to see so picked a psychologist that was close to where I live When I talked to her receptionist I told her what I wanted and she said that the psychologist did do counseling. I have seen her for 3 times now and she asked tons of questions trying to get a diagnosis for me of which I questioned the first session to why she was asking me the questions from a book that I could clearly see was her trying to find a diagnosis for me. I let her know again why I was there, but while I would sneak a question in once in awhile she would go back to her little book of diagnosic questions. She was maybe 63- 67 years old and had been in her profession for years. Even though I swear she didn't know herself what she was doing and spent little time on what I wanted to talk about. Today I told her I already had a diagnosis when she said, "I just don't know, but I think you are bipolar" (she dropped this bomb on me at the very end of the session and said times up)! Did I ask her to diagnose me? Did she hear why I was there? What right was it of her to dismiss the diagnosis I already had of which I told her in my first session with her. She had never heard of NAMI a group I just joined, she keeps asking me the same questions over because she forgets what I have said. And to top it off she now says that she thinks I am bipolar not ADD! The psychologist that diagnosed me with ADD had 4 people in my family fill out a lengthy questionare on me to help him determine my diagnosis.

I told my "new counselor" that I already had a diagnosis and that I did not think I was bipolar as I had read several books on it and since my daughter may be bipolar according to one counselor and that I knew I was nothing like her. My husband does not think I am bipolar either. I told her I came here to get help with my social skills. She told me she needed the diagnosis even though I didn't. I don't want to start over with a new diagnosis and have been working hard for a year now to understand ADD and how it effects me and my life.

Our time was up. I was angry and frustrated because she wasted my time and money. She spent more time typing on her computer about what I said than looking at me and just talking. No wonder she couldn't remember what I said or the questions she asked more than once. If you can't remeber someone did poorly in grade school and high school and only remember that they did well in college how in the heck can you make a diagnosis?

I am angry, tired and frustrated! I have seen so many unprofessional, strange unknowledgable and sick professionals who needed to find someone to help them instead of trying to help others that I am about ready to give up.

I guess this has been building up because I have never been this angry or upset with the ignorance I have found in a profession that I once felt I may want to persue as a career.

In 35 years of off and on going to counselors and such I had one great one. She knew the right questioons to ask to make me think. She was professional, but it seems almost like it came natural to her to know what to say and what to do. I left her office after over a year in therapy feeling good about myself and hopeful about my future. I used what I learned from myself by her skilful guidance to help me help myself to improve my life for 10 years. Only when life sent many problems and new pain did I falter and need help again.

So where do I find a good counselor? I think it is getting harder and harder to find. I am tired of wasting my time and money and if I have to hunt I would like to only have to spend one session to see if they are right for me instead of them asking me tons of questions for their sake instead of what I want and need from therapy.

I needed to vent. I need to vent for another 10 hours at least. LOL Still angry and upset. Hey! you professionals out there this is our lives while it is only a profession to you. We have to live with ourselves and our conditions everyday. Still venting LOL

03-08-07, 10:53 AM
Oh hey, vent until ya cannot vent any more! I am in a similar boat here myself. I am limited by insurance and man! My therapist does her best but admitted right from the start she was not going to be able to work much with my ADHD, although she is quite good with my bipolar :D. She freely admits she has never seen anybody like me in her practice, ever. That's honest and refreshing but not very encouraging?

I once had "the great therapist" and a few excellent doctors who also gave me therapy. Its hard not to compare the new professionals in my life with those old ones....

03-08-07, 12:10 PM
Pam, What part of Missouri are you in. (You can PM me if you don't want to disclose it here) I am a Missouri native and live currently in the southwest corner of the Kansas City Metro area. I saw a very good psychologist that listen very well and I think gave me an accurate diagnoses. I have no idea if you are near my part of the state but we might be able to get our heads together and help find you a good therapist. Just let me know...

03-09-07, 08:04 PM
Thank you crazy feet and hardyhar. I feel better today. I ranted a raved when my husband got home last night. He was tired and really wasn't up to listening, but I really don't expect him to listen to me all the time. Not when there are so many times that I ramble. LOL

As far as where I live I can't go any farther than Independence to see a doctor. Really that is to far sometimes because I get lost in my backyard. Thanks for trying to help me find a dr. Hardy.

I called my new pschologist and canceled my appointment with her today. My luck, I got her on the phone instead of her receptionist. We talked for awhile about why I felt the way I do. She seems to be a nice caring person, but that just isn't enough. So now to look through my insurance doctor prospects again. Yuck!

03-09-07, 08:34 PM
Great post Pam!:)

I can relate to your frustration of trying to find a good therapist. Most of the ones I have seen seem like they need to be in therapy themselves, seriously!

I'm searching myself and it's overwhelming when I open my "provider listing book" (It's like a big telephone book) My health insurance only covers certain doctors, literally hundreds though.

I know how you feel about having to start over with someone new and having to explain yourself all over again with no guarantee that this is the therapist that you can relate to.

I wish I had some good advice but at least I can relate.
Good luck and keep us posted:)

03-10-07, 03:10 AM
I am here right now b/c I want to vent also. My family is in ruins we fell "through the cracks" a long time ago - because no one cared: school guidance counselors, licensed thereapists, doctors, etc. I am going to take serious action because my oldest is headed for an early death and I don't want my youngest one to end up like us. I want her to have friends and make wise decisions. I found out what we had when my oldest was in high school. Started reading a book about ADD/ADHD and it was "Eureka!" There is a disorder for what is wrong with us - we are not crazy. But no one wanted to help - I have been everywhere and no one wants to help us! I've been told, "There many disorders with the same symptoms." Well, why don't we just start with the basics - don't jump to conduct disorder and bi-polar. I believe these have their roots in ADD. Never tell anyone that you think you have ADD - they don't listen after that. "The teachers would have noticed it in elementary school." Really? Why is that? Because they are trained in that field, because they are MD's, because the classrooms are small so that they can observe each and every child? What a bunch of crap! No one cares and we have been involved with Children's Services for many years - they never "saw" it either. My children were never taken from me and the relatives who called them were never examined. The relatives called Children's Services on a yearly basis. When they started calling after my youngest was born, I told the investigator who contacted me, "I'm not going through this again. Investigate those people and leave me alone." I knew him - he knew me - he never contacted me again! I was so busy fighting fraudulent allegations during the first 16 years of my oldest daughter's life that I never had the chance to research anything. I always knew that she was different from the other children but I just thought that was partly from the psychotic relatives and I had always been different as a child/teenager/adult. But when I read the book about ADD/ADHD it was an eye-opener. We are NOT crazy, we are NOT like the relatives, we have a chance to get better. But that chance never came. I am going to find someone who will care and actually help us and I am not going to be nice about it. I am tired of being crapped on, walked on, trying to be nice to people who do not deserve it in order to keep everything positive. We need help and have needed help for years but no one ever listened or cared enough to dig deeper. The mental health profession is a JOKE! I KNOW what we have and I am sick and tired of the mental suffering. My little one is going to have a chance to live in a positive and rewarding manner. No one cares anymore. Thanks for letting me vent! I needed to do this. If I can save my children's lives, then I can rest. My life is in shambles - I don't want them to live like I have. No more Mr. Nice Guy - I AM going to get the medical attention that my children deserve and I will find someone to listen and to help all of us. I have just been going in the wrong direction - I am going to pray fervently and hopefully HE will guide us to the right person. Because HE is the only left that is able to help us!

03-10-07, 09:42 AM
re: Pam

You are correct.

Therapists saying -- "Just do it" does not work for people with GAD. *hilarious*/*pathetic*

She is talking from her own reference point of not having an Anxiety Disorder. (Not being objective as to (a) the existence of your anxiety disorder is and (b) invalidating how your anxiety effects YOU in your daily life.

03-10-07, 09:50 AM
We are often better off reading books, talking to peers and doing our own healing, I find.

Psychology and Psychiatry and other 'helping professions' are like the Wizard of Oz. Pull back the curtains and there's just the little man playing with the gears.

Secret : The person who knows the real answers to your problems and solutions is YOU.


As I say to my Psychiatrist fiance all the time: people hate Psychiatrists and Counsellors b/c we can't give them the happy childhood they deserved. (e.g. early life love, respect, etc.)

It can't be 're-done'.

We all have our own answers to our healing. A skilled Helper is one that helps you to FIND your own Answers.

Sheesh. I could spend 3 days with anyone and probably identify at least 1/3 of their core stressors and issues that need addressing.


Psychology and Psychiatry should stick to crazy people. (Not hurting people.) If you aren't talking to God, get outta line. <G>

03-15-07, 02:36 AM
I disagree, friends & family can't give unconditional support the way a therapist can. Many people don't have the skills needed to find the answers to the their own problems. Part of the process is learning new coping skills. Some don't even know another way even exists. My therapist helped me change my life so much that he inspired me to go into that profession.

03-16-07, 08:08 PM
what part of missouri are you at?