Hi guys!

i just wanted to vent really....so here i go lol

a month ago my bestfriends boyfriend lost to me when were were playing UNO, yes UNO (remember that little detail)

and guess what he called me???

Incompetent.

oh yes he did. and the worst part my friends laughted.

he knew i was upset but cause he is the most competitive guy i HAVE EVEN MET and well i think he is just one of those ppl you know that will do whatever it takes to win even win by insulting you, he did not apolizise. Nope! No "sorry i just insulted your intelligence."

i was over his place and sleeping over so i couldn't go home and that's all i wanted to do after that. My two 'friends' were there , one of them was AND still is dating him too so i don't want to make a big scene so i was stuck really.

Firstly it was frigging UNO. Secondly my friends laughted. Liz my friend who was no dating the jackass drove me home and when i told her i was upset she agreed with me about what an *** he is. Which was nice at the time cause i felt really bad but still doesn't stop the fact she still laughted although i think she was as uncomfortable as i am during and after the whole insulting me thing.

And the thing that kills me really is that the girl who is dating him was my best friend...well that what she claimed...i don't know...he is her first boyfriend and everyone knows what first loves are like OH YES they have siad they loved each other.

I think the truth of this whole story is that i'm sick of being called stupid or 'incompedent' because i say things without thinking or i zone out in conversations. i don't need to hear that mot from friends not from my dad or my mum.

I don't know what to do really....tell her how i feel??? it's been a while but now whenever i see him i just cant stand him and i'm drifting away from her cause of that and the way she just accepted what he said. i told her i was upset and i want him to apoligize but i don't think she told him.

What i really wanna do i just tell her that i'm upset and that i don't think i can spend time with her when he is around. i don't wanna hear about him i don't really care about him...

Please help would tell her be worth it? i care about her and i don't want to stop being her friend but i think that it's for the best if i tell her cause that kind of behaviour between so called friends is not okay and i still feel really hurt about it.

still a little hurt:

Sandy :(

P.S you know what sucks even more? that cause time with me is terriable i don't know if a week has pasted or a month it could have happed two months ago and i feel that my window of oppotunity has closed....ARG....I hate this

Hey Sandydeadd,
I'm sorry this is bothering you. I know it can be hard to have these conflicts between you, your friends, and the people that are important to them. ((Hugs)). You may have moments of ADD frustration but you obviously you want to overcome them and you will.

I find there are certain people who are very critical of ADD behaviors. One of these people noticed a couple of my behaviors and told me I didn't have any common sense once. It bugged the heck out of me. Even though he was a d*$%, even though I didn't really feel the need to be his friend, I still did not want him spreading that impression of me around. I kind of hear that in how you aren't so much upset that this guy thought this about you, but how your other friends reacted to what he said.

Obviously you are working on overcoming your ADD behaviors, so don't obsess over setbacks or let an insensitive person set you back. Your friends can see this too I'm sure. And your best friends boyfriend has some major work to do on himself because he's an insensitive *****. He needs to get some social skills if he uses UNO as a reason to judge and insult people. I'm sure your friends see that too. Unfortunately you'll have to put up with him as long as your friend is dating him. My best advice with dealing with him is not to back down or retreat from him. He used the word "incompetent" because he is trying to frame you as weak. You obviously have enough spirit to stick up for yourself, so I would do it.

Bottom line? No one has the right to call you names. If you are unable to tell someone how you feel, find someone who can help you learn to be assertive.

I've gone through this kind of crap. More often when I was younger.

I am 37 & by now I have weeded out the idiots, but occationally they reer their ugly heads.

Funny that he called you incompetent (an inappropriate word for the circumstance) when you were obviously quite competent at UNO.

I would use this as a joke at his expense. He clearly does not know the definition of the word.

The next time he is in your presence & with others, set him up to question your or even his own "competence". Remind him that you were competent enough to handle those "highly technical rules of UNO" & kick his ***!

You are ADD, you are intelligent & creative. Beat him at his own game.

GREAT TIP!!! Increase your vocabulary! Us ADDers can't spell the words but we are good at learning & using them. This really does make you smarter. When you are unfortunately engaged with an idiot, talk over his head.

This was & still is a GREAT coping mechanism for me. I am the most brilliant dingbat you will ever meet!

Buttercup

See, I'm a little violent due to some meds I'm on.
Silly me, I would go back the next game wielding a stun gun.
When he called me incompetent, I'd zap him outta his chair!
Oh the look on his face as he's throwing cards in the air, and falling on his rear would be priceless.
Once he came out of his fetal position, you could then inform him that you were "competent" at stunning people.
I know, it's assualt anyway you look at it.
Don't listen to me! :D
Sounds good though.
I agree with increasing your vocabulary.
Use other words around him, and ask him what they mean.
Such as "I heard you masticate a lot, is that true?"
It means chewing your food, but would he really know that?
Or would his face turn red with guilt because it sounds like another word?

Well I don't blame you for being hurt. You're taking it better than I would have. Somethings I have very low tolerance for these days, and I got called enough names growing up. I make sure those I associate with know that, that kind of talk can give me flashbacks (PTSD), that I'm VERY sensitive even about jokes on it and that I won't tolerate that sort of thing anymore because I DON'T HAVE TO.

As for your friends? Double ouch. Shame on him for saying it, and even bigger shame on him for airing that kind of thing in public.

You do seem to have handled it much better than I would have though. In the past my reaction to such cuts was simple. They hurt, probably about a thousand times more than the person who said them meant them too. I instantly went on the defensive, the big red button got pushed and before I'd even had time to think about it the meanest nastiest retort ever would come out of my mouth. Sometimes (very rarely) this was appropriate. Usually, it amounted to using a nuclear weapon to kill a mosquito. Which is to say, I'd retaliate at a level commensurate with the pain caused, but that's not the same thing as handling it on the level it was meant at. Many of the times this happened they weren't even trying to hurt me. My kneejerk response made things 100 times worse. Funny thing about words. Once they're said you can't take 'em back, even when you really wish you could. I've learned a lot since then, and I'm much better about this sort of thing, but I remember it very well. My response to these feelings may have changed, but the hurt never has.

My ex had really bad PTSD because of a prior abusive relationship. I knew this, and I knew she was exceptionally sensitive to things like raising one's voice, or even moving too quickly unexpectedly. I worked very hard to make her feel safe and secure and not to trigger her. I wish people did the same verbally, especially where folks like us are concerned.

You are NOT incompetent....on the other hand he might be, so don't listen to his crap!

well first i would not let this guy or his gf know that this bothers you. in truth he was probally being overly compative in an unnecessary situation. this may speak alot about his character (not in a good way) but this guy probally did not give it or you a second thought. so why would you let get under your skin fo a week or more. if he ever insults you again simple tell him directly and in no uncertain terms that you do not enjoy being insulted and you will not put up with it and then move on, do not hold a grudge. if he continues to be insulting politely leave or ask him to leave depending on what the situation calls for. demenstrate with your wonderful and gracious presence (or lack thereof) that such behavior is not acceptable. Your friend will either stick up for you because she values your friendship or she is not that good of a friend to begin with.

I am impulsive less than a second after he called me incompentant I would have said "my aren't we a sore looser" {If I was medicated}. . . .jack a55 {if I were unmedicated}.

About your friend Liz -

I can't begin to tell you how many times I have laughed at things I shouldn't have laughed at in social situations because I'm just not attentive to and aware of what is really going on. I have the crudest way of joking and assume other people are being the same way... or I just laugh because other people are laughing and I'm not thinking... Someone has to spell it out for me to realize what's happening. So if she is sympathetic to you now, forgive her for this one!

Also, I don't really get your post. He lost at the game and called you incompetent... In what context? Why was it a joke to be laughed at? Is it possible that the other girls were laughing because he was being so absurd and were more embarrassed than anything and trying to "keep it light" and not have you two get into an argument over him being a d*ckhead?
I really doubt they laughed because they thought he was so funny and right. They were probably protecting him, more or less.
If it happens again - call him out. "What is your problem?" When they laugh, "No really, I've been wanting to know this. What is it? Why do you say things like that? You realize it doesn't even make sense, right?" It will be awkward for your friends, and if they stand up for you you know they're real!

Lastly - I've let go of a lot of friends, some that I had for years and years - for similar reasons - after it's been going on for years. It's probably not the best way to deal, but I've never regretted it. Does this girl have a bad attitude with you herself? Have you noticed it before? Does she defer to this guy a lot even when it comes to hurting others? Things like this can really ruin a relationship - but not unless it already has problems.