Hi guys, I recentley started dateing, (dun-ta-da!)

I'm now currentley in my first relationship...ever...

This girl is just about as awesome as it gets, the first day I met her we were talking about spider man, cool Final Fantasy 7 moves, ninjas, I mean, there is never a dull moment when you are around her.

The only problem is....THAT IS ALL THE TALKS ABOUT!

As much as I like ninjas, I would really like to get to know this girl. Its not like I know nothin gabout her, its just that after a half of a year of "knowing" her, I also want to understand her, so today, I asked her some things.


What is your favorite thing in your room? A: I don't know
What do you dream about? A: I don't know
Do you know anything about who you are? A: I don't know
Do you every cry? A: not recentley.....

I think that she knows, but is just afraid to let someone in.....

Its flustrateing for me because my mottos is "People know you, Friends understand you"

I have talked to all my outher friends, but no one seems to understand her either...

Is it possible that not much of a person is really there? Or could it be some kind of guard?

Sounds, to me, like she may be afraid that if she focuses on herself you will not like her any more?

Have you tried talking to her over a nice bowl of Ramen? :D

Actually, yes, all she talked about was her newest fav anime (papuwa island) Everyday she comes to school with a new story about what she played last night, and when were hanging out she plays games, and I sit on the couch trying to start a conversation.

When I do manage to get her to respond, its always a vague, and jokeing responce...

I finally just asked her if she really cared that we were going out, A: Of course I care!
I asked her why she agreed to go out with me A: cuz, your awesome!

>.<

Maybe she just happens to be a lot like me Vhan. Maybe she will talk when she feels there is something really important to say. I am kinda "macho" for a female myself. The game may be pretty important to her (I know it would be a hot topic in Space's life for example). And "you're awesome" is not exactly an insult dude!

Very true Crazy~Feet...Hmm..

Its just that, I look at her room, what she keeps, and what she lets lay on the floor...
There have been people that I have met, and there rooms reflected a compleatley diffrent one then I was used to talking too, and after a while, I was right, and we became closer friends...

In my GF's case, Its not just that her room reflects a diffrent person, but, Allmost no person at all......

the only thing I can find in there that really makes it "her room" are all of her drawings that she has kept, (some dateing back to the 3rd grade)

This is annoying...I'm used to figureing people out quickley, but this is like its going nowere....

Talking to her sister, and her mom, I have gotten the same feedback as everyone else "she never really ever talks about herself, she always talks about games or turns things into jokes"

Well you seem very perceptive to me Vhan. After talking to others maybe you will just have to accept that she prefers not to be too "deep" or perhaps just is not a "deep" person. Not everybody is. It may be a good balance to your own self the way this girl is.

Quick giggle: my toddler is running through the house saying "Oruchimaru! Grrrrrrrr!" and "Sasuke! MY SASUKE!" :D

LOL, HAHAHAAHHAHAHA!

I'm starting to hope that my own children will have ADD!

I'll proabley call my GF back later to make shure I didn't upset her by asking questions like that....

I think she will be ok tough.

Heehee, we thought it was a hoot over here too. The attempts of my BDH to get her to say "Gaara Stinks" failed when she said "No! Gaaara COOL!" and ran off again.

Kids with ADHD are great people just like any other kids are :D I cannot imagine my life any other way.

Perhaps she is a genuinely boring person and her limited interests are not aligned with your way of thinking. Nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of other boring people on the planet who connect up all the time and develop satisfying relationships in their own context. The hardest relationships to understand (and walk away from) are with those who are intrinsically "nice" but yet somehow don't meet your needs. You find that you don't have a good vibe going with them and you wonder why. Like it's your fault for missing something. No apologies necessary. You may just be into her.

Buy the book "Please Understand Me II" and take the Myers-Briggs test that comes with it. That will kind of explain how you are apart from ADD and what kind of people really resonate with you. Then ask yourself if your girlfriend is that kind of person who does or does not. If she's not, you will at least understand why.

Good Luck,

A Dilettante

Hmmm, interesting thoughts hermitian.....

I do have to admit there might be a chanse you are right =shrug=

Maybe thats why she finds me so "awesome" I'm not as boreing, but maybe I should be thinking about this another way.

Maybe I should shift my focus from trying to understand her, to getting her, to understand me....

Maybe there is hope yet!

I finally just asked her if she really cared that we were going out, A: Of course I care!
I asked her why she agreed to go out with me A: cuz, your awesome!>.<
Vhan,
From her usual "conversation" it seems to me like she has said Alot in her answers to your questions of if she really cares about you 2 going out & why she agreed to go out with you.
Some of it could be due to her age, she may just be much more inmature than a female her age usually is. If she is a artist, she may pour everything into her Art. From her past experiernces she may feel it is safer for her to do that than to pour herself into another individual & risk rejection, misunderstanding, ect. Know what I mean ?
I wouldn't give up on her. Have you ever heard the phrase "still waters run deep." She may be a rare Gem or maybe not. But you won't know for sure unless you invest some more time in trying to get to know her.
Let us know how things go.

BlessedLady

Awesome reply blessedlady! Gave me the insight I was lacking!

But you won't know for sure unless you invest some more time in trying to get to know her.
Here is the golden question...HOW?

How do I get her to share her opinion? Should I just keep shareing my mind untill she finaly says something back?

Jugeing from tonight, askeing her questions isn't going to get me any closer to were I want to be.

Hmm....

<(oops, I just realized that I posed in adults, instead of teens :p )>

This is still all so new, right? You say her passion is her art. Try meeting her there! Get her to talk about one of her pieces and go from there? She might just have fear of opening up and trusting, so if you start her out at a safe place like her art, then casually seguay into something else.............

I'm getting the feeling you are having to try way to hard to get into this gal though! It shouldn't be that hard, really. Does she ask questions of you, your opinion on things? If you just cannot get this girl to open up, it could get really boring when you two are old farts sitting on your rockers on the patio. :-)

<(oops, I just realized that I posed in adults, instead of teens :p )>We're glad you did. :cool:

Lol, I don't know about thinking that far ahead...

There was this one time that I asked her to teach me how to draw, that was actually a good conversation, I learned a few things, and she had fun teaching.

Does she ask questions of you, your opinion on things?
Not exactley...she just kind of "talks at" me, not really, "to" me.

on very rare occasions, she has asked, maybe once, or twice, but about minor things.

but maybe if I just went a step or two farther, and voiced my opinions on what she "talks at" me about, I might get somewere...

Since you did that, you get us old farts sitting on our rockers giving you the benefits of all of our years of wisdom. :p

:) haha, yea, I quickley broused the teen forums, don't think I would have gotten much direction there :p

O.k., I let it go once, but can't do that twice. Re: old folks and walkers: most seniors today don't stay still long enough to rock in anything. If their legs don't work, they zoom around in motorized scooters.

But I thought teens knew everything!? :rolleyes:

Well, I do hope she starts opening up for you, you really sound smitten! That was sweet that you two drew together.

:p

if you need to move the thread I wouldn't blame you Imnapl,

Since she seems to put all of her energy into her art & trying to approach her on her own territory....so to speak, seems to draw her out more. Then try that again.

Whatever type of Art it is that she is so into, see if there might be an exhibit of some of the same type of art one weekend & ask her if she would like to go to it.

And about sitting in the rocking chairs when you are old. Well, I'm 53 & friends of mine my age & older as well as the general population don't have time to be sitting & rocking in rocking chairs. We didn't take the passive route when we were young adullts, in the 1960's & early 1970's. And we most certainly aren't taking the passive route now. Some of us that are limited for a time due to physical/health problems aren't sitting in rocking chairs, either. We are making phone calls, sending emails, kinda like the "behind the scene" things that must be done for others to do the "visible" things. The rocking chair thing is a matter of choice, if you do it because it is what you choice to do out of all of the other things you could be doing, thats cool too. But it is no longer a "when you reach a certain age you, it's the rocking chair" society.

BlessedLady

She is a otaku ^.^ she is always drawing anime :p

I'm one of the old timers too (I'm 37).
I say as others have, to find out what her interests are.
I know that's just easy as pie, since she's REALLY talkative! :rolleyes:
If she draws a lot, it's almost given she's into art.
So, talk about art.
Not anime all the time (I still don't know what the fascination is with that stuff), but other forms as well.
If she can draw, what else can she do?
Paint?
Making things with her hands like crafts?
Maybe once you get her in her world, she might actually open up and talk to you more.
I've had a few experiences like this, and it's really hard starting off.
Almost like you have to look at her and say "your turn!" :D
Good luck.....

After giveing it some thought, it looks like im going to have to stop useing questions.

Doing things, like getting involved in her world of art, that will open doors, I don't need to question, or try to pry for answers, because that will get me nowere. Its also more about me then I orginally thought, maybe she will never open up, if I don't open up first, and maybe she won't really see im opening up unless im standing on fammiliar territory

(AND I DON"T GET WHY YOU 37 YEAR OLDS CALL YOURSELF "OLD TIMERS"! IN MY OPINION)

Hey maybe I'm not old.
I don't get anime, but then again I still watch some cartoons, just not that stuff.
I hope everything works out for you.
You might be the one that has to open up first, as you've stated.
It's worth a shot.

>.<

sorry, I tend to read stuff, think about it, then repeat it to people like I have never heard it before,

Don't mean to be rude, when I say it back it only means I have thought about it enoughf to understand it ! :p