I have some BIG problems. I haven't worked in years! I was homeless for a long time and then I met the man of my dreams a few months ago at an AA meeting who took me out of homelessness into his apartment. I am waiting to see if I am approved for social security income (SSI). I may or may not be approved. I am NOT on welfare either. I am unmedicated and have ADD. I have no $$ to see a Dr.

He goes to work everyday while I am home in the apartment. I love not having any responsibilities. I basically go online watch TV or sleep. I feel LAZY which will not get me anywhere- yet I love the time in the apartment.

I listen to motivational speaker Tony Robbins alot. Tony gets me geared up and thinking about my life, yet, I haven't done anything about it because I don't know what I WANT or what my PURPOSE is because I DON'T EXCELL at anything. I feel like a lost soul. I have no friends but that is by choice. I stay in the apartment by choice. I don't want to work by choice because every job i go to I screw up by forgetting things, doing things wrong, ect.

I have an obsession with filing my teeth with sandpaper. One cap was missing and making my face look different off center so i started filing them down to make it look even but it's just making my teeth look worse now. Your face changes when you change the angle of the teeth. So, everyday my face & smile look different because I file them down. i have no $$ to see the dentist.

i love to stay home and have no responsibilities. This is what I want, yet I can't help but think I should be doing more...Yet, i don't want to exert the energy to do more...because I feel lazy. Laziness (sloth) is one of the 7 deadly sins. I'm presently not sewing any seeds 4 a harvest in the future.
I've stunted in my growth as a human being, yet I love staying home and NOT WORKING.

I don't know where to take my life now. I'm not good at anything. What if i am denied SSI? I don't know what I want, because I'm not good at anything. The only things I would find fun to do would be doing commercials on TV (but I'm not an actor and don't know how 2 get around town) doing something online 4 cash, but i don't know what that would be. But then I'm HAPPY not having ANY responsibilities.

I have some major conficts. Does anyone have similar conflicts within themselves? Any advise?

Maybe you could work from home? I suppsoe that'd be the best of both worlds for you.

Oh by the way, filing your teeth is probably a very bad idea, if you ever hit a nerve then you'll have to go to the dentist, and if you can't afford it then you're gonig to have a lot of problems.

First of all Welcome Rave.... we are glad you found us!

I can offer a possible answer to why your are stuggliing with lack of motivation or the inabiltity to commit to "responsibility"....

You are not getting help or support for your ADD and possible related issues.

I understand by not working you don't have money, but can you at least get some medical through the health system? This would at least provide some assistance finding a doctor for ADD and a dentist? I hate to say some of that behavior sounds well a bit on the OCD side? Go have a look if you want to...I am not a doctor, just a thought?

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9261

I think the suggestion above might be a thought? There are many opportunities out there to work from home? And to maybe make you feel like you are contributing, and make you feel worth something? You sound like you are struggling with what many of us do. Low self esteem, from years of feeling like have been a failure, or failed at everything?
Here are some ADD friendly jobs? It's a start? If you have a computer, check out some "reputable sites" and who knows what you might find?
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1760


And there are the coaching buddies, who might be able to help you through some tough times, help you get motivated, and stay motivated?

http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=268
http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=129

I finally got help for my ADD because I found I couldn't function on a normal level. I wanted to so bad...but I just couldn't. I would start and never finish. I couldn't do anything on a consitant basis.
I know you say you are happy not having responsibilities? But I don't think that is really the case? Or you wouldn't be here, or talking about it.
I think you are reaching out, and do want to change, but like most of us are afraid you can't do it. I am here to tell you , you can. But it's not easy. And counseling and medication and coaches are helpful but you have to decide once and for all you want to do it. Then start researching how you can, with what you have.

Have you looked to see if there are any ADDA locations near you? They are live support groups, that can help as well as coming here.
I have found several in your state, maybe near you?
http://www.add.org/help/nj.html
http://www.drlopresti.com/ADD-ADHD_SUPPORT_GROUP.htm

I hope you are able to find what you need. I also help coming here and reading and chatting with some of us who have been there, still struggle, but feel we have come out on the other side...will be of some comfort to you!


Hope

Welcome to the forums . . . . .interesting first post


Filing your teeth with a file OUCH that hurts mine just thinking about it {and I wear dentures} I do not think this is a good thing You could file the enamel right off of them. . . .

I am no expert however I have heard that almost every one gets turned down for SSI the first time around, they make you go through all the appeals stuff and the like.

If ADD is your only diagnosis then getting on SSI for that may be problematic from what I have heard.

I can not add to the extensive list of suggestions given by justhope but I do have this to add.

If you want things to be different then you have to do some thing differently.

I mean having no responsibilities maybe okay with both of you right now however he may get tired of carrying the whole load or he may come to expect enormous control over you. Nothing worth having is free of cost in my experience.

I personally could not handle being that dependent on another for my total support but that is my personal preference. I prefer the responsibility myself besides I would get board not having any thing to do all day. . . . I do not do the 40 hour a week thing because I do not have to. Presently I work part time with my male partner but should some thing happen between the two of us I can easily go back to nursing. I could not handle being too dependent on a man for my support I tried it and I failed miserably. To each their own. . . .