As some of you know, I recently moved back to the US after living in Germany for 17 years. I have two sons, one with severe ADHD and ODD, and it was through dealing with his problems that I was also eventually diagnosed with severe ADHD. We both received excellent care and support (for the most part) at "home" and through medications and various therapies were doing quite well. Then came the call to come back to the US...

My in-laws needed us and so we packed up what I didn't sell and came back. We did some massive remodelling on "their" (now "our") house and are now an extended family. I knew it wouldn't be easy , but believed (and still do) it was the best for everyone. Husband got a great job, kids are in a great school, back near family, etc.

But..

I am going stark, raving mad with my ADHD. First of all, it is so LOUD here! Part of it is the houses are made of wood and when my in-laws walk through it goes clunk, clunk, clunk. Then add two dogs and hardwood floors...clack, clack, clack. Then add my MIL always having to sing and talk to the dogs. Then we have the dogs barking, barking, barking and the phone ringing, ringing, ringing. Well, I imagine you all get the picture.

I always knew that I was sensitive to noise, but holy cow! I just can't seem to get my brain around this.

Add to this...

If I had to guess I would say my MIL is also ADD. Every where she goes chaos is what is left behind. I go through the house and pick up, which is really important to me because maintaining order has helped me to keep my sense of direction. My husband and family understood this and we compromised by letting them have areas where they could have their mess, but we kept the general areas sorted out so I could also feel good at home, too.

Now I get things sorted out and 20 minutes later come back and it's all a mess again. Papers everywhere, dishes everywhere, food left out, pantry stacked willey-nilley, etc. Either she will unload HALF the dishwasher, leaving HALF of that on the counter, or my FIL will unload it and put things away wherever he finds a "hole".

Add to that...

I am an introvert and really need and enjoy my time alone. Suddenly I am confronted far too often with demands from my family and get togethers my MIL has arranged. Even the day-to-day hurts. I am used to being alone in the house and now, even though it is a big house, I am always aware that they are here. I just can't seem to shut out this awareness.

So where is all this going? I guess I don't really know. I just needed to get it off my chest with people who may understand what I'm talking about. I have found a good doctor and will be going to see him again soon. I am on meds both for ADHD and depression. I know I need to talk to my inlaws, but I always seem to mess those sorts of conversations up big time so have been avoiding it.

Do you suppose ear plugs would help? blinders? :)

Kim

firstly..some cyber hugs..

maybe a nice ipod with soothing music to block out some noise? and some carpet runners where the dogs walk the most...
try talking the dogs on really really LONG walks, they will tire out, and you will get breathing space...in the quiet..
I found walking was great for just clearing the mind, and re-charging the batteries..

be glad your MIL SINGS ,and not whistles instead LOL that would be the nail in the coffin..

Kim............as always I am sending you (((HUGS))). I know you are having a tough time adjusting to everything in you "new life". Even though they are your in laws dogs, could you still take them out for walks? Tracy has a great idea with that. Maybe with Spring coming up(we hope) you might feel better. Get a chance to get out of the house more and get re energized.

I sure wish I could do something to help you, you know that.

Hi Kim...first of all welcome back? :eyebrow:
Well to the forums...anyway.:)

Sorry you are having a hard time adjusting and all. Wow I think with all that change, anyone would be a bit overwhelmed? Maybe cut yourself a break? ADD aside you are a human...and be thrust into major changes all at once!
Being ADD and depressed ( you got the anxious aggitated kind like me? bad really bad in small spaces with loud, messy people who are over the age of 10...:eek: ) I would feel like I was going to implode !

I can envision it now! Probably because it sounds like my house! Maybe the doc can help adjust some meds up maybe?
How about some ear plugs? Sorry...I know it's not funny, but I love humor makes me survive another day!

I know you have a lot to there with all the changes...and kids..and on and on ...OMG..but can't you get away somewhere? Even for awhile ? A park, coffee shop, library? For some Kim time?

Got a big walk in closet? basement? Attic, garage? Big corner open space???

You can turn into your own personal space? Maybe get a divider or something at a flea market to make it feel more yours, and secluded?
Have it setup setup with you favorite things ? Pretty, treasured, favorite things?
I to have a space in the corner (don't laugh, you think I would hate it there since I spent a lot of time there as a child) anyway...it's decorated with an angel wall...desk, books...my sound machine set to waves at the beach..btw very soothing..and of course candles...lots of good smelling candles....and that was where I escape even for 30mins..and hour...at least 4 times a week , or more if possible? Make sense?

And a question? Can't your husband talk to his parents about it? Esp if you are worried about it?

Anyway....here is a (((( HUG)))) hope things fall in to place for you quickly!

My first thought was earplugs. And all of the lovely people above thought of the same suggestions that went through my head...great ADD minds think alike.

So all that is left is my own hugs and prayers for some peace and quiet.

Thanks for the encouragement. Is it just me, or normal, that I can understand these concepts, but can't seem to see them through? We do have one room that I am planning on taking over, but it seems that there is so much to "do" everyday that I just don't get it set up.

I also seem to be stuck in a constant battle in my mind about everything I think I "should" be doing. It's like since coming here I feel guilty all the time about who I am and how I tick. I have started pottery courses and while they are running I can spend a lot of time there, but when I leave I get overwhelmed with some feeling that I've let the family down because I haven't gotten groceries, or done laundry, or finished some project at home, etc. Of course, my family (mine, my parents, and my in-laws) are great at pushing that button, too.

Honestly, I haven't struggled so hard for years. I don't trust my own perceptions which means I don't know when I should stand up for myself, how to go about it, or with whom!

I am going through the same exact thing right now, as far as being overwhelmed by things. I am constantly thinking of ALL the other things I need to do. For me, there just does not seem to be enough time in a day for me to get everything I want done. So, please do not feel you are alone with these feelings because you are not.

Good luck on getting that room done.................that you can call your own

I feel overwhelmed by all the things I WANT to do..but don't necessarily have to do..
like get up at 5am to take photos..like to RUN AWAY and live alone..somewhere with NO noise..no kids..no husband..to leave my pathetically paying self employed job...to RUN AWAY..

sigh..sorry..whinge time for me

I also seem to be stuck in a constant battle in my mind about everything I think I "should" be doing. It's like since coming here I feel guilty all the time about who I am and how I tick. I have started pottery courses and while they are running I can spend a lot of time there, but when I leave I get overwhelmed with some feeling that I've let the family down because I haven't gotten groceries, or done laundry, or finished some project at home, etc. Of course, my family (mine, my parents, and my in-laws) are great at pushing that button, too.

Kim how ‘independent” are your in-laws? If they are up and about perhaps they should be helping. You did not move in to be every ones maid, and errand girl. Besides it is good for people to remain as active and self responsible as possible. If they are well enough to complain about the laundry then perhaps they should be helping with it as well. People do not complain about my house keeping abilities unless they really want to end up doing it. . This has been my rule for years now works wonders.

Take could should and would and throw them away. Life could be perfect, and it should be easy but some how it would not cooperate. Which is my way of saying to those I love dearly I won’t expect you to be prefect if you can quit expecting it of me = which one step before “now this is the way it is people”

I know because of my posting style it is probably hard to believe but I tend to take a lot before I say any thing. I can be very assertive but it normally takes a lot to get me there. I know myslef well enough that by the time I say some thing then some thing needed to be said.

I used to with hold my annoyances until they explode every where and then I would be rendered a raving manic, which often gets me what I ask for but not necessarily what I want = understanding and cooperation. One of my ADD treatments has been to deal with the problem, the emotions, ID triggers, and look for solutions then convey my ideas to others in a rational manner before I explode {because I rarely implode - every one gets to share in that ride}


Honestly, I haven't struggled so hard for years. I don't trust my own perceptions which means I don't know when I should stand up for myself, how to go about it, or with whom!

I can relate to that which is where my personal boundaries are soo important.

I hope I have helped some . . . . . .I am sorry about this struggle. Too many changes make my head swim and you have under gone a lot of changes in a short period of time. Give your self permission to feel over whelmed. . . because I think just about every one would be if they were in your shoes.


((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))

Big Big changes Kim, I'd have a hard time with all that as well.

Maybe just maybe after a little time everything will smooth out for you.

I wish I had more helpful words :(