This is my first post after long-time lurking. My husband was diagnosed with ADD several years ago. Reading these posts has been very helpful in gaining insight into ADD and very validating to what a family may experience when someone has ADD. At what point do you question if unusual behavior is attributed to ADD or if more is going on? I understand that oftentimes ADD coexists with other disorders, and my spouse has recently been exhibiting what I consider unusual behavior (without going into too much detail, it involves personal hygiene, and he doesn’t see this as an issue). My question is - is it ever appropriate to call his psychiatrist and/or therapist about unusual behavior? Maybe meds need adjusting, maybe more is going on than ADD, but all I know for sure is that I’m nearing the end of my rope. Any suggestions/advice is much appreciated.

Unless your husband has signed a consent form giving the therapist permission to talk to you there's no point in calling him or her.

Can you ask to go with him to his next appointment? You don't have to explain too much your fears, but it is really important that you try and go. Try and get involved as much as you can but be sensistive to the fact he is probably uber sensitive.

I wish I had gotten more involved sooner. A mistake I made and lost my relationship over. But then again I was not married like you.

Good luck!

Oh, yes, I've been in that position.

Depending on the therapist himself, he may or may not be willing to cooperate in the best interests of his client. My husband's psychiatrist is one who is willing to cooperate, as is his therapist. His general practitioner... not so much.

While it requires a signed release for the therapist to talk to you... there is nothing required for you to talk to the therapist. It's a very small distinction, but some docs/therapists will listen to you as long as you are not asking anything. They can then take the information you have given them, and use it in the therapy session to help your husband work toward the goals that he set for himself.

But it is far more valuable to have you IN the session itself. You can then discussion your concerns and get information in return. If you choose this, however, remember that the therapist is your HUSBAND's therapist, and therefore committed to HIM, not to the two of you and not to your marriage. So exercise restraint.

Another option is for you to find yourself a therapist to talk with. Someone who is there to help you, and who knows about ADHD and associated issues so they can help you understand more. That can be beneficial to you - and gives you someone to keep talking to should things with your husband and marriage not go the way you intend. If things go bad, you still have your own therapist. If things go well, perhaps later the two therapists can get signed releases from each of you to speak with each other, and that can further the benefit. (Plus, it can be a little less scary to your husband than having you in his therapy session with him.)

Just some options for you. I've certainly been in your shoes... with a "personal hygiene" issue and all. Hang in there, and keep looking for ways to help for as long as you can.

I think the therapist would be well advised to listen to you; he's only getting part of the picture, only talking to your husband. But yeah, he can't actually tell YOU anything about your husband's treatment unless your husband agrees. But if your objective is to improve his treatment, regardless of whether you get information or not, this is a good way to do it.