God Bless the Mothers Who Drugged us!

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorica question, "Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?

"I replied: I did have a drug probelem when I was young. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.

I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spok e ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word.

I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields. I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin;and,if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place ~ Author unknown....Amen!

:-)
... how does one explain something which can only be understood through experience - some 30 years after communication becomes possible?

one cannot.

... but one can understand one's own goal, and can accept that that goal which the parent is driven to deliver - can only be attained inadvertently - by setting the stage for their kid - to have fun.

And lots of it.

Life is fun.

... learn that this is so - learn through learning that this is so ...

... and something special arises.

... call it an educated hunch - shortly - we will see that the parent in your story 'DH' :-)
- the parent in your story who opened his kids' eyes
- rather than closing them in disillusionment to society's rules
- that these parents
bestowed
upon
their
kid
{{{- to be realised in the kid's mid-30s}}}

... something so special ...
... that it hurts to shape words to fit - the pain of dirtying the feelings with constraint of language - cliche/s - rather pictures alone of - not beyond - not describable ...

~silence~

:-) to both posts
I enjoyed them both
Thanks guys
xx

Dave I am glad to see you however I must admit I am tired plus I wore my brain out in the meta-minded thread so I will do the ADD thing and simply ask. . . Do you think this helped you deal with your ADD symptoms? Do you think how your parents reared you had any baring upon how well you coped with your traits of ADD?

We are in general ADD so I am presuming this has to do with ADD in general!

If not feel free to correct me

Dave I am glad to see you however I must admit I am tired plus I wore my brain out in the meta-minded thread so I will do the ADD thing and simply ask. . . Do you think this helped you deal with your ADD symptoms? Do you think how your parents reared you had any baring upon how well you coped with your traits of ADD?

We are in general ADD so I am presuming this has to do with ADD in general!

If not feel free to correct meLOL..I don't think it was actually Dave, it's and *analogy*..is that the correct term :D

It's not my writing but I adhear to the very escents of the heart of the writing. I went my own way as a rebelious teen and went into the drug scene to which almost distroyied me totaly. It was in reaching out for help from the deeps of the vally that I remembered my upbring which enabled me to grasp reality. Remembering the the values which were embedded into me I fell upon the durg of parrential love and mustered the strigth to pull myself out of the depths of the hell that allmost claimed another victum.

L it's and *analogy*..i :DNot for me. My parents had no qualms "drugging" me. In fact my mother's favorite handle was long hair. I did something wrong and there was that hand to "drug" me right into my punsihment, cleaning the basement. I was also drug to family events, where my mom and her mom, would tag team me in proper etiquette. I was drug to receptions and gatherings for my grandfather's career, and on my parent domestic and work errands.

The end result: Out of a whole family of big ADHD, of whom I am the only one diagnosed, I am also (according to my grandma) one of the nicest, best behaved and most reliable members of the family.

I am still unsure of the topic {of which I am to encourage others to aim for}

I am even less sure it has diddly to do with ADHD.

Is this a debate thing , a chit chat thing or is it fine where it is? Maybe I should moderate medicated. . . .some times it helps.

However when it comes to dealing with my issues and living in a world where I must interact with others who have their own personal issues my mother enforcement of rules {or drugging} were not nearly as valuable as her willingness to accept me as I am.

She had rules {expectations} where certain behaviors were not acceptable {rude back talking, stealing ,lying} other behaviors were expected {picking up after myself, honesty} however when it came to meadd unfriendly activities she accommodated my personal style {long sit down events like church I had a special box with "quiet games”, paper dolls ect} I had to be quiet as not to disturb others however my boredom aversion and inability to be still she accepted as me without criticism or moral assignments.

Yes I was punished when I made choices I knew were wrong however it was not the cause and effect lessons that made me who I am, although they were very valuable. It was her unconditional acceptance of what I was and the willingness to work with my nature, her goal was to provide a win-win environment , these abilities are the ones that have proven to be of the most value.

The moral of my story in case it was missed . . .teaching our children to understand consequences is important however teaching them acceptance of self and others is of greater importance. Trying to force children to be some thing they are not creates problems in which there are no treatments of cures. It is like sentencing them in their own private prison .for years perhaps life . Dragging them to things that are not pleasant or necessary simply because you can is moronic and an abuse of authority (IMHO)

The implied sediment in the initial post is a bit too narrow for my broad mind. The problems with today’s youth is much deeper than lack of punishments or overt liberal life styles. A discussion that is better suited for private debates than general ADD.

Dave, I loved your play on words. Teaching a child boundaries and values is never a bad thing. Healthy adolescents keep the values they like and toss out the ones they don't; that's their job.

As a child I spoke as a child but when I became a man; well their in lies the problem. I am ADHD and back then no med's were around I had to fend for myself and re-lie on the teaching on my parents. Which many times I didn't recognize as being good for me at the time.
When I became a man I still wanted to play. I found myself in 2 worlds. 1 being a young man in the army I wanted to the structure. The kind I had at home but with freedom come unexplored areas. This is where I really needed med's. I reacted on impulse and explored drugs, sex, and mischieviousness. It wasn't till I spiraled down into deep drug addition that I cried out for help from the depths of my soul. Wanting to have the the ability to obtain the character my parents tried to instill into be with their kind of "Drug".
My parents tried but as I look back they didn't fail. It lies deep with in, It took many years of trials and area, failures and success to which seems to me to be a never ending stream with some till water and allot of rapids it wasn't until I was 47 that I came ashore from being beaten down and ready to act on what I was taught that I was given the help I had searched for all my life.
At this time I felt that I was reborn with medication I became that gave me the ability to understand, reason and appreciate life.
See, I began to speak as a man. No more was I subject to only having the ability to focus for a few minutes, lesson for more than a few seconds and reason with understanding.
It's been almost 7 years now and life is good.

I was drug around to..LOL..mainly around the back of my legs with shoes ...

I was drug to church plenty. I got all the Baltimore Catechism ingrained into my psyche. I became very adept at doing what was expected, and not letting anyone know who I really was, maybe not even myself. I don't go to church anymore; I have a very strong belief system, and God is atthe center of it, but I haven't seen a church that agrees with who I find Him to be. "Drug"-ging certainly has its place in child rearing, but sometimes it isn't the best way to get a person to where they need to be. I am blessed with kids who are pretty terrific people and don't need a heavy hand, just a safety net and some guidance and reminders, so I count my parenting skills as "I didn't screw them up" - so far. I don't have a real high regard for "drug"-ging kids, but that may just be because my kids haven't been difficult to raise. My daughter's a genius with languages, and is getting ready to teach English overseas, and my son is a musical whiz, made first chair trombone All-County, and fourth chair All-State, and they both make good grades. So I was dealt a good hand.

Okay, I did drag my son to the drug store to look at condom packages; I told him he could ask me anything, right? I'm a nurse, okay? And he asked me some things about condoms, because he's 13 and he and his friends will talk; and I had to say, hey, I've been in a monogamous relationship for 27 years, what do I know from condoms? I'll take you to the store and we'll look at them and find out. And a week later, we're in the store, and he thought to make me step up to the plate; so okay, we went to look at 'em. And I read boxes with him until he was ready to stop. That may not be the type of drugging you meant, and it may shock some people, but my experience is that information does NOT get kids in trouble, the lack of it does. Of course, we also discussed the many consequences of premature sexual encounters, and that includes mental, psychological, spiritual, emotional, mundane and what-have-you; I'm not just saying Don't do it" and dragging him to hear the preacher, I'm making him engage his mind in how it can be damaging to himself and others, how he's holding all our futures hostage, how giving in to an impulse of that type can damage the whole family, and his own future, and the girl's, and us, and her parents.... it matters, what he does. It's not just about him. The ease with which some young girls grant sexual favors was discussed; I pointed out that if a girl throws herself at you, kiddo, it's not because you're so wonderful, it's because she thinks so little of herself, and she was either abused or neglected; if you take her up on her offer, you're perpetuating the abuse. He's a sensitive young man and all, but unless that sort of thing is spelled out to them, kids won't connect that. One of his classmates brags about his conquests, and my son shares that information, and we discuss it; I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be so forthcoming with his thoughts if I were a dragging sort of Mom.
Now, okay, I'm not sure I'm right; but I can't do this any other way. I don't have faith in the laying down of rules; if I can't give them solid reasons for them, I don't see why they should follow them.

My daughter, when she was sixteen or so, confesed to me that she had smoked marijuana. I told her I was disappointed; that marijuana is illegal, and she could get in trouble and it could damage her future; that she could be harmed by people who would take advantage of her in a less-than-sober state; and that, for me, that most compelling overall reason to not use is because the drug trade distorts the social fabric of South American and Central American society, that poor farmers maybe want to grow corn and cabbages, but have no market for them; the drug lords commandeer the community, from the farms to the supply routes, to feed US drug appetities; do we really want to participate in that sort of enslavement of the underprivileged, and the rape of their resources? And she was so guilt-ridden and sobbing about it; it was waaaay more effective than if I grounded her or yelled at her. :D

So, not to miss the point; I know it was a play on words. I'm just not a fan of dragging as a part of child rearing.

Okay, I did drag my son to the drug store to look at condom packages; I told him he could ask me anything, right? I'm a nurse, okay? And he asked me some things about condoms, because he's 13 and he and his friends will talk; and I had to say, hey, I've been in a monogamous relationship for 27 years, what do I know from condoms? I'll take you to the store and we'll look at them and find out

I am unsure if it is the ADD or the nursing proffesion perhaps the combination of the two. I was always very open and forth coming with my children as well. As thier mother I know things thier best friends do not know. Considering they are now grown and have choices I feel this is the highesgt compliment because I know so many adult chidren who simply tell thier parnets the things they know their parents want to hear or only discuss the very superficial.


Now, okay, I'm not sure I'm right; but I can't do this any other way. I don't have faith in the laying down of rules; if I can't give them solid reasons for them, I don't see why they should follow them.

Spoken in the truest nature of an ADDer. . . . . :D

The adult "because I said so" as a reason for a rule went over like a lead balloon with me also. . . . I was always a "wanting to know why" kind of kid who grew into the "wanting to know why adult". Even at 40+ I follow rules much better when I understand the rational for thier existence.

Well, I followed rules, because I found the reason for myself to be, "make people happy and don't make waves"... sort of unhealthy, I know. I got rules laid down.... and found my own reasons for them. I mean, my Dad and Mom would discuss things in depth when I caught them at a time they werne't under pressure and could talk... riding in the car, say. We'd have big philiosophical discussions. But I wouldn't tell them who I really was. It was all theoretical. I had a lot of secrets. I don't want to have that standing between me and my own kids.