Wow, what an adventurous life of adversities. It is amazing what we put our mind, bodies, and souls through by the time we "grow up." Then we are trying to figure out what does not seem exactly right within our being. I have faced a lot of my adversities of life and amazingly happenchanced on this site. I am almost 12 years sober, and it is not like it was a peaceful stroll through the park. It was a battle of self the first 10 years. I had a severe brain injury at 15, but my other near fatal injuries were the priority. No one ever addressed the effects I would experience as a result of my head injury. I think the fact that I knew my name and those around me was enough for the docs. I was a passenger on a motorcyle in which a fire hydrant caused the abrupt ending of our ride. I landed on my neck and head. It was not until my 30's that I found out that I had a learning disability. Throughout my teens it was assumed that I was just a rebel child without a cause versus a confused child without a clue of what was wrong with me. I am now at a place where I am aware of my challenges with many emotional and mental interactions. I don't feel my responses are what is expected. I am so much better at not entertaining every preceived infraction. As they say, I try, with some lapses, to choose my battles wisely today. I have found that in such awareness there is the very real realization that something is not wired correctly upstairs. I am relating to so many on this site and that there is rhyme and reason to me and not just pure insanity. There is another way in contending with our mental incarceration.... and not looking at it as a self imposed life sentance. What it is, I don't know yet. I have journied through much in my lifetime, and the answers have unfolded. I just need the willingness and openness to know of the answers presence. You ever search for the answer and it was right in front of you all the time?

I am just now finding out I may have ADD. I requested a referral to an ADD specialist because I related to so much on this site. The Dr. said that in having had such a head injury that ADD could be a resulting factor. I have always said that I am borderline unmedicated insanity. I just thought it was my reaction to lifes experiences and mild lifelong depression.

hey - i like your style of writing :-) ...

... and understand your sentiments ...

we are all incarcerated within our own minds
that's the deal - with the little chap called 'consciousness' who kinda' thinks he's the big jalapeno ...

but no.

I remember forum member Stabile describing the increasing awareness of 'mental incarceration' as a theme in artistic representations of the current period.

Total Recall - did Arnie wake up half way through the film when the guys tried to revive him?

And then the Matrix - when Neo awoke to reality.
Of course - the reality into which he awoke - suffered the same 'flaws' as the reality from which he had just awoken.

Thinking that viewing reality as a series of awakenings - in which, one day (maybe soon) - we'll be able to shake the mortal coil ... ... ...

... but not talkin' death - more a reversible experience in which we can have a day trip into that reality Real.

The important point though ... as we head towards our next realization - is that the journey can be fun - if we head in the right direction.

That's all ... follow the path towards an awakening and it's lovely fun fun fun loveliness ... the path is the one which is leading us into territory which cannot be characterised using any form of precedent ... by the way.

:-) ... faith ...

yes ... but not in the way that it's usually taken.

not blind.

... 'eyes wide open' ...

I always felt trapped, and then one day approached the subject of ADD with my psychiatrist who gave me a test and concluded I was right. Since then I've been on meds, which have helped, but what has also helped is this site.

The important point though ... as we head towards our next realization - is that the journey can be fun - if we head in the right direction....So, pretty much that is deceiphering the message of the answer Dorthey got from OZ... huh? I have just been making detours around the damn construction all my life along this "journey."


... 'eyes wide open' ...That is what is scary is that I walk into things fully aware of my actions, reactions, or non actions. I just toy with the idea... do I tango with the outcome... sometimes the adrenaline rush is the adventure. Unfortanately at an emotional and at times mental cost to others.

Wow, the thought of feeling another way, normal? is intriging. I talked to someone this afternoon about my enlightenment of the possibilities I am have ADD, and of the struggles I have had in 'societal appropriate behavior' at times. They dismissed my concern and said I was being too hard on myself and nothing was wrong. Once again, the ignorance of others in the struggles we have in knowing something is not quite right and our willingness to look into it. Thanks for sharing...

Once again, the ignorance of others in the struggles we have in knowing something is not quite right and our willingness to look into it. Is it a lack of compassion -- literally the ability to "feel with" someone else -- that causes others to try to reassure us that there is "nothing wrong?"

I hesitate to tell too many people about my discovery of my own ADD-ness because many of them would dismiss it as a poor excuse for lack of self-control, or some other moral failing. I wish there were some "objective" test I could show them -- look at this brain scan, see the fraying connnectors here and the lack of oxygen there? -- that's why I can't pay attention to you when you are talking to me.

Too bad the others who want to reassure us won't take the time to imagine what it's like to trip over your own feet all the time. Maybe they need to sit down and read peoples' accounts of their struggles here.

-g

Is it a lack of compassion -- literally the ability to "feel with" someone else -- that causes others to try to reassure us that there is "nothing wrong?" I questioned whether there was some sort of stigma attached to this. Not unlike, say and alcoholic who suddenly has that 'moment of clarity' that they are an alcoholic and wants to let everyone know that there is a reason why they can't stop drinking when they start. That the ignorance of mainstream thinks and believes that all one needs is to extert their 'self will/will power.'

I told a 'confidant' about my awareness of possibly having ADD. As I listened to her spew out her analysis and all the while discount my realization, I concluded this is not something I will so freely announce. What the heck is 'normal' when everyone seems to have sort of abnormality. What standards are we measured against, and are not the ones in judgement to be accused of grand pooopaaaa Impiralism?

Have you looked into some of the possible effects of traumatic brain injury? I have worked with some people who had TBI (most closely with one man who also had a motorcycle accident) and changes in "social correctness," along with memory problems, seem to be some of the most pervasive. Because ADD and TBI can mirror each other in so many ways, I've often wondered if some cases of ADD couldn't be traced to childhood brain trauma like, say, subclinical shaken babies (those who didn't end up badly enough for anyone to notice at the time, but with enough damage to permanently alter some of the frontal brain lobe functions which mimic ADD symptoms).

The flip side of dealing with people who "don't get it" (and they are many), is the wonderful delight of helping a friend who you suspect has ADD by relating and identifying with their foibles in a way that helps them understand that they aren't alone and that there are other people out there who "get" them. That's why this forum is therapeutic for me -- I'm awash in people without ADD and feel a thousand miles away from them and I "forget" who I am sometimes, until I come here and connect with people who "get" me. It's great.

Epiphanies are what I call them, they seem like common sense to everyone else. Therapists hate that about me, I can beat myself to a pulp practicing skills and such and then after I forget about it 3 months later, it seems to just come to me.

Someone on site told me about a book, "Delivered from Distraction." I started reading it last night, and of course thought, get to the point. Another interesting thing I could relate to, was those who start reading one book and end up with 5 unread books going at once. I'll go to thriftstores and bring back 10 facinating books. All with the intention of reading them.... sometime, someday. I looked up on TBI... in addition I have a SCI(spinal cord injury)... so, I thought I have a variety of afflictions. I can definately understand the incomprehension that TBI's encounter and memory loss. The flip side of ADD my mind used to race uncontrolably. I got so overwhelmed by the stimuli that I learned to shut off my mind and go into hybernation mode. Unfortunately, I do not always want to turn it back on and participate in life (family, work, etc.) I use to bombard my mind with all kinds of factoids... my brain got tired, so now I take everything in stride. I do remember when I went back to college at 30. I had graphs, outlines, and paragraphs written about the same topic. I was trying to create a way to remember things. I told a woman about my TBI and she said I probably had a learning disability. I got tested, I was diagnosed with a LD and received special considerations when taking tests. So, where in the spectrum do I fit? A little bit here, and a little bit there. I did not want to know that something more was wrong with me, other then being an alcoholic. So, after I got sober and struggled with something not quite being right... I thought I needed to figure it out, other then feeling like I was crazy.

Epiphanies?! Oh yeah, those are the lights that turn on and someone is actually home kind of moments, huh? Yes, it is amazing how I have the same epiphany regarding the same matter. It seems that I master it to greater levels each time I have one on a particular matter. I hate it and and get so frustrated when I am fully aware that I had had the solution before, yet many times come to a whole new way of solving the problem. Hmmmmm, it is good that I only got married once, and never did THAT again... would that be considered an epiphany? j/k