I don't know what to do anymore with my relationship with my wife.

It's on and off that I want to leave, and I can't talk to her, as she won't listen to me when I try and talk, and throws tantrums like a 4 year old child.

We have been together for just over 2 years.

We just got married in August last year.

Things started off great, and after 8 months I proposed to her, I thought she was the one.

There was a little heat @ the begining of the relationship, but I slowed it down, She didn't want to start having sex, because of a medical condition (she has 1 kidney) and was waiting for a doctors appointment. After 7 months of dating, there was a little bit of sex, and we got engaged around that time. I also moved in with her, into a condo her parents bought, and she was renting. I tryed to make it into a game of how many time we did it in one month, and how many we can do it the next month, but I never forced her to do it, I respected her (this went one for 2/3 months).

From that point on, things went downhill, bad and FAST. Her parents did what ever they could, slowly at first to stop things from happening. I was in a bad spot too, as I had lost a job I liked (working for a toy company that made my favourite toys..) and took a really ****ty job for a charitable organization (really helped the depression grow..). This is by September/October, we me in February.

The sex had stopped, and there was pressure from her parents to end everything and then I find out my father had an affair, I was going crazy, I had TMJ, and I wanted to pull my hair out, and I was putting on weight like crazy.

By December, we bought a house, and went to visit our Extended Famalies abroad (In Israel). For part of the time in 2 weeks, we spent it arguing and @ odds, I even called a friend back here in Canada, and I was so upset about the intimacy, I was again going crazy.

When we came back, I tryed to get the Rabbi her family deals with involved, and that goes sour. Other people also attempt to get involved, like friends of the family, and faily therapist, etc.. She also startes seeing a therapist on her own. We also start seeing a couples therapist. She dropes the family therapist, as it's going no where. We move out of her parents condo by the end of January, because her father raises the rent by $700 a month. We only gave a cheque for the previous amount, they leave 27 voice mails uttering threats about $700, as well as make send faxes of sueing, etc. By Mid March we give in, we were tired of the BS.

I also loose my job @ the end of January.

We move into my parent's house @ the end of January, the closing date on our house was May 5th. We stay there for 3 months, and it wasn't good, hearing my mom screaming @ my dad, who is still continuing to have his affair, while my mother is trying to get him to see couples therapy. My then Fiance and I are still seeing couples therapy too, and I start to see a therapist on my own. I try to start a business of my own (again) but I am just fed up of the computer/IT world, all the nagging, etc.. Things were ok, but nothing special, there were some pretty bad fights (my father really stoked me one time too, and it turned into a huge one with her..).

I don't get far with my business, only 2 clients, for which I had for a while.

Comes May 5, the weekend we are moving, she had to fly out of town, so my friends and I move, she comes back, I get a little peck on the lips, sure made me feel good. My father also leaves my mother for good.

My Father and I paint the house (I was trying to maintain a relationship with my father, trying to overlook what he had done/was continuing to do). The house hasn't really been complete since, but slowly coming together.

I then get a job, for which I lasted under 3 month (good pay) doing paper work (My TMJ really kicked in..) and the hours sucked, 9 to 6 with 30 minutes lunch. I then got fired. During this time, I get diagnosed with ADHD.

Summer comes around, we are having BBQ's, things are coasting, money was tight, but ok. Nothing is really happening between us either.

My father then askes to talk to me and my sister, and threatens to hurt people. My mother, and sister report him to the police, and he get arrested. He calls me to bail him out, but I was unable to, as I was a witness. I get the lawyer, get people to bail him out, I do all the leg work, and no thank you (The man is a super Narcissistic (http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hs=JHT&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=Narcissistic&spell=1) ).

I still aven't dome much with my ADHD, except to some reading, I was planning on starting off with coaching, see how that goes, then start meds little later on, I had previously (not knowing it was ADHD) pulled my self out of the hole and started to do well..

Then comes the wedding, my father chooses not to show, her parents think it's some for of manipulation, but the party was fairly decent. We had lots of rave reviews on the wedding, good food (hard to do with kosher wedding food, unless it's really pricey) good times for all. So we ar emarrind (this is last August.) We didn't go on a honeymoon, she didn't have much vacation time, and I was looking for work, so after the wedding, we crashed in a hotel. She spent her 30 minutes of wake time, opening the gifts. We didn't consumate our marrige. We then went to sleep. Woke up, she opened more envelopes. We got breakfast, and went home. Things were pretty much the same, for the next little while, she hated her job, we were arguing, she went to see a family therapist again with her parents, we were ending our couples therapy with the therapist we were seeing, she was seing her therapist, and I went back to see a therapist (same one she sees) again. I found a job by the end of september that started by end of Oct. (****ty low paying job, still there, with benefits though!!). At this point I stop talking to my dad, as I even called him, and refused to call back anymore (Good ridance..)

Her parents found out about us lying about the house, she didn't want them to know when we bought it, so she set it up that we get it after the wedding. I told them that it was none of there business, it was our house, and to do as we please, it was none of their business. The circumstances also didn't allow for them to know at the time (her fears of retribiution from them..).

Mid Oct, our fights were getting bad, we got a marrige coach, which started off well for me, but for her, she didn't come to the ball. I did everything the coach suggested, she was just "eehh, whatever" in her attitude

The last session with the marriage coach, it was my turn (the previous 3/4 times were what I should to for her) to let her know how I felt, she sat crying like a child, holding a teddy bear. We ended it there with the marriage coach. She wasn't happy and she felt it wasn't working for her. We then both go see the therapist she and I were seeing individually.

Things smooth over, a few more fights here and there. There have been times where I brought a friend of hers, that she had been friends with a long time, and I knew for a little while, and also introduced us when the fights were bad, because I wasn't able to talk, the emotions overwhelmed me. This didn't, could have made things worse.

All this, and it's November/December. Her parent's give her and ultimatum, come back to the way we had it or don't talk to us, so they haven't spoken for 3-4 monthsnow, infact, the rest of her family has alienated her too.

Then came January, she gets fired from her job, and has to battle them (still battling them now) to get her compensation. She was happy at getting out of that job, as she hated it, and blamed me for not letting her quit (I never did such thing). I had also gotten a promotion at work the month before (an extra $1 an hour, let's go shopping for the Rolls we have always wanted..).

Mid Jan, I start taking Concerta, that same weekend we have a big fight, really bad, she wants to leave. So we involve other friends, to try and help out, they suggest I don't talk about intamacy at all.

Things somewhat improve over the next month or so, then flat line. People ask about kids, and what's going on, I don't know how to answer, I get down in the dumps.

Then the past week, I have been really ****ed. I don't know my future, I can't discuss it and my dreams, as some how it turns into money. I pretty much didn't talk about any sex or intimicy for 2 months. She then sits down next to me and asked why I have been so quiet. I told her it's because we haven't talked about intimacy for a while, and it's something that is important to me. As I am talking, she interupts me, and it turns into a somewhat common argument about how I can't say what I need to say, and she doesn't listen. She doesn't, she goes on the defensive right away. She then becomes mean ( I am calm the most of the time, little yelling, thanks to my chemical labatomy of Concerta!!).

For the past week, I have just wanted to leave, I am being muffled in what I want to discuss. Anytime I bring up intimacy, it turns to talk of sex, and I get a response of "what do you want me to spread my legs and just lie there". This weekend really has done it in. I don't want to talk to her.

Intimacy to me is not just sex, but she won't let me explain how I see it. She doesn't ask, and try to understand, she presumes, and judges.

We will be married 6 minths at the end of March, we haven't consumated our marriage, it's been a 1.5 years since we have had sex. Yet she expects me to lie in bed next to her naked with my arm around her, cudling her.

Hell, I would be happy if I could just please her.

To me intimacy is sharing my mind, body, soul, dream, want, love and friendship. I can't, she wont let me. I fell more comfortable talking to complete strangers, than I do my wife. She doesn't listen to what I have to say, or try to understand where I am coming from.

I probably missed a few things (or more)...

Thanks for listening..

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Have Fun!! :p

PeaB0dy

Dedication, Distinctiveness, & Potential

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

- Ben Folds

(((((((((((PeaB0dy)))))))) wow.

Had to read an post atleast a hug for you. will try and comment later.

Your life and marriage has been under extreme amounts of stress and pressure. Her parents seem very controlling and moving in to their condo was probably your first and biggest mistake. My advice is to leave all afmily and friends out of your relationship/marriage but I'm not sure if your wife is capable or willing to stand up to her parents and set boundries with them. You can not depend on any financial help from your inlaws because people like that always attach strings to what they give. Tell them when you want their advice you'll ask for it. It's not your job to make your wife happy. She needs to find out how to make herself happy, what type of job will make her happy and what she wants from you and your life together. Ask her what she needs to be happy and support her in pursuing it. In the mean time, work on yourself. There comes a time when you have to be selfish and detatch from unhealthy relationships in order to focus on you and your problems. First find out which ADD med works best for you, find a good job stick to it. I don't know what I would do if my husband went through as many jobs as you have. I'd definatly be a nervous wreck. I have very little sexual desire and I'm not affectionate at all and it causes strain in my marriage too but I can tell you one thing for sure. When I feel like my emotional needs are being met by my husband, I am more likely to try to meet his sexual needs and make a point of trying to show affection. I think you and your wife aren;t communicating or really listening to each other because your both so caught up in your own pain. I know one thing for sure though...you can not help anyone else until you're life is stable and headed inthe right direction. Start exercising, that always helps me feel better. Continue working with your therapist.

With that much therapy and still no change? Obviously it isn't working...the therapy or the relationship. I know it is rarely one sided when relationships go bad, but regardless of any other issues, it sounds like she simply does not think she has any problems and is unwilling to take the steps needed to improve her life. I can see that you are trying, but of course it is not working for you either. It sounds like you already know the answer to your problems, you just have to get the courage to act on it. Whatever that may be, I hope it works out for the best.

There were positive qualities at one time, and thus a reference point to reflect back upon as to where it has ended up. How long must it take to make sure every avenue is fully exhausted before we see it for what it became? I was told at one time, "the one with the least invested has the most power." At the same time, it cannot be expected that she carry the entire burden for her 'failure?' to participate and invest in this relationship (marriage). You have obviously made the commitment and investment to have stayed this long.

PeaBOdy,

I hope you don't mind if I'm blunt about this but I've been in a few bad relationships in my day. A marriage with no connection & no sharing & an abusive one with a Narcissist.
I am now married, at 36, to a wonderful man with whom I share everything. My strengths, my weaknesses, my dreams & fears. I am respected, loved & accepted no matter what!

The other folks out there who are in good relationships, will agree when I say; This how it is supposed to be. YOU deserve no less!! Sure, It's not all gumdrops & lollypops but the infrastructure of your relationship must be solid, loving & safe.

As a human being, your desire for sex is not selfish!! There is nothing wrong with needing physical intimacy. It is, in fact, healthy. I would be worried if you were willing to tolerate no sex. What you get is NO SEX, nothing!

HERE (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove) is a link to a column that I think is appropriate & in which I truly believe. The only difference is that you are NOT receiving the basic respect any human being deserves.

Sex is spiritual as well as instinctual. Your sexual relationship with your partner is defined ONLY by the 2 of you. The morality is only breached when consent is not given. It can be transcendent!

Your wife's refusal is mean & controlling. She is being incredibly selfish on all levels not just sex, she does not seem to, nor ever intends to do the work that will make this marriage work.

This relationship seems to me to be very unhealthy. The Concerta is not lobotomizing you, it may just be clearing your head, allowing you to sort through all the crap she is spewing. Perhaps you are finally realizing that this doesn't make sense & is not worth engaging in the conflict.

Please take care of yourself! You deserve better...MUCH better.

To quote Dan Savage "DTMFA"!

bc

Thanks for all your wonderful responses..

Part of my post was me getting caught in my emotions, which happened very frequently.

Not to say the situation hasn't changed, we went and saw the therapist, and it did soften things between us.

What I wrote I still whole heartedly agree with. We had not been visiting the therapist for a little, so things began to slide.

This session it seemed like I was listened too, which helped.

I have been able to focus after the therapist on going forward again, and am continuing what I need to do for myself..

I have been advancing in my job, so financially that will help me over the long run, and am focusing on a move to a new career.

Will this relationship work, no one knows, it's like asking if we can tell the future. I am not recanting what I said, I am just not as emotionally stuck in it. The was a lit of intensity for me in the writing.

I will have a happy sex life, I wish it could be with my wife, I did marry her for a reason, hopefully that can come back out, and build on that. Today she actually listened to what I had to say. I haven't had that in ages. I went on rambling about something that intrests me, I know she doesn't like it, but it was nice to be heard. I usually dont talk, so when I do, I need to be heard too..

It's late, but I though I would thank you all for your support, feels good..

It's hard to ask for help sometimes..

I will add more later..

Take Care,

Have Fun!!

PeaB0dy

Hi there PeaB0dy,
I have inserted my comments into your last post see the :o faces to find them.




Thanks for all your wonderful responses..

Part of my post was me getting caught in my emotions, which happened very frequently.

:o Thats's quite alright. "Getting caught in (your) emotions "happens when you care deeply for someone, as I believe you do for your wife.

Not to say the situation hasn't changed, we went and saw the therapist, and it did soften things between us.

:o Softening. . . thats a beginning. I hope the softening continues. This situation didnt hapen overnight. Workignthrough this will take time.

What I wrote I still whole heartedly agree with. We had not been visiting the therapist for a little, so things began to slide.

This session it seemed like I was listened too, which helped.
:o thats great!

I have been able to focus after the therapist on going forward again, and am continuing what I need to do for myself..

I have been advancing in my job, so financially that will help me over the long run, and am focusing on a move to a new career.

Will this relationship work, no one knows, it's like asking if we can tell the future. I am not recanting what I said, I am just not as emotionally stuck in it. The was a lit of intensity for me in the writing.
:o No problem . . . It is easy to be "a little intense" about something that means so much to you. I am glad ot see that you are putting the time and energy into trying to work through this.

I will have a happy sex life, I wish it could be with my wife,
:o Yes a happy sex life is something that is important. With all the other issues that are happenign in your relationship. . . how could you have a happy sex life now? I honestly think this could happen with your wife. maybe not now but It could.

I did marry her for a reason, hopefully that can come back out, and build on that.

:o I have been married for 23 years now to my husband. We have had our times of struggle. I have thought the same thing at times . . i did marry him for a reason... right!? As difficult as these struggles have been. when we have gotten to the other side..THAT is when I finally see that yes, it is worth the effort. I also keep in the back of my head something that i heard. if you get divorced, there is a high probablity that you will end up remarrying someone with the same or similar issues cropping up. . . heck, why would I want to do that, might as well work on t he relatiosnhip that I am in right now.

We are having a particularly stressfull time right now. It is not fun and the conversations are difficult and hard ones, but atleast we are talking. As time goes on it's slowly getting better.

Today she actually listened to what I had to say. I haven't had that in ages. I went on rambling about something that intrests me, I know she doesn't like it, but it was nice to be heard. I usually dont talk, so when I do, I need to be heard too..

:o Gosh I hear you about this. Sometimes I ramble on, as you have mentioned and my husband listens - it is nice to be heard.

It's late, but I though I would thank you all for your support, feels good..

:o That's what we are hear for PeaB0dy. . .:D

It's hard to ask for help sometimes..

I will add more later..

Take Care,

Have Fun!!

PeaB0dy

First off.. I want to thank every one for your help and support..

This past weekend I had snapped, not at her, but my back broke. I bent over too far, and as I was starting to get up, she pushed me down, and I broke.

It started small on Sat, and grew, and grew till monday.

We had a little fight on Saturday, Then Sunday she came in to give me a kiss on the cheek and ran her hand through my hair. I told, that I could feel it, and it was fustrating me, in a calm manner, I couldn't enjoy what she was trying to do (I really couldn't feel it, it was more annoying, and I have mentioned this to her many times, not the annoying part). So she lashed out at me. I moved on. Then the next night, she was coughing, I went to check on her in bed, & give her a hug. She then asks why I don't come to bed and put my arm around her as of recent. I told her, that it is very fustrating ( I never got to mention that it is arrousing, and with no sex in the relationship, it makes it more and more fustrating, and I really can't stand being this fustrated, I want some peace in my life!), so she yells back while I am telling her how I feel, that she is fustrated too, and how it remindes her of how her parents are, that they do nothing together, etc.. I came back to her ( I didn't yell, but there was a little anger in my voice) that we are not her parents. I didn't get to finish my first part of the answer too, because I was forced to defend myself from another position, so I walked away. I was angry. By her saying what she did, she shut me up, even though I stood up for myself. It then just got bad. I needed to protect myself, because it felt as if I was being beaten, but it was with word. She started to scream at the top of her lungs, and flail around like crazy, I walked away, there was no one to talk to. She then started coming at me with her fustarations, etc, and things that I had done wrong, and that I had appologiezed for ( for example: I did @ one point a while before we got married, tell her she needed to make a choice between me and her parents of which it took a year for her to decide because her parents chose not to deal with her anymore, with the infighting of her and her parents at my door, and our wedding during that year..). I had no intention to put her in a bad position, but she had to choose what she wanted, so I replyed when she came at me with the attack that she is the one who makes the ultimate choice that is appropriate for her. I walked out the door to calm down. I didn't yell at all, infact I barely yelled the whole time.
As I was walking, she called me, asking when and if I was coming home. I really got mad, but I held my cool, and told her, that now I was even more angry, I am trying to calm down, and gather my head. I came home picked up the car, and went for a drive ( it was a rather somber drive for me.) around the city. I came home went to bed.

For the past few nights, I lay in bed next to her, I don't want to be there, I am not comfortable.

I don't want to be here.

I haven't been able to talk, as I am in a position that when I say something, and I talk about my fears, opening up myself, I get lashes from her.

I want to leave.

People have told me that over the past few months that I have made great strides since I have started on my medication, and I can see I have too, I am getting back to the person I was before all this, the person I was working on.

On Tuesday coming up, we are seeing the therapist agian, and I want to tell her I have had enough. I have had enough of the therapy, as nothing on her end has changed, everyone tells me I need to do something I do it, she does **** all.

2 Therapists and a marriage coach. It has gone no where. She hasn't picked up on her end of the bargian. I may have screwed up on the job front, and not doing very well financially (being emotionally handicapped didn't help) but I have made great strides since, and looking at a possible 3rd raise, and second promotion at work in 6 months.

She comes from a home that is fear based, I am a person who is pleasure based, it doesn't mix. She can't get over her fears, that's why we may not have consumated the marriage, as it makes the commitment final, she knows I can annul the marriage. It's as if I have to be the one to make the move, but my move is a checkmate, and I have been holding off for a log time unfortunatly.


well, I don't know what I missed, and I hope I didn't screw up the time line, too much to proof right now, I need to sleep, as I have work tomorrow.

Thanks for listening, and your help.

Take Care, Have Fun!!

PeaB0dy

2 Therapists and a marriage coach. It has gone no where. She hasn't picked up on her end of the bargian. I may have screwed up on the job front, and not doing very well financially (being emotionally handicapped didn't help) but I have made great strides since, and looking at a possible 3rd raise, and second promotion at work in 6 months.

I know in marriage trouble there is rarely an innocent party. The olé AA prayer comes to mind with an ADD edition and dyslexic order

The courage to change the things I can {that would be me - you sound like you have done this so scratch that off the list of things to do}

Accept the things I can not change {your wife, her parents every one else}

The wisdom to know the difference. . . .(you can not change your wife, in your marriage you have tried every thing you know how}

The ADD twist - there comes a time to name the well and move on. . . .{some times knowing the difference means knowing when to let go of the unhealthy}

Personal boundaries has any of the therapist worked with you on developing personal boundaries?

This is important and having them makes seeing when people are running you over so much easier for the ADD brain.

Some one above mentioned that there are times they give into their husbands "desires" even when they are not in the mood. I do this also. I know Gary tries to do what is right and he does stuff for me like bring me coffee most mornings, he tries to help me keep up with my medications. I do not feel like him wanting me to turn of t eh computer and pay some "attention" to him is NOT too much to ask.

Now Gary has a hard time listening to me because of his own ADD issues. I simply say "I don't feel listened to". . . .when he gets defensive I shut down and leave. He has pursued me on occasion but being sarcastic and impulsive ADD he has learned this is normally a mistake because I can be as verbally assaultive as the nest person I would just prefer not to. . .after three years I simple remind Gary we do not need to go there. There are times when I feel more comfortable saying what I have to in writing and leaving. . . .there has been times when this is the only way I can get my entire thought across. He is an ADD as I am and is not medicated due to his past addiction problems and his commitment to not consuming any mind altering substances. . . .he got part of his thumb chopped off and refused any thing mind lathering he is that serious about it.

If you have tried to meet her needs to the best of your knowledge and ability you have been fair and have done as much right as any one could ask. Please do not dishonor yourself by having an affair Do you, your wife, any any future "lover' all a favor and leave the marriage before any thing sexual happens that isn't proper.

Some people are just unhappy they know no different and they do not what to be any different for what ever reason. You can not make some one happy. . . .Lincoln once said "A man is about as happy as he makes up his mind to be" well the same applies to a women as well. If your wife doesn't want to be happy you can not force this on her.

If you do not feel like sleeping in the same bed don't be manipulated into doing so. Getting you to sleep in the same bed and her being nude and refusing to have "physical relations" is interpreted by me {I am female} as being a control issue on her part. You are under no obligation to sleep next to a naked woman you can not "touch" any more than she is obligated to to have sex with you . The door does swing both ways and I would teach the door it's second direction by taking no more crap.

Gary does better when I stand firm on my personal boundaries. . .yes it causes frustrations some times but our relationship does better feels better when both he and I stand firm in our personal boundaries while respecting each others. Boundaries are not separating but actually give us both the safety to be intimate with each other. Both people have to work for a marriage to work.

Personally if I were you I would consider a trail separation to get my head together and give your wife a chance to decided weather or not she really wants to have you around. If she is as manipulative as her parents I would try to conceal my where abouts from her lest she ends up in same place and you have resolved nothing. However just because that is what I would do you are under no obligation to do likewise. It is your life and your decision. I wish you the best no matter what you decide to do.

btw- have you ever read this (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15338) before. It may be worth considering. Understanding Boundaries 1301!

If you have tried to meet her needs to the best of your knowledge and ability you have been fair and have done as much right as any one could ask. Please do not dishonor yourself by having an affair Do you, your wife, any any future "lover' all a favor and leave the marriage before any thing sexual happens that isn't proper.


Thank you for bringing this up..

This is an interesting point for me, as I will first off saying, that I will not have an affair, I said something to my wife a while back, and I live by these words, "I would rather be happy single, then misrable in a relationship". I am miserable, as what I say above, but I have VERY STRONG VALUES, I would never have an affair. I have recently began to fantisize about other women that I have known (1 that I should have pursued and got scared off by my ADD, and another that I had been with that was an amazing woman, that I left, ADD pushed me away, and I can only see that now, learning about the ADD years later) .

I would never have an affair, I would do anything in my power to resolve the issues as hand, then leave the relationship if it can't be fixed. I probably wouldn't even go out with other women during the divorce procedings, I have a very stong identitiy to coupling, and maintaining the sanctity of a relationship. I commit myself completely, giving my heart, mind and soul to the relationship.

My father last year had an affair, I was ready to kill him, my mother was ready to forgive, he refused to stop seeing the other woman, and seek help, it ended my parents relationship. I knew that it would end the relationship, even if had he decided to stop, just the idea that one can do something like that to another person is a stab in the heart to me.


Once a cheater, always a cheater..

Back to work..

Thanks for the help...

Take Care, Have FUN!!

PeaB0dy

Well, here is the last post for me on this topic..

I have chosen to leave her.

I do not want to see another therapist, 3 was too many.

She chooses not to want to consumate this marriage, there is no joy, just pain and fustration. She is not a happy person herself, and I can't help her, as I can not do it at the level she wants, nor does she even try to match my needs.

She lacks empathy, and I can be too empathetic. She has no respect for me as well as for herself, and I was disrespectful of myself, and very respectful of her.

Love is something that needs to be worked on, and people need to work to compromise to each others idea, it just so happenes, she never came to try my ideas. Intamacy is not a thing you just do, it's something to express yourself, and grow, and enjoy, and learn about the other.

O well, If not now, then when?

Take Care and Have Fun!

PeaB0dy

I am sorry to hear it had to come to that. I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you, but I do want to wish you all the best during this difficult transition. I hope things get better for you.

Thanks for the Support, it is very much appreciated..

I know things will get better for me, I have no choice in the matter. :D

Have Fun and Take Care,

PeaB0dy

Sounds like a lot of things snowballed.

I'm glad to see you can identify the factors (events & emotions) that are stressing you. (Rather than just going to "I'm feeling crazy".)

I find stress it like layers of an onion, that way. (It almost needs a picture drawn of it, like in art class.)

Your situational factors would test a non-ADDer, too. (You are not alone.)

Thanks for sharing and keep up updated.

I know from experience how difficult divorce can be. Best of wishes to you. I think you made the best decision for yourself because, it is hell on wheels being married to an emotionally unhealthy person. Man, I can't even begin to imagine marriage with out sex. It is such an important ingerdiant of true intimacy in marriage. The thought of arguing with out make-up sex....EEK! I think it is very cruel of her to expect you to lie in bed with her naked, but not touch her. I am a woman and I would literally have to check myself into a psych ward if my husband did that to me.

Sorry I went off on such a tangent.....Hang in there, e sure to keep us posted on how you are doing.

Chele

Thanks for the Support...

I went today to talk to the lawyer, I am going to get legal aid, as all this has really messed up my earning ability (Damn Emotions..., can't they just stay above the water!!). We own a house together, of which she paid most of it. I am not going to take my half that I am entitled too because I am what is called a "Mench (http://www.answers.com/topic/mensch)". I just want it over with quicky, and start over again (I happen to be really good @ that!!). I am right now fighting the impulse to go out and meet a woman and have some fun, as it will kill me (last time I almost did it and I was crying for a week!!), Damn this High sex drive. Fortunatly this marriage is short, and I have started to get over little things here and there, most of my energy is into looking for a place to live, and buying a car, and the general moving on of things...

Thank yo Again for the support...

Now to find an AD/HD woman instead of a controlling one..

Thanks,

Take Care and Have Fun!!

PeaB0dy

I am just keeping you guys updated.

She has turned into a total ***** now..

but that is ok..

I have no problem telling her where to go :)

She started arguing with me over the car we share.

Public transit for me to go to work (12km from where I currently live) takes 2 hours. She works downtown (we live uptown), takes mcuh less time, like an hour, including bussing it to the subway.

Because she sometimes drives me to work she expects me to drive her to the subway (we live close by, and there is a bus stop minutes from our house). I have no issues about it, other than waking in the morining (not good at it).


This morning she is telling me that she needs the car and that I have to take the bus, yet I don't even know my work schedule till wed.

As I was trying to respond to her this morning, she kept on shutting me up, so I firmly told her to STFU a few times, I was getting angry, but never raised my voice.

She is playing tit for tat, our needs are different, and she expects the same treatment. if it was reversed, I wouldn't ask for the car, unless I needed. I would take the bus, someone else can do the work, and takes a few minutes longer, so what!!

Fortunatly my mother is going to help me, and she is going to buy a car that I can use, so that this will end. It is getting bad, I am selling of my retirement (only a few thousand), so I can pay for a lawyer to get this thing over with, move out, and go on.

I am working hard to not be impulsive, very hard. I just want this over with NOW!!!

Thanks for listening..

Take Care and Have Fun!!

PeaB0dy

Well,

Things are getting messy..

My ADD is kicking in hard, the need for continious stimulus is at an all time high..

I moved out on Saturday, and bought a car.

She locked a room in the house, that is her office, and I wanted to take pictures of her office, of the furniture that we had purchased together. She wouldn't lket me in because she has cofidential information (such as client info), and my info too. All I wanted were pics of the furniture, and other items we purchased together. I called the police, as I didn't know what my rights were, the police came, and they calmed things down a little.

She is now not responding to me at all with any E-mails or messages, even regarding info like who her lawyer is, as my info is packed somewhere.

I hate this, I REALLY HATE THIS!!

The need for stimulus is going to get me into trouble somewhere, I know it, I am fighting hard.

I just want to get my stuff out, and move on, but she is nickle and diming everything.

I have been going crazy..

Still Am!!!

I don't know what to do anymore!!

I tryed contacting my lawyer, but I am getting poor service, and I just need answers to a few questions.

AAHH!!

Thanks for listening..

I feel unhappy for you,cause this stirs a lot in my large suitcase.

Trying hard in a relationship sucks when there is "no return"...Funnily enough I feel ****ed off at women,(but me being one)..who escape off in solar space when the male partner just wants to give and show love,..Sounds like youve had yor fair share of hurt and what goes in life in general,...women can be right *****es ..and yes so can men,but my heart softens when the situation turns to "i give up",how many times ive been there,when alls you want is the affection and understanding with your partner....familes are best kept on a minimal when the fan is stirring,but others strive on it,they are better off (the ones who cant be in the relationship)cutting the cord first and seeking there iner wants in life,gawd listen to me :rolleyes: im all over the place but i hope my point comes across with sense:)

perhaps take a break away somewhere,talk to your doc,?..Be safe,the support i got here opens a few channels in my head,its not easy,i know,
Take a walk and just look around,get a pushbike,indulge in a pet.Cats are the perfect companion, animals do bring a calm around you.Stay:cool:

"I would rather be happy single, then misrable in a relationship". PeaB0dy
I say the same thing Peabody

A/

I agree...I'd rather be single and happy than be attached and miserable!!

Well, It's Official, to a degree..

I am now divorced according to Jewish law...

Ontario Law is another matter, it takes a year from date of seperation for a divorce under no fault, which is the route that was taken. It's just part of the rules of the society we live in

My mind is a lot clearer now in the sense that if I start to date, which I would love to, that I am not going against my beliefs.


I just can't remarry until the Ontario law says it's over, but I am not anywhere near that...

All that is left are the leagal proceeding for contents and assets, and lawyers making money off of us...

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so proud of you!!!!! Virtual cheers to your moving on with your life!!!!:D

Today, she went to the Rabbi, and accepted the Get, so now I am completely religiously divorced.

On with the mourning, but I am already looking forward to a date next week.

I plan on taking it slow.

Now just the legal BS.

I am seeing how mean she can be, it's amazing, and it drives me nuts.

Thanks for all the support.