Hey i just want to see what everyone else thinks about this. I wrote this one night when I couldn't sleep and it seems to make perfect sense to me.

This started back before I can remember but I, being ADHD, have processed scenarios differently from everyone else. I look at things from a completely different angle from everyone else. So in doing so it seems like when ever I do something wrong I don't really make a connection to what I did and what was wrong with what I did. So my brain automatically deems what I did wrong. I don't know why my brain does this, and it seems like everything I do to counter-act it fails miserably.

Back in my pre-6th grade years I was more of an extrovert than I am now. I used to be myself. My true self. And since changing schools from Colbert to Mental Bridge I haven't been the same. Starting in the 6th grade I was teased because of who I was and how I acted. I was never really accepted. So it's almost as if my brain said "Ok... Being myself is bad. People will not like you and will tease you for it" and started to slowly shut off that part of my life. And the only thing I thought I could do was just stay away from those kind of situations as much as possible. I would avoid people and social situations like the plague. So in doing so I have retreated to my room on my computer most of the time. Talking to people online (who actually accept me for who I am) and playing video games. Since coming to M.E.A.D. Alternative I haven't had many friends offline. ******* and I were friends for a while, but then it got awkward after a while so... yeah... And then I was back to my regular routines. No offline friends. Only offline friends, and video games. Then it seemed like I am trying to wander around a pitch black maze not knowing where I am at. Not knowing what to do.

Now me and ***** are starting to be friends. Since then it seems like I have a renewed source of light. I can see where I am and what I need to do. But I honestly do not know how to do it. And It's almost like since 6th grade or so I have forgotten how to be a friend. I have forgotten how to be compassionate towards others. For a while it was like I had no emotion. I can also see that a computer career is not for me. It has/is causing more pain and depression in my life than anything else at this point.

Lately I have slowly been starting to be myself again. I really enjoy it when I am in a good mood, social, and just more extrovert rather than introvert.

Also something I want to add, but I have no clue where I could put it and I have no interest in finding a good spot for it. Most days it seems like everything is just all jumbled up in my head. Bouncing all over the place at 200 MPH. I can't slow it down and most of the time when I have to explain something or say something all the info is in there, it's just all mixed up and mixed in with everything else so it's very hard for me to say what I really mean to say. Most of the time it all comes in randomly. No order to it what-so-ever and a lot of holes here and there... and here... oh and over there too! and a couple right here! It's very frustrating. And when I am trying to listen to someone or concentrate the slightest thing will distract me and start up this whirlwind of crap in my head so that I can no longer concentrate on what I was doing or what someone is saying very easily...

I have always been extroverted after I have gotten to know people. I learned by school socializations that different groups have different social rules so I do not say much until I have a grasp on what those rules are.

I think on line friendships are easier in a way because they are not real time dependent. I can be friends with people in a different time zone because we do not have to be on line at the same time. Also things like these message boards give us time to think and formulate our thoughts before “speaking”

Because every thing is written down I can go back and look at stuff I said and how it was said and the reactions. This doesn’t mean I will always agree and it doesn’t mean I am never difficult it does however provide a way for me to review conversations from an objective perspective.

Being ADHD for me means seeing tings from more than one perspective. I rarely see things “normally” and I have quit expecting myself to long ago. I accept I am different than most and have learned to embrace this. Becoming more mature has helped me to be more accepting. I have also weeded out off line friend in that people who are toxic for me I distance myself from. People who expect every one to see life as they do are toxic, also people who are always negative are toxic. This does not mean they are bad people for it isn’t my responsibility to assign “good” or “bad” labels it is only my responsibility to avoid those who bring out the worse in me or who drain happiness from me and replace it with bitter.


I am able to stay more involved when listening to some one else by “active listening” or question asking. . . .being talked at like in school lectures always results in my mind wondering off and taking my body with it.