Okay. So im on adderall and I thought I was doing "really good", but then I met this guy Jed. We've been dating and he is my first "serious" boyfriend, sort of. Unfortunatly I had not realized that there was a communication barrier between me and other people, until I met the one person I really love.

I cant listen to anyone talking to me for more than a min. without wandering off in my head, and it's SO frustrating! Usually I just piece together what has been said to my understanding and that was good enough. But it isn't. Not with Jed, because I care and I want to hear what he says. :( I want to know, and I try and try but im just a space cadet... I want to respond and discuss, not just laugh and smile.

I might just end up screwing up this relationship. I dont know what to do... I dont even know what im looking for? Words of wisdom? Expirence? Success? Whatever.

~Ali

Hi Ali,
First off,take a breath.it has a calming affect.Have you talked with Jed about this? Has he noticed your wandering? I would recommend talking to him about it,even if oyu have to write it down and read it together.The more he understands you the easier it will be.I also think you need to listen to his response to what you tell him,even if he writes it down and you can reread it and ponder it. Remember you have the power to communicate and make this work. Don't give up.
let me know how it goes.
steve

Hi

Wonderful that you are perceptive to the potential of this situation existing.

From my experience, communication is critical to the success of most relationships.

IMO Love can be difficult on a good day.

Tell him the truth-tell him what you wrote us. To me (an older guy), I'd be more appreciative and understanding if I knew what was really up than to have you try to fake your way through. You don't have to tell him all the details now (meds, etc.) but telling him about yourself will help him see your side of things.

You do have to tell them, However in my recent experience, your explanation - might not be enough, try to provide him with something to read that explains it (or write it yourself)

You have to come to an understanding about the fact that you won't be "normal" in certain areas... but re-assure him that you are going to be so much more exciting, fun, passionate and interesting than "normal" people.

Be positive, don't make a focus of the negative too much (it comes back at you I find)

I guess I prefer the word "different" than to "normal". Who's to say what's "normal" anyway, right?:p

Everyone else is right. You've got to talk about it. Spoon feed the info so Jed doesn't get overloaded w/ info. Start by just saying, "Oops, sorry... I didn't catch what you said...." *this part in your own words---->" I have a problem with staying "tuned into conversations". I'm not ignoring you, I'm just different this way!" and Laugh....hahahaha. Humor helps a ton! This can open it up for him to ask the questions. "Why do you think your like that" can lead into ADD discussions.

Superman undies is right. I kept a journal while researching my ADD and presented it to my Husband. What I did was write down what I thought were my ADD symptoms and triggers. That helped him understand me and bring new light to why we are having problems.

Good luck to you and take care!:D

My best advice is to tell someone. If they cannot be sympathetic to many of the "typical relationship issues" coming from someone having ADD, they would not respond well to when something happens and probably not be the best person to have around. Maybe have them read some of the material out there?

Anyone who knows someone as something more than a friendship should be aware because they could think that all of the things being ADD are intentional. I am sure most of us have that experience there.

Question: when was the last time your doctor changed the dose of your Adderall? One of the major things Ritalin does for me is keep me tuned in to conversation when I want to be. Before meds, it wasn't much of a choice.

My boyfriend and I have had a lot of arguments about this. I have a hard time picking up on subtle hints about how he's feeling and can misinterpret what he's saying. I also forget things we've talked about and we can have the same conversation about 5 times and I won't remember having it at all, but he will. I also have the trouble staying in tune to the conversation. It's all frustrating.

It's hard someone without ADHD to understand what it's like. I've told him many times that it's just hard for me and that I really am trying his best. Even though he's spent a lot of time on this site and knows a lot about ADHD, it's hard for him to understand but he's starting to see that it really is that hard for me.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/misunderstoodminds/attention.html

The Misunderstood Minds website has short activities to demonstrate what it's like to have ADHD.

I asked my boyfriend to read "What does Everybody Else Know That I Don't Know" by Michele Novotni. This book has helped to teach me a lot of social rules I didn't know and it also showed my boyfriend just how many social rules he things everyone knows can be missed by someone with ADHD.

I definitely think you should tell him. If he truly loves you he'll try to learn about it and be understanding. Just make sure that you remind him and show him that when you do tune out that it's unintentional, that will probably help him to understand that you really don't mean to.

As for medication, I second asking your doctor about other medications if you haven't tried anything else. Adderall didn't really work for me, but Ritalin works so much better.

I agree with Imnapl about considering the possibility of a new medication. It's amazing what a world of difference that can make sometimes.

I have the same problem with relationships. I have yet to find somebody who can keep up with me! I don't know, I guess people just get tired of me never being able to sit down and listen to them without wandering off. The last kind of "boyfriend" i had, I decided to cut loose, because he just didn't have the energy to keep up. I was getting tired of him always trying to "pull back on my reigns". Now I am starting to wonder, if there are all of these wonderful ADD people on this site, then WHERE ARE THEY ALL HIDING?!