Hi. I am new here. I have just been told by my bf that he has ADD. However he said he has been off medication since he was 10. I wasn't sure what ADD was really. I have many questions burning that I couldn't find an answer to on the Internet. Hope you can help. PLEASE HELP.

Do people with ADD:

1. tend to multitask a lot? (he does)

2. how do I tell what his REAL personality is? (I feel confused now.)

3. Do all ADDers have low sex drive?

4. get into romantic relationships just because they want to be stimulated? And then find new stimulant when they get bored AGAIN???! Does he ONLY call because he wants to be stimulated??!!!!

5. are all ADDer's forgetful?

6. Can there ever be a HEALTHY Normal Relationship?

7. Are ADD'ers technically considered healthy/normal people??

8. Are there different levels of ADD? Ex. Do some people have less of it?

9. Is someone with ADD more likely to dump their gf and find someone else?

10. When it says ADD'ers are "CREATIVE"...what exactly does it mean? I'm multi-talented and this is hard to understand.

11. have "emotional immaturity"? What's that?

11. I do not mean any disrespect to anybody with my somewhat silly and not so silly questions. I just need clarification.

I feel I've found a guy with a great personality to go with mine. I'm a quiet and reserved girl. He's pretty quiet too sometimes but has a playful streak. Now that I know he has it, how do I tell when the ADD is in affect and how do I differentiate HIM BEING HIMSELF and NOT the ADD taking over?? Everything was perfect up until now...ex: cows. now don't think about cows.

btw, I had NO idea he has ADD. I didn't see it...he was not hyperactive - only once. Rest of the time, he is normal.

Hi. I am new here. I have just been told by my bf that he has ADD. However he said he has been off medication since he was 10. I wasn't sure what ADD was really. I have many questions burning that I couldn't find an answer to on the Internet. Hope you can help. PLEASE HELP.

Do people with ADD:

1. tend to multitask a lot? (he does)
Yes, many ADDers can multitask.



2. how do I tell what his REAL personality is? (I feel confused now.)
ADHD is not a personality disorder. What you see is what you get.


3. Do all ADDers have low sex drive?
ADHD does not affect sex drive. It can make intimacy difficult at times, vis-a-vis your ADHD partner's tendency to skip around a lot at times...staying focused on whatever is going on at the moment can be problematic from time to time when you have ADHD.


4. get into romantic relationships just because they want to be stimulated? And then find new stimulant when they get bored AGAIN???! Does he ONLY call because he wants to be stimulated??!!!!
ADDers crave stimulation. It helps us feel focused.
Seeking a relationship solely for the purpose of an adernalin rush seems kind of shallow to me. I don't think ADHD causes shallowness. ;)


5. are all ADDer's forgetful?
Some of us are very scatterbrained at times. At other times we are intensely focused. It varies.


6. Can there ever be a HEALTHY Normal Relationship?
I don't see any reason why not. Some have no troubles with realtionships, some ADDers have lots of troubles with relationships... Mostly due to issues arising from impulsivness, attention and hyperness... things like being messy, spending too much, saying the wrong thing, lack of reciprocity, etc.


7. Are ADD'ers technically considered healthy/normal people??
Are people who are nearsighted considered healthy/normal people? Think about it....

Some ADDers DO have additionall issues, typically there is some anxiety associated with having ADHD, It's hard work, to cope with being so scattered, and that creates anxiety.

Mostly it is just an attention/hyperness issue and really amounts to a matter of cognitive style than anything else.


8. Are there different levels of ADD? Ex. Do some people have less of it?
Is it possible to only be a little pregnant ? :eek:

In real terms you either have ADHD or not. Nonetheless some people with ADHD do seem to be more scattered, more hyper, or more whatever... It does vary a lot from one person to the next.


9. Is someone with ADD more likely to dump their gf and find someone else?
Impusiveness is part of the package. It is almost certain that more than one relationship has started or ended on the impulse of a person who has ADHD. On the otherhand, treating someone badly is a personality issue and NOT an ADHD trait...


10. When it says ADD'ers are "CREATIVE"...what exactly does it mean? I'm multi-talented and this is hard to understand.
Many ADDers are very creative in every sense of the word, and some are originial thinkers who can "get outside the box" at will. There are also "high functioning ADDers" who hold down high dollar jobs and are very successful. Their ADHD is part of what they are and most likely helps them to succeed at what they do.


11. have "emotional immaturity"? What's that?
As a group ADDers tend to act 20% younger than their age cohorts. I'm 53 and I'm definitely in touch with my inner child. :D


11. I do not mean any disrespect to anybody with my somewhat silly and not so silly questions. I just need clarification.

I feel I've found a guy with a great personality to go with mine. I'm a quiet and reserved girl. He's pretty quiet too sometimes but has a playful streak. Now that I know he has it, how do I tell when the ADD is in affect and how do I differentiate HIM BEING HIMSELF and NOT the ADD taking over?? Everything was perfect up until now...ex: cows. now don't think about cows.
Why sould it be so different now that you know he has ADHD? ADHD just causes him to have a certain style of thinking and doing things.


btw, I had NO idea he has ADD. I didn't see it...he was not hyperactive - only once. Rest of the time, he is normal.ADHD is normal for him. You were expecting something dramatic?

Not all ADDers are hyper. Some are inattentive and tend to be very laid back.

good luck

Me :D

I'm so thankful for your answers. I appreciate your time and effort given to me. Thank you thank you thank you!! This is all so very NEW to me. I guess I will have to digest everything I read on this forum and what you wrote.

But like I said, now that I KNOW he has it, I can't help but think "am I boring him right now?" LOL...gosh. Even though I understand so much better now, I still feel like I don't see the whole picture YET.

I always thought that he had GREAT patience with me. Surprisingly, people with ADD aren't suppose to have good patience? (that's what I've gotten from the forums).

One more thing, when he's chatting to me online, he's almost always doing 3 things at the same time. he asks me "I should stop doing that shouldn't I?" I didn't know what to say....?

ahhh...I am posting tooo many questions than I wanted.

When he asked me to be his GF, I know it was on an impluse. Now I'm wondering if he really meant it?? Or he just had a CRAVING?? Where the heck do I draw the line between ADD and his actions?

Here is something I learned with my best friend who was ADHD.

When you asked his opinion about something, it was evaluated at the time you asked, meaning that previously if you asked the same question, you might have got a different answer, even if with a non ADD person you would have expected the same answer.

It could have been impulsive to ask you to be his GF but that doesn't mean it wasn't a good idea, or that he's unhappy about it now. ADD folks for the most part I think tend to be rather honest, since they dont' always edit what they say before they say it. I think you can trust that he meant it and still means it, but if you have any doubts then by all means, confirm it with him.

I've never tried to separate my friend's ADD from his actions because they are one and the same...he IS ADD, and what he feels is what he feels. He is spontaneous, distractible, kind, artistic, easily frustrated and so on. If you separate characteristics or behaviours and totally ignore them because you think they are ADD, you will ignore part of your boyfriend, and it's kind of like this:

If you get angry about something, your boyfriend "says, well it must be that time of the month", so I'll just ignore it. GRRRRR!!!!!! You know what I mean?

If you learn as much as possible about ADD AND your boyfriend, what you will learn is not to take some things personally, like not being noticed as often as you would like, or being witness to his frustrations, if he is the type to have them.

Please note that in the beginning of a relationship when everything is new and fresh, you may not notice many ADD'nesses, but once the relationship becomes "normal behaviour" then you might notice more.

My fave book is by Halverston, called ADD and Romance, written by a man who is ADD.

good luck!!

cs

thanks crime_scene. what you said was very informative. I hope I can handle it down the road. because right now we are in a long distance relationship. I've noticed that he always has given me the same answer though - but I guess it depends on what kind of questions we're talking about. I will not try to ignore them but rather learn more about HIS patterns of ADD. I'm not sure if he's comfortable discussing it. Although he did crack a joke about his ADD.

also, if people with ADD are healthy normal people, why are there so many books on it?? It makes it seem more like a disease or something!! "ADD and Romance", "ADD and Relationships", etc. Because, is it really really necessary? I know there are benefits of being educated on it but lets put that aside for now. The books and media just makes it seem like ADD takes over relationships. Is it true then? Does ADD take over relationships? It better not.

There are so many BOOKS about this subject (and EVERY SUBJECT) because some people like to write about things they have studied or have experienced. PLUS - if someone does a "good job" writing about their field of expertise (or about their experience) then they might make some very good $$$$$$ from their book.

I hear what you're saying - and I just want to say (hopefully people will let me sneak by with this comment) it AIN'T NO BIG DEAL!! Really! It's NOT a personality disorder (which - some of THOSE disorders have symptoms that make REALLY SUSPENSEFUL STORIES).

I know that there are books about ADHD that make statements such as ADDers may have problems with boredom - which has the potential for making a long-term committed relationship an impossibility. As far as I'm concerned - SOME PEOPLE may have problems with long-term relationships for various reasons: Some simple, like boredom. Some more complex, like childhood issues. I can tell you that SO MANY of the things I have read about ADHD DO NOT pertain to me. (Does that mean I don't really have ADHD?)

Two people who have ADHD diagnosis' from a young age - and show more obvious symptoms than I do - these two friends of mine are some of the most MONOGAMOUS people I have ever met!!!

I would really try not to think too much of your boyfriend's ADHD diagnosis. Honestly. If he was all that before he told you - well, he hasn't changed. And unfortunately - young love is NORMALLY filled with all sorts of joys AND heartbreaks. BOTH THINGS!! NO MATTER HOW NORMAL (or perfect) THE TWO PEOPLE ARE!!

Why did he tell you this anyway?? Hey - maybe HE is feeling insecure that he might do something to make you leave HIM. So maybe that is WHY he mentioned the ADHD . . . in case he makes some mistake without realizing it - he might be hoping that you'll give him more of a chance. Ya know????

Please don't worry about his ADD. In fact, "normal people" experience ADHD symptoms too. The difference is the degree and/or the frequency of the symptoms. Like being forgetful. We've ALL forgotten our lunch, locked the keys in the car . . . or something like that. And we've ALL been excited to go to a dance or a party and then 1/2-way through it been suprised that we are bored with it already. So - if anything - the only thing that could be a problem for you with your bf is that he may be irritable, spacy, hyped-up, or embarrass himself more often than you. (SEE? IT COULD ACTUALLY TURN OUT TO BE A GOOD THING - RIGHT? ;) )

Take care,
Sue

:) yes, thank you so much Sue, for the insight. The points you bring up really ring true. I feel a lot better having read your words. I feel that even though he has ADD, it doesn't change my feelings for him. Knowing he has it, just means I have to be an extra understanding girlfriend...now I just have to figure out where to draw the line of becoming extra understanding, and not being taken for granted - (for future reference of course). :o

Hi. I am new here. I have just been told by my bf that he has ADD. However he said he has been off medication since he was 10. I wasn't sure what ADD was really. I have many questions burning that I couldn't find an answer to on the Internet. Hope you can help. PLEASE HELP.

Do people with ADD:

1. tend to multitask a lot? (he does)My DH can mutli task but nothing gets finished. :p

2. how do I tell what his REAL personality is? (I feel confused now.)I think we're all prone to mood swings. People with ADD are no different. I don't know one person who is consitent with their moods at all times so I am not sure what you're getting at here. Does he appear to have different personalities and has he named them?

3. Do all ADDers have low sex drive?No. It varies from person to person.

4. get into romantic relationships just because they want to be stimulated? And then find new stimulant when they get bored AGAIN???! Does he ONLY call because he wants to be stimulated??!!!! Not necessarily.

5. are all ADDer's forgetful? It does seem like they are a tad more forgetful with their short term memory but ask any ADD'er about their favorite hobby and not one detail will be left out!

6. Can there ever be a HEALTHY Normal Relationship? I have been married nearly 7 years to my ADHD'er. I have to do my share too. I need to be understanding and forgiving and he needs to work on the things he can. Only the two people in the relationship can decide to make it healthy. It's NEVER only the fault of a person with AD/HD

7. Are ADD'ers technically considered healthy/normal people?? Of course they are! Quirks and all!

8. Are there different levels of ADD? Ex. Do some people have less of it? Each person is different and each person handles it differently.

9. Is someone with ADD more likely to dump their gf and find someone else? Not necessarily. I know people that don't have ADD that just have a problem with comittment.

10. When it says ADD'ers are "CREATIVE"...what exactly does it mean? I'm multi-talented and this is hard to understand. They tend to think outside the box. It's a trait I love about my ADHD'er.

11. have "emotional immaturity"? What's that? There may or may not be some social awkwardness. Again, each person is different. They may appear to be emotionally immature because of impulsiveness. My DH happens to laugh at very inopportune times at things that just aren't funny to other people. Some might call him emotionall immature.

I feel I've found a guy with a great personality to go with mine. I'm a quiet and reserved girl. He's pretty quiet too sometimes but has a playful streak. Now that I know he has it, how do I tell when the ADD is in affect and how do I differentiate HIM BEING HIMSELF and NOT the ADD taking over?? Everything was perfect up until now...ex: cows. now don't think about cows.I'm sorry, this gave me a chuckle. ADD is always in effect. People don't turn their ADD on and off.

He IS being himself.

lol. Thanks struggleswife, I understand it a lot more now. Wow 7 yrs, that is great. Is your ADHD'er on medication? I'm guessing it's a harder relationship if the ADD'er doesn't take medication...or maybe not.

btw, I had NO idea he has ADD. I didn't see it...he was not hyperactive - only once. Rest of the time, he is normal.It is said that we all have the answers inside us. This statement clearly shows you do.

03qa, how long have you known each other, or been together?

I've dated a couple of ADHD guys. One was long-distance, as is yours. HANG ON GIRL!!!!

It is said that we all have the answers inside us. This statement clearly shows you do. yeah! I guess I do...thx

03qa, how long have you known each other, or been together?

I've dated a couple of ADHD guys. One was long-distance, as is yours. HANG ON GIRL!!!!we've been going for about 5 months BUT are going to meet first time soon.

thanks, i will try.

I don't know about other ADDers but I have a very high sex drive. Could be seeking stimulation, I don't know. EMABARRASED!

6. Can there ever be a HEALTHY Normal Relationship?
um no.