So, I wrote something then clicked the wrong thing then lost it, peachy. Here is the more positive sounding re-write...



I'm sure I'm not the first person to post something like this, but I think the only reason I have is because I don't feel like I have anywhere else to say it and I really want to get it off my chest.
Anyway, when I was just shy of 21 years old I was diagnosed with ADD, they put me on concerta and things got a bit better. Now I'm 23. I still struggle in school but not nearly as bad. However, in my quest for further understanding of this whole thing, I picked up a book on it. I got Healing ADD by Daniel G Amen. I sat down and read it pretty much cover to cover in an evening, and its 400 pages. Apparently, its really interesting. Anyway, in it he lays out 6 different types of ADD. I read them all and to me it is obvious that I have what he would call Type 5: Limbic ADD. It has all the usual ADD symptoms, with the added bonus of being moodier, more negative, less energetic, more socially isolated, low self esteem and some other non helpful bits. This fits me to a T.

Most of it I can deal with. By eating right and constantly reminding myself to think positively, I can get along okay. The one that has escaped me thus far is loneliness. I fight it all the time. I can be in a room full of people that I know, like, and want to know better, and still feel lonely. Also, when I do manage to do something social, I often pay for it the next day when I realize how alone I am compared to the people I was just with. A big example of this hit yet again this weekend. I spent 9 full hours yesterday with a good friend, just hanging out. We got together with nothing in particular in mind and had a blast roaming about, chit chatting and even playing Mario on my archaic NES. Eventually though it got late, I got tired, she left, and I went to bed. I woke up this morning feeling crappy, and it has stuck with me all day.

I thought about it a lot today, wondering why things are the way they are, focusing mostly on the social situation. Then it sort of dawned on me as I tallied things up over the years. In all of the school career I can think of, I have never been really good friends with more than one person at any one time. It was less so back in elementary school but really started to hit in high school and especially college. It seems that I only lose friends by losing touch with them. We still remain friends, but its not the same, even when I talk to them I can't break through. We don't hang out any more, they never call on me, nothing of the sort. My primary means of communication is IM, and I can't remember the last time I talked to most of the people on my list. So this leaves me with one friend at any given time. To be honest, I don't mind being alone, as I often enjoy the freedom. But, when your one friend is busy and you'd like to have contact with another human being, things get real lonely in a hurry.

So that is where I sit. I'm tired of being lonely, and I'm tired of losing friends for the only reason that I lose touch with them. I've been vaguely aware of it for a while, and even knowing that this is how I lose friends, I haven't managed to stop it though.





I would love to hear any ideas/comments/questions. This is one of those things that is getting real old, and I've got alot of life to live yet.

I guess a couple of things...

Understand that your ADD will have a factor in your relationships. That's just a fact. I think the more you understand your limits and your needs, the better you'll be because you'll know what to ask for in friends and what you need to do to be the best friend to them.

I would consider myself to be a pretty good friend. And yet, I know that I need my space and my time alone. Stuff like that....

Also, you need to be truly comfortable with yourself alone, otherwise I think that every person will dissapoint you in one way or another because no one can fill that void inside of you. You truly do need to be comfortable with yourself before you can find truly satisfying relationships. I'm not sure I sense that in your post there, though of course I probably am wrong.

I'm in the same point right now where I am losing contact with all of my friends. Maybe it's just because everyone is growing up or maybe its just me. Everything around me seems to be changing when i sit here in my room and stay the same...

Personally, I have always gotten overwhelmed at the emotional neediness of people. I have always been a leader or a loner and never a follower. I have always had very few friends and many acquiantances. The friends I have surrounded myself are a lot like me. If we don't see or talk to each other for days, weeks, months and even years, they don't take it personally. When we do come across one anothers path again we pick up like there was no time lapse. Hmmmmmmmmm, lol... now I wonder if I have surrounded myself unknowingly with other ADDers. I came to the acceptance a long time ago, that I was ok... that I did not need to have endless friends, because I was content. I was ok in my own niche and no one bothered me. The friendships I do have are solid and my friends definately have my back. I count myself blessed in having the friends I do and us respecting one another and our space. If I get lonely, I set out and get around people and hang with a close friend or two... after a day or two of that I need my solitude to rebalance.

I have a really great friend that I don't call as often as I would like to and now she's very busy and doesn't call me much either. Then there are a few others that I don't know whether to call friends or not that I haven't talked to for months. I would have loads of friends if I'd kept contact with all that I made contact with.

There have been times when I've been in town for example and have felt like calling a friend and ask if she wants to come and go to a coffeehouse or something, but there's no one I've felt I can call and suggest that to, just like that. It's so frustrating.

Also, you need to be truly comfortable with yourself alone, otherwise I think that every person will dissapoint you in one way or another because no one can fill that void inside of you. You truly do need to be comfortable with yourself before you can find truly satisfying relationships. I'm not sure I sense that in your post there, though of course I probably am wrong.
This is SO true! To truly like yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. <!-- / message -->

To keep friends, you must first be a friend. If you treat them with genuine respect and are treated as well in return then the friendship has no timelines or conditions. If time has lapsed then make the best of it the next time your paths cross.

So that is where I sit. I'm tired of being lonely, and I'm tired of losing friends for the only reason that I lose touch with them. I've been vaguely aware of it for a while, and even knowing that this is how I lose friends, I haven't managed to stop it though.

I was once told and shown that sometimes we get answers to questions we need. this is exactly the way I was feeling as I drove to my little office away from home this morning(my favorite coffee shop with wi/fi) thinking about how i am kind of isolated from others and that no one really calls me and invites me any where. really feeling lonly and basicly sitting of the pitty potty. But Thanks to Andies post I find that I am not alone in this feeling and that I am not so strange aferall. well..... in this instance.

I count myself blessed in having the friends I do and us respecting one another and our space. If I get lonely, I set out and get around people and hang with a close friend or two... after a day or two of that I need my solitude to rebalance. I really need to do this more often also. sometimes i get to comfortable being in the down side of things. If Iget out and around people then I take the chance of being put down or abandend. If I stay alone then this will not happen. With me too it is about my addictions. if I am around good caring people then I can not act out or do what my addict side wants me to do.
Understand that your ADD will have a factor in your relationships. That's just a fact. I think the more you understand your limits and your needs, the better you'll be because you'll know what to ask for in friends and what you need to do to be the best friend to them.
This is also something that is taking me a while to deal with and come to terms with. knowing my limitations knowing that sometimes i do need to be alone. but also it is also up to me to reach out and do something also. when I first got diangnosed with ADHD i found that I was blaming every thing on it. and for many things it is true, my ADHD had a big part in things. But I also need to take resposibility for things good or bad also. I have choice that I make every day every hour and every minute.
To keep friends, you must first be a friend. If you treat them with genuine respect and are treated as well in return then the friendship has no timelines or conditions. If time has lapsed then make the best of it the next time your paths cross. this is something I really needed to hear this morning. I have been thinking of calling an ex coworker to get together becouce i really miss working with him and just hanging out. I was afraid that too much time has past since i have seen him. but thanks to this post I am going to call him tonight. thank you all forl this post. Thank you Andy for starting it. I really needed to read it this morning.

Hi Andy,

That was the book that convinced me I had ADD! I picked it up in a bookstore after I saw in on the shelf by chance.

I go through a lot of the same things you do. I classify myself as the inattentive type, but as far as friends go, I understand why it can be tough. We spent a long time when we were younger with untreated ADD and it had to affect our habits. For me, I didn't have enough time/energy/focus to do all the things it took to have lots of friends-- especially in high school (shopping for the "right" clothes, listening to the "right" music, etc.) College is better because you can be yourself and gravitate toward people with similar interests, but it's also harder because it's so "loose". You don't see the same people all the time and just naturally get to know them unless you work to make them your friends first. Especially if you go to a big school.

Once you're not in the habit of having all kinds of friends around you, it's harder because as you get older, everything comes from networks. You make new friends when your old friends introduce you, and so on.

Keep at it, and don't get down on yourself. Now that you're being treated, I hope you can learn to find a little more time to keep up with people. Keep putting out friendly communication and people will come around! I'm 29 and only started getting treated last year. I have a lot more time and energy for social activity now that I'm not struggling to stay afloat. But my "network" is seriously lacking from years of neglect.

You don't have a problem making friends, so obviously you're a good, interesting person. Be open to larger groups of friends and it can happen.