I"ve read enough that I now think I should see a doctor? Psychologist? Psychiatrist? What? I don't feel like going into the details but I see enough of myself in the descriptions of things that I am an inattentive ADD type. So where do I start?

You need a doc that can a) confrim the diagnosis, b) write prescriptions. It's more important that the doc understands ADD than what flavor of doc they are.

(My daughter uses a family practice doc; I use both a MSW/LMFT type therapist, and a psychiatric nurse-practitioner. I can also name you therapists, family docs, and psychiatrists in this town who wouldn't work at all.)

go to a psychiatrist - try to find one that specializes in ADHD.

I don't know - I struggle with the thought that maybe I'm trying to excuse lousy behavior. But I know that I can be in the middle of a conversation with someone and my mind will float off ot other things. I can be working at the office and find that I've jumped between 15 different computer screens trying to open different files completely losing track of what I was trying to do. I then have to go back and look at the different windows until something jogs my memory. Someone will ask me to do something - if I get up and do anything I"ll forget what they asked me to do until they start to say something and then with a jolt I remember. I'm a graphic designer and the biggest problem I have is with proofreading. I can print something I just made changes to and go over it til I'm blue in the face and I will still miss things. I'm catching flack at my new job for being sloppy and I don't think I can fix it. I never have had any success. I ask people to help me proof but they are impatient or downright resentful that I can't do my job. The thing is I'm really a talented designer. I have great creative skills on the computer and with pen and paper. But even there I struggle - I start paintings and never finish. Heck - I often can't even start. The paintings I do finish show a lot of promise but it's always been so discouraging to me I just put the things away.

Then there's my marriage. I've been reading descriptions about marriages with undiagnosed ADD in one of the spouses and boy do I feel like I'm reading my own story. I wish I could go back to our counseling almost 1.5 years ago and scream at the top of my lungs 'CAN WE CONSIDER THAT I HAVE ADD???'

I showed my sister some of the ADD websites and later that evening, when I logged onto the computer, she instantly messaged me with 'you definitely have ADD'. lol

But what I struggle with is all these years I've caught a lot of grief for not living up to my potential, being lazy and selfish - and believing it myself. For the first time I see something that might help me understand how I at least got to where I am today... but does it really help? Frankly I feel like I'm destined to lose/leave another job - be alone and have a realtionship with my kids that will dissipate over time as they get tired of dealing with me as most everyone else has over the years.

Recently I tried to start going to church again - but it was odd. I found a great singles group and shortly after I started going they announced that they were going to split up into smaller groups meeting in homes and I immedately got fearful and stopped going. The thought of having to deal with a small group at somoene's home bothered me for some reason. Since the divorce all I've really had the emotional capacity to do is be with my kdis whne I have them and my extended famil y (parents, sister ect).

With work and the group my latest challenge is I don't trusty anyone anymoer to understand. I'm just trying to scramble and make things happen but I don't know how to reach out and explain to people my struggles. Everyone has always just assumed I'm a lazy selfish ******* when I really, seriously don't mean to be.

anyway - I'm just rambling now - I guess I wonder what I really achieve by seeing someone. I don't know that I can change or live to my full potential. I used to believe I was destined for something great - serously great. Not anymore.

I guess I wonder what I really achieve by seeing someone. I don't know that I can change or live to my full potential. I used to believe I was destined for something great - serously great. Not anymore.Frapster--You are destined for something great. You just don't know what it is yet. I finally went to a neuropsychologist and got a diagnosis. I got his name from someone in line at the pharmacy who was filling a prescription for Adderall.

But it turns out I have bipolar II as well as ADHD, so I am starting a mood stablizer first before we get into the territory of stims.

There is a website that has some cool little videos by Dr. Thomas Brown:

http://www.drthomasebrown.com/resources/index.html (http://www.drthomasebrown.com/resources/index.html)

I searched for my diagnosis for almost 30 years. Don't give up.

Speaking of Church, I have been attending a Divorce Care seminar locally and it has literally changed my life. They have a web site but I don't have the link handy--DivorceCare.org I think, but I'm not sure. I think when we feel broken we need to contact the manufacturer in order to heal ourselves. I don't want to force any beliefs on you, but I'm glad I kept searching for answers myself.

I found this site because I work with boys who have ADHD and are also visually or hearing impaired. I had no idea there was something called inattentive ADHD until I stumbled into this site.

There are also some great books that are really helpful. I have only had a chance to read 3 so far, Hallowell's "Driven to Distraction" and "Delivered from Distraction," and Daniel Amen's "Healing ADD." All three books were at the local bookstore. Amen's book has really cool pics of brain scans. His website is:

http://www.addresources.org/article_checklist_amen.php (http://www.addresources.org/article_checklist_amen.php)

Maybe there is someone here who lives in your area who can make a recommendation. Good luck and keep us informed! ;) :)

Who you see depends partly on your insurance, or your financial ability to self pay. Obviously the more specialized you get, the more you are likely to pay. Best case would be a doc that can write scripts and that specialized in adult ADHD, and maybe a general counsler on the side. Sadly insurance companys don't always care, so somethimes you have to settle for what is best right now that I can afford.

I know alot of adults that went undiagnosed as children that think like you, and have been through some of what you have. ADHD can look alot like lazy and unmotivated, and sometimes the diagnosis is just called an excuse. People can be very uneducated at times. Try not to let it get you down (easier said then done, I know). just focus on you. :)

A lot of people with ADD find it difficult to believe that their 'laziness' and constant procratination are symptoms of something neurological/biological. Even if you get diagnosed with ADD, it still will take some time to really sink in that all of your crazy and odd behaviours are really not your fault.

But the main thing is that you find a professional who can help you to assess your symptoms. Then you'll be able to heal, once you know what beast you're dealing with!

Good luck.

But what do you mean by 'heal'? Will I still be the same old me dealing with the same old issues that nobody understands? I'll just be more focused about it?

I think "heal" was meant in the emotional side of things since there is no "cure" for ADHD. Not to bring you down, but it's something that you'll have to deal with for the rest of your life. Kinds like diabeties, or high blood preasure. You can manage it, make the symptons less, but it's always there. I heard one person describe being medicated for ADHD as, "I've become the person I was suposed to be." You still have to deal with all that ADHD is, but medication, theropy, etc can help.

That's what I was reading too and honestly that's the part the scares me the most. I have been like i am for 39 years. And the marriage I was in became so abusive and hostile that I feel like I'm now worse than I ever was before I got married. I honestly don't know that I believe I can make improvements that I need to make.

Getting out of the marriage made a HUGE difference in how I feel today compared to how I felt 1.5 years ago. The problem is I genuinely need help and I can't afford it. I have benefits that will help me get to see a psychiatrist (made the appointment today) so I'm starting there at least.

We'll see how it goes.

I used to beat myself up like this. A lot of us (most of us? all of us?) did. For me the knowledge that I had ADD and wasn't really "just lazy" helped tremendously. Probably isn't wording it too strongly to say that it saved my life. I was past 50 when diagnosed. Although the relief was huge, and the meds are effective, I still have to remind myself that there is some damage from all those decades of undiagnosed ADD. If you spend that long getting lost in the forest, you can't just walk back out in a couple of days. I hope you can take immediate joy in the dx, and have some prolonged satisfaction with figuring out exactly what you are dealing with. --u

Thank you Lady Lark for stepping in and filling in for me! ;D Much appreciated!

Oh and I really like that reference you mentioned about 'becoming the preson you were meant to be.' I think I like it because it really does caputre how I'm starting to understand this 'thing' I have called ADD. I truly believe that some of the things that make me so unique can be attributed to my ADD.

Yes Frapster, as LL mentioned the 'healing' I was refering to was the emotional one. I think years of being undiagnosed and the emotional impact of that experience leaves someone with ADD with alot to think about. I'm sure if you were look back at your marriage, one could probably see how ADD played a significant role.

Disclaimer: I am in no way stating that had you been diagnosed, the outcome would have been different. Instead, I want to point out that ADD affects all aspects of our life.

Even now, I am still learning about what exactly it means to 'live with' ADD.

Frapster,
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As I read your post, I hear a lot of myself. Actually as I read over most of the posts, it is as if I am reading about myself. The first time I saw this site I just could not stop reading but it was a bit weird because it was like I was reading my life st<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName>y but very strange because someone else wrote it and it was about him <st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName> her. Even very personal things... it was me. In a way, it was kind of a relief because I thought these things only happened to me and that it was because I had some unique problem that nobody could ever understand how I felt <st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName> what it was like to be me. <o:p></o:p>

As soon as my wife came home, I dragged her to the computer to show her what I found. At my request, she read a few of the threads that particularly hit me and then she expl<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName>ed on her own. She had tears in her eyes when I returned: She had found the section <st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName> Relationships and Non-ADD Partner Supp<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName>t. What she found there was all her feelings and st<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName>ies quite similar to ours. You know, none of this has changed anything but it has helped to explain <st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName> at least shed a little light on many of my behavi<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName>s that drive her nuts. We have seen a marriage therapist and she sees a different therapist on her own as have I and they all seem to believe that ADD is a real possibility based on my life so far. <o:p></o:p>

Right now, I am in the process of being diagnosed which is inherently frustrating from what I have learned. Where are you with that? <o:p></o:p>

Oh yeah, the w<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName>k thing… I am a teacher but am not w<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName>king right now as a result of complications from a health crisis. My point though is I have been “teased” by cow<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName>kers and administrat<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName>s about being ADD f<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName> years. They say the reason I w<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName>k so well with the Special Ed Students and ADD kids is that I am just like them. Kinda a “left-handed” compliment I guess… The rest of the crazy w<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName>k stuff could take up pages but I seem to fit the criteria there as well. <o:p></o:p>

Hope all goes well and begins to look up f<st1:PersonName w:st="on">or</st1:PersonName> you in the future.
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All the best,<o:p></o:p>

Cowboy

I had an appointment but am changing it for 2 reasons - one it's in the same office as my ex-wife's attorney and then two - it's too far from my office.

I don't know what's involved in testing or addressing this - we'll see how it goes. I'm still trying to find a good psychiatrist. A third less important issue was that when the secretary gave me directions on how to get to their office I told her if I get lost I'll call her. She paused for a second and then asked why I'd get lost and I explained that I'd never remember all that she just told me and it clearly frustrated her. I just made an appointment for ADD/ADHD testing and she's getting a tad bit in a twist because I won't remember her instructions on how to navigate their offices. lol