Let me start by saying, my husband and I are very stressed out. We have a son who is almost 7 years old and has a severe case of ADHD. He also seems to have the same symptoms of ODD. We are facing several issues and we just do not know what to do.

Our son is being homeschooled at the moment for the only reason that the country we live in (an island in the Caribbean) does not have special education schools that can deal with our son's condition. The special education schools that do exist do not possess trained teachers (they do not even hold a degree in Education). The doctors insist that he needs to go to a school in order to develop his social skills yet they acknowledge there are no schools that can deal with his problem but they ask us to send him to school anyways, we are puzzled to what to do because we know what he needs yet we are unable to provide it.

He was on Concerta 36mgs and is not working. One of the doctors said they wanted to reduce the meds to 18mg and we know it does not make a difference so we pull him out. Now he has being without meds for a couple of days, he is eating a lot which he was not doing at all while in Concerta (he is underweight).

The following points are what we are dealing with and I would really appreciate some advice as to what to do:

1. There are no special education schools in the island that can deal with his problem neither trained teachers.

2. He is without medication and of course super hyper which we somehow can handle but he does not follow even the basic instructions. He does not recognize authority whatsoever, purposely does not do what is asked to do and laughs when he sees you getting angry at him. Sometimes he must be physically restrained to be removed of one room to another because he wont do it, yet sometimes he finds it amusing. He will tease constantly and just seems to enjoy seeing us getting upset at him.

3. He has a speech development also and seems to have mild simptoms of autism yet he is very bright with computers.

4. Doctors said last time we visited that the main head doctor said she is NOT in a rush to diagnose because she does not want to "label" him, but what are we supposed to do? When we ask what help can they give us to follow throuugh in order to cope with him, they don't tell us anything!!!!!!!

So, so far we do not know exactly what he has and we are very concerned about him. One of the doctors wanted to put him on Risperdal but he is not aggresive yet I find they want to "send him to school" and medicate him yet they did not tell us yet what is wrong with him.

Any insights???

LOTS AND LOTS of Hard Exercise can help calm kids down, and help them learn and behave, etc.

e.g. soccer, etc.

Thanks for your reply. My husband started yesterday a physical routine to calm him down, it seems to be working because he is usually very tired and falls asleep quickly at night without no struggles at all (while on Concerta, this never happened) yet the ODD is kicking more these days. (he won't listen at all).

Hi Maria, could you describe your son's ODD symptoms?

Hi Maria, could you describe your son's ODD symptoms?
Sure.

1. He won't follow instructions unless he is being told at least 5 times to do it.

2. He would argue back to us when we are asking him to do something.

3. He would tease us by doing something he knows he is not supposed to do (with a big smile on his face while doing it in front of us)

4. In some ocassions he would laugh and smile when we show we are upset or angry with him.

5. He started lying about silly things when we asked him if he did it or not.

6. VERY bossy. Tell everybody what to do, correct us, etc

This is the first time I have ever heard of ODD. I was diagnosed ADHD 9 months ago... I am 33

This is me - this was my life, and to some extent it still is.

I would argue every point, turn everything into an arguement - a habit I haven't cracked even yet

Say no to everything

Get naughtier when there is any scent of disapproval

Lie lie lie and lie some more - another habit I haven't cracked yet, it do it without thinking it is second nature

The merest sniff of getting someone upset and I keep going and going. It happens almost as if in a dream (the only change in adulthood is that I realise what is going on, far too late of course, and can stop it)

I have to say it was no fun being the naughty boy, and it is no fun being the a****** husband. Especially when you have no clear idea of what happened until it is all over and everyone is upset.

I must research this topic more. I need to know about the change to adulthood.

If I can still barely control my temper, If I still lie too much, And if I am still starting too many arguments about nothing - AND with all that - It all seems to happen sub-consciously, it seems totally my nature to be like this, even though I just despise myself every time I do it.

Can anyone give me some insights, or places to research further?

Bloody hell, what a wake up... in the last 9 months I have gone from being a lazy dreamer with agressive tendancies and no real rationale other than the pre-supposed fact that I was just an a******.

Now it seems I have ADD and ODD - sadly I still have no way to correct the fact the I'm either being a ******* or just plain useless! (tongue in cheek)

But truly, the world at large can't/won't/don't understand or accept these disorders, so what to do The dex has improved (but in no way removed) the ADD. The Zoloft has calmed me a little - but really it only serves to help me recover from the disappointment of being me. It doesn't stop me, and it certainly isn't helping my wife recover from my outbursts!

sorry for the outpouring, just typing as I think really... its such a headf**k (sorry can't think of another expression) to suddenly discover the drivers behind your entire life at the age of 33 - its like a person who didn't believe in fate suddenly realising his entire life has been planned for them.

I feel like that I have lived as the hand-puppet of some evil vindictive entity that has complete control of my brain, and who just bends my life to their will. That sounds a bit "out there" now I've typed it. But as an initial reaction - it pretty much covers it.

Hey Superman. Were your parents inconsistent with discipline, house rules, expectations, modeling behaviour, etc. ? Still like that username.

No they were consistent....

Dad was consistently scary, and Mum was consistently negative about me, but she never really gave any discipline, apart from the odd nasty put down

I don't want to be totally harsh on them, as they are lovely, I think that despite it being fairly horrible at times, that my Dad's fear routine did sort me out to some extent, it was the only thing that gave me cause to pause before doing something that would certainly get me in trouble.

The biggest shame is that they have passed on no useful skills that I could use in parenting my own children.




Hey Superman. Were your parents inconsistent with discipline, house rules, expectations, modeling behaviour, etc. ? Still like that username.

The biggest shame is that they have passed on no useful skills that I could use in parenting my own children.The fact that you are aware of this will serve you well. The cycle will stop with you and that's something worth working for.

I never knew about his until about a year ago, but I score perfect on it!

re: #8

I'm just glad to see that you live in "reality", Superman!


It's not slamming people, it's called living in reality.


That tendency toward DENIAL is what can keep the myths of the "good old days" and various aberrant AND harmful parenting behaviours alive.

Example:

My late Grandmother used to beat the living s#!$ out of her kids. (She had favorites and hated ones. Total borderline-y stuff.)
Some of my Aunts & Uncles are in total denial of this basic FACT.
They say she was "the best mother ever".
(And aren't they, and their kids, just all the most messed up.)
----------------------
Result:

Way too many people live in REACTION FORMATION denial. ;)

Examples of "Reaction Formation":

A man who is gay has a number of conspicuous heterosexual affairs and openly criticizes gays.


A mother who has a child she does not want becomes very protective of the child.


An alcoholic extols the virtues of abstinence.

http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/coping/reaction_formation.htm