I swear, my co-worker has a cleanliness compulsive disorder and a photographic memory. She is meticulous in everything she does and never forgets anything. She is a pillar of information and when in doubt the motto is “go ask her!”

I, on the other hand randomly toss out information that I don’t think applies to me any longer. The flip side is my surroundings are conglomeration of clutter and yet when I organize it, she will still say, “what a mess!” I think, “don’t you realize it is clean to me!”
<O:p</O:p
I finally quit trying to live up to her expectations of me and started telling her that her little quirky comments weren’t asked for. I secretly harbored resentment, knowing that I had allowed such comments to weigh me down with a sense of failure and to stop striving to be better because in her eyes she would always find fault.
<O:p</O:p
I seemed to have gotten the same from that person I married a long, long, long time ago. He on the other hand had a compulsive cleanliness disorder and would vacuum 3 to 4 times a day, dust, wash dishes, ect. I should have just hired him to be my maid! We were a mismatch because my insides could not align with his expected outside of how clean things were suppose to be. I went on strike and when he finally had it with my mind spilling out all around me; he’s put my clothes in my closet into order based on color, long sleeve, short sleeve, work, play, casual, etc. He'd leave the filing of paperwork up to me, of which I shoved the pile of paperwork into a box and slide the box under the desk.
<O:p</O:p
Interesting question, do you have people in your lives that you finally hand over the controls to and let them clean, or organize? I think the co-dependency nature of my co-worker has enabled me not to live up to my potential. Because I know she will do whatever that needs to be done.
<O:p</O:p
Is that sick or what (my thinking)?<O:p</O:p

I for one cannot turn over control to clean or organize to many people, because I'm just weird.
My wife, doesn't clean, and isn't organized, so she's not a good cantidate.
That leaves the Dingo.
While she's neat, she can't organize well, and really doesn't clean, unless you consider licking the floor cleaning. LOL
As for work, my job is organizing, and I'm in charge of a cleaning crew.
While I will be glad to turn all that over one day, on my way out, today is not that day!
Each of us have our own jobs we are good at.
Yours isn't cleaning or organizing, and that's okay.
You can always think about the fact that your coworker as she ages, will start to forget things, and one day will be even with you on that subject. :D
I have a great memory as some ADDers do.
But I only remember WHAT I FOCUS ON HEARING.
See, that's the problem. :mad:
I can tell you all sorts of facts about muscle cars, rock groups, video games, etc.
I've even memorized "Vice City" block by block, as if it were a real place.
But I can't tell you the latest facts and figures of the budget at work, I can't tell you what Suzie told us about her child and how wonderful he is, etc.
I can only remember things I focus on, period.
And then of course being a man, I only focus on a few things anyway. :D

I have just recently separated from my wife, who is a person who is much, much more organized than I am. It wasn't until after she moved out that I realized quite how much it bothered me to have order imposed on me like she did. Looking back I now understand why my fierce old childhood temper and raging sullenness were surfacing again -- especially towards the end. At least this time around, unlike when I was 13, I didn't smash things and throw stuff at the walls and yell f*** y** at strangers -- I just turned it all inward and it became a wicked dark depression.

She has systems for everything, including hanging her own clothes in her closet arranged by color. I admire this, and know that imposing order is her way of coping with the traumas she went through as a kid. But she couldn't seem to see how oppressive I found it when she insisted that I follow her systems, the ones that in her view were just the only rational way to do things. So we were constantly in conflict about things like whether I was using the wrong sponge for the dishes or drying my hands with her bath towel. I felt like I was under constant supervision. And her idea of cleaning is to spend half a day systematically and thoroughly cleaning. I am not a total slob, but could not handle that kind of imposed order. I do things in bits and pieces and never finish anything, unless I have no choice.

I like your way of putting it willow -- a mismatch of my insides to someone else's outsides. Sums up the source of conflict very well. Now my outside is an expression of my inside, and seeing it there is helping me to understand what went wrong in that relationship. I'm still very mixed up about the break up but don't regret being on my own for a while living in a disordered house, working on projects in every room simultaneously. :D

-g

I am a control freak by nature and not to get an aneurism...opps I'm being melodramtic... not to get a headache I will step back instead of enforcing perfection. Somewhere in my wanderings on this site there was somebody who referred to perfection, but knowing we can't obtain it, so we don't do it at all.

If I organize a certain part of my house, then I expect all aspects of my house to be cleaned and organized to the precise perfection that say Martha Stewart does it. Now, how unrealistic is that? I get overwhelmed at the thought of everything having to be as perfect as that one area I clean.

I have a huge back yard... full of weeds! I get my little step stool, gardening glovses, and some gardening tools and go tackle the back yard. I can spend hours clearing weeds. Of course they have to be pulled from the root. I will make sure even the baby weeds are plucked.

I am definately no gardener and have accepted the fate of pulling weeds because they don't go away... well, I guess my other clutter doesn't go away either. Maybe I need to start looking at my clutter as weeds, huh?

lol.... sorry, for got the topic... if anything, I just had an epiphany.

I find the greatest part of my writing is titling my random thoughts... I was impressed with my title too... I think I got years of therapy out of the way in just calling how I was feeling the way I saw it.

I found the peace in being alone and not feeling lonely. I am amazed how it is that alone time that I find my inner balance ~ even if my surrounding look like chaos. It looks like chaos on good days, bad days, ugly days, and days of indifference. Ourselves are defined in who we believe ourselves to be, not in who we are with, or our surrounding.

btw... check out my 'weed' analogy in response, above, to gstien

or maybe tumble weeds... the weeds in my house seem to shift around and to just slowly grow from the cracks.

I saw my first real live tumble weeds tumbling across a road a couple of weeks ago -- I was visiting a friend in New Mexico and we had to try hard to avoid them crashing into us as we sped across the high plains. pretty cool for an easterner like me :D

If I organize a certain part of my house, then I expect all aspects of my house to be cleaned and organized to the precise perfection that say Martha Stewart does it. Now, how unrealistic is that? I get overwhelmed at the thought of everything having to be as perfect as that one area I clean.I can somewhat relate to this.The Mrs. and I both tend to be a bit on the slobbish side,since I started on meds a few weeks ago I've been working my butt off cleaning and orginizing our house.It just seems like the more I do,the more I see that needs done.I feel like I'm getting nowhere,even though I know that's not true.

I have a huge back yard... full of weeds! I get my little step stool, gardening glovses, and some gardening tools and go tackle the back yard. I can spend hours clearing weeds. Of course they have to be pulled from the root. I will make sure even the baby weeds are plucked.

I am definately no gardener and have accepted the fate of pulling weeds because they don't go away...OK,now you're just being downright silly!:rolleyes: Just get a good,strong lawnmower and mow them down again and again and again and again!Sooner or later they'll get choked out by bermuda grass,crab grass,and whatever the hell else all those different kinds of viney ground cover that creep in are called.I know this from personal experience.:)

All of the sudden I feel the urge to take and post picture of "FrankenMower" ,my lawnmower that a pieced together a few years ago out of parts from three broken ones.I can take down small trees with that monster.:D


Ummmm..........what were we talking about again?

I've learned to live in a disorganized house.
I have an excuse, my wife is messy, and she won't help me clean up.
Her parents are coming here in 2 weeks for the first time.
They know she's messy, so even if I don't clean the house, they understand.
I can relate to Butch's problem.
The more I clean, the more I see that needs to be cleaned.
It's a never ending cycle.
If I could get my wife a hotel room for a week, I might have a chance to get this place clean....maybe.

Consider this as an official cyberspace invitation to come over w/frankenmower and mow the weeds. Do you also have a remote control for your tv,vcr, dvd, stereo, and a universal control to turn them all on? Not sure if lawnmowers is a guy thing and pulling weeds is a gal thing... as gal's are prone to have that sadistic side to pull the damn weeds out by the roots... and not see the logic in just chopping weeds off at the surface.....:cool:

Real live Tumble weeds!? We use them for target practice when they are crossing the road... 2 points if you hit one. Was it your first time in the Land of Enchantment? I wouldn't live anywhere else ~ earthquakes to the West and tornado alley to the East. Good to see you made it back safe and sound, and did not try up and blow away like dust down here...

Is it learning to live in a disorganized house, or having become complacent in the disorganization? I myself, have come to 'acceptance?' of it. There are those times I clean immaculately... enjoy the order... but my disorder starts to take over.

I have actually bought those gadgets from tv that take the rust stains or calcium buildup in the shower. It says that just a wipe does the job. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, I bought that stuff 3 mos ago. growl....

Real live Tumble weeds!? We use them for target practice when they are crossing the road... 2 points if you hit one. Was it your first time in the Land of Enchantment? I wouldn't live anywhere else ~ earthquakes to the West and tornado alley to the East. Good to see you made it back safe and sound, and did not try up and blow away like dust down here...
Yes, real live ones, I guess -- they looked pretty dried up and dead to me. But then I am used to plants that are green when they are alive. I was in NM only once before, in the mid 80's when I went on a hitchhiking trip around the West and I only made it to the NW corner then. This time I was visiting a friend in Silver City, and spent a couple of days in the Gila wilderness. Speaking of dust, I got a kick out of the highway signs informing drivers that "Dust Storms May Exist." Seems like a great state and one I'll visit again since the friend I was visiting is a good friend and he just moved there a year ago and will probably stay for a while...

Butch -- I really think you should at least take some pictures of the frankenmower and post them, whether or not you end up doing a world tour mowing all of our weeds down.

-g

Before my wife came here, my house was clean, very clean.
Then she brought 2 rooms full of her junk.
She's taken up the space I used to store things like clothes, towels, etc, with all her junk.
Every time I get a day off and she doesn't, I throw some of her stuff away.
If she ever asks where something is, I just tell her I don't know.
I'm not complacent though, I really do try to keep it clean.
My wife just keeps messing it up.
It's like she's OCD for messing up the house! LOL

I have just recently separated from my wife...

... we were constantly in conflict about things like whether I was using the wrong sponge for the dishes or drying my hands with her bath towel. I felt like I was under constant supervision.

...I'm still very mixed up about the break up but don't regret being on my own for a while living in a disordered house, working on projects in every room simultaneously.
Your marriage sounds exactly like mine was. The 'supervision' really got to me after a while. I became afraid of doing anything, and felt like I had to ask for the "proper" (her) way of doing something. I kept telling her "look, the end result whether I do it this way or that way, is that the dishes will be clean. So why does it irritate you so?" It was sooo annoying!

Now it's 2 years after my divorce; I can't say I don't miss her, I do sometimes. I also know it was the right thing to do. Now I'm with a wonderful woman who's just as comfortable as me living in a semi-mess. It's so much better that way. That said, divorce is hard, like, really hard, so think twice, three times and four times over a long period of time before you call it quits for good.

Anyway, this whole ordeal got me wondering if us ADDers are attracted to people who are controlling and organized in their control, I think it's because we kinda need that to balance us out. My girlfriend isn't controlling, but I found myself attracted to her because of her incredible memory... she remembers everything; I forget everything. Together we're unstoppable.

Me and my boyfriend are the same way, we are the exact opposites. I have a great memory while his is horrible. I remember everything for both of us. I am codependent I have recently learned so I have been going to a group for it. My boyfriends mom was also codependent, always did everything for him. We met shortly after he moved out and we got a house together. I was always angry at him because I didn't understand why he couldn't just put his clothes in the dirty clothes, dry off before he got out of the shower so he didn't completely soak the floor, etc. I thought he just didn't appreciate me. My OCD really came out when I started taking my adderall. I just couldn't understand why he wouldn't want to help me organize the baby food, organize every cabinet and drawer in the entire house actually. He would put a pen on the counter after I just cleaned the kitchen and I would flip out on him "Is that the pen drawer!!!!" My group is helping me realize that he isn't doing those things to make me mad, he is just different.

Well the group has helped me understand how to get better but it is so much harder than anyone would think. Finally I had to get my doctor to put me on anxiety 2 days ago (she put me on Buspar). I feel so much different, I don't have this severe anger every time he calls, even when he did absolutely nothing wrong. I realize that most people aren't like me in fact. Nothing is ever perfect enough, its sucks. The buspar definitely helps me not care enough though.

I am glad I read this thread because it helps me realize that just as much as my boyfriends ways bother me, I might bother him. We are both on the opposite extremes of just about everything. I need to realize if I want everything perfect I can't get mad it him for not wanting the exact thing. I hate it I have to be on so much meds just to make myself normal...

RX:Buspar 15 mg twice a day
Lamictal 100 mg
Concerta 36 mg twice a day
(or Adderall 30 mg twice a day)

Well actually I am still far from normal, but I'm working on it!

lol... I understand that logic! It is called Ying & Yang. Unknowingly, I have attracted or been attracted to people who are clean. Some of my friends are clean to the extreme. I feel like it balances out the two states of existance. I also see that there has to be compromise for both sides to come together. My defiant nature is to go on strike. What is more odd is that I can go over to someone else's home that is messy, and want to clean their house ~ GO FIGURE!

On a side note:
I wonder how much is role modeled by parents to their children. I have not been a drill sargeant when it comes to everything being orderly in my home. That is the flipside opposite of how I was raised. I think how life or death is it for me to bust a blood vessel in my brain because their bed is not made or clothes picked up.

Interesting observation:
Why do others make it our responsibility to have order in OUR lives for them to feel at ease?

Oprah had a segment on Hoarding and I have watched those Clean this Mess shows where people come in and clean and organize peoples homes. Do you ever wonder about hoarding tendancies in those around you? lol... after watching the Oprah, I had to honestly look at my twisted bond to the things I hoarded.

Honestly, when I do 'spring cleaning' I put things in piles give away, throw away, and store away. I find I still have to go through the give away and throw away piles and battle with self and that 'save for a rainy day' mentality.

Your marriage sounds exactly like mine was. The 'supervision' really got to me after a while. I became afraid of doing anything, and felt like I had to ask for the "proper" (her) way of doing something. I kept telling her "look, the end result whether I do it this way or that way, is that the dishes will be clean. So why does it irritate you so?" It was sooo annoying!

Now it's 2 years after my divorce; I can't say I don't miss her, I do sometimes. I also know it was the right thing to do. Now I'm with a wonderful woman who's just as comfortable as me living in a semi-mess. It's so much better that way. That said, divorce is hard, like, really hard, so think twice, three times and four times over a long period of time before you call it quits for good.


pedalpounder,
Thanks for the post and the advice. Your marriage sounds very much like mine, and I still have no idea if it will in in divorce or not. My wife and I do see each other about once a week and are trying to figure out what to do next. Not a good situation, but the old was was just not working....

Anyway, this whole ordeal got me wondering if us ADDers are attracted to people who are controlling and organized in their control, I think it's because we kinda need that to balance us out.
You're probably right there. I just need to find someone with the right balancing character, not one that jsut pi**es me off!

My girlfriend isn't controlling, but I found myself attracted to her because of her incredible memory... she remembers everything; I forget everything. Together we're unstoppable.
LOL! That's great!

Cheers,
-g

Thanks for dropping by. Just between the gals here...lol... I think being in relationship many times drives us to medication (for both men and women)... relationships are tough to begin with, then expect us to see eye-to-eye 24/7?!

I have not read that book, "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars," but think there is a lot of validity there. All societal norms imposed as to their roles and our roles, the year's of parental modeling (functional or dysfunctional), and the discord when what we have perceived in our minds does not match the reality.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gawd, then to finally to 'grow up?' and implement the dynamics of compromice?! For me, I am the flip side. I do not do co-dependency well at all. It seems I have attracted that in men, who think I should be like their mama. It is pretty much down hill at the getgo when I adamantly refuse that expectation.


Also, I think the intuitive side is vital. When we know in our gut something is wrong, either in our expectation of the other or their treatment towards us. There is the very real occurance in relationships to know when ~ Love is not Abuse, and Abuse is not Love.

Oprah had a segment on Hoarding and I have watched those Clean this Mess shows where people come in and clean and organize peoples homes. Do you ever wonder about hoarding tendancies in those around you? lol... after watching the Oprah, I had to honestly look at my twisted bond to the things I hoarded.

Honestly, when I do 'spring cleaning' I put things in piles give away, throw away, and store away. I find I still have to go through the give away and throw away piles and battle with self and that 'save for a rainy day' mentality.

I was definitely the same way about hoarding. By boyfriend would always complain about it because he thought some of it was just junk and he was embarrassed by some of the stuff that I kept because it was old and just took up too much space. I could never figure out why my house always seemed messy when I cleaned so much. Well I finally realized I just had too much junk. It was so hard at first but now my house is so much cleaner!

I don't know what I was thinking before. I am so much happier and I don't know what was wrong with me before. If something is not needed I am happy to throw it away. We still haven't caught up on the trash from me cleaning my house of all of the junk. Our back porch was a disaster for a while because the trash only picks up one trash can of trash a week.

I'm not sure how to give advice on learning how to let go of things but if you can figure it out I promise your life will seem much more organized.