View Full Version : What not to say to a depressed person-what to say/do instead


VisualImagery
04-01-07, 06:19 PM
Don't take it personally-You are really hurting-then hug and hold them.
Try not to be upset by it-I am so sorry this has upset you, how can I help?
It is not so bad-This must feel pretty bad, you are strong, we can get through it together.

sloppitty-sue
04-02-07, 12:57 PM
VisualImagery -

I think I understand: The first "half" of your sentence is an example of what NOT to say, followed by a hyphen - and then the second "half" (after the hyphen) is what TO SAY (or do) instead. Correct?

And if I'm understanding you correctly, I AGREE! THOSE ARE GOOD SUGGESTIONS!! Nobody likes to be told how they SHOULD feel. I believe when people say some of those unhelpful things to a depressed person it is because they are unenlightened. For example - many of my older relatives, like my grandmother, great aunts, etc. will usually reply to any emotional statements with one of those unhelpful remarks. In fact - it is such the norm in both of my parents' extended families that I often just kinda assume that THAT was the socially acceptable way to respond to things. ?????? Ya think?

What's really bad is when you find yourself working with a therapist and he or she comes out with one of those UNHELPFUL replies. Ever been there?

Sue

P.S. V.I. How's it goin with all the work crap, etc.? I'd love to hear from you. Please message me if you ever get a minute. I feel invested in your having a "Victorious" outcome! Actually - I'm MOST interested in your working in a non-abusive, enlightened, supportive environment. It's the LEAST you deserve.

Faylen
04-08-07, 11:11 AM
The one I hated the most was people pointing out how wonderful my life was - all it did was make me feel not only depressed, but ungrateful, as well!

Princessc
04-08-07, 03:34 PM
Faylen, I totally agree with you ... That is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves... I usually walk away at that point and try to deal with my feelings....

loner
06-07-07, 05:25 AM
One time this person I know said to me, do you have sibling's? I said yes. He said Is she happy? I said yes. Then he said, good, then be like her. He and other people started laughing. Can you believe that? How could they find that funny and then laugh in your face

Lady Lark
06-07-07, 11:15 AM
"Just cheer up." :rolleyes: If I could do that so very easily I wouldn't be depressed in the first place you twit! :p

Crazy~Feet
06-07-07, 12:15 PM
My personal fave is "Stop dwelling on it" :rolleyes: and I would prefer to hear something along the lines of "I can see this weighs pretty heavy on your mind, I am sorry you are in pain".

acceptance
06-07-07, 05:36 PM
ever heard...you'll get over it.aaaahhhh...im in it!!!lol

Visual:You do come up with some good stuff:)

tammyfh
06-15-07, 03:14 PM
I always get a kick out of telling people how wrong they are when they make a statement like this: "She just wants attention that’s why she’s talking about suicide, the ones who talk about it never do it."<O:p</O:p


I say, "Yep that’s all I ever heard my mom talk about until the rope around her neck shut her up".

Crazygirl79
06-17-07, 06:44 PM
I don't bother talking to anyone about my depression anymore....no one listens and why should they when they have their own issues

Selena

crime_scene
06-17-07, 09:00 PM
I guess one of the other most hated phrases is : Just snap out of it.

I've heard that when I've been (not clinically) depressed and it annoyed the heck out of me even then, so it must be REALLY useless with someone who is seriously depressed.

I really like the alternative "do says" that were suggested, they really speak to the person's current state.

Crazygirl79
06-17-07, 09:24 PM
I agree with Crime Scene....that "snap out of it" comment can be really insensitive and unhelpful and I've had it said to me many times and I've just wanted the ignorant person fair in the nose (mind you I haven't actually gone that far)

Selena

Imnapl
06-18-07, 01:30 AM
I guess one of the other most hated phrases is : Just snap out of it.Yup, it's ignorance. That's when you recommend some good books about depression. It never occurred to me to tell anyone who is sick to "snap out of it", but when a close relative was going through a clinical depression, I hit the books and realized how little I actually knew about it - especially depression with anxiety / agitation.

TygerSan
06-18-07, 05:15 PM
I just discovered this website today. Seemed appropriate for the thread (especially since when we're depressed, we feel so invalidated!) Plus, one of the first phrases listed is the one mentioned in the previous post.

The number of times I've been told I"m too old to be feeling what I'm feeling, or that I'm overreacting, or that I'm selfish (I'm probably the least selfish person I know. . . most of the time). I hate it!

http://www.eqi.org/invalid.htm#Examples%20of%20invalidating%20express ions

sloppitty-sue
06-18-07, 06:32 PM
That's terrible TygerSan - isn't it. I KNOW those comments all too well. Like somehow, IF they catch wind of my depression (because my family's trained me VERY WELL not to talk to THEM about it) - somehow it becomes something ABUSIVE that *I* am doing TO THEM!

Luv it!

Sue

kilted_scotsman
06-27-07, 01:57 PM
Another thing to say......"Lets go for a walk together"

ben72227
06-27-07, 07:40 PM
I really can't stand the whole thing I get from older people and 'tough guys'.

The people who say "Back in my dad, we didn't have ADD - if you were lazy in school and wouldn't sit still we'd just beat your ***. Now you got all these kids doped up on Ritalin and turn them into zombies because you failed as a parent."

and the people who say that ADD doesn't really 'exist' - that it's just an excuse for bad parenting, to get people to force medicate their children, an excuse for laziness, etc.

and the people who say "You have nothing to be depressed about - look how good your life is, how could you be so selfish?" when they don't realize that most depression is clinical/caused by chemical imbalances/etc.

I think it's just general ignorance that annoys me.

AsmodeanForsakn
06-28-07, 02:23 PM
I agree with you there ben, and as for these people telling us to "pull yourself together" it ain't all that helpful IMHO. It would be more useful for them to say something along the lines of that they might not understand what it's like but would like to no tmake things worse. From someone who has been at the point of having a rope around my neck ready to end it all, hearing someone say "just snap out of it" is almost like them kicking the chair out from underneath. Very glad that I am SO far away from that point now

Spaceman Spiff
09-27-07, 06:26 AM
The one I hated the most was people pointing out how wonderful my life was - all it did was make me feel not only depressed, but ungrateful, as well!

Yeah i've always been the good girl but i'm still depressed. Just cause i'm not as messed up as my brother doesn't mean I don't have problems too.

acceptance

ever heard...you'll get over it.aaaahhhh...im in it!!!lol

Hehe, yeah it's pretty hard to get over black holes. They kinda suck you in rather than let you sail over.

crime_scene

I've heard that when I've been (not clinically) depressed and it annoyed the heck out of me even then, so it must be REALLY useless with someone who is seriously depressed.

What exactly is clinical depression? Cause I am pretty sure my mom has had that in the past if not myself as well.


and the people who say "You have nothing to be depressed about - look how good your life is, how could you be so selfish?" when they don't realize that most depression is clinical/caused by chemical imbalances/etc

People are dumb. They should have cupcakes thrown at them. (it's actually quite fun if you've never tried it.) :p

busyhermit
10-08-07, 05:27 PM
The most useless thing anyone says to me is "you just worry too much".

What I really want someone to say is "it will be ok".

Just that.

kilted_scotsman
10-09-07, 06:04 AM
Hi BusyHermit

People who say "You worry too much" **** me off as much as people who say "it will be OK"

The best thing would be for someone to say.....

"I never thought of it that way..I'm going to go away and do something to help"

I worry for a reason......my kids are going to live in the world we leave behind.

How do I equip them for that?

kilt

kilt

MaNaeSWolf
10-24-07, 06:33 AM
For me its best be be streight about the case and not beat around the bush. I hate people saying its gonna be alright, but they fail to have any idea what its like. You never feel like its gonna be ok. . you think its gonna get worse. I never let anyone know that I am depressed, so I have never really had people try chear me up, and in a way I think I would have jumped if some people did try.
I like to break the situation up to see what can be done and how I can help a depressed person. Its often what you do that helps a person more than what you say.
Do something nice for a depressed person with out saying too much, dont expect a thanx either, they most probably thinking "yeah sure, they are just pretending to be nice". I go for the doing the nice thing without them knowing it was me, that way they know your not expecting praise for your efforts.

FallenAsh
10-24-07, 07:32 AM
I should apologise in advance for being so blunt.

The phrase, look at all the good things in your life, you got a nice house in the burbs, nice husband, 2 cars, 2 kids, stay at home mum - why can't you be happy?

That phrase came from my now ex psychologist. Like I said to him, 'so it's my fault that I can't be happy with what I've got' he started to say something, and I said, 'well whose fault is it, if it's not mine' and he didn't answer.

It made me feel so much more depressed than I already was, if I could stop it and be happy then why wouldn't I? I would if I could, I would never choose this way of life, this path of misery.

What a hack he was, and it only took me 12 months and thousands of dollars in therapy to realise it. Me bitter and twisted? You bet. Me depressed? You bet. Know how to fix it? Not a bloody clue or I would have by now...........

Cynical - yes. Depressed right now? Yes. Who gives a toss? No-one I know.

Skully
10-24-07, 03:16 PM
One thing I always hated being told was "this to shall pass." Yeah, right.

~boots~
10-25-07, 10:52 AM
Don't take it personally-You are really hurting-then hug and hold them.
Try not to be upset by it-I am so sorry this has upset you, how can I help?
It is not so bad-This must feel pretty bad, you are strong, we can get through it together.
oh sh*t....I read the print out..and I thought it was what I SHOULD SAY!!

OOPSSS...what should I say??

Swede63
10-25-07, 11:23 AM
There are very few people that I talk to about depression, one of my friends and my two sisters. I choose those people because I know that they have been there and would in no way have the insensitivity to say to me "it can't be that bad" "why are you depressed when you have so much to be grateful for in your life" and the like.

All a person can realistically do is listen with an open mind and heart. There is nothing really to be done or said that will make it all go away.

I find that humour can be very uplifitng. In the past it has been a great relief when I was really down and someone said something to make me laugh, even if it was only one short moment.

Dory
10-25-07, 01:22 PM
oh sh*t....I read the print out..and I thought it was what I SHOULD SAY!!

OOPSSS...what should I say??
Dont say- Don't take it personally
Instead sayYou are really hurting-then hug and hold them.
Dont say Try not to be upset by it
Instead say -I am so sorry this has upset you, how can I help?
Dont say-It is not so bad-
Instead say- This must feel pretty bad, you are strong, we can get through it together.

Orange_Panda
11-03-07, 11:54 AM
I don't know if this happens outside of England, but if you are walking along a street looking depressed usually a stranger will stop you and say "cheer up, it might never happen", this is the worst thing you can sayto a depressed person

maori_boy
11-03-07, 11:57 AM
true? yeah thats quite a nasty one.
i hate it when people say ur just using it as an excuse. its like oh nah im upset cuz i want to sit around moping all day.
common sense people...

PopSwatter
02-11-08, 12:12 PM
...I know whenever I say something on these forums, it is very unpopular and misunderstood (so why in the world do I keep trying, huh?) but it keeps bothering me, to see so many intelligent and wonderful people struggling and beating themselves up daily...sooo...here I am back with the unpopular opinion that gets me accused of being unsupportive and will probably add to my infraction points.

I have suffered from severe suicidal depression, which has worsened over years. I first tried to commit suicide when I was around 12 or 13 because I had did something I thought let my mother down. I was always the loner, never ever felt I would get what I wanted, constantly rejected, picked on, felt ugly, sarcastic mouth, you name it I felt the reject for it. I probably have some ADHD tendencies too; luckily I had a goal, and I knew what I wanted to be, and I was smart (not always motivated, full of procrastination, but prideful enough to pull stuff out at the last minute to pass whatever I had to) and I had a great supportive mother who I didn't appreciate and always took my anger and sadness out on. My mind was always saying negative affirmations to myself, and no matter how good life was all I could ever see was a cloud of doom and despair. And life was fairly good to me but I couldn't see it!

In my family there is addiction, bipolar, ADD/ADHD. I somehow thought I was above these things, because I was not as bad as some of my family members, mainly because I stay hyperfocused on my career goals, and convinced myself that I was better. Most of my family has genius IQs, but there is something very sick in our minds that has kept most of us from achieving and it does appear to be genetic. I was the "good one", the one who was going to college and going to make it. Meanwhile all the time I was hurting so very much inside, hating life daily, hating people, hating myself...for years. Relationships (ha, what relationships?)=disaster, watching my mother slowly die over a period of years, financial hardship....and the constants jobs while going to school, burning out, physical pain...and in complete denial of how much pain I was in!

And then all that negativity affected the career I worked so hard to achieve! I was told I was just not nice, I needed therapy, I began to burn out, and last year after the death of my sister...I was fired for the first time ever (I used to quit before I'd get fired LOL). I really could have just ended it all right then! But I have my family to help, I have a nephew to raise, and his grandmother...and it's just me. My brother is bipolar and threatened to kill me during an alcoholic rage. The niece who was supposed to raise her brother is ADD and spent all her money on liquor and other foolishness...and proved herself very irresponsible. I've just spent a whole year in severe depression, in anxiety, in fear....scared to find work, sleeping all day, but not a restful type of sleep at all, very lethargic. I wallowed in it...almost over wallowed...until the money started to run out and the fear of I had better get a job became stronger than the other fears.

What gets me through? Well even during my depression I realized I had to make a change in me. I was too worried about what other people thought of me, what they said to me, all the things that had happened to me. I was stuck in the past. I was very hard on myself! I started looking on the internet, anything to help myself, and I realized if I was ever going to feel happiness I was going to have to work for it. That was not a easy thing to say or do. Many days I cried. Many days I thought...Eff it! I don't want to change, there is nothing wrong with the person I am! But slowly the truth crept into my head. I had to try to be positive. I had to have control over my own mind if I was going to have any chance of a good future. I had to let negativity go, let people go who did not have my best interests at heart, and I HAD to change if I was going to survive. "This too shall pass" and it is true! You can't take things personally. Or constantly stay upset and frustrated. It's hard and stressful on your mind and body keeping up those stress hormones. You do have to be okay with who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses. And you do have to keep trying and fighting to be better, not for anyone else but yourself! You really do have to somehow find a way to snap out of it and pull yourself together!! And I know it sounds so hokey LOL, was told the other day right on this forum I spew "buzz phrases" (nothing better to a depressive than feeling like you've offended a bunch of people when you thought you were being helpful, but story of my life...) but you really do have to realize you are not alone in your struggles, you are not alone feeling how you feel! You have to learn when to reach out for help, and when to help yourself.

Life is harsh, it's full of contradictions, it's a lot of simple things that we human beings have made complicated, it's not fair, it's not easy....and in the midst of all of it. it truly is what you make it to be. There will be ups and downs for everyone and things to test all of our spirits and our mettle.

I'll never be Pollyanna type individual. I will still have depressive days but I have learned over the past year to look hard at myself, but after looking, to let go and let it be. To start to love myself. To accept myself. To know what I want for myself. To accept what life hands to me. I meditate some, I pray some, I read a lot of self help, I do whatever I can to stay more positive in my life. I finally found a great job and I see the upswing....and sure there will be future downswings, I already know....but I am doing what is best for me, I am fighting for my well being.

That's what I wish for everyone...the knowledge that the only person who can fight for your wellness is you. You may or may not get help in life, you may or may not hear what you want to hear, and at the end of it all, it's still your mind and your life to take control of, if you want to survive and not only that, but strive to have good things in your life. You do have to find gratitude for what you have. You can't listen to your own excuses and you can't care what other people say to bring you down. You build your own inner core of strength and self love, somehow. The chemicals are imbalanced but can actually be rebalanced naturally, with our thought patterns, and habits.

I don't know...I think people telling other people to find happiness...not such a bad thing. Maybe everyone doesn't say it perfectly but the underlying wish is for your improved state of mind and health and joy in life. I do believe you have to fight depression in yourself, you have to fight ADHD/ADD, you do whatever you need to do! And maybe if you are happy being homeless, alcoholic, alienating your family and friends, on drugs, etc. that's fine too, but if not then you have to find a way to change all of that. I don't know when I turned into the optimistic pessimist. I could only hope someone doesn't pull out the one offensive phrase to pick on. But to be honest, I don't really care if not one person likes me, LOL especially on the internet....I am going to love myself and not worry about anyone else, I want more days of laughter in my life and less sorrow, I want all the good things I know I can have if I change my mindset for a more positive one. Many other people have done it! If Oprah can become the richest female African American billionaire....from a life that started with rape and poverty...it's amazing how much your mind and your spirit can overcome for you when you let it. A big change for me is the fact I know have to raise a child and I cannot let my issues interfere with his safety and well-being, especially since he has ADHD. I am having to learn patience, and to suprress my quick temper, and to become less judgemental.

It's not easy at all, but I keep on with the will to make it through and never give up.

A site that helped me:
great day dot com/motivate

And listening to some Yolanda Adams! :) don't give up on yourselves. Beat the disorders and don't let them beat you. So many of you have so much potential and intelligence and believe me, it breaks my heart to see you hurt! So please try to do what you can for yourself and understand that people really do care, even if it sounds so trite. Be glad someone actually says to you cheer up, instead of kicking you in the bollocks, snatching your wallet, and taking off LOL...now that would be the perfect end to a depressive's day.

Hold on, press on, stay strong! You can make it through, through depression, through ADD/ADHD, through whatever your particular neurosis may be. No one is normal and everyone is going through something! Physical, emotional, mental...whatever it may be...

amiegrace
02-13-08, 08:34 PM
I can't STAND it when I'm feeling depressed and a perfect stranger tells me to smile. I want to punch them.

I don't bother talking about depression to anyone if I don't know for a fact they've been there. It's pointless. It's like telling someone with no sense of smell, "It stinks in here." They'll be like, no it doesn't, it's fine! La la la!

All the platitudes people offer make me feel lonely -- "There's another person who does not understand me in the least." So I only share with those who know.

Brakna
02-14-08, 03:08 PM
I don't like it when others say that you need to pull yourself up from your deep depression and find some activities you enjoy doing. You don't just 'pull' yourself up from depression. My last girlfriend made it sound like I was immature and I had a choice if I wanted to overcome my depression (i.e. being more strong willed). I told her that depression runs in my family and it still didn't matter to her. Good bye to you, Miss Judgemental!!!

busyhermit
02-20-08, 12:58 AM
Real winner from my husband today - he got to talking about what a busy day he was having and how stressed out he was with so many things to deal with (which is true). Then he mentions how he doesn't even tell me all he goes through because "you drown in a glass of water". Nice, huh? I guess it's true - I deal with change and stress and conflict very poorly - I'm easily overwhelmed. But it really hurt my feelings. Made me feel like he had no compassion or understanding of what I go through day to day. Kinda jacked up my whole day and I didn't say a thing to him about it. Story of my life.

lunaslobo
02-24-08, 11:55 PM
one thing i have learned not to tell someone is
I know what you are feeling
unless we are going thru exactly what that person is going thru, there is now way we know what he or she is going thru.
I can understand why you would feel that way
that may be a little better, at least then we are epathising with the plite and the emotions but not saying we know more than we do.

Retromancer
02-25-08, 01:55 AM
What I would do for a fellow depressive is to give them a hug and invite them over to watch Fight Club with me. There is nothing like black comedy, straight up.

Y'know if advocates of "positive thinking" would start calling it -- say -- adaptive thinking they would receive much less grief from people like myself. I'm sorry but there is nothing that says "I'm f****n' clueless" quite like using the phrase 'positive thinking' in a conversation...

reesah
02-25-08, 03:37 AM
popswatter you make some good points. snapping out of it takes years of hard fighting though, and help from the outside like medication, doctors, support from friends and family...it's not something that happens immediately.

it's more the trivializing of how it feels that is offensive for me- if I could get up and go bowling with my friends, or work more, or even go out for coffee...I'd already be doing it. If I was capable of being "chipper" I would be. When people say, "Oh you are depressed, cheer up" or invite me to go do something fun./..well, damn! I have a huge list of people that are inviting me to go do something fun...that response just adds another thing to the list of things I'd like to do but can't seem to find energy for, which makes me feel even worse or isolated...it's just not really helpful.

Plus, fighting it...gets tiring. I can fight it for a day, sure. Then for a month I am exhausted and irritated...I choose my battles carefully now and being told to fight constantly, I don't think that's normal and I don't think "everyone" is going through that kind of thing all the time.

I liked your post though, it didn't offend me at all. Just different perspectives I think

amg7613
05-11-08, 03:41 PM
I was talking to my friend yesterday about some of my feelings and things going on with my depression. What truly surprises me is that she listened to me, told me that she was sorry I was going through what I was going through, and truly acknowledged my feelings. Not saying things like "It's going to get better"...it was really nice to have her support. I have been going through this for about 10 months now...and I know that I am doing everything I can to get through it...but my closest friends will tell me "It's going to get better" "It's ok"...the little I have mentioned about it. No it isn't going to just "get better" and it's not okay!!! Twenty five pounds lost...too much time crying...suicidal thoughts...it's more serious than that. Time, medication, meditation, journaling etc. is what is helping me slowly...not just snapping out of it.

This friend has been there for me throughout...truth is, I only met her a year and a half ago...most of my close friends/family don't seem to understand, and I have not opened up to them much about it. I have found the people who are my support are not the people that I would have thought of right off the bat.

wonderboy
11-19-17, 01:44 PM
.

Life is harsh, it's full of contradictions, it's a lot of simple things that we human beings have made complicated, it's not fair, it's not easy....and in the midst of all of it. it truly is what you make it to be. There will be ups and downs for everyone and things to test all of our spirits and our mettle.

I'll never be Pollyanna type individual. I will still have depressive days but I have learned over the past year to look hard at myself, but after looking, to let go and let it be. To start to love myself. To accept myself. To know what I want for myself. To accept what life hands to me. I meditate some, I pray some, I read a lot of self help, I do whatever I can to stay more positive in my life. I finally found a great job and I see the upswing....and sure there will be future downswings, I already know....but I am doing what is best for me, I am fighting for my well being.

That's what I wish for everyone...the knowledge that the only person who can fight for your wellness is you. You may or may not get help in life, you may or may not hear what you want to hear, and at the end of it all, it's still your mind and your life to take control of, if you want to survive and not only that, but strive to have good things in your life. You do have to find gratitude for what you have. You can't listen to your own excuses and you can't care what other people say to bring you down. You build your own inner core of strength and self love, somehow. The chemicals are imbalanced but can actually be rebalanced naturally, with our thought patterns, and habits.

I don't know...I think people telling other people to find happiness...not such a bad thing. Maybe everyone doesn't say it perfectly but the underlying wish is for your improved state of mind and health and joy in life. I do believe you have to fight depression in yourself, you have to fight ADHD/ADD, you do whatever you need to do! And maybe if you are happy being homeless, alcoholic, alienating your family and friends, on drugs, etc. that's fine too, but if not then you have to find a way to change all of that. I don't know when I turned into the optimistic pessimist. I could only hope someone doesn't pull out the one offensive phrase to pick on. But to be honest, I don't really care if not one person likes me, LOL especially on the internet....I am going to love myself and not worry about anyone else, I want more days of laughter in my life and less sorrow, I want all the good things I know I can have if I change my mindset for a more positive one. Many other people have done it! If Oprah can become the richest female African American billionaire....from a life that started with rape and poverty...it's amazing how much your mind and your spirit can overcome for you when you let it. A big change for me is the fact I know have to raise a child and I cannot let my issues interfere with his safety and well-being, especially since he has ADHD. I am having to learn patience, and to suprress my quick temper, and to become less judgemental.

It's not easy at all, but I keep on with the will to make it through and never give up.

A site that helped me:
great day dot com/motivate

And listening to some Yolanda Adams! :) don't give up on yourselves. Beat the disorders and don't let them beat you. So many of you have so much potential and intelligence and believe me, it breaks my heart to see you hurt! So please try to do what you can for yourself and understand that people really do care, even if it sounds so trite. Be glad someone actually says to you cheer up, instead of kicking you in the bollocks, snatching your wallet, and taking off LOL...now that would be the perfect end to a depressive's day.

Hold on, press on, stay strong! You can make it through, through depression, through ADD/ADHD, through whatever your particular neurosis may be. No one is normal and everyone is going through something! Physical, emotional, mental...whatever it may be...




I could respond to your post stating something profound...

Instead......

I want to let you know

How much



it moved me..

Gypsy Willow
12-01-17, 06:53 PM
I had a bout with clinical depression last week due to some upsetting events occurring. I had to "unfriend" someone on FB due to her wanting to play "hero" and bombarding me with texts and when I snapped back, and said I was not a "project" for some do gooder that only shows up when they want to "rescue", she started preaching to me. Asking me if I believed God was bigger than my problems and was a grateful each and every day. And perhaps, I just didn't want to hear the "truth."

I told her straight up that A MEDICAL CONDITION isn't indicative of a person's spiritual faith or beliefs!!!

I hate preachy so-called "Christians". They think if they sit in a church pew, they are somehow morally superior and use those suffering clinical depression as a prop so they can spout off their preachy obnoxious holier-than-thou crap. And it's always towards people with depression, anxiety, etc. Never towards people with arthritis, gout or herpes. They are respectful to other illnesses.

So do NOT play the "God" card with me all because my serotonin levels are low. Srsly!

I'd love to go up to this ex friend of mine when her back goes out and ask her how big is God in her life and perhaps she doesn't want to hear "the truth."

SashaBV
01-13-18, 08:50 PM
I agree! The worst thing for me was when a religious family member decided that before I saw a psychiatrist was the perfect time to "save" me! All they did was make me more depressed. They proved beyond all doubt that they didn't understand the first thing about me. I really hated that person at that moment! Don't ever do that to anyone!

SashaBV
02-01-18, 06:29 PM
I don't want people telling me how they got out of depression in two days by going out and doing things! That's NOT depression, that's just a passing mood.

Little Nut
02-02-18, 10:06 AM
If I feel that it is just a misguided approach from someone that sincerely wants to help me the best way that they know how to, I thank them, smile, and normally feel good that someone wants to help. If OTOH I believe the misguided approach is self-serving on their part, I may offer a "witty" comment. If I am not sure, I thank them, smile, and move on. -LN

Little Missy
02-02-18, 10:15 AM
Take 'em out to lunch. Or, get lunch and take it to them is a nice start.

sarahsweets
02-02-18, 11:38 AM
“This too shall pass. “

aeon
02-02-18, 12:15 PM
“This too shall pass. “

When I’ve been really down I have said this many times before, but I always meant it as a morbid tongue-in-cheek way of saying that it will pass because I will be dead.

So I would not recommend it, even though the idea is sound. Find another way to say it.


Cheers,
Ian

Gypsy Willow
02-02-18, 12:22 PM
That's terrible TygerSan - isn't it. I KNOW those comments all too well. Like somehow, IF they catch wind of my depression (because my family's trained me VERY WELL not to talk to THEM about it) - somehow it becomes something ABUSIVE that *I* am doing TO THEM!

Luv it!

Sue

Ah. The narcissists. :mad: They are THE worst. If you aren't depressed before, being around selfish narcissists will CAUSE one to be depressed.

I love your phrase "my family's trained me VERY WELL not to talk to THEM about it." I can totally relate!

SashaBV
02-02-18, 02:15 PM
I like that site, TygerSan...I've heard a lot of those comments. My DD thinks if I go to Alanon meetings or go to a church like she does, I'll be fine. Nope! I'm a very independent-minded person. No imitating other people, hoping being a fake so-and-so will help. I am who I am and I'll work on ME, not imitating another. And I hate what her religion has made her...she's very cold and doesn't have empathy anymore for others. I'm not saying she's a narcissist, but she's a bit self-centered and thinks she has all the answers. My way or the highway. I seldom hear from her, because of that.