I always thought (stereotyped) men as the ones having commitment phobias. Personally, I feel an incessant phobia in relationships in the feelings and emotions that come with vulnerability, much less just being in a relationship. I am not a spring chicken… nor over the hill by any means and have had a lifetime of experiences of relationships. I would rather walk away from a person and continue on my journey alone then to go through the rollercoaster of emotions that go on in relationships.
I heard a guy talking this weekend of how he had been through a number of relationships over the years and in so being in those relationships he was learning how to be ~ to just be ~ in the presence of another. It made me think about how I learned how to be ~ to just be me ~ in the presence of self. Yet, those who are with someone are shocked why I am not with someone. Is this a universal expectation to be complete, or whole?<O:p</O:p
I at times think I am abnormal in not being in a relationship of sorts. Am I missing out on something? I wonder why people continue to stay together when they are so unhappy and miserable in the presence of their partner. I wonder what it is they hold onto. Is it holding onto the Illusion of what it use to be versus the reality of what the relationship became.<O:p</O:p
Do those of you in relationships experience those anxieties that come with emotions and feelings in being with your partner and those of you single, do you battle relationship phobia (commitment)?<O:p</O:p

I heard a guy talking this weekend of how he had been through a number of relationships over the years and in so being in those relationships he was learning how to be ~ to just be ~ in the presence of another. It made me think about how I learned how to be ~ to just be me ~ in the presence of self. Yet, those who are with someone are shocked why I am not with someone. Is this a universal expectation to be complete, or whole?Probably -- hence all of the mythology about finding soul mates and such. People are pretty afraid of being alone. I'm getting less so, but I used to really identify with the song "Escape Myself" that goes...
"when I'm alone I'm with the one I most fear...."

I have always appreciated some peoples' ability to maintain their private space and be in a relationship simultaneously. A life long friend of mine, who is now in his late 50's, was always a bachelor, except for a period when he was dating my mom. After they split up, he went on to marry a woman who lives on another continent. He still lives in New York, his wife lives in Germany. They see each other two or three times a year for a few weeks at a time, and then go back to their own lives afterwards. Most people I think are way too dependant on having someone around all of the time for that, but I do like that idea.... I dunno if I could handle it though, as it depends on an awful lot of trust.

-g

lol... that is why I am not in a relationship, as I have not perfected that maintaining private space and being in a relationship simultaneously. Guy's could not appreciate that aspect of me just going off on my own to do my own thing. Hmmmm, wouldn't that be considered 'healthy quality time apart?' Some people drain even your shadow of its life force.

I have heard the new 'in thing' is to have separate rooms yet have 'sleep overs.'