View Full Version : sweet...depression


xyser
04-02-07, 11:13 PM
yeah...so i finally have been diagnosed with depression. going to take prozac @ 20mgs for starters tomorrow. it's funny...well not really, cuzz i knew something was up, u know? like...thinking about cutting yourself everytime you blink isn't a good thing. i just wonder...how long has this been going on? i've only recently talked about my feelings and stuff...my doctors says at least 6 months, but my mom ins't sure. she really didn't belive i may have been depressed until recently...LOL i've told her some really messed up things that my mind thinks of. it's just messed up. question: it's enetiable for me not to stray to think about cutting myself. it's not scary..i'm used it it, which is funny imo. it's been getting somewhat more intense and i find myself acutally wanting to try and cut myself. i can't though...i'll get scares..lol. does that even work? i never thought about what else goes along with depression besides not wantingt to live and suicidal stuff. my doc was like, yeah...suicidal stuff is bad, but the worst is the way you think. 'the cup is half empty' type of thinking...i guess that's me. i just hate this - random sadness, suicidal stuff, and feeling like worthless and therefore i get like mentally paralyzed.

can you get used to depression? i remember, in 6 or 7th grade, i tried to kill myself by taking 15 advil pills...lol..i really wanted to DIE. life was bad. then...after awhile..like a few months..i just forgot about it...i think it went away, but could i have just gotten used to it? i'd like to know where all this depression orginally came from...but i just don't know. i'm guessing it has to do with my add also...i'm guessing i acutally have it though..what if it's my depression that has been like add for me...but idk...lol sadly i have the grades and like history thati 'm farily sure i have add also..and if i don't...well that sucks! that really sucks, since i've had depression for a long long time then...wow..i'm kind of rambling..sorry

WeepingWillow
04-03-07, 10:15 AM
I don't understand depression, but know that I have been in counseling of sorts since 7th grade. I most definately know I needed counseling way before than. I know my immediate 'family' surroundings were a daily contributing factor for depression, and the fact that I survived that alone is a miracle. Then you sprinkle life in general within your own skin, it can seem pretty bleak.

I didn't cut, but would bite my nails so badly as to bleed. I had even ripped nails off completely. The pain was excruciating and lasted for hours and be tender for days, but it was my only way to feel. My depression numbed my senses.

I guess for me, depression has been a feeling I have always known and for a moment in time, 16 years, drugs and alcohol took away that feeling, but I ended up in worse shape for the things I did while under the influence. In the end I added alcoholism to my diagnosis.

Surprisingly, no therapist ever diagnosed me with depression until a few years ago. Even then the therapist termed it long term mild depression. It was never suggested that I take medication. No one looked at my disassociation or the possibility of ADD/ADHD. I wonder about the mental health field and what they really do know.

So, it is like living for so many years knowing something is not quite right, and now having a diagnosis and hope for a treatment plan to help you cope with depression. I think in the awareness we are given the skills to work with our depression and not against it.