For those of you who have patiently read and replied to my endless complaints, problems, troubles etc etc regarding medications, and school.. I just want to say thank you.

Here is a little update.

I was flunking out of college, my last semester started without me, more or less and left me in the dust. I had lost all motivation and interest in my program and soon sunk into a hole of depression at the same time as starting my Adderall for the first time.

I talked to a couple people, all whom suggested I take a break, maybe work for a little bit and /or get into a different course. So that is what I have done. I withdrew from college.. (I still cant really believe it, and, feel some shame)

Yet, I know that the hole I dug for myself was too deep to crawl out of, I would have suffered academic penalities and or severe depression as a result.

So, now I am sitting back and thinking about what to do next. I do plan on returning perhaps in a semester to finish, or start something new, and in the mean time will be concentrating on a job to save up some money to pay for my college.

Its really hard to admit defeat. I did, and yes I feel ashamed to be beaten, but, I also need to understand my limitations. I am always trying to push the bar.. be better, but, its hard when you are pushing against yourself.

Adderall has become a more positive experience for me...leaving me less creative, but, more grounded. I am going to assume this is good for me at the moment.

So, one day at a time I guess.

Thanks for reading.

-V

Veighn,

It takes a lot of strength to do what you did. There are a lot of people without ADD who flunk because they don't care. Big difference between struggling and not caring.

Needing time off is wisdom, not shame. I am proud of you-be proud of yourself. I know these so-called 'bad' things are not always bad-nor are they a predictor of what life to come will be like. (Yes, I need someone to remind me of this a lot) Shame and low self-concept are so common among people with ADD. The fact that you want to go back to school is awesome-I struggled too, and things got better. From academic probation to dean's list during my undergrad years. I always thought I was dumb-so went to grad school to prove to myself I wasn't and worked really hard and got a 4.0!!!!! Now people tell me I am smart-and it just sounds so funny because I still struggle to think of myself as smart.

I am going through my own struggle right now with health and work issues-and having many of the same feeling you are having. That is why we all are here-no one can really understand your struggles like someone who has been though similar experiences.

I am betting beyond all that you will do terrifically when you go back.

One last thought-are you studying what you really love and want to study and have a career in? Think hard about it-you have a whole wonderful life ahead-go for your dreams!

I for one think you have done the right thing even though it is hard. There is never any shame in that. You may think you lost a battle, but you will win the war!

How I wish I could give you a hug and some tissues. Now go make a list of all the good, positive, creative, and other things you are and love to do and give yourself an A for courage, wisdom, and openess.

Two good books I highly recommend after horrible struggles. The Art of possiblity would be my first choice, and the Give Yourself an A chapter is powerful, but have a lot of tissues. Cheap on Amazon:

The Art of Possiblity by Benjamin and Rosamund Zander (http://www.amazon.com/Art-Possibility-Transforming-Professional-Personal/dp/0142001104/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-9549558-0119946?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175784219&sr=8-1)
The Confidence Plan by Ursiny (http://www.amazon.com/Confidence-Plan-How-Build-Stronger/dp/1402203497/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-9549558-0119946?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175784274&sr=8-1)

Here's something that I keep posted on my wall to keep me going during hard times.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

You can't appreciate sucess until you have experienced failure, you got the first part done with now it's your time to push foreward.

Raj

Veighen, I'm sorry I missed this thread when it started. I'm sorry you had to drop out of school; been there done that. The difference is, you know about your ADHD and are trying to find the right med. I wish I had known at your age. You are young and the possibilities are endless. I know very successful professionals who didn't find their groove until their thirties and went back to school with a purpose. My vet is one of them and he's the best. Is it still tougher to get into vet school than it is to get into med school?

Take this as a blessing in disguise and not a defeat. I know that starting meds while in school is a risky thing, I did the same just a few months ago.

I was like you the first time I was in school just kind of lost and not sure what direction to go into to help the whole situation. I stopped going to school after the first year and got a job, got married and bought a house. It was actually nice to live life a little and not have to worry about school and just work.

Five years after my first round I found what I really wanted to learn and I am even more driven now to learn it and do well. I am actually glad I took my break, I would have finished school with questionable grades and doing something that I would not enjoy. (Hindsight is always 20/20) and I am glad I took advantage of it this time. My grades this time around are much much much better and its just easier to be in school now that I know what I want to do.

While out of school I found a passion and it helps with the motivation, working towards something you know you will enjoy really helps.


Hang in there itl all fall into place.

Thanks for all the replies.

I do believe it was a good idea for me to take a break. It will help reset my motivational level, and, drive toward success.

I do plan on going back to school, I just cant decide yet to finish what I started, or attempt something else. Either way its expensive, and, I dont have money to toss around.

Im also running out of time... If I plan to return next sept, I need to enroll very, very, soon. So Im a bit stressed about that.

I generally like to live my life by letting the pieces fall into place on their own.. it always seems to work out that way. Its hard to keep patient, however, when the pieces just dont fall fast enough! :p

V, I am happy to listen to you all day..I can feel your struggles, and I just want to jump in my screen and try and help you...

OMG! I feel like a stalker..LOL..hugs..you are making good decisions..I will always listen, and try to help with my weird chatter..

Veighen

I see you are in Canada. If you need any info on Testing, or ADHD supports, you can email me.

Send me a PM and I will give you my email addy.