Sindy_Flows
04-05-07, 04:32 AM
Hi there,
I'm new here, and I'm new to the world of ADD. I've read some on-line research as to what ADD is because I have an on-line boyfriend who has ADD. We are both adults, and he told me early on that he has a "bit of ADD."
My boyfriend J comes across as being very sincere and honest, but he can also be very self-centred at times. In our chats and phone calls he also seems easily lost in day dreams. His day dreams are very soothing and comforting.
He says he works at a demanding job where he can go in and do his task and leave. He tends to loose track of time and becomes very focused when either doing work tasks or personal tasks. He says his boss gets after him to do paper work as he gets distracted from doing that.
He's indicated that his biggest problem is scheduling things for himself, especially when he's not at work. When he is at work, he says his boss schedules everything for him.
He is very submissive to the point where he says he wants a woman to tell him what to think and do a lot.
We've been together long enough to have had a problem now. One week he stood me up on the internet or phone 4 days that week, so I wrote him an e-mail and scolded him for it. He immediately wanted a few days to himself. And from what I've read on this board, that would be because he needs it to process things.
Anyway, the two days turned into two weeks, and afterward, when I saw him on the internet, I messaged him and he spoke to me as though nothing had happened. Anyway, by then it had occurred to me that perhaps his standing me up and even his staying away might be related to his ADD.
He seems like a straight-forward person, very unsophisticated in the sense that unlike many people, he is not playing games. He is what he is... so it seems.
I have very good intuition and from the beginning I have sensed that he is honest and sincere. But I've also sensed that he is selfish and doesn't have much to give, and that he's kind of bland and lonely inside. It's a very unusual sensation. It's as though parts of his personality are missing. Perhaps it's those schemey parts that other people have to some extent. J seems to spend no time putting on a social mask and pretending to be someone he's not, and this of course, is a good thing.
He senses that I would be the type who would make schedules for him, and he's right, especially if I was happy living with him. But I haven't confirmed that. I have noticed that he seems to have his own level of ESP or intuition which is why he senses my scheduling abilities, and I've read that people with ADD can have an amazing intuition.
So what does all this tell you? Is there anything I should look out for?
When we first met he phoned me a lot on his company cell phone, and this made no sense to me. He seemed convinced that his boss would think there is tech support in my city. But my city is quite far from his city. I told him not to call me on that cell phone because I didn't want him to get in trouble with his boss, but he did anyway. He said if they say anything to him, they'll just ask him to pay the cell phone bill, which they recently did. But this makes me wonder if he's really working. Perhaps it is just my suspicious mind, but one has to be suspicious somewhat when getting to know someone over the internet.
Can an adult work at a job with ADD? And please forgive me if this sounds like a stupid or mean question. As I said, I am new to the whole world of ADD, and I've never been personally involved with someone with ADD before. His soft, soothing, comforting day dreams have made me feel love for him. But after reading some posts on this site, I am wondering if such day dreams are common place to him, to the point where he would not get as emotional about them, as I would.
His self-centredness has also made him seem very ice cold a few times. Yet at the same time I sense that his self-centredness is something that just protects him from the stresses of the outside world. I have noticed that he will not answer his phone if he darn well doesn't want to. I think it's when he's tired or too busy, he just won't answer it.
So far he hasn't done anything to make me want to leave the relationship. I still sense and experience many good things with him. I can't shake this feeling of sincerity that I pick up from him.
What do you all think? Do these things sound common for someone with ADD? Is there anything here that might lead you to believe that worse problems could be connected to his ADD? Particularly in the realm of his self-centredness and icyness?
Thanks for your responses. And if I've inadvertently upset anyone, I'm sorry. I'm new to ADD, yet I need to write what I feel about this man, so as to make myself clear.
Sindy
I'm new here, and I'm new to the world of ADD. I've read some on-line research as to what ADD is because I have an on-line boyfriend who has ADD. We are both adults, and he told me early on that he has a "bit of ADD."
My boyfriend J comes across as being very sincere and honest, but he can also be very self-centred at times. In our chats and phone calls he also seems easily lost in day dreams. His day dreams are very soothing and comforting.
He says he works at a demanding job where he can go in and do his task and leave. He tends to loose track of time and becomes very focused when either doing work tasks or personal tasks. He says his boss gets after him to do paper work as he gets distracted from doing that.
He's indicated that his biggest problem is scheduling things for himself, especially when he's not at work. When he is at work, he says his boss schedules everything for him.
He is very submissive to the point where he says he wants a woman to tell him what to think and do a lot.
We've been together long enough to have had a problem now. One week he stood me up on the internet or phone 4 days that week, so I wrote him an e-mail and scolded him for it. He immediately wanted a few days to himself. And from what I've read on this board, that would be because he needs it to process things.
Anyway, the two days turned into two weeks, and afterward, when I saw him on the internet, I messaged him and he spoke to me as though nothing had happened. Anyway, by then it had occurred to me that perhaps his standing me up and even his staying away might be related to his ADD.
He seems like a straight-forward person, very unsophisticated in the sense that unlike many people, he is not playing games. He is what he is... so it seems.
I have very good intuition and from the beginning I have sensed that he is honest and sincere. But I've also sensed that he is selfish and doesn't have much to give, and that he's kind of bland and lonely inside. It's a very unusual sensation. It's as though parts of his personality are missing. Perhaps it's those schemey parts that other people have to some extent. J seems to spend no time putting on a social mask and pretending to be someone he's not, and this of course, is a good thing.
He senses that I would be the type who would make schedules for him, and he's right, especially if I was happy living with him. But I haven't confirmed that. I have noticed that he seems to have his own level of ESP or intuition which is why he senses my scheduling abilities, and I've read that people with ADD can have an amazing intuition.
So what does all this tell you? Is there anything I should look out for?
When we first met he phoned me a lot on his company cell phone, and this made no sense to me. He seemed convinced that his boss would think there is tech support in my city. But my city is quite far from his city. I told him not to call me on that cell phone because I didn't want him to get in trouble with his boss, but he did anyway. He said if they say anything to him, they'll just ask him to pay the cell phone bill, which they recently did. But this makes me wonder if he's really working. Perhaps it is just my suspicious mind, but one has to be suspicious somewhat when getting to know someone over the internet.
Can an adult work at a job with ADD? And please forgive me if this sounds like a stupid or mean question. As I said, I am new to the whole world of ADD, and I've never been personally involved with someone with ADD before. His soft, soothing, comforting day dreams have made me feel love for him. But after reading some posts on this site, I am wondering if such day dreams are common place to him, to the point where he would not get as emotional about them, as I would.
His self-centredness has also made him seem very ice cold a few times. Yet at the same time I sense that his self-centredness is something that just protects him from the stresses of the outside world. I have noticed that he will not answer his phone if he darn well doesn't want to. I think it's when he's tired or too busy, he just won't answer it.
So far he hasn't done anything to make me want to leave the relationship. I still sense and experience many good things with him. I can't shake this feeling of sincerity that I pick up from him.
What do you all think? Do these things sound common for someone with ADD? Is there anything here that might lead you to believe that worse problems could be connected to his ADD? Particularly in the realm of his self-centredness and icyness?
Thanks for your responses. And if I've inadvertently upset anyone, I'm sorry. I'm new to ADD, yet I need to write what I feel about this man, so as to make myself clear.
Sindy